Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
Liam’s eyes flick between mine, reflecting the same panic I feel as my chest tightens.
Fuck . What have I done…
I just ruined everything.
“Sorry,” I breathe out, my voice barely cutting through the pounding rain.
Shame quickly rises and takes over as I turn away from him. But the anger I feel towards myself for doing that to him is even greater. My heart races as I head towards the house, rain pelting down on me with every hurried step. I know I’m eventually going to have to deal with what I just did, but right now, I can’t.
I can’t believe I just fucked everything up by kissing him.
I reach the door to the house and hear Liam’s footsteps crunching on the gravel behind me. But I quickly kick my wet boots off in the entryway and rush inside, desperate to get upstairs so I can try to calm the fuck down and sort my shit out.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Theo,” Liam’s voice calls out, but I don’t stop. Which I’m sure makes me an asshole, but I’d say I’m already there.
“Theo.” Liam’s voice is closer this time, his footsteps quickly approaching me as I make it to the bottom of the stairs.
Just as I take the first step, his hand lands on my arm to stop me.
“Just… wait,” he pleads, his voice tight with emotion.
I pause on the stairs as he keeps my arm in his grip. But I can’t bring myself to look at him.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly.
My brow furrows, and I turn to face him. Liam’s eyes are wide as he looks up at me with an expression that looks like… guilt?
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he says, a slight shake to his voice. “I’m sorry.”
What the fuck?
“ You’re sorry?” I ask, my heart thumping wildly.
He nods as he drops his hand from my arm and takes a step backwards. “Yeah. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just… I don’t know…” he trails off as he runs a hand through his wet hair and his eyes dart away from me.
I step down off the stairs to stand before him, my head spinning as I try to piece together what the hell is happening.
“You wanted that?” I ask, trying to add strength to my voice as doubt lingers.
His eyes meet mine, and I search his face as I wait for confirmation that this is real, and this is really happening.
Then he nods slowly. “Yeah.”
We stand silently before each other as the rain beats against the window, and an intense energy hums between us. My heart races as I stare at him, and I’m unable to catch up with my thoughts to form any words.
Liam shifts uncomfortably and looks down. “I really didn’t mean?—”
“I did too.”
His head snaps up and his eyes widen as they search mine. We stand before each other, dripping wet from the rain and staring into each other’s eyes as something shifts between us.
I wanted it… and he did too.
It’s real.
His blue eyes shine in the dim light of the hallway, piercing through the shadows. And the longer I hold his gaze, the more my courage swells. I’m not alone in this feeling, and he’s not running away from me.
“I’ve been wanting that for a while,” I say, my words coming easier now despite the way my heart is rioting and my hands are shaking.
Surprise flickers across Liam’s face before his throat bobs, and he nods softly. “Same.”
I step closer, and Liam’s chest rises and falls with a deep breath. But his eyes stay glued on mine, and I see the same anticipation in him that I’m feeling. The second his hand finds my hip, I press my lips to his. And this time, I let myself feel it. No hesitation, no doubt, no worry. Just the undeniable pull between us that has been simmering beneath the surface, waiting for this moment.
My hand lifts to cup the side of his face as our lips part, and my tongue glides against his. His grip on my hip tightens as our kiss deepens, and every one of my senses is overwhelmed by him. The scent of the rain clinging to his skin, the feeling of his hard muscles under my hands, the contrast of his soft lips and the roughness of his stubble… I can’t get enough. And as his hands slide up my sides, pulling me closer, it feels like he can’t either.
The fear and doubt inside me melts away with every stroke of his tongue against mine, every pull that brings me closer, and every touch of his hands on my skin. For the first time ever, I feel like I am exactly who I’m supposed to be. No hiding, no pretending, and no holding back. This feels right, in a way that nothing ever has.
Eventually, our kiss slows and we gently pull back from each other, remaining close as we catch our breath.
“Now what?” Liam asks, his breath on my lips with each word.
I exhale deeply and slowly shake my head. “I have no idea.”
A soft meow sounds, and we both look down at Miss Bobber sitting at our feet with her tail curled around her. She watches us expectantly, like she’s also curious about what happens next.
“Maybe some dry clothes…” Liam says, his gaze lifting to meet mine again.
“Yeah,” I murmur with a nod.
As his hands fall away from me, I immediately miss the feeling of him, and nerves start to rise once more. But a small, reassuring smile from him calms any fears I may have, that this is all going to come crashing down around me.
