Chapter 31
WOLF
Ifeel my heart harden and grow heavy in my chest. My stomach turns over, and the blood runs faster through my veins.
It started the minute Molly didn’t come in through the front door.
It continued when I rushed out to the back deck to head her off.
And it blew up into something resembling panic when she took off after our argument.
After heading back inside, I can’t stand still; like I’m trying to get away from the emotions.
My jaw clenches and my throat feels raw as I pace before forcing myself against a plain expanse of wall.
Leaning my forehead against it, I close my eyes, trying to focus; to get a grip.
But the emotions swirling inside me are like a cyclone, and it’s too much.
The photo frames shake as I slam my fist into the wall hard.
And then again. I’m able to stop myself the third time and tear away from the wall.
The intense feelings have taken over and I don’t know how to ride them out unlike most people.
The urgent pacing resumes and before I know it, I let autopilot takeover and scoop up my keys.
I barely give a thought to jumping in my truck and heading toward our family headquarters.
Even though Hawk is the one I feel I should talk to, he’s not going to talk to me about something like this.
So I bypass his cabin and head straight for the main lodge.
One thing I can depend on Uncle Bert and Dana for is being creatures of habit.
They’re most likely in the small kitchen, having dinner about this time of day.
The smell of steak and au gratin potatoes proves me right as I swiftly enter. “Bert!” I call out, not breaking stride as I approach the kitchen. I emerge through the small doorway to see him already rising from the bench of the table.
“Wolf? What the hell’s going on?” he asks as Dana turns from the sink, her soft features etched in concern.
I stop barely a foot away from my uncle. “I’m going to lose my wife. She’s upset, and she walked away from me,” I spew out in rapid succession. It’s like the quicker I get the words out, the quicker we can find a solution for me.
“Okay, first of all, I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but if she pulls the plug on the marriage, she’d lose everything. You still have her.”
“I still have the marriage, but I don’t have her. I’m going to lose her.”
“Slow down,” he reaches to place a hand on my shoulder, and have a seat. Take a breath and start from the beginning.”
I prop an elbow on the table and straddle the bench, alternately rubbing my eyes and running a hand through my hair as I delve into the events that led me here.
Bert listens as he gets up and retrieves the whiskey and two glasses from one of the cabinets.
I’m just wrapping up when he sits back down and pours himself a couple fingers.
I wave him away when he tries to do the same for me.
He faces me, glass in hand, his shoulders tense and his eyebrows pulled up in thought. “Sounds to me like you’re just seeing her mad for the first time, and you don’t know what to do with it.”
Dana takes a seat across from us, dropping a dishrag on the tabletop. “Yeah, darlin’,” she agrees. “This is just part of being in a relationship. It doesn’t mean it’s over. She just needs to cool down for a bit.”
“But,” Bert interjects pointedly, shooting me a knowing look that borders on cautionary “and you’re not going to like this next part, but you’re going to have to talk.”
“That’s right.” Dana’s voice is melodious, like she’s almost singing her agreement.
“Fuck,” I mutter, rubbing at the back of my neck.
“Hey.” Bert raises his voice slightly, putting a small amount of authority behind it. “You had no problem coming to us just now to talk about your problems.”
“You’re my family.”
“And so is she now,” Dana points out lightly. “How much time she’s put in is irrelevant at this point.”
“But still, it’s only been a couple of months?—”
“And what’s changed in that time?” Bert cuts me off with a challenge in his voice. “Because I’ve seen you all since, and don’t you dare tell me nothing’s changed.”
“Of course it has, but that still doesn’t mean she should know my life story by now,” I say.
“Maybe not,” Bert tilts his head, “but how much does she know?”
“She…” I start right in, intent on arguing and proving his logic wrong but then realize I don’t have any words to argue with.
Because how much does Molly know about me?
She knows my parents died when I was younger and that I don’t like talking.
And she knows I’m possessive of her, even when it comes to my brothers.
When you add that up, she knows barely anything about me.
