Chapter 15
Quinn
Rude or not, we raided the buffet and kept to ourselves, giving Cayden space. After we ate, I was the first one to yawn.
Cayden led us to his bedroom, only to falter at the door. “I don’t want to be here.”
I gently pushed the door open and sucked in a breath. Orange and red smothered every surface. A blazing sun carved into the ceiling cradled a cauldron bubbling with someone else’s dark-green magic. Centered on the far wall sat a small altar to the Prophet.
“Then we’ll find somewhere else.” Rowan closed the door I’d opened and took the lead.
It didn’t take us long to find our way back to the little school Xan had taken over—a small classroom at the end of a hall called to us. We tore down the decorations praising the Prophet and stacked up the little desks onto one side.
I lacked a bedroll, like everyone else, but it didn’t matter. Soon, I was on soft padding between Cayden and Rowan, runes glowing faintly on the walls. I’d just discovered Rowan’s arm made a decent pillow when the door opened, and baby-blue light replaced Cayden’s green in the cauldrons.
Cayden hadn’t lain down yet, but Rowan and I bolted upright. Since the collar, Xan hadn’t so much as looked at me. Forgotten already. Yes, he’d inherited a cult, but it fit his pattern: if I wasn’t convenient, I wasn’t worth it.
Xan made eye contact with me. Whatever he saw in my gaze made him hesitate. Ezra did not and pushed his lover forward.
“Is it okay if we sleep here as well?” Xan asked.
I peered at him. “Why do you want to sleep here?”
“Because you’re here,” Xan answered.
It was a simple, clean answer that told me nothing. I took a deep breath. Today had been emotional and raw. I didn’t want to make more excuses for Xan, but we were all tired and did the best we could. His best just didn’t involve me—at all.
“Yeah. You can sleep here. I’m just surprised.” I squirmed, and Rowan put a hand on my hip to calm me.
“Why are you surprised?” Xan pulled an identical roll of bedding out of his pocket-void and made a spot above my head. “I’ve made my intentions clear.”
“Have you sent her an Intention?” Rowan asked.
Xan blushed. “That’s not what I meant. We’ve talked.”
“We did,” I said carefully. “But what we talked about and what’s happening don’t match up.”
Ezra narrowed his eyes at me. “Xan was busy. We made sure you were not alone. Do you need four men around you at all times?”
I spluttered, heat crawling up my neck and feeling like a greedy bitch. The old Quinn wanted to duck her head, to shrink and appease. But I wasn’t her anymore. I’d given these two the benefit of the doubt, and Ezra’s response to my tiptoeing was to attack me.
Nope.
Rage burst through me; every man who’d ever made me small funneled into this moment.
“You know, Ezra, I don’t actually.” I smiled sweetly. “That’s an excellent point. I really don’t.” I didn’t let my sickeningly sweet facade fall. “Find somewhere else to sleep.”
Ezra smirked, as if my words were a challenge, and took off his shirt.
After being momentarily distracted by abs, I smiled harder, every muscle in my face aching, and pointed at the door. “Get the fuck out. Now.”
Ezra’s smirk fell. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I finally let my expression match my frustration and hurt.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I leaned against Rowan like he was a wall.
“I do need four men, or six, or ten. I need as many men as I need.” My castle filled with hot mages filled my mind, and I giggled.
I sincerely doubted it sounded sane. “The point is, you don’t get to tell me. And you don’t get to judge me for it.”
Xan put out his hand. “It’s been an emotionally charged day.”
“Xan, shut up,” I snapped.
Xan’s eyebrows shot to his forehead. I’d literally kill to have Everly witness this, but she took an offered bed rather than sleep on the floor.
“You didn’t say it, Xan, Ezra did.” I finally looked away from Ezra. “I’m not telling you to leave. I’m telling Ezra. You two are not the same person.”
I looked back at Ezra, daring him to defend himself. Instead, he inclined his head. “I will sleep in the hall.” He picked up his stuff and exited.
I shook, adrenaline flooding like I’d just gone twelve rounds. I’d stood up for myself and instantly second-guessed it. Had Ezra been judging me? Flirting? Setting up something I wasn’t ready for? My brain spiraled, but none of it mattered. I wasn’t backing down.
I pushed off Rowan to stand on my own two feet.
Xan slid to my free side and cupped my cheek. “Quinn.”
Heat scorched my cheeks. “Were you reading my mind?”
Xan shook his head. “I don’t do that without permission, though, as your blush is burning my hand, I badly wish I had.” He smiled softly while Rowan and Cayden busied themselves, unnecessarily straightening our makeshift bed.
“You’re right. I promised you more and then didn’t deliver.
