Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
TIMBER
I snap awake. The last thing I remember is sitting next to Kane, driving to his home, and now I’m lying on his couch with him looking down at me. I scramble to sit up.
“How did I get here?”
“Daddy carried you.” Hailey peeks from behind her father.
“Did you hurt yourself?” I pull down my T-shirt, which had ridden up over the waist of my pants. “May was right when she called me sturdy. I’m no lightweight.”
Kane laughs. “I catch fish that weigh more than you.”
I scrub the sleep from my eyes and laugh. “Isn’t whaling illegal?”
“Stop, you’re perfect, exactly the way you are.”
Charmed and embarrassed, I realize there’s nothing I can say but, “Thank you.”
“Are you hungry?” he asks.
I nod. “I’m so hungry. Even Beaver Bolognese sounds good. Who knew helping May could be so exhausting.” I rise from the couch. “Let me know what you want and where I can find the ingredients, and I’ll cook. It’s the least I can do since you’re providing me a place to sleep for now.” That only reminds me that this is a temporary solution. Given my increasing attraction to Kane, staying for long wouldn’t be wise. It's risky to get too attached to him, considering the heartache it could cause. Plus, there's Hailey to consider—strong attachments could make things complicated for her too.
Kane shakes his head. “It was part of the deal. We provide room and board and a small salary for your services.”
“I know, but this is your house, and I don’t want to intrude.”
He brushes off my concerns with a gruff, “It’s no problem.” Though reassuring, his words somehow suggest my presence could be an issue. Perhaps I’m reading into them because his proximity will challenge me. All I want to do is fall into his arms, and that’s a dangerous place for me.
“I’ll make dinner,” he says. “You were up most of the night, worked all day, and helped deliver a baby.”
He walks into the kitchen and pulls out a package of ground meat, a jar of spaghetti sauce, and a pasta pack.
I follow him and take a seat at the center island. My eyes focus on the ground meat. “I was kidding about the beaver.”
He chuckles as he washes his hands and gets a pan from under the kitchen sink. “It’s beef, but you’ll have to give the other a try sometime. It’s not as bad as you imagine.”
While I generally play it safe when it comes to food, I’m tempted to live on the wild side and try it someday. “My mom used to tell me to try everything legal twice. She said you can’t have a genuine experience on one try because you often go into it with preconceived notions which skew your experience.”
“It sounds like your mother was wise.” He crumbles the meat and puts it into a frying pan, then glances at Hailey, who’s dumping a box of dolls on the living room floor. “Hailey, go wash up before dinner.”
“Can I play first?”
Kane looks at her sternly. “No, you need to wash up.” He turns to me and says, “This is a daily event. She argues with me about everything.”
Hailey stomps away, and I laugh. “Wait until she grows up. Girls are tough, but that independent streak will come in handy one day.”
“I expected it at some point, but not at five.”
“Kids can be challenging, but you’re lucky to have her. There are so many people who can’t have children.” Suddenly, I choke up but immediately swallow my emotions like always. I’m tired and emotional. Holding a baby brought out all those feelings I try to avoid, like emptiness and brokenness. “I wanted children, but it wasn’t meant to be.” I don’t know why I’m telling him personal things, but probably because his sister just gave birth, and watching her dream come true makes me sad that mine never will. “I always wanted them. I dreamed of having three when David and I got married.”
“You’re married?”
“No, not anymore. He wanted children more than he wanted me.”
“I’m so sorry.” Kane stops stirring the beef and looks at me. “That must have been hell helping Eliza.” He walks over and hugs me. It’s not a one-handed hug you’d give an acquaintance, but a full-on bear hug with both arms swallowing me. I thank the universe for a wish granted. It’s good to be in his arms, and I bury my face in his shirt and inhale. He smells like pine, sunshine, and an ocean breeze. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
I reluctantly break away. “No, that was a magical moment. I’ve never seen a baby born except on TV. Honestly, it was a beautiful experience. I’m blessed that I was allowed to be present.”
