Chapter 9
9
PRESENT
NIKO
I leave Ivy sprawled in bed two mornings later and head outside.
My boots clunk along the small, poorly built porch and down the steps. I reach for the shovel leaned against the side of the house and start shovelling the snow from the sidewalk that fell overnight. It’s relaxing work, something to help clear my head.
I slept like shit last night despite having Ivy curled up in my arms. There were too many things plaguing my mind. Mainly my son and our lack of relationship.
We never had a father-son bond, but the more time I spend with Junie, the more I fucking wish I hadn’t screwed up with him so badly. I grew so comfortable with the chasm between us that I had myself convinced I was fine without knowing my son or having him be a consistent part of my life.
How terrible of a father does that make me?
Pathetic, more like.
I’ve got more regrets in my life than anyone should have. The way I’ve let my son walk away from me time and time again is the worst one. If I could convince him to give me just one more chance, I know I wouldn’t waste it. I’m incapable of doing that now.
Ivy wants closure with it, too. What Travis did to her . . . fuck, it has me ready to knock his teeth out. I’ll never forget the details she shared from their relationship before and after she learned of what he’d been sharing about her. But he’s still my son. And if the most important person in my life, who was hurt worse by him than anyone else, is encouraging me to make good with him, then I’m going to damn well do it.
Ivy is going to be my wife someday soon, and I want him to know that. Not for approval or permission. I don’t need that from anyone, let alone my son. It’s just so he isn’t blindsided again. I feel like after everything that I’ve broken between us, I owe him that much.
Having him at the wedding is something I crave deep down in my chest. He should be there. Not out of obligation or because he was forced to go, but because he wanted to see his old man get married to the woman who’s going to be there beside him for the rest of his life.
Wind bites at my face as I stretch my gloved fingers around the shovel and keep pushing the snow down the sidewalk. The woodshed across the yard has a drooping roof from how much snow has collected atop it. Wouldn’t be surprised if it’s got roof rot. That and an entire family of mice living inside of it. Ivy refused to help me carry wood in for a fire last night, claiming there was bound to be a dead body or stowaway in the shed.
I found neither, but I wasn’t staying around to look once I had the dry wood logs in my arms.
By the time I’ve got the walkway cleared and a sharp ache in my lower back, the front door creaks open.
“Look at you with a cute little red nose,” Ivy sings.
I sniff and jab the shovel into a snow pile before turning to face her. Even from far away, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
My shirt hangs off her body, the design on the chest faded and bottom hem ripped. The cold air has to be nipping at her bare legs and arms, but she continues to lean in the doorway, an up-to-no-good grin on her sleepy features.
“Call me Rudolph and I’ll make you spend your Valentine’s Day alone,” I say with a huff.
She winks. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Niko.”
“Happy Valentine’s Day, angel.”
“As much as I love watching you work, I was hoping I’d wake up in bed beside you this morning.”
“Missin’ me already?”
“Don’t get a huge head about it.”
“Too late.”
I lift the shovel and head up the sidewalk, making note of every section where ice has built up so I can spread ice melt on it before she slips.
Ivy watches me with soft eyes. “So, did you get me a present?”
“’Course I did.”
“Can I have it?”
“Not yet.”
“Really?”
“It’ll be worth the small wait,” I promise while taking the steps up to her. “Got big plans for you.”
She bats her lashes and sets a hand on the chest of my thick jacket. “How long do I have to wait?”
“Till tonight. You can’t change my mind.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive. Now, go inside. You’ll get sick standin’ out here in the cold.”
“Fine. But you’re not off the hook yet,” she relents.
We move inside, and I lock the door behind us. The immediate heat blasts me in the face as I shed my jacket and gloves, leaving them by the door.
“Did you get me somethin’?” I ask, following her into the small kitchen.
She flicks all the lights on along the way. It’s a quirk of hers that I’ve had to grow to accept. The power bill doesn’t share the same appreciation.
The coffee brewing in the outdated machine sputters and fills the room with the rich scent of Ivy’s favourite grounds.
“Duh,” she states, reaching on her tiptoes for a second mug in the cupboard. I step against her back and grab it before handing it to her. She spins, smiling in thanks.
I smooth a hand down her arm. “When do I get my present, then?”
“When you say please.”
“Please.”
With a twinkling laugh, she slips free and disappears out of the kitchen. I wait for her to return, busying myself with pouring her thick, strawberry-flavoured creamer into her coffee. By the time she gets back, I’m setting the stirring spoon on the countertop and nudging the light brown drink down the counter toward her.
The hot pink gift bag in her hand is stuffed full of glittering red paper. With every shake of it, the glitter flies through the room and coats the floor.
“Okay, so it’s just something cute and fun. If you hate it, I can change it out for something else. Junie helped me pick it out,” she rambles, offering me the bag.
