Chapter 6
The Widow
As I study the walls, an uncomfortable pins-and-needles sensation crawls over my skin.
Natalie and I start the long walk down the hospital corridors. We’re here to visit Maddie, Scott, and Christopher. As we make our way to their room, I remember my own stay here years ago.
The first of several visits.
I force myself forward.
Natalie was born on a rare chilly night in December.
I remember wearing a brown sweater and working on her nursery late into the night.
The primary color of her room was rose pink, and I had her changing station, crib, and rocker perfectly arranged.
Ready to go. On her dresser, Goodnight Moon and a small stuffed dog, Brownie, waited for her.
Brownie was the only belonging I still had from my childhood.
Growing up, I’d shared all my secrets with him, as I imagined Natalie would too someday.
Mark had been on duty, so when my water broke, I drove to Naples Comprehensive Health and checked myself in without bothering him. Mark’s parents lived in New Mexico, and he was an only child, so neither of us had any family nearby.
Would anything have been different if we had?
I didn’t want to seem ungrateful, but our charade was making me feel uneasy.
Our mutual work friends at City Hall were all thrilled for the happy young couple, who were about to become parents for the first time.
What they didn’t know was that we were platonic—no sex, no kissing, just friends.
They couldn’t know that the baby we were awaiting belonged to one of Mark’s oldest friends.
When it became clear Nathan was gone, Mark was the only one there for me. He knew that Nathan and I were married. And as Nathan’s friend, I thought he was grieving too. He drove me to my doctor appointments, helped me pay my bills, and gave me a place to live.
I did worry he might misread my need as something else—we’d dated long ago, before Nathan.
But I thought it was a mutually awkward experience for both of us.
Was it really the same for him as it was for me?
He assured me he just wanted friendship, offered me a ring, and promised to take care of Natalie and me until I was ready to move on.
After that, he said, he’d let me go. He made it sound simple and practical. All he wanted to do was help.
I said yes, and at first, I felt safe. It was as if Nathan had left his best friend behind to watch over us since he couldn’t.
The desperate part of me had taken Mark’s offer to take care of us without thinking about the consequences.
He was our friend. He was safe. I had no family and no one else, and I made little money of my own.
But as the months passed, Mark grew a little too accustomed to his role as my pretend husband.
He stopped knocking. His hand brushed mine as we crossed paths, and he would linger a little too long, a little too close when we were both in the house.
No matter where I was when he was around, I felt his gaze.
I’d known then that I would need to find a way out as soon as possible, for both our sakes.
After I reached the hospital, I was in full-blown labor. The whole time, I’d imagined Nathan by my side and how he would have wiped my brow and held my hand during the delivery. The doctor put our little girl on my chest, and she lifted her tiny head.
It was then that I knew I’d never love anyone more.
I nursed and cradled her all night. Crying. Laughing. And Nathan was with me the whole time. Talking to me, playing with his daughter. Everything I did that night, we did together. Even if he wasn’t really there.
It was too soon to tell which one of us she looked like, but I imagined her with golden-brown hair and eyes. I let her go only when the nurse came by to check on her and insisted that I get some rest.
The next morning, Mark walked into the room.
I smiled and excitedly told him about Natalie.
A chill ran up my spine when he looked at me and glared.
He didn’t respond. Instead, he walked to the bassinet.
I sat up and started to get out of bed. Afraid he would…
what? hurt her? But he just looked down at her and stared.
She lifted her little arms and cooed at him.
“She looks like you.”
His face showed no emotion when he turned and walked out the door without another word.
Less than two weeks later, I visited the hospital for the second time.
For secondary postpartum hemorrhage.
I knew the truth of what had happened. Of what Mark did. But I was confused, shattered, and trapped.
He hurt and took more from me during our marriage, but not what mattered most. And over time, I learned to work around him, and to work on myself, my career, and my plan to get away from him.
But then, when Maddie arrived in Maverick Key, fate took care of Mark for me.
Now, my body is mine, and it no longer braces at every shift in the room, every male voice. I’m still healing. But I’m stronger, and it’s this little girl who’s given me that strength.
I shake off the memories and tighten my grip on Natalie’s hand.
A lot has changed in our lives, but the halls of this hospital haven’t.
We reach the room we’re looking for.
Scott’s in the corner, cradling Christopher. He’s a tall, muscular ex-Navy SEAL. It’s adorable seeing him hold his tiny baby. But as he does with most things, he holds him with confidence and seems to be a natural.
Natalie rushes to Maddie, wrapping her arms around her. Maddie squeezes her and kisses her cheek.
“You look good. Tired?” I ask her. Her face is flushed, and her swollen eyes have dark circles under them.
“A li’l bit,” she laughs.
Her best friend stayed with them last night, but I don’t see her. “Where’s Hannah?”
“Getting me breakfast. Nat, go see your cousin,” Maddie says.
Natalie hesitates, then walks over to Scott and stares at Christopher.
“Want to hold him?” he asks.
“Will he break?”
“Nah… he’s a tough guy. Come over here.” He pats the couch. “We’ll do this together.”
She sits and listens as Scott shows her how to hold a baby. Christopher coos, his little arms jerking as Natalie carefully cradles him. She looks up at Scott, uncertain.
“He wants a kiss,” Scott says.
Natalie bends down and softly presses her lips against Christopher’s forehead.
I lift my phone and take a picture.