He wants this.
Liam heads into his room to change, and I go upstairs to do the same with thoughts and questions endlessly swirling in my head.
How long has he felt this way? Have I been so in my own head that I couldn’t see it? Is this fucking real ?
What does this mean for us now?
I pull on a t-shirt and sweatpants, forcing a deep breath and trying my best to push all those thoughts and questions aside for now.
He wants this.
The welcoming smell of burning wood fills the air as I head down the stairs. Liam looks up from the wood stove as I enter the living room, and he adds another log of wood before closing the door. Miss Bobber scurries across the floor as she chases a stray piece of bark, and Liam pushes to his feet.
For a moment, we just stand here looking at each other as the soft crackle of the fire and the rain against the windows fills the quiet space between us.
“Hungry?” I ask, breaking the silence.
Liam nods. “Yeah.”
He follows as I head into the kitchen, and although there is a new awkwardness between us, it’s not uncomfortable. The quiet comfort remains, lingering despite everything else changing. The silence is just a part of who we are, and the questions that hang in the air between us aren’t urgent or heavy. They’re patiently waiting for their time as this shift between us settles, and we allow ourselves to take our time with it.
I glance out the window at the boat rocking in the waves at the dock and chuckle, remembering the fish we caught that are still in the livewell. “Could have cooked our fish.”
Liam leans against the counter and crosses his arms with a chuckle of his own. “All that work for nothing.”
I cock an eyebrow at him. “All that work? It was so hard to catch one fish this time, huh?”
The corner of his lips tilt up as he shakes his head. “Remind me, how many did you catch?”
Just as I open my mouth to fire back, because I know I would have caught more than him this time, the lights suddenly cut out. The room falls into shadows, dimly lit from the fading evening outside, and just enough for me to make out Liam’s features. The soft glow from the fire in the living room casts a quiet mood over us once again, as the world outside rages against the calm inside.
“So… sandwiches?” I ask with a shrug.
Liam laughs softly. “Looks like it.”
The quiet between us lingers as we make some sandwiches, the soft sounds of slicing bread and rustling wrappers filling the space. I grab a couple beer from the fridge, and we settle on the floor in front of the fire, pulling cushions from the couch to sit on.
The flames cast the room in a soft, golden glow, and as we sit here and quietly eat, calm washes over me. The warmth from the fire seeps into my bones as I settle further back on the cushions, and Miss Bobber plays among the pillows and blankets.
Once we’ve finished eating, I add another log to the fire, watching the flames twist and grow as warmth spreads through the room. I take a long drink of my beer as I let the courage build inside me.
“So…” I start, picking at the label on my beer bottle. “Are you…” I trail off, not quite sure how to ask the question I’m dying to know.
Liam turns his head to look at me. “Into guys?” he finishes for me.
I nod, swallowing hard as I meet his eyes.
He holds my gaze as the reflection of the flames dance in his eyes, and everything seems to slow. Then he shakes his head softly, almost hesitantly. “I don’t know… I never have been.”
My heart skips a beat with both hope and uncertainty as I consider what that means.
“Are you?” he asks quietly.
I pause, keeping my eyes on his and forcing myself not to look away and hide again. I finally let that part of me out, and I’m surprised by how much I want it to stay.
And the longer I look into his eyes, I swear I see hope.
I nod. “Yeah,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
He nods as well, his eyes flicking between mine as a question brews behind them. “Why did you run?”
I release a breath and drop my gaze from his, bringing my attention to the fire. “Valid question,” I murmur, then take a drink of my beer as I think about how to answer that.
Liam just waits, his presence quiet and steady as I gather my thoughts.
“I thought I crossed a line with you,” I say. “I think I’ve known for a while that… that I’m gay.” Those words hang in the air as I shift against the cushions, pushing my fingers into Miss Bobber’s fur as she stretches out between us. My heart races as I say this all out loud for the first time, and even though it’s unnerving, a heavy weight lifts. “I’ve never done that before. With a guy. And I thought you’d freak out.” I huff out a light laugh. “Instead, I did.”
Liam chuckles lightly. “Don’t worry. I did too.”
I turn to look at him, but I’m surprised to find his eyes soft and encouraging.
“But not because of you,” he says gently.
“So, you’ve never been with a guy?” I ask, my brow furrowing a bit as I try to make sense of all of this.
He shakes his head. “No.”
