Chapter 10
10
FIVE MONTHS AGO
IVY
After an exhaustive and slightly traumatizing eight-hour labour, I can hardly keep my eyes open as Niko scoops Junie off my chest and against his. My eyelids droop, the dark light from the bathroom hardly illuminating enough for me to see much.
It’s impossible to miss the shape of a man as big as him, though. I strain to see when he sways back and forth, head tipped down and mouth rubbing over the top of the tiny baby’s head.
Junie was born with more hair than I expected. Both her parents were born bald as hell, yet she came out with the softest dark brown hair that I might be too obsessed with petting. Honestly, I’m just so enamoured with her that even with her off my chest and in Niko’s arms, she feels too far.
“You’re goin’ to be the strongest and smartest woman in the entire world, June Bug. Maybe you’ll win a Nobel Prize or be nominated for an Oscar. My baby girl can do anythin’ she wants. You’ve got one hell of a strong fuckin’ mother who will do whatever it takes to make you happy and a dad who will burn down the world for you. You name it, and I’ll make sure you have it. I swear it right now. I’m goin’ to love you forever,” Niko whispers.
The newborn is fast asleep, not listening to a word he says. That doesn’t mean that his words don’t leave me with burning eyes and an ache in my chest so deep I know I’ll never be able to rip it out. I long to have him beside me in this tiny, stiff bed just to feel his warmth and the reassurance that we’re all okay.
I’m still a bit shaky from my epidural, and with that, the pain is returning between my legs. All I want is to sleep, but I won’t risk missing a single moment of Niko and Junie bonding. I’ve had her on my chest feeding and sleeping for hours already while he sat and watched in awe at my bedside.
There was not one single moment during the entirety of the birth where he wasn’t beside me, stroking my head and arms and whispering words of encouragement. And when they brought up the possibility of an emergency C-section, I wasn’t as scared because he was there with me.
“We’ve got work ahead of us. Once we get back home, I’m goin’ to have to teach you how to call for me so we can let your mom rest and heal. You’ve got one hell of a wide head, baby girl,” he murmurs, stroking his knuckles down the curve of her chubby cheek. “I couldn’t have dreamed of a daughter more perfect than you. You’re everythin’ that we’ve been missin’.”
I swallow thickly and blink away the tears in my eyes. “You know that she can’t understand you yet.”
He doesn’t look away from her for even a second. “That’s okay. I just like talkin’ to her. Now that she’s here, I just . . .”
“You can’t believe she’s real,” I finish softly.
“Exactly.”
“She’s perfect.”
Junie makes a quiet cooing sound and lifts her hand to paw at the side of her mouth. Niko’s eyes widen and dart to me for a moment before falling back to her.
“I’m tryin’ not to crush her. She’s so small.”
“Don’t you remember when Travis was a baby?”
“Not like this. I was so fuckin’ young then. All I remember is tryin’ not to pull my hair out when he got colic and wouldn’t sleep.”
“Do you think he’ll want to come see her tomorrow?”
Niko kisses the top of her head again, hovering there as he inhales. “Yeah, I do. Texted me earlier askin’ if you were okay.”
“Really?”
“I told him he has to bring flowers to gain entry to meet his sister.”
I have to hide my laugh with a hand to my lips before scolding, “Niko.”
“It’s a rule,” he states.
“He’s going to hate me even more now.”
Niko shifts closer to my bed, now under the soft light from beneath the bathroom door. “It’s impossible for anyone to hate you.”
“Maybe.”
I’m not so sure. If there’s one person who has a valid reason to feel that way about me, it’s Travis. Even if I have a valid reason to hate him, too.
“I love you,” Niko says, adjusting Junie so he can drop a hand to rest on my shoulder. His touch is the simplest comfort.
I let my eyes fall closed again and press my cheek to his fingers. “I love you, too.”
“Rest, angel. I’ve got Junie.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, words slurring.
I’m asleep before his reply can register.
“Ivy’s still sleeping.”
“I can be quiet.”
“Just keep your voice down.”
“I got it.”
“Only makin’ sure you heard me.”
I roll my eyes behind my eyelids as I wake myself up. There’s light in the room and music playing quietly. Sniffing, I wince at the scent of hospital.
“What time is it?” I croak, licking at my dry lips.
Shoes squeak on the floor beside my bed. Niko’s cologne hits me, and his voice follows. “Nine.”
My eyes burn from the brightness around me as I open them and focus on the hulking man staring down at me. His clothes are the same from yesterday, and his beard is scruffier than usual.
“Did you watch her all night by yourself?”
“You were up a few times to feed her. She nursed you both to sleep.”
I remember now. Niko setting a grumpy newborn on my chest and helping me get her situated. He stayed perched beside the bed the entire time I held her, watching in case I let go of her when I dozed off. I’m pretty sure I broke a million rules doing that, but Niko wouldn’t let anything happen to either of us. The nurses checked on us so many times I was considering making him shove a chair beneath the door handle so they’d leave us alone.
