Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
“My spaghetti looks like worms!”
Heather sighs and gives Mason a cautious look across the dinner table. “Please don’t tell me you put worms in your spaghetti.”
Chris leans over, peering into Mason’s plate. Then he shakes his head. “We’re good.”
“Oh, thank god.” Heather lets out another breath, then turns back to Mom to continue their conversation. “So, anyway, the new ice cream display freezer will be delivered tomorrow. It was a tragic day yesterday when tourists came through looking for moon mist ice cream and I couldn’t deliver.”
“Oh good,” Mom says. “Would you happen to have some time tomorrow, Theo, to get that hooked up?”
I look up from my plate to my mother’s hopeful expression and nod. “Yeah, I’ll come after we get in off the water.”
“Thanks, honey,” Mom says with a smile.
They keep chatting about the store, throwing around ideas about expanding the farm market side of it, and I find myself zoning out while I mindlessly pick at my dinner. Until the sound of a name snaps me out of it.
“How’s Liam making out?”
I look up at my grandfather as he watches me, waiting for my answer.
“Uh, good,” I say, shifting my weight in my chair.
“Informative as always, Teddy,” Heather chuckles. “Care to elaborate?”
I shoot her a look. “He’s just over halfway through his shift now. He’ll be back in a little over a week.”
Mom smiles. “And he’ll be coming to dinner when he’s home, I hope?”
All eyes are on me, like I know the answer to that.
“I can ask him.” I shrug. “I’m sure he will.”
Grandpa chuckles, leaning back in his chair. “So, how exactly did he end up here anyway, and not back in Cape Breton?”
I shrug again. “I don’t know. He said he wanted a quiet place to live.”
Grandpa tilts his head slightly, brows furrowing. “Cape Breton is pretty quiet.”
“Does he still have family there?” Chris asks, effortlessly catching Mason as he almost falls off his chair trying to reach for his toy truck on the counter.
Isla rolls her eyes and reaches behind her, sliding the truck further out of reach. Then she points at Mason. “Sit down and eat.”
I shake my head as everyone keeps their eyes on me, waiting for my answer to Chris’ question. “I don’t know.”
“What do you know?” Heather says with exasperation. “He lives with you! Do you guys talk at all?”
“Yeah,” I say, furrowing my brow at her. “But I’m not grilling him for his life story. If he wants to share, he can.”
Heather sighs with a shake of her head and Mom huffs out a little laugh, cocking an eyebrow at me.
“He’s not a big talker, ok?” I say, bringing my attention back to my plate and taking a bite, hoping this is the end of the questions.
“Just like someone else we know,” Grandpa says with a chuckle.
I lift my eyes to him. “Guess it works out well then.”
He laughs, and then thankfully changes the subject, asking Isla about her next dance recital.
As she excitedly commands the attention of the table, eager to share every detail of her butterfly dance routine, I quietly pull my phone from my pocket. And my own excitement stirs as I see a missed text from Liam earlier — a photo of several dolphins in the water beneath the rig.
With a smile, I tap out a response.
Damn, that’s crazy they get that close.
I slide my phone back into my pocket, knowing Liam won’t see the message until he’s off tonight. Still, I can’t ignore the familiar rush I get whenever I get a text from him, which has been daily this past week. We’ve been keeping in touch over small things throughout the day, such as Miss Bobber updates, swapping photos of the rig and some chairs I built, and talking a bit about tile for the bathroom. It’s been a steady, ongoing conversation as we trade messages whenever we can, and most nights, in those couple hours before bed, we get some uninterrupted time to text. And despite what my family may think, we’re actually getting to know each other a bit more.
Once dinner is over and I’ve helped clean up, I say my good-byes to everyone and head home a bit earlier than usual to tend to Miss Bobber. As soon as I open the door, she trots over to me with a soft meow.
“Hey, Miss.” I bend down to pick her up, and she immediately starts purring. “You hungry?”
I carry her into the kitchen as she purrs into my ear and rubs her face against mine, making me chuckle.
“Here we go, gotta do these first,” I say as I pull out her eye drops.
She squirms as I put them in, and as I set her down and toss out the now empty bottle, I think we’re both relieved that’s over. For good. And thankfully, her eye is looking perfectly healthy now.
“There,” I say, looking down at her. “All done.”
Just as I put some food in her dish and she starts eating, my phone buzzes. And that rush flows through me once again as I pull it out to see Liam responding to my text from earlier.