” Xan released my cheek. “I left you with people I trusted, and my focus turned to other problems. Sometimes all I do is stop the bleeding. You weren’t in crisis anymore, so I shifted my focus.
I thought of you often, but I didn’t act.
” He placed his hand on my shoulder, and when I didn’t pull away, he ran it down until the heat of his palm pressed into the small of my back. “There’s no excuse.”
The old Quinn wanted to forgive him. I crushed her down. Love had many languages, but if Xan and I couldn’t speak the same one, we were doomed.
Xan took a deep breath and met my gaze again. The world swam in his baby blues. “May I lay here tonight, if not as your lover, then as a friend who had a really hard day?”
“Understatement,” Cayden mumbled. “There are no words that can describe today.”
The tight knot in my chest finally loosened. New Quinn mingled with the old. “Yes. Stay. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”
“There is nothing to be sorry for.” Xan put a single finger over my mouth.
“If I were in your place, I might have thought the same. I will do better.” He looked at the door.
“I don’t know where Ezra was going with his question, but he should have thought before he opened his mouth. He can cool his heels in the hall.”
The longing on Xan’s face made me bite my lip.
“Will you be okay?” I asked.
Xan looked away from the door and let out an odd chuckle. “I’ll survive. Let’s get some sleep.”
By morning, Xan was gone. Ezra too. A half-cooled mug of coffee sat above my head with a scrawl in plum purple: We will do better.
I pursed my lips and shook the glowing square to release the magic. Only time would tell. I split the coffee with my friends, and the emotional rollercoaster from the day before continued.
Some Lawsons wanted to stay, others to leave.
Two chose to follow their Prophet into death.
I didn’t seek out the details, but it made me hug Cayden close.
He was better today than he’d been yesterday.
He refused his family’s requests for scripture.
Instead, he offered them stories of the outside world.
Midday, a squad of Abernathy’s arrived with Jamie at their head and Lark in their midst. Rowan, who’d spent most of the morning going through the Prophet’s office, pulled Cayden to their side. While Cayden’s people made a decision, ours began stripping the compound for resources.
To me, it felt wrong, but even if no one came with us, within days, another family would overrun the compound and do the same. The future was literally a dog-eat-dog world. At least if Cayden’s family joined us, we could give them some of their resources back.
Alone for the first time, I wandered into a warm, dark room and collapsed onto a chair. A head popped up from a dark leather couch facing a tan-green glowing heat cone.
I screeched in surprise.
Instantly, Ezra burst from my shadow, hand on his sword. I caught his thigh before he could draw. His arm anchored me, butterflies erupting as my magic surged warm and alive again.
The woman let out a tittering laugh, and tan-green light spilled out of the cauldrons, fully lighting the room. The only not-Lawson, Lawson from yesterday, was hard to miss.
“Nova’s my name,” Nova introduced herself. “You’re Quinn, and the man’s Ezra.”
I inclined my head.
She sat up straighter, and a second woman’s head popped up. A feminine Cayden with sunken cheeks and sleepless eyes looked out at me from under a messy mop of mostly braided green hair.
I recognized her immediately: Cayden’s sister, Aludena, the one who’d had their child.
“I’m sorry to have intruded; I thought the room was empty.” I stood.
Nova pointed. “Stay.”
The sofa groaned as phantom hands appeared, spinning it like a toy. A matching love seat got similar treatment, and one of the hands gestured for us to sit.
“Uh.” I blinked at the hands. “Thanks.”
The hand gave a little salute and winked out of existence.
I finally looked back at the pair on the couch, only to find Nova coaxing Aludena out from a pillow she’d been attempting to hide behind. At my attention, she finally dropped it and pulled her shoulders back.
Ezra loomed, hand still near his sword. I yanked his clothes, pulling him down. He sat smoothly and claimed my hip with a possessive hand. My face warmed, but I didn’t move his hand away. Words had never been our strong suit.
Nova raised both her eyebrows. “I thought you were with Cayden?”
“Um.” I squirmed. “I’m with… a lot of guys, and somehow no one at the same time.”
Nova snorted, and Aludena nodded as if it was the first thing anyone said that made sense.
“I mean, they’re not like on a schedule. I don’t have a goal…” I wished I could sink into the floor. “I’m… dating around. Urgh not better. Not really dating either; it’s complicated.”
Nova laughed again, and I swear, even Ezra chuckled.
“Have they given you Intentions?” Nova asked.
I narrowed my eyes. “I thought the Lawsons didn’t use Intentions.”
Nova grinned. “They don’t. But I was a Westwater before the body snatchers took me and dragged me here.”