Silence settles between us for a moment as rain pelts the window, and Liam sighs.
“I’ve been asking myself all these questions,” he says, looking down at Miss Bobber. “How, why… and I don’t know. All I do know is that something has been drawing me to you. And out on the dock, it just finally took over and I couldn’t stop it.”
I huff out a laugh and Liam looks up at me with a confused expression.
“Pretty sure I kissed you,” I point out.
His brows draw together, and he slowly shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”
A smile tugs at the corner of my lips, and his eyes soften with a smile as well. Even though we may not even know, or agree on who started it… it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that we’re both here and having this conversation now. Because it could have been a very different one… a devastating one.
“So, Allison…?” Liam gives me a cautious look.
I nod with a sigh. “Yeah. We dated for about six months.” I turn to look into the flames again. “She lives a couple towns over, and we met when she started working at the pub. It just felt like what I was supposed to do. But I didn’t understand why I was always holding back, and why I always felt like I was forcing myself just to be present with her. Eventually, we both realized we were better off as friends. I feel bad, because she really is great, but… there was nothing there.” I swallow, picking at the label of my beer bottle again. “There’s no way there could have been.”
Liam is quiet for a moment as I keep my eyes on the fire.
“And you’ve never explored these feelings with another guy before?” he asks.
“You’re the first…” I say, hesitantly shifting my eyes to meet his again. But the softness in his eyes immediately puts me at ease.“I don’t think I really knew, or understood, what all those confusing thoughts and feelings were,” I continue. “And when they started to make a bit more sense, the fear grew.”
Liam’s brows draw together as he listens, and I see the question in his eyes.
“Torrin Cove is too small,” I say with an exhale and a shake of my head. “Everyone is up in everyone’s business, and my family relies on the support from this town. I can’t fuck that up for them.”
His expression shifts, the confusion melting away as understanding settles. “Not as much choice as you’d like,” he murmurs, echoing the words from my text, when we talked about having choices in our lives.
The fire crackles softly as I stare back at him, and just nod. “Yeah.”
We both bring our attention back to the fire, the quiet settling over us once again as the heaviness of my reality hangs in the air. Until Liam breaks the silence.
“I’ve always kept people out,” he says in a quiet voice, almost hesitant.
I glance over at him, but he’s still staring into the fire, his gaze distant.
“Even in relationships… not that there have been many,” he continues, his fingers tracing the edge of his beer bottle. “I don’t know what it is, but I think it might be fear. Maybe fear of letting people really see me, opening myself up to potential hurt, or maybe because I shared everything with my family and my best friend, and I was afraid of that changing.” His jaw tightens as the firelight flickers across his face. “But then I lost them anyway.”
My heart sinks at the pain lacing his words, and the silence that follows feels even heavier.
Then he turns to look at me, a vulnerability in his gaze. “And even with the fear and hurt… I want to let you in.”
My heart thumps as I look into his eyes, and those words hit me somewhere deep. “Same.”
We stare at each other as the firelight flickers between us and an intense need inside me grows. And before I know it, I’m leaning into him and our lips meet. Every unspoken word is shared as our tongues push past our lips and hands roam, the energy between us seeming to crackle in time with the roaring fire. There’s an understanding between us that I’ve never experienced before, and I don’t think this is something I could find with just anyone. We’re both broken in our own ways, but we’re also slowly helping each other piece it all back together.
Our beer bottles clink as we set them aside, and our kiss deepens with a growing urgency, becoming something that speaks of shared fears and trust. Something neither of us fully understands yet, but that we both want to explore.
Miss Bobber scurries out from between us before she gets squished, her little paws crawling over our legs instead as we move closer and chuckle against each other’s mouths. But our lips stay locked, and hands continue to roam.
Liam slides his hand up my chest, wrapping his fingers around the back of my neck as the heat between us continues to build. I give him everything as I let my hand slide down his side, feeling the hard lines of his abs, and I find myself eager to give him even more of me. More of what I’ve been holding back on for my entire life.
Because right now with him… I finally feel free .
Eventually, we pull back, breathless and reluctant to let go as we sink into the cushions together. He stays close as I breathe him in and listen to the rain beat against the windows and the crackles from the fire fill the room.
I close my eyes as I feel his breath on my shoulder, and an unfamiliar, yet welcome, easy feeling settles inside me. The storm may be raging outside, but inside, the chaos I’ve carried for so long has finally faded away.
And it feels good .