And yet, I know she’s petrified of thunderstorms and that she bakes when she’s upset and that she fishes when she’s really upset and that her mom had her young and wasn’t good to her.
That she’s lost the only family she’s ever known and so now…
I’m it. I’m her family, along with the people that come as part of my package.
And while I could go on all day about things I know about her, she barely knows a thing about me. Fuck.
I’m stuck in a heavy and painful moment of realizing how wrong I’ve been and can’t find any words to salvage my argument when Forest appears in the doorway with the phone to his ear.
He glances into the room briefly, his eyes open wide and brows raised in interest, before he turns his mouth back to his phone.
I can barely hear him, but I swear to God I hear “I gotta go” followed by “I love you” before he hangs up.
I can’t be sure if I heard it right but that’s a serious what-the-fuck-moment for another time.
He pockets his phone in the back of his jeans before wandering in. Great.
“What’s going on here?” He asks, his eyes darting between each of the three of us and I huff out a breath of frustration, snatching up the whisky and pouring in just an inch as Bert fills him in.
“Wolf…” Forest addresses me as he slowly strides to Dana’s side of the table and takes a seat next to her.
“I feel like I’ve always been understanding with you and people, and feelings and all that but…
” He laces his fingers together and rests his hands on the table.
“I kind of thought Molly would be an exception. Especially after you did something none of us thought you’d ever do and married her.
Why haven’t you been letting her get to know you? ”
Instead of being quick to jump and defend myself, this time I take a moment to think about it. “I guess, I didn’t realize I had been shutting her out that much. I’ve… We’ve been close—happy even. I thought we were doing good. I didn’t realize there’s so much I needed to share with her.”
“Son, that whole incident is part of what makes you who you are.” He’s only half right. I was always reserved and distant; the incident just didn’t do me any favors. “And when you’re married, you’re supposed to share things like that.”
“How the fuck was I supposed to know that? I’ve never even been in a relationship before. and here I am trying to figure out a marriage.” I blow out a gust of breath. “It’s something in the past. I never thought it would be a big deal that she didn’t know.”
“Wolf…” Forest starts, his crinkled brow and gentle tone likely because he’s trying to tread lightly. “Did you never mention it because you’re a little…embarrassed?”
I let out a scoff, immediately followed by a bitter chuckle.
“Now why in the fuck would I be embarrassed? Because on our first day back to school after the accident, I had a panic attack on the bus when we drove down Skyview? That I zoned out and hyperventilated to the point Hawk and Vanessa thought I was experiencing some kind of demon possession in front of the whole class, and you and Uncle Bert had to be called to come get me? Never mind that you had to drive me to school from that point on. Why would any of that be embarrassing?”
I’m frustrated, and bitterly cynical with more emotion than I’ve let myself experience in one sitting in a very long time. I drain what’s left of the little whiskey in my glass, and slam the glass down hard on the table.
Not sure how to feel about my little outburst, I avert my eyes from everyone else at the table. I let them all look between each other awkwardly as I rub at the back of my neck, not caring one iota if they’re all telepathically communicating about having me committed.
Finally, the first voice I hear is Uncle Bert’s, and it’s a surprisingly compassionate tone. “You don’t need to tell her all that, Wolf, and I don’t think she would want you to if it would make you feel like this. I think she just wants to know something about it and not feel so clueless.”
The way he phrases it actually resonates deep in my chest, and I find myself softly nodding.
He’s right, Molly wouldn’t want me to feel pain exposing myself.
All she’s ever wanted is enough to get to know me.
And that exchange with Vanessa must’ve pointed out exactly how little of that I’ve given her.
And now, I get to see what it’s like to not have things go my way for once.
I’m seeing what it’s like on the other side, when the person who means everything to you won’t talk to you.
I press my lips together, hating that I have to ask this question. I despise feeling vulnerable. “What do I do?”
“Go home and have it out,” Bert states simply.
Dana gives a small eye roll before leaning in.
“You go home and make it right by giving her what you haven’t been giving her.
You talk it out with her. She’s a good person, and she’s not going to let something like this ruin what you have.
