Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
KANE
I pace the bedroom, thinking about the colossal mistake I nearly made.
“Unbelievable,” I grumble to the empty room. I was so close to kissing Timber I almost tasted the wine on her lips. Truth is, I wasn’t that close, but I imagined it. I stared at those lips for seconds—long enough to know she has a freckle above the upper, and when she purses them, they are shaped like a heart.
Discussing regrets got me pondering—would kissing her have been one more for the list? Pulling back made sense. “What was I thinking?” She’s Hailey’s teacher, for crying out loud, and a guest in my house. “All I need is another one-night stand and, three months later, an unexpected visit telling me she’s pregnant.”
I freeze when I realize what I said. There would be no knock on the door because Timber can’t have kids. Watching her with Hailey, I know she’d make an excellent mother. She’s completely in tune with those around her and does sweet things Amanda would never consider, like holding back when the conversation isn’t for Hailey’s ears or ensuring Hailey is included by asking her questions. She knows when to listen and when to steer a kid right.
Her ex is blind to so many things. The way I see it, you don’t need to father a kid to leave your mark. It’s like tracking a path in the woods. It’s the staying, the walking through it day by day, that matters. When I called him an idiot, I’m not just spitting words against the wind. If she was mine, I’d stick it out. Fertility be damned.
Those vows state things like sickness and health and richer or poorer. I’ve never seen or heard vows that say, I’ll stay until you can’t give me kids. Marriage is a partnership where sacrifice is a given, but unconditional love is as well. They could have adopted. Hell, they could have raised mini goats and called them family. My house is big enough for many children, but I’m content to have Hailey. I don’t need a half-dozen children to make me a man. The love of a good woman does that on its own.
My dad’s leaving makes sense. It's sad, yeah, but I get it. The place he calls home reminds him of her every single day. And without her, it just isn't home anymore. I imagine leaving is his way of looking for some peace. I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same.
I had a long talk with my mother before she passed. She worried I’d never know the kind of love she and my father shared. I told her not to worry because I have Dad, Hailey, and my siblings. “It’s not the same thing,” she said. She explained that Hailey would grow up and build her own life. My brothers would eventually marry. Eliza had a family with Matt. Two days before she died, she held my hand and made me vow to let my guard down and let someone in.
“You can’t give up on love because of Amanda. Open up to people and let them in if you want them to stay,” she said. It's only been a few months. I'm not there yet, but I'm trying. Changes of that magnitude don't happen fast.
I consider Timber. Would I want her to stay? Yes. She’s not what I’m used to, but she may be exactly what I need. She’s the type of woman I could fall hard for, but I'd rather not start something I can’t continue, and I don’t want to get to the end of summer and force her to decide between me and that new job that pays more. But boy, do I want to kiss her.
Thinking about Dad, I wonder about love, the kind that knots two lives so tight it's near impossible to tell where one starts and the other ends. Is it wise to lean on someone like that, to need them so much? But then again, isn't that the point of it all? To risk the fall for the chance to fly? Dad did, and even if he lost his balance when she was gone, for a while, he soared higher than anyone I've known.
Questions swirl as I shed the day’s clothes and climb into bed. Would she have come closer if I hadn’t stepped back? And that look she gave me. Was it just a trick of the light, or did she want that kiss as much as I did?
I’m not usually one to dwell on what could have been. It’s not like when Sarah Blakely said yes to being my date at that dance and then left with someone else because he had a better ATV. That’s kids’ stuff.
I wonder if that near-kiss was a narrow escape or a missed opportunity. Mom’s advice seems more real than ever, but a trickle of fear seeps into my heart. It’s like waiting for a bite on a still morning. You’ve got the line out, the bait set, but there’s no telling when the fish will strike or if they will at all. You just need to be patient and keep your line in the water. And when you get that nibble, will the fish be there, or will they steal the bait and move on to another line?