I know it’s their job, but when you’re tired and in pain, none of that matters much.
“Thank you for taking care of us,” I say, reaching for the hand hanging at his side.
It’s so big and warm as it curls around my fingers and squeezes. Something so simple brings such an intense comfort.
“Always,” he swears.
“Hey, Ivy.”
The second voice I heard when I woke up registers more now. Travis isn’t who I expected to see the moment I woke up this morning. I’ve never looked worse than I do right now. Probably never smelled this bad, either. I need to shower and change out of these pyjamas I sweated through last night and brush my teeth.
None of that should matter, considering I just had a baby. It’s easier to pretend you don’t care about those things prior to giving birth. Now, though? I could cry from how disgusting I feel.
Niko doesn’t release my hand. He shifts at my side, allowing me to see the man standing behind him with his back to the hospital window. The baby in his arms shocks me worse than his sudden appearance after so long.
“Hi, Travis.”
His hair isn’t shaggy anymore. It’s cut short and styled in a way that makes him look older and more mature. He’s clean-shaven, but he never was able to grow a proper beard.
Dress slacks and a simple deep green button-down hug his slim frame. He’s even wearing a tie. One that he spent the time knotting properly.
My surprise at his appearance must be obvious.
“New job,” he says shortly.
I nod once. “Right. Doing what?”
“I got my real estate license. I’m working for a small company in the city.”
“Did you miss work for this, then?”
“Would it matter if I did?”
Niko grips my hand a little tighter. “Yeah, it would.”
“To you? Or to Ivy?”
“Does it matter?” I adjust my position in the bed and wince at the instant pain.
My hiss draws the attention of both men, but while Travis stands with my daughter in his arms and watches almost blankly, Niko rushes into action. Water from a pitcher is poured into a cup and handed to me before he reaches for the call button attached to the bed.
“Don’t, Niko. I’m fine for right now,” I rush out.
He frowns. “No, you’re not. You’re in pain.”
“I’ll be in pain for a while, I’m sure.”
“I didn’t think I’d ever have a little sister,” Travis says, cutting through the tense atmosphere that’s tried to grow. “There are a lot of things I didn’t think I’d ever see.”
I accept the shot at the low-hanging fruit without argument. “I’m assuming you mean your father and me?”
“Sounds about right.”
“Watch the attitude,” Niko scolds.
“What are you going to do? Rip the baby from my arms?”
“Don’t test him,” I warn, knowing it’s hardly a joke.
Niko would absolutely, without a doubt, rip Junie from Travis’s arms if he pushed too far.
“Right,” Travis says with a scoff.
He lowers his eyes to the sleeping baby girl in his arms, and some of the tension slips from his expression. Junie hasn’t even been in this world for two days and she’s bringing peace.
Maybe she has the potential to do more than stifle a single argument. Maybe . . . she could help fix everything.
I bring Niko’s hand to rest on my still-rounded belly and ask Travis, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
“We have the same eyes.”
“Brown with the outer ring of deep green,” I whisper.
His jaw goes taut. “Half expected her to be blonde.”
“I’m happy she isn’t. Brown hair fits her perfectly.”
“It won’t change when she gets older?” he asks.
Niko stares at our daughter, that same shine of wonder from last night back again. “It could.”
“But you don’t think so?”
“I have a gut feeling it will stay the same,” I say.
Travis’s throat works with a swallow. “It doesn’t matter. She’s still cute.”
“Do you want a picture together? With you holding her? It would be nice to have for the future,” I suggest.
“You want to take our picture?”
Is that a weird thing to offer?
“I’d like to. Unless you don’t want one.”
He steps further in front of the window, letting the sun shine over his shoulder. The same brown eyes as the girl in his arms and the man beside me meet mine. There’s a sense of déjà vu as we stand here, no longer one word away from ripping each other apart like we were the last time we were together as a couple.
This is the same guy I thought I could love a long time ago. Past the rigidness and dirty, distrusting glares, there’s still a person whom I used to know on a deep level. Maybe I still do know him, just not the big parts he never wanted me to see. The soul-shaping, personality-creating pieces of himself.
Instead, I know the arrogant, cocky, and sometimes incredibly funny guy who used to make me laugh from time to time. It’s a shame we found ourselves in this situation, both of us too angry with the other to move on and create another story.
He clears his throat awkwardly. “Yeah. A photo would be okay. Just me and Junie?”
“Just you and Junie,” I confirm.
Niko reaches for my phone on the small bedside table and swipes open the camera while Travis watches. Junie stretches a onesie-covered leg out against his chest, and I stare in awe as Travis gawks at her like he’s never seen anything as precious as that small movement.
Not waiting for Travis to look up, Niko snaps a quick photo of the two of them in that position. My heart lodges itself in my throat.
Maybe Junie can change things after all.