Kane laughs. “I was here when Amanda gave birth to Hailey, and I wouldn’t call it magical. That woman called me every name under the sun.” He looks around as if to make sure Hailey can’t hear. “She wouldn’t even hold her or feed her or anything.”
I couldn’t fathom the idea of not wanting to hold my child. I mean, if I carried it in my body for nine months, nurturing it, experiencing every kick and flutter, how could I not embrace her when she finally arrived?
“That had to have been hard. What did you do?”
“I called in reinforcements. My mother was alive then. She came in and took over. ”
“What happened to Hailey’s mom? Were you married?”
He returns to the pan, stirring the meat, browning it thoroughly before adding the sauce. All I wish is that he’d hug me again.
“We weren’t married. Amanda is a do-gooder, but her focus has never been on people. She left us at six weeks to save the seals in Namibia. She pops in on occasion, but there’s never any warning.”
A lump the size of a fist lodges in my throat. “Did you have any help?”
He nods. “Yes, my family stepped in. During the first year, my brothers ran their businesses and mine to ensure I had the money and resources to care for us. After that, my mom and Eliza watched Hailey while I fished. Then my mom got cancer, and it was just Eliza.” He puts water in a big pan, sets it on the burner with the flame high, and then calls out to Hailey. “What are you doing up there?”
There’s a giggle before she races down the stairs in a Cinderella dress. “I dressed for dinner.”
I look at my borrowed yoga pants and T-shirt. “I may be underdressed.”
“You look great,” Kane says.
My stomach flips and then flops at the compliment. “If you keep being so nice to me, I may never want to leave.”
Hailey twirls in her blue dress. “I’ve got a Snow White dress you can borrow. ”
“I appreciate the offer.” It tickles me that she thinks it would fit.
Kane places three plates on the table and then stares into my eyes. “I don’t see that as a bad thing. Besides, finding another place will be near impossible. This is where you’ll stay.”
Every cell in my body surges with a fiery intensity, sending electric currents straight to my core. But I remind myself that I’m not here forever. This is temporary.
“I’ve got a new boss in Phoenix that might have a problem if I decide not to return.”
“New job?” Kane’s shoulders tense, and a shadow passes over his eyes, making me wonder if my leaving will affect him.
“Yes, I took a promotion to be a testing coordinator. It pays better than teaching, and honestly, I’m tired of people’s games.” I’m mostly tired of the favoritism and being overlooked and ignored when positions open in my school.
“I like games,” Hailey says.
Kane ruffles her hair, which was nicely braided this morning, and now looks like a nest for birds. “You also like spaghetti, so let’s eat.”
Dinner passes in a blur, Hailey recounting every step we took on our trek. “We found the Devil’s Club.” She frowns. “Tommy found it, and Lucas found Old Grizzletoe’s paw print. We even stopped by the burned cabin. Will Grandpa be sad?”
I’m immediately brought back to the panic and then the guilt. My stomach tightens, and the acid rises to my throat. Although Kane repeatedly reminds me that the fire isn’t my fault, I still hold myself responsible.
“Grandpa will understand,” Kane says. “The thing about living in a place like this is nothing is forever.” He looks at Hailey. “If you’re finished, you can go play for a while.”
Hailey skips off to the living room to play with her dolls.
Waiting until Hailey is out of earshot, I say, “The cabin has been around for a long time. Surely, your dad will be sad to lose all the memories it held.”
“My father left the island after my mother passed.” Kane sighs. “He’s been traveling for months. I’m sure he’s afraid to come home to the emptiness. He won’t be bothered. Everything he loved is already gone.”
I ache for Kane. “Not everything. You guys are still here. He’ll come home, eventually. Probably sooner than you think. He’s got a new grandson.”
He shrugs, the movement a subtle shift in his posture. “We'll see,” he replies, his tone carrying a hint of resignation.
