Chapter 5
The Widow
What a crazy afternoon at the picnic. In the middle of the balloon toss, Maddie’s water broke. We all watched as a frantic Scott rushed her off to the hospital in Naples. Less than two hours later, Christopher Malencai Rickter made his grand entrance into the world.
Scott sent me a selfie. Little Christopher, wrapped in his striped blanket, rests between his smiling parents. Natalie and I are keeping their dogs, Denver and Ding, for the night. We’ll stop by and visit the new family in the morning.
After putting Natalie to bed and feeding the dogs, I sit down on the couch and look at the coffee table. A cup of oolong tea, old photos, and Nathan’s diary rest on top.
Am I ready for this?
I unclasp the chain around my neck and remove the three rings, staring at them in my hands. We never wore our rings in public. Despite all those secrets, we lost each other anyway.
I turn the engagement ring between my fingers. An elegant two-carat princess-cut solitary stone set in platinum.
The day he gave it to me comes back in sharp detail. We’d taken a spontaneous day trip to Fort Myers and gone from store to store. I always loved those days because we could be ourselves in public. We could laugh. Kiss.
After a caramel latte and way too many cookies, we walked into the last place, and I knew instantly which one I wanted.
“Pick the diamond you’ve always dreamed of. No starter ring. I want you to have the one that means forever to you.”
Growing up with very little taught me to be frugal, but not this time. I gave myself permission to indulge and chose the ring that felt the most like us. The one I’d never want to replace.
“Can I try that one?” I asked.
The jeweler unlocked the case, lifted the ring, and handed it to Nathan.
Nathan stared at it for a moment, then at me, his eyes filled with excitement and maybe terror. Then he dropped to one knee and slid it onto my finger. His hands were trembling. He was anchoring us to eternity.
“What do you think?” My voice was thin and high. I stretched out my hand, turning it from side to side.
He kissed my hand and stood, locking his gaze with mine. “Mrs. Carter, I promise to love and protect you for the rest of my life.”
In that moment, I believed him.
He held my ring hand and touched my cheek with his other. Gazing at me from head to toe, he moved his hand to my waist. I’d worn my navy blue velvet button-down dress with matching heels. His favorite.
“I’ll never forget the way you look right now.” He pulled the camera out of my bag and handed it to the jeweler. “Can you take our picture?”
Before the snap, he grasped my face and brushed his lips against mine. Then, he trailed his lips up my jawline and cheek before gently tugging my earlobe with his teeth.
It tickled, making me giggle.
“Love you,” he whispered, then pulled me in. “Now smile.”
Our lives were perfect. I didn’t care how fragile perfection could be.
After we picked out his band, we drove back to his cottage—our home.
Although I’m sure Ms. Connor suspected something might be up, she never asked us about it and fiercely guarded Nathan’s privacy.
That night was the first time we made love wearing our rings.
We were already married, and I wasn’t on birth control.
“I thought you wanted to keep me a secret. If we keep doing that, sailor—you’re going to have two of us to keep hidden.”
He’d taken a deep breath and kissed me. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Just tell me.”
“The less you know right now, the safer you’ll be.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Nathan. You’re going to get me pregnant. That’s a fact. It’s going to be really hard to keep a baby secret. What’s your plan?” I’d gazed at my ring, waiting for him to respond. “I can call my doctor and get a…”
“No.” His jaw ticked, nostrils flaring.
We’d talked about it. He knew about my past and wanted to give me a family of my own, having experienced what it was like to be a part of a loving one. It’s like we were living in two realities, and they didn’t reconcile.
“We’ll figure it out. I’ll think of something.” He reached for me then and held me to his chest, rubbing my back. “Let’s get some sleep, Mrs. Carter.”
Not too long after that beautiful day, I was pregnant.
Nathan, I miss you.
I caress each ring once more and kiss them before putting them back around my neck.
Then, I pick up the journal.