Liam
They stuck around for a while underneath me as I was working on the platform.
I drop down to sit beside Miss Bobber on the floor as she eats, tapping out my reply.
Not a bad view while working. Done now?
Miss Bobber happily crunches her food beside me in the quiet kitchen, and I look down to take a photo of her as I wait for him to text back. And curse myself for being so eager.
Yeah. And bowing out of ping-pong tonight.
I huff out a breath of laughter. Apparently the guys on the rig play every night, which makes sense… what else do they have to do on a rig in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico when not working? But from his replay of their matches the other night, it sounds like it can get pretty intense.
Afraid of losing?
He starts typing immediately, and I smile.
I’ve won more than I’ve lost.
May have to challenge you when you’re home then. See what you’re so afraid of.
Fuck no. No ping-pong on land. I can’t take any more.
I laugh, pushing to my feet as Miss Bobber leaves her dish and starts playing with her toy mouse.
Fair enough. We’ll stick to fishing then.
Which is also not on land…
So ping-pong on the boat?
Logic is there, but still no.
I chuckle again and head upstairs, into the bathroom off my bedroom.
So what are you doing tonight if not dominating?
As I start brushing my teeth, I set my phone on the counter, screen still open to his texts as he types back.
I’m in my room, in bed. I had to get up last night for an emergency fix on a drilling pipe, so only slept a few hours.
My heart skips at the thought of him lying in bed, texting me. What the fuck . I close my eyes and sigh, disappointed in myself for entertaining those thoughts. Again. Because this isn’t the first time.
That sucks. So you’re just always on call?
Yeah, I’m the only welder on the rig. Some have two, but this one doesn’t.
A typical 9-5 sounds pretty damn good right about now.
I strip down to my boxers and leave the door to my room open for Miss Bobber. She’s still playing downstairs, and once she’s finished she usually sneaks in and curls up with me for the night. I climb into bed and lie back against the pillows, tapping out my reply to Liam.
I hear ya. 4:00AM six days a week is brutal. Probably wouldn’t have been my first pick if I had the choice.
But as I hit send, I wince. Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that.
It wasn’t your choice?
With a sigh, I rub my hand over my face. I’ve never said this out loud to anyone before, and I’m not sure why I’m telling him this now. But being behind a screen makes it a bit easier to say, and for some reason, I find that I want to share it with him.
No. My grandfather put so much into building this business, and then my dad did too. It’s impossible to get into lobster fishing now with the price of the licence and the equipment. Everything I inherited is now worth $1.8 million, so it would be a dick move of me to sell it off after they built it all up. It was always expected I would take over, so… I did.
But it’s not what you want to do?
I think on this for a moment, unsure how to respond. If I didn’t want to fish, I know my grandfather would understand, and my dad would have too. But I also know they worked their asses off so I could easily walk into this business and be set for life. Not many people my age can even get a lobster fishing licence, let alone own both a lobster and tuna licence with all the equipment. But it’s hard fucking work, and I didn’t think I’d be taking it over in my twenties.
But the usual guilt rises with these thoughts, as it always does. I’m lucky to own a thriving business in a lucrative trade, and I’m even luckier to never have to worry about money, so I shouldn’t be thinking this way. And I do enjoy the work. But… sometimes I can’t help but wonder what my life might look like, and who I could be, if I did something else. If I got out of Torrin Cove and experienced something different… if I might know and understand myself better than I do now.
I do like it, and I can’t see myself doing anything else now. I guess I just wonder sometimes what I would have done if I didn’t have it all laid out for me.
Any idea what that would be?
Million-dollar question.
I smile as I realize how comfortable I am sharing all of this with him… even if I don’t have the answers to his questions.
Full-time carpenter.
Ha. You already are. On top of full-time fishing.
Should have seen that coming.
True.
So, what about you then? You could do the 9-5 thing with welding.
Liam doesn’t text back right away, and I start to worry that I shouldn’t have asked that. Eventually the typing bubbles appear… then disappear. My brow furrows as I watch this happen a few more times. I’m about to tell him he doesn’t have to answer when his message comes through.
I could. I’ve worked away in oil since day one though so… this is also all I know.
Just as I’m about to start typing out a response, he starts again. So I wait.
Came close to changing careers entirely though.