Later, while Kane fights Hailey to bathe and get ready for bed, I borrow his computer to order some clothes from Amazon. There isn’t Prime Delivery here, but I’ll make do with what I have for the time being. I have a closet with some of Eliza’s clothes, my flannel PJs, and the gift Theresa brought to school today.
“Did you order what you need?” Kane asks when he returns, looking exhausted. He pulls two wine glasses from an upper cupboard and takes a bottle of cabernet from a nearby rack. “You should let me pay for those since I technically burned down your home.”
“While I appreciate the offer, you have a boat to pay for, and I can afford to get my clothes.” It warms me that he is willing to pay for what I lost in the fire. While I don’t want to admit it out loud, I am grateful that I didn’t create the situation that burned down the cabin. How does one recover from that? The guilt would be immeasurable.
He hands me a glass and takes a seat on the couch. “Join me?”
“Sure.” I’m happy to join him for a glass of wine. It will give me time to get to know him better, to get accustomed to this town. “So, tell me, why didn’t the cabin have solar power or indoor plumbing?” It appears that many places have modern amenities, and some don’t. I’m curious as to why some buildings have moved into the twenty-first century and some remain in the dark ages.
“There are too many trees, so the sun can’t get past the canopy to charge the panels, and the cabin was built long before indoor plumbing was a thing. This house sits atop the ridge, so I get plenty of sun. As for the water here, I get much of what’s in the house from the lake, which gets replenished yearly with snowfall. For waste, I have a septic system. My house is a modern marvel compared to most.”
“That makes sense.” He shifts on the leather sofa so he’s facing me, and I immediately want to run to the bathroom to fix my hair or put on lip gloss. Though we’ve been together all evening, this seems more intimate. There was dinner and now there’s wine. With Hailey in bed, it’s just the two of us, and it almost seems like a date. I let go of that thought and remind myself that this isn’t that.
“I bet it was all a shock when you arrived at the cabin. Eliza didn’t describe it accurately.”
I take a sip and savor the smoothness. “She left out a few details, but she said it had everything I needed, and that wasn’t a lie. At first, I imagined I’d hate it, but I was game to try.”
“And?”
“I actually liked the rustic vibe of the place. It’s life-affirming to know you don’t need all the bells and whistles to survive.”
His eyes widen, and he looks at me, as if searching for deception in my words. “Most women spend a week here and then bolt as fast as they can in the other direction.”
“Hailey’s mom stayed longer, didn’t she?” His shoulders slump forward, and guilt washes over me for bringing it up, but I’m curious about them. What was she like? What did he see in her? Why would she leave a man like Kane? I wave my hand in the air. “It’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s okay. Amanda came here as part of a Save the Whales campaign. We hooked up a few times, and then she was gone. I had no illusion that she’d stay, but then she showed up a few months later, pregnant. I wanted to do right by her and Hailey, and I proposed.” He shakes his head and looks into the distance as if replaying a scene. “She said no. She didn’t want to be married to anyone.” He looks at me and shrugs. “I thought that since we had a child together, she’d stay, but she wasn’t interested in any of that ‘domestic stuff,’ as she called it. She wanted the wind in her hair and the sand between her toes. She wanted Alaska today and Galapagos the next month.” His tone is nonchalant, but there's a hint of sadness underlying his words. And I wonder if he’s sad for himself or Hailey?
“What did your family think?”
“Honestly?”
“If you’re willing to share.”
He chuckles. “They thought I should have kept my dick in my pants, but they all love Hailey, so they’re glad I didn’t. At least my mom got to spend time with a grandchild before she died.”
“Did your mom like her?”
Kane sips his wine. “Amanda is a likable person. I think she means well, but life threw her a turn that she wasn’t ready to navigate.”
I’m familiar with what it’s like to have an absentee parent. I knew from a very young age that my father didn’t want me, and that does something to a child’s self-worth. I suppose not being wanted at any age hurts. When David cast me aside, he destroyed me. “I feel bad for Hailey,” I say, my voice cracking slightly.