I’ve never read Nathan’s private words before. He’d write them down before bed from time to time, but I didn’t need to read them because I had him. After he disappeared, I hid it in the nightstand drawer by our bed in the cottage. I couldn’t open it.
But this time, I do.
The first entries reflect a boy’s handwriting and thoughts. Despite their simplicity, the sentences reveal his sharp mind, his thirst for knowledge, and his desire to delve into the ocean’s mysteries.
Mads learned to swim today, and I got a Game Boy.
I got to meet Dr. Langston on our boat, and he told me about diving in Spain. It was wild. I’m definitely doing that one day.
Dad grounded me. He said I can’t go diving for a week because I went past the buoys. It wasn’t even that far.
Even then, he couldn’t resist pushing farther than he should.
When I reach the entries written when he was fifteen, I’m struck by the sudden shift in his internal thoughts.
No longer short bursts of observation about external events, they become longer, more introspective—centered on his own emerging research and his thoughts on his family, on love, on his future.
He was worried about his dad, who was showing signs of a brain tumor, which would soon claim him. He admired his parents’ love. But he’d convinced himself that love wouldn’t be for him because his destiny was underwater.
I continue to burn through the pages, recognizing so much of the man I knew. He was so stubborn, but so easy to bend when it came to matters of his heart.
And he was wrong about love.
The way he loved me.
Quietly. Fiercely. As if loving me was the safest place he’d ever known and also his greatest risk. I remember every breath, every touch, every moment.
It’s when I get to his college years in Miami that I stop. I’m going to make an appearance soon, and I don’t think I can bear to read his first impression of me.
Not right now.
I put the diary back on the table and lay back on the couch. Despite all the pain, I’m grateful. Our time together was good. And there’s Natalie.
Closing my eyes, I drift off to sleep until I hear Denver’s low growl.
Startled, I make my way to the kitchen. Ding’s underneath the table, his shaggy coat spread across the floor, tail wagging furiously. Denver peers out the window.
“What is it, boy?”
He lets out a single bark and then continues his growl. As a Belgian Malinois, he’s trained to guard. It might be a long night if every noise outside puts him on edge.
The yard appears well lit from the window.
“I can’t see anything past the road from here. Let me get a flashlight and check it out.” He runs to me, barking furiously. “It’s okay, I’ll be careful. You can come with me.”
Skeptical, he grumbles, but reluctantly lets me go, trotting along beside me.
I open the door slowly and walk out. There’s nothing unusual out here.
However, something has toppled the garbage cans over.
That happens sometimes with all the animals running around the neighborhood.
I walk over and start picking up the trash, using the tips of my fingers.
Denver stands by my side, scanning the periphery.
“It was probably a raccoon.”
He snarls, unconvinced.
I brush my hands on my pants and look up. A man stands in the distance, staring at me. He’s about sixty years old, with an average build and a trim beard. I don’t recognize him. When he notices my attention, he moves forward, and his mouth opens as if to speak.
A shiver runs through me. Denver charges toward him, barking as if he’s going to tear him apart.
The man jumps, startled, then turns and darts down the street. He disappears after he makes a sharp turn through the yard of the house at the end of the cul-de-sac. Denver closes in on him rapidly until I can’t see either of them.
Anxiously, I wait for Denver to return, moving backward and closer to the door as each minute passes.
I tremble as I think of the man’s stare. He was watching me.
A few minutes later, Denver returns and runs back to me, nudging me on the leg. Bending down, I reach my hands out to him. “Thank you for protecting me.” He nuzzles his face into my hands.
Inside, I bolt the front door and double-check the back.
Should I call the police? What do I tell them?
More importantly, what can they do? Easing her bedroom door open, I check on Natalie.
She’s safe, curled around her stuffie. Her chest rises and falls in a slow, almost imperceptible rhythm.
I linger, counting her breaths until my own steadies.
This is the second time this week I’ve felt as if I were being watched. Already filled with dread over what’s happening to the ocean, I can’t help but wonder if the dangers Nathan was so worried about have caught up with me.