Chapter 11
11
PRESENT
NIKO
Ivy’s favourite romantic comedy plays on the TV as I use refilling the popcorn bowl as an excuse to sneak out of the room. My phone feels heavier than a brick in my hand. I’m more aware than ever of how heavy my footsteps sound. I keep looking over my shoulder every second one to make sure she hasn’t heard me pass the kitchen into the hall.
The phone call I’m about to make feels more daunting than any other. I wasn’t even this nervous when I asked Ivy’s father for permission to marry her last month. The man is only a few years older than me but still welcomed me into his family eventually. I had to prove myself first, and I appreciated that fact.
Travis, on the other hand, he could take me or leave me.
Asking him for approval for what I’m about to do tonight feels right but also real fucking weird. I don’t need him to tell me I’m making the right decision because I know I am. There isn’t a single fragment of doubt in my mind about that.
I want his approval for purely selfish reasons. I’ve done a lot of shit wrong with him, and for once, I want to try and do something right.
He knows I want to marry Ivy. It’s been obvious from the moment he first saw us together. That doesn’t mean he necessarily knows it’s coming. The kid has been blindsided enough.
His contact name pops up on the screen when I send the call through. My throat contracts as I bring the phone to my ear and listen to the dial tone.
Maybe I could have done this earlier— should have. I’m leaving neither of us a lot of time to figure anything out. Even if he says no, I can’t say I would wait to ask Ivy to be my wife. I’m pretty sure that makes me an even shittier father.
“Dad?”
Fuck, I can’t breathe properly. “Hey, Travis,” I choke, struggling to inhale fully.
“You good?”
“Can you talk?”
Music swells in the living room, and I move further down the hallway, away from where Ivy is. With my back to the wall, I stare into the master bedroom, focusing on the pile of Ivy’s clothes on the floor.
“Yeah, I’m between showings. Is this about Junie? Is she okay?”
“She’s fine. Jill’s watchin’ her.”
“Alright,” he says, sounding relieved. “What’s this about, then? I don’t have a lot of time.”
A car horn blares in the speaker, followed by my son’s grumbled curse.
“Are you drivin’ right now?”
“Relax. Bluetooth is a thing now.”
I almost laugh. “I’m not that fuckin’ old.”
“Are you going to tell me why you called if it isn’t about Junie?”
“You love her, yeah?” I blurt out.
“Junie? Yeah, I love her. She’s my sister.”
“Even though she’s Ivy’s?”
The pause that follows that question is so tense I can feel it from the other side of the phone. He speaks before I can tell him to just forget it.
“Her being Ivy’s daughter doesn’t change that she’s still my sister. It wouldn’t be fair to punish her for something she can’t control.”
“That’s mature of you.”
“I’m not a goddamn kid anymore. The last year has been a lot for me.”
Concern strikes me. “Why? What’s goin’ on?”
“Do you suddenly care now?”
“I’ve always cared. It’s hard to have a conversation with someone who doesn’t wanna speak to you, though.”
“Do you blame me?”
“No.”
He sucks in a long breath before blowing it out in one puff. “You called me for something, and it wasn’t to ask about my life. Just come out and say what you want to.”
I wince, guilt threatening to eat me alive. “Your life is important to me, Travis. I know I’ve done a shit job of showing it to you. If you’re okay with it, we can work toward fixing that.”
“Is Ivy listening in right now?” he asks sceptically.
“No. She’s watching a movie in the living room.”
“You snuck away to talk to me?”
I evade the question. “There’s somethin’ I want to talk to you about, and I’m interested in hearin’ how life has been for you while I have you here on the phone.”
“You had a chance to talk with me when I was there for Christmas.”
“I didn’t know you were comin’ then.”
“Yeah, clearly. It was awkward as shit.”
“A heads-up would have been nice.”
“I’ll consider it next time,” he mutters.
Whether he meant it or not, his mention of a next time settles something inside of me. I try not to pay too much attention to it.
“If I knew you had wanted to come, I would have made a point to invite you. You’re always with your mother on Christmas.”
“That was before you had another kid.”
“She’s precious, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, she’s great.” His tone warms.
Swallowing past my nerves, I take a shot and bring up what I need to. “I want to give her a stable family, Travis. When you were growin’ up, I failed you too many times to count, but one thing I regret most of all is breakin’ up the only family you knew when you were too young to understand what was goin’ on. You should have had two parents with you, and I stepped away when shit got too hard. Your mother and I were never meant to be, and while I wouldn’t have stayed with her, I do wish I had fought harder for my time with you once we’d separated. You deserved that from me.
“I don’t think it’s too late to try and fix our relationship. Not if you’re willin’ to give me a shot and put the effort in as well. There’s still so much time left for us.”
“This is all coming up because of Junie?” he asks, slightly tense.
“No. It’s that little girl but also her mother.”
“Ivy.”
“Yeah, Ivy. I know shit’s awkward with our relationship. Neither one of us expected differently. But . . . I do hope that one day, we can try to make it work.”
“I was horrible to her,” he states, shocking me. “Made her life hell because I was a mess inside. She took the brunt of my hatred of the world.”
“She’s forgiven you.”
“I doubt that, Dad. The things I said about her and the way I treated her were terrible.”
“Havin’ Junie has changed a lot of things for everyone, Travis.”