Taking it, I carefully move the glittery paper aside enough to peer inside. The clear glass has me lifting a brow.
“Take it out,” she encourages.
I curl my thick fingers around the sturdy handle and pull it free of the paper. The first thing I notice is the high quality of the beer glass. Then, I bring it closer and read the black words that have been laid over the middle of it.
Daddy’s Sippy Cup.
My laugh is loud and rough. Ivy rolls her lips, cheeks pinkening as she watches me, taking in my reaction.
“That bad?” she asks nervously.
“No. It’s perfect. Ridiculous in a good way.”
“Is that even possible?”
“Yeah, angel. It is.”
She runs a finger along the rim of the glass. “Honest to god, Junie chose it. I put the words on after, but she chose the cup in the store. She’s going to be a beer drinker like her daddy.”
“She won’t be drinkin’ alcohol ever,” I mutter.
“Ever? As if.”
“Alcohol leads to bad decisions.”
Ivy clears her throat, staring up at me incredulously. “Like boys?”
“Exactly.”
“She won’t need alcohol to find boys, Niko,” she argues.
“It’s impossible to meet boys when she’s trapped in her room.”
I set the glass down on the counter and pour myself a coffee, leaving it black. It burns my mouth when I take a heavy swig of it.
“She’s not a fairy-tale princess. We’re not trapping her in her room because you’re scared of her falling in love with a boy. Or a girl, by the way. She could decide that she wants a girlfriend instead.”
“It doesn’t matter if it’s a girlfriend or a boyfriend. She’s not dating, period,” I grouse.
Ivy pries my fingers from my coffee cup and sets it aside before wrapping her arms around me. She props her chin on my chest and holds my stare.
“Oh, baby. Maybe we should have had a boy instead.”
“Because I did such a good job the first time I had one of those?”
I scowl at how self-deprecating that sounds.
Ivy kisses my sternum. “I feel like you’ve been keeping a lot inside when it comes to Travis. Do you want to talk about it more? I’m not the only one who’s allowed to struggle when it comes to him.”
“We’re away for Valentine’s Day. We shouldn’t be spendin’ it talkin’ about him,” I argue.
“Why not? As long as we’re spending time together, I’m happy with whatever we do. I’ve spoken about him plenty of times already, and you didn’t mind it.”
I tuck her hair behind her ear. “You sure?”
“You love to be the man taking care of everyone else, but I’m here to take care of you . Even when it comes to your son.”
“I don’t want him to hate me forever,” I admit.
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“No? He’s made his feelings for me clear. I’ve fucked up every chance I’ve ever gotten from him.”
“And he’s been any better? This isn’t just on you.”
“I’m the adult. The parent. I have to be the one to take the steps to fix things.”
She doesn’t tell me I’m wrong. It isn’t frustration that bleeds through the green in her eyes but understanding.
“So fix them, then, Niko.”
My throat is sticky. “You think he’ll ever forgive me if I try?”
“I think he’d be a fool not to at least listen. Travis can be an asshole, but he’s still a person. We all want to feel close to our parents, even when things go wrong. We’re wired that way,” she murmurs, stroking my back. “And if he doesn’t want to hear you out or decides afterward that he wants things to stay the way they are, then that’s his choice. All you— we —can do then is try and find closure with that.”
“I know it won’t be easy. I’m not lettin’ you go, Ivy. And if he can’t come to terms with that . . .”
“Then it’s his loss. All we can do is show him that we’re here and willing to listen to him whenever he feels ready to have that conversation. I would never expect him to be completely comfortable with this. We can both admit that it isn’t the norm. That doesn’t mean we don’t really love each other, though. Junie is here, and she alone ties us together for life.”
“He loves our little girl. Does a shitty job of hidin’ that,” I say.
Ivy’s mouth quirks. “Yeah, he does. It’s impossible for someone not to.”
“Are you okay with this, angel? Not just me talkin’ to him, but the potential of him bein’ around more? He hurt you real bad.”
“He did, and I found something even better for me than him because of it. I’d let him hurt me like that a million times if it meant I’d be here with you right now with our baby girl waiting for us at home. My life is better than I’ve ever dreamed it could be. I’ve forgiven Travis already.”
A weight lifts from my chest as I inhale a long breath. The love I feel for the woman in front of me is out of this world. It’s cataclysmic. She’s the gravity that keeps me centred.
Palming her cheek, I drop my head and kiss her temple. “Love you so fuckin’ much, Ivy. I’ve got no idea how a grumpy fucker like me got lucky enough to call a woman like you mine.”
“It was meant to be, Niko. That’s why.” She squeezes me tight and nuzzles her cheek in my hand.
I’m content standing here for hours, just her and me. Tomorrow, we’ll be leaving this place engaged, and soon after that, I’ll be making her Mrs. Ivy Shaw.