“You know…” Scott explains. “You’re the older cousin. The two of you are the first kids of this generation in the family. He’ll be watching you to learn how to act, what to try, and who to trust. That’s a big responsibility.”
“I can do it,” Natalie says. “Cuz I love him.” She places her pinky finger in Christopher’s hand and giggles when he clutches it.
After they finish playing, I step closer and take him from her. His weight settles into my arms and feels so good. He’s a Rickter, and a Carter too. Our little family is growing.
“Your Uncle Nathan’s here too,” I tell him as he falls asleep. “And he’ll be watching over you. He’s so proud.” Christopher’s mouth twitches into a tiny reflex smile, and I smile back.
I hold him a little longer before handing him back to Scott.
Stacks of notebooks and other items sit next to Maddie’s bed.
“Nathan’s things. They released them.” She frowns. “Not the stone, though. Seems Dr. Clark got clearance from the authorities to take it into his possession.”
“I think the stone is why he’s here,” I say. “He’s a materials expert. Maybe he’ll find answers.”
I move to Maddie’s side and rub my hands over the journals. More of Nathan’s handwriting and drawings are inside. He preferred the feel of writing his thoughts. To touch ideas physically. I’d watched him sometimes. He was slow, methodical, and careful to think before committing words to paper.
And his poems… When Maddie and I met after Mark’s death, she gave me the poem she’d found in Nathan’s things.
Between waves, a memory sings
Whispers of a touch
The sea calls, but it will not claim
I hear her
It wasn’t the first note he’d written to me. Before we were together, he’d sneak into my backpack and stick Post-its on my notebooks with quotes and stray bits of wisdom from philosophers and his favorite poets. Words meant to keep me focused. To teach.
After we admitted what we felt, they turned into love notes and short poems he wrote me himself. I’d find them in my purse at work and tucked under his side of the blanket after he’d left for the day. The one Maddie found must have been his last. He never got the chance to hide it for me.
The pain of missing him has settled deep in my bones. It’s never going to go away.
“Take them, Crystal.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t think I can.”
“Why not?”
I don’t want to upset Maddie, but she and I are so different in how we handle loss. She’s relentlessly driven to find answers, to comb over every clue. Me. I want peace. To move on with Natalie. I’ve accepted that he’s gone.
“The police lost Nathan’s encrypted note.”
I flinch. “What?”
“They claim they never had it.”
Maddie and Nathan created a language as kids to send each other secret messages for fun. She’d found a note he’d written in this code, but she didn’t have time to decipher it before Mark stole it. Nathan wanted to keep a secret that no one other than Maddie could uncover.
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Someone is lying,” she adds. “They told me they had it right after Mark died and that they’d give it to me when they finished.”
Natalie tugs on my shirt. “Momma, can we go to the beach now?” I glance at the clock—10:30 a.m. I promised Natalie we’d stop by the beach so she could look for seashells.
“Just a minute, sweetie.”
I think of the man last night and the constant feeling of being watched. Then there’s Finn. And the stone. Could either of these men be digging into Nathan’s secrets? I don’t believe in coincidences.
Maddie needs to focus on her family right now.
“Let me know how I can help,” I tell her.
“You focus on that new job of yours and find us some answers about how to save the coral. Ms. Connor’s at the beach house. She’ll help me with Christopher.”
“Who’s going to keep up the inn?”
Maddie inherited the Driftwood Inn and Cottages from Nathan, and since she moved in with Scott, Ms. Connor has resumed running the day-to-day operations, including homemade breakfasts.
“We called around and found some help,” she says. “Someone to clean and make simple breakfasts for the guests. He starts today.”
Another stranger. “Who is he?”
“No idea. Ms. Connor is working with an agency. They’re paying for his lodging at the old Cooper Motel.” She grimaces. “That place is a dangerous dump. No one should be sleeping there.”
The door opens.
“I got you the last one,” a cheerful voice calls out. Hannah.
She hands Maddie a paper bag and strolls straight over to Scott and Christopher, gesturing to Scott to hand him over.
“Is it blueberry?” Maddie pulls out a muffin.
“I had to fight for it.” Hannah winks.
Maddie picks up where she left off about the newcomer. “He’ll stay in the housekeeper’s suite. Ms. Connor left him a key and some instructions so he could get started.”
“Did they give you a name?” I ask.
Maddie shrugs.
“He just moved here from Miami,” Hannah says. She makes a bubble face, and Christopher stretches his little hand toward her, brushing her bright red hair with his fingers. She blows him a kiss.
“Miami. That’s a long way to move for a cleaning job. Any idea why he’s here?” I ask.
Maddie shakes her head. “Nope.”
“I’ll get the scoop when I check in on him later today,” Hannah says.
“Momma…”
“That’s my cue.” I hug Maddie. “Love you.”
Scott gives Maddie a kiss and gathers up the notebooks. We follow him to the car.
“It’s going to be a nice afternoon for a boat ride,” Scott says, pointing at the sky. His crew is doing some routine maintenance on the ship this afternoon. They’re getting things ready to restart the cave dives.
I absentmindedly count the journals as we walk, noting their colors and textures. Meaningless thoughts. Anything to avoid thinking of them lying in the closet with the rest of Nathan’s dusty things.
Despite myself, I need answers. I want to trust Finn, but his reasons for being here are murky at best. I’ll talk to him and see what I can find out before worrying anyone else.
I close the trunk and drive us to the beach.