My brows lift as I read his text, surprised that he’s offering up this information. While he’s been opening up more since we’ve started texting, he’s never shared anything this personal before. I’m not sure if I should ask any more about this, but… it feels like he’s inviting me in.
Something to do with your switch to offshore?
He’s silent again for a moment until he sends a simple text. But even with that one word, I can tell there’s an emotional weight behind it.
Yeah.
I stare at his text, feeling his sadness through the phone. There’s a reason why he left Alberta, and why he ended up here instead of Cape Breton… but I think that reason is a heavy one for him. And I’m not going to push him on it. If he ever wants to share it with me, he can.
I can always use another deckhand if the rig doesn’t work out.
He starts texting immediately, and I smile.
You paying oil money?
Better. You get lobster and sunrises. But… no dolphins.
Well, talk to me again when there are dolphins.
I chuckle, then pause, looking at the time. As much as I want to keep talking to him… it’s getting late, and 4:00AM will be here before I know it.
I’ll keep you updated. But for now, I need to get to sleep.
Same.
I send him the photo I took of Miss Bobber earlier, just like I do every night. Liam hearts it, and mine flutters.
Night.
Night.
I set my phone on the bedside table and let out a sigh as I lie back and close my eyes. But as I lie here in my quiet bedroom, listening to Miss Bobber play downstairs, I can’t get Liam out of my thoughts.
Our conversation tonight keeps replaying in my mind, and the confusion I’ve felt for so long suddenly feels overwhelming as a question lingers. Who would I be if I experienced something different?
For so long, I’ve felt disconnected from myself, as if I’m hiding a significant part of me deep down where no one can see. I never thought I was ashamed of possibly being gay, but I don’t know why I couldn’t bring myself to face it. Now, as I lie here, staring up at the night sky through the skylight in my ceiling, it’s all starting to make sense.
My life is firmly anchored to Torrin Cove, dictated by everything that has been decided for me. And I think this is why I’ve hidden so much of myself away. Because living in a tiny town where everyone knows everyone, I’m not able to explore this side of me. I don’t know anyone here who is gay, and most people my age have left. Even if I did find an opportunity to be who I truly want to be, I’m terrified that some people might not accept me. And in such a close-knit community, that wouldn’t just affect me… it would also affect my family. And now I’m realizing this fear is why I shove these feelings down, keep to myself, and work my ass off to distract myself from wanting more.
But Liam is stirring something within me, and bringing those feelings to the surface. While I’ve dated a few girls before, I’ve never felt for them what I feel for Liam. I’ve never had this urge to be with them, to know them, to touch them… to just see them smile and be close to them. It felt like something I was supposed to do, and not something I wanted.
I want Liam.
And right now… I want to give in.
Images of Liam flood my mind as I close my eyes again and release a breath. Heat builds within my chest as I picture his icy blue eyes, and his dark hair softly blowing in the breeze. My skin tingles as my hand slides down my abs to the waistband of my boxers, and my pulse quickens as I slip it in to grasp my hardening cock.
As I slowly stroke myself, and grow even harder, warmth spreads through my body. The edges of my mind turn hazy, as if the rest of the world is fading away, leaving just him. Liam’s eyes are locked on mine, and a soft smile plays at the corner of his lips, drawing me in even deeper.
A groan escapes me as I stroke myself faster, and my senses sharpen. I take in everything I can about him, wishing he was here so I could touch him, smell him, see him…
“Oh, fuck,” I moan as my other hand moves to my nipple and I imagine what it would be like to have his mouth on me.
My heart is racing, and the pressure inside me is quickly building, begging for a release. But I want more. I need more. I need him .
I continue to jerk myself, staying in this moment as I finally allow myself to let out everything I’ve kept buried for so long. To fully embrace my feelings and acknowledge who I am, and what I want. For the first time ever, I’m not holding back… and it feels so fucking good.
Tingles spread up the back of my neck and in my balls, and the pressure inside me is pulsating as I near the edge.
With a groan into the quiet room, and the image of Liam’s smiling face in my mind, the pressure peaks with a rush of ecstasy. I come over my hand and stomach, and an intense feeling washes over me that almost feels like relief, leaving me feeling lighter than I think I ever have.
But as I open my eyes, breathing heavy as I stare up at the skylight, that lightness starts to fill with darkness. The reality of my situation sets in once again as I remember all my reasons for hiding this part of me.
Yet here I am, jerking off to my roommate who probably isn’t even into guys.
Fuck.
I’m in deep.