Even now, thinking about it brings a familiar ache to my chest. Am I healing? Maybe. But there are still moments that trigger those old wounds, making them fresh all over again. Seeing Hailey struggle with the same emotions stirs up a whirlwind inside me. I want to protect her from the pain I know all too well.
“I do, too, but all I can do is be the best father I can be. It was easier when my mom was here because she had raised a girl, and I could ask her questions. I miss her.” As Kane speaks, I notice a shift in his demeanor. His usually stoic expression relaxes, revealing a vulnerability that tugs at my heartstrings. His words carry a weight of sorrow and longing, and I can see the pain etched in the lines of his face. That’s a pain I’m all too familiar with.
“I miss my mother, too. I’d do anything to have another day with her.” I reach out and gently squeeze his hand, offering comfort in the face of both of our losses.
“Me too. There are so many things I wish I had said to my mom before she passed. Even telling her I loved her once more would have been so good.” He shifts his shoulders, as if trying to shake off the weight of his emotions, and then he smiles. “I should have gotten a few more hair tips for Hailey. I’m a total failure as a stylist.”
Remembering Hailey’s pigtails on the first day of school, I laugh. “You are, but I can show you some easy ways to tame it.”
“I’d appreciate that,” Kane responds, his gratitude evident in his voice.
“Hailey’s hair is a lot like mine. While it’s fine, it has a lot of waves to it. I can definitely help,” I assure him.
“It's times like these when I realize Hailey is missing out on a mother's love.”
“I think you’re doing a great job.” I chew my lip for a second before asking what’s on the tip of my tongue. “ What if Amanda comes back and wants a second chance? Would you take her back?”
He frowns and shakes his head. “Not for me. I’m a once burned, twice shy guy. But if she came back for Hailey and genuinely wanted to make things right for our daughter, I’d be open to having her around. Everyone deserves a second chance, but she’ll never return to stay. She bounces in and out when it’s convenient for her.”
I want to ask if that bouncing in and out includes his bed. I can’t imagine not wanting that as I stare at this man before me. I’ve only known him for a few days, and he’s got me hugging him on a whim and staring at his lips like they were the only thing in focus in a blurry world. It’s ridiculous how quickly he’s woven himself into the fabric of my thoughts, each thread tingling with anticipation whenever he’s nearby. And yet, here I am, toeing the line between curiosity and restraint, wondering if the same magnetic pull is tugging on him.
“My turn.”
My heart beats double time as I wonder what he’ll ask. Will they be questions I’ll want to answer? As I think about it, there isn’t anything I’m hiding. Just things I’m working out in my head, like the possibility of my father being here.
“What do you want to know?”
“Same thing. What about your husband? If he came back, would you give him a second chance?”
As I hesitate, considering his question, I catch a subtle shift in his expression. There's a look of something in his eyes—perhaps curiosity, or a hint of something more. It's a momentary glimpse into his thoughts, leaving me wondering if his interest in my answer extends beyond mere curiosity.
I think about that for about five seconds. “No, he was all wrong for me. I’m a forever person, and he was a for-now kind of man. Besides, he’s remarried and has twin boys. He’s got everything he wants and needs.”
Saying it out loud is like ripping off a bandage. It still stings, but there's a strange sense of relief too. Maybe it’s acceptance, or maybe it’s just realizing that I’m better off without someone who couldn't see my worth. I deserve more than someone who’s only in it for the moment.
Thinking about his new life, a pang of something—regret, maybe?—surfaces. But it's not for losing him. It's for the time I wasted trying to fit into a life that was never meant for me.
“He was an idiot,” Kane states bluntly.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because he left you.” Kane’s gaze is unwavering as he meets my eyes.
Insecurity creeps in, and I say, “I’m no great catch.”
“As an expert on great catches, I’d say you’re wrong,” he insists, sending a flutter through my chest.
“Who am I to correct an expert?” I say with a nervous chuckle, taking another sip of wine to mask the rush of emotions coursing through me.