He swallows so loud I can hear it. “There’s more to what you wanted to say. Just spit it out.”
“Alright. I’m goin’ to ask her to marry me, Travis. I want her to be my wife, and yeah, I’ve done too many things ass-backwards with you, but I want to ask for your approval first. Not as her ex-boyfriend, but as my son.”
A slight pause follows my words, filled only with the light clicking of a signal light. I unclench my fingers from where they grip tight onto the phone and look down the hallway, ensuring I’m still alone. Approval feels right in this moment. Maybe it’s not entirely approval I’m seeking but more acceptance. Something to confirm that I haven’t destroyed my last chance with him.
“That isn’t something I ever expected to hear,” he mutters.
“Fits the theme.”
He chokes on a laugh. “Yeah, I guess it does. It’s got nothing on what I walked in on initially.”
“I wish I could forget that ever happened.”
“Not as much as I do.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For which part? ’Cause I was the one who showed up unannounced at the bar that day. Everything else is on you.”
“Everything is what I’m sorry for. My past mistakes, current ones, and those that are sure to be made in the future. It won’t be an easy road to forgiveness, but if you’re open to it, I’m serious when I say I’m willin’ to put in the work.”
“Why do you want to marry her, Dad? Other than Junie.”
It could be a trick question. But even if it is, I’m up for answering. The alternative is him hanging up on me after saying he’s done with me and us forever.
“I love her. Ivy makes me happy. From the moment I met her, I felt somethin’ for her, but I pretended it wasn’t there because she was yours then. I’ll never be able to understand why I didn’t just tell you how I felt. It’d have saved us from a lot of shit.”
“Ivy was too good for me. She’s too good for you, too,” he says tightly.
“That’s not news to me. I want her regardless.”
“It’s fucking weird that you wanted my girlfriend when I was dating her. That’s just not right.”
“It’s not right. Doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
“If she had given you the time of day then, would you have taken her?”
“From you?”
“Yeah.”
Would I have? “No. I wouldn’t have. If I were goin’ to, I’d have swept in the day we both met her. Everythin’ turned out the way it was supposed to.”
“Maybe you should have. She wouldn’t have gotten hurt, and I wouldn’t have been the reason you two lost so much time.”
“You don’t think it was worth it? Bein’ with her before everythin’ turned to shit?”
“She was better to me than I deserved. I was lucky but didn’t know how to accept that.”
“You learned somethin’ from it, then. That makes it worth it.”
“Apparently, you’ve learned a lot more being with her than I ever did.”
I lean my head back against the wall and exhale, hating how constricted my lungs feel. “It was meant to be that way.”
“Are you trying to say that you believe in fate? You ?”
“Is that so hard to believe?”
“Honestly, yeah. You’re a hard-ass.”
“The life I have now makes it impossible not to believe in some sort of higher power, Travis. Too many good things happenin’ at once usually doesn’t come coincidently.”
“You’re serious about marrying her? Divorce isn’t an option this time?”
I stiffen, immediate refusal building on my tongue. “Not a chance in fuckin’ hell.”
“Then . . . yeah. You don’t need my approval for shit, but you can have it. This is still really weird, though. I’m not going to call her mom or let her boss me around. And I swear to god, I never want to see anything like what I did in the bar again. I’ll take my approval back right quick.”
“You’re bein’ serious?” I ask, disbelief clinging to my words.
He clears his throat. “Don’t make it weird.”
“I’m just double-checkin’. I wasn’t expectin’ you to agree already. Marryin’ someone isn’t somethin’ to be taken lightly.”
“I know. You’re right about giving Junie the chance to have a stable family. If I couldn’t have one, I’m glad she can. Even though this still isn’t easy for me to understand, I’m not hard-headed enough to ignore the honesty in your words. You wouldn’t be here asking me for permission to do this if you weren’t serious about it,” he explains.
“I’m sorry, Travis. For failing to be the father you deserved growin’ up and for breakin’ your trust with Ivy. I appreciate you givin’ it a chance, at least.”
“Like I said, it’s been a year. A lot can change for someone in that time. Including someone like me.”
“I’m proud of you. Not for givin’ this a chance, but for takin’ the time to grow. I just want you to know that I’m here if you ever need anythin’.”
He clears his throat. “Thanks.”
“We’ll be home tomorrow night. You’re welcome to come over anytime you want to see your sister,” I offer.
“Alright. I’ll text you. Are you asking her to marry you before you come back?”
“That’s the plan.”
“How are you doing it?”
I know I should end the call before I push my luck too far and Ivy comes looking for me, but having him ask these things is not something I’m willing to pass up. I’ll take every little crumb of interest he shows me with my hands open despite the consequences.
“I knitted her somethin’.”
“What?”
“Yeah. I taught myself.”
“Damn,” he drawls.
“You knitted me something?” Ivy asks, scaring the shit out of me.
My hold on my phone slips, and it goes tumbling to the ground. I flinch when it clatters screen down. Travis’s voice calls out, but his words are undecipherable.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were interested in knitting? I’d have helped you,” she scolds teasingly. Looking at the phone, she cocks her head. “Was that Travis?”
Suddenly, the nerves that I had while waiting for this moment poof into thin air. With approval from my son and the call still connected, I let loose a laugh and say fuck it.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned while being with Ivy, it’s that there’s no time like the present.
And now seems like a pretty great time to ask her to marry me.