Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Lily
While we had breakfast in bed, Jaxon explained in more detail why his place was almost empty, except for his bedroom furniture and a spare room packed with gym equipment.
He and his brother Jameson had been renting the three-bedroom home for the last seven years, and when it came to furnishing the place, they split the rooms and had agreed that whoever bought an item would take it with them if and when they moved out.
Turns out, the Fisher twins were still close with their childhood best friend, Boden, one of the guys I’d also grown up with, and he had taken up buying fixer-uppers and flipping them in his downtime from working at the police station.
For him, what started as a one-off long-term rental agreement with an out-of-towner in a property he decided not to sell turned into an epic love story: Boden fell in love with said renter, Lakelyn, proposed, and moved her into his place.
Since Jaxon planned to move out within the next six months, Jameson jumped at the chance and bought Lakelyn’s former home from Boden, as he had never really wanted to be a landlord.
As a result, Jaxon didn’t see the point in wasting time re-furnishing the main living space, as it was drastically different from the one in his future abode.
I knew Jameson had moved out since Arizona had mentioned it in passing before the two of them got together, but what I didn’t know, because she didn’t volunteer the information and I didn’t ask, was what Jaxon’s plans had been.
As he continued to fill me in, I could tell he was choosing his words carefully, fully cognizant of the fact that he’d gone and done what we had once dreamed of doing one day together before I abruptly left.
Build a forever home on the lake.
The same lake we used to sneak off to when we were teenagers to be alone.
The same lake where we shared our first kiss.
As small and beautiful as Sutton River was, there was something almost sacred about being out on the lake.
The tranquility, the privacy, the stillness that hung in the air like a secret, made it feel like another world.
It wasn’t just serene; it was something more profound.
It was the kind of life we used to talk about when the nights were too hot to sleep, and the future felt like a blank page just waiting to be written with our story.
All of it was bittersweet because he’d gone and done it on his own.
Staring down at my phone, I reread the same text message from my landlord until the words began to blur.
I should have felt like I could finally exhale.
The cloud of panic that drove me here in the first place had passed, but truth be told, my nerves were already frayed beyond repair.
The uncertainty, the memories, the sense that my world was shifting beneath my feet, and I had no control—it was all too much.
I tried to focus on my breathing, but the relief didn’t quite settle into any real sense of calm.
While I could easily blame the pure exhaustion ravaging my bones after a grueling three days of twelve-hour shifts at the hospital, it was the guilt I felt eating me alive.
I didn’t deserve an iota of the kindness Jaxon had shown me since he’d