“Exactly,” he agrees, his expression unreadable as he turns away, leaving me to ponder the significance of his words. He rolls his glass in his palms, the movement so effortless it mesmerizes me. And then I notice how big his hands are, how they dwarf the delicate wine glass, making it seem almost fragile in his grasp. That’s how I felt when he hugged me—delicate, fragile, and cherished.
“Before I head to bed,” Kane continues, interrupting my thoughts, “I want to thank you for all you’ve done since your arrival.”
“It’s been my pleasure. It’s nice to be needed.”
“We definitely need you.” His gaze lingers on me in a way that seems like he’s peering straight into my soul. “What did you think when you arrived? Was it less than what you expected?”
“Less? Oh, heavens, no. It was more than I could have hoped for.” From the moment I arrived, I had a purpose, and each day brings new moments of connection and understanding. In Kane's company, I find myself more at ease than I’ve been in a long time, as if I've finally found a place where I belong.
“We are a bit much here. I think the term is extra.”
“Speaking of extra, should I be concerned about Old Grizzletoe?”
“No more than you should be concerned about other wild beasts. I bet the fire drew his attention, and he came to check things out. If you run into him, make a lot of noise, and try to make yourself look as big as possible.” He waves his arms through the air. “Does having him around scare you?”
“Scare?” I imagine myself jumping up and down, waving my hands in the air.
Kane nods, his eyes never leaving mine, as if he already knows the answer but wants to hear it from me .
I take a deep breath, gathering my courage before admitting, “Yes, I’m scared, especially when the kids are with me. But I learned early on that fear is temporary, but regret lives with you forever. And I don’t want to regret anything, so I’ll continue to walk through the woods, gather herbs, look for rocks, and explore, but I’ll be more aware while I’m doing it.”
“I'd rather not have any regrets either.” Kane's gaze seems to linger on my lips. He leans in, and for a moment, I'm certain he's about to kiss me.
Do I want that? My brain screams yes! But just as I'm about to meet him halfway, he pulls back, stands, and stretches his arms out with a groan. I chastise myself. First for daring to want it, and second for entertaining the thought that someone like Kane could ever be interested in someone like me. He's made it clear he's been burned before, and I can't shake the feeling that he's guarding himself against getting hurt again. After all, why would a man like Kane risk anything when he could easily stay unencumbered to avoid the pain?
“I should get to sleep. Four in the morning comes early.” He walks to the kitchen to place his glass in the sink. “Help yourself to anything you need or want.” He stares at me again, and I can see some kind of debate in his eyes, and somewhere deep inside, I hope that he’ll come back and kiss me, but as soon as he looks away, he says, “Good night, Timber. Sweet dreams.”
After Kane leaves, I sit in his living room and finish my wine. I’m usually good at reading the signs, but I was way off tonight. He wasn’t staring at my lips because they looked plump and appetizing. I probably had wine dripping down my chin because I drool over this man whenever I find myself alone with him. That lean forward wasn’t the prelude to a kiss. It was merely forward momentum to get him to his feet so he could go to bed.
Silly me. I take my glass to the kitchen and wash up, so we aren’t faced with a mess in the morning. But as I rinse off the soap suds, a wave of relief floods through me. That almost kiss? Phew. Dodged a bullet there. Sure, it might have been nice in the moment, but let’s face it—it would’ve turned my life into a mess of complications. After all, he’s not just any guy. He’s the father of one of my students. And here I am, staying in his house. Yeah, it’s definitely not a good idea.
With a sigh, I mentally brace myself for bedtime rituals. Theresa’s toothpaste and toothbrush await—a reminder of her kindness. Pulling on another one of Eliza’s quirky T-shirts, I smirk at the slogan emblazoned across it: “solvem probler.” Well, ain’t that the truth? Could it be I’m conjuring problems where there are none, letting my imagination run wild? Tomorrow’s a fresh start, a chance to shake off the nonsense and tackle whatever comes my way. Bring it on.