So give her the time she asked for and then give her your words,” she says gently.
Then she adds, “And for God’s sake, suck it up, pull up your big boy pants, and tell her how you fucking feel.
” She practically barks the last word before snatching her dish towel back up and standing. Conversation over.
Dusk is settling over the land as I drive home.
Molly will for sure be back by now. As much as she loves this place, there’s no way she’ll stay out and about after dark on her own.
Hopefully she’s settled herself enough to be ready to talk to me because I’m ready to talk—really talk— to her.
I could say I’m willing to put myself through some discomfort to make things right with her, but with each minute that drags on, the less uncomfortable it seems when I look at the grand scheme of things.
More and more it’s looking like nary a price to pay for things to be good between us.
When I pull up to the house, her truck is still in the driveway, which is good; that means she didn’t take my absence as an opportunity to run off and avoid me.
But a foreboding feeling settles over me when I get a look at the windows.
It’s not completely dark yet, but she normally has a couple lights turned on by now.
As I exit my truck, I tighten the harness on my anxiety, refusing to worry until I know for sure there’s something to worry about.
It could be that she’s out back by the barn, cleaning her catch.
But when the front door swings open, I know immediately—just by the thickness of the air and the quiet of house—that she has not come back.
And no matter what’s going on between us, she would have come back by now.
I know that much. Even if she’s still upset and not ready to talk to me, she would have come home and just ignored me in the kitchen while baking her ass off.
Something’s happened… I know it… Fuck!
I march straight through the house, my brain switching into emergency mode.
Stopping by my docking station for my radio, I snatch it up and flip the switch on it while heading straight to the garage for the safe.
I get it cracked open as I wait for the radio signal to come through and grab my Glock as well as Molly’s.
Hustling back in the house, I do a thorough sweep for Molly on both floors, calling out her name before conceding that I’m right, that something has gone sideways.
The crazy inspections and the broken fence…
They materialize into a dark and cold vapor invading the space deep in my sternum, and I fight it, trying to stay focused and set the radio to the exact person’s channel I want.
I depress the PTT button and speak as I grab my tactical flashlight.
“Owens Two, come in this is Owens Three, over,” I call into the radio as I march straight for the back slider door.
There’s no answer, but I have to get him.
I can try on my cell phone, but that’s about to lose reception in the next few minutes.
I repeat my call into the radio, staying formal as I reach the trail head.
When I make a few more strides with no answer, I start to lose my shit and press the button again.
“Hawk! Pick the fuck up, now!” I belt into it as I hustle along, sweeping the beam of my light ahead of me.
This is my asshole twin’s last chance to pick up before I try Forest, but I need Hawk.
I know the last thing he’ll want to do is help me find my wife, but he’s a ruthless son of a bitch who gives no fucks.
Driven and mission-oriented, he doesn’t care what rules he breaks or who he pisses off when there’s an end result to be achieved, and that’s what I need.
Finally, a few beats after my last plea, my radio crackles. “Wolf… What in the fuck is going on?” Hawk sounds demanding but a trace of concern sparks in his tone. The radio clicks off without him saying over, and I immediately abandon protocol as well.
“Molly’s gone,” I simply state, and I’m waiting for him to signal back with some petty quip about what took her so long to leave me.
Instead he signals back: “How long?” Scrambling sounds on his end before the radio cuts out. He’s already off his ass and in work mode.
I close my eyes, letting out a shallow breath before answering, “Hour and change.”
“Where am I starting?”
“Make your way from the southwest edge of the reservation and close in on the Garnet,” I instruct him.
“Copy that.” His radio cuts out before tuning back in. “Wolf…we’ll find her. You hear me?”
I press the button and pause, taking a breath as my legs keep barreling me forward. “Thanks,” I answer.
As the small thicket of woods opens to the quarry where the Garnet branches out into various streams, my anxiety rises. I scan where the old rowboat sits, but no one is near it. Pressing the button on my radio I add, “Hawk…alert the rest of the guys and the sheriff’s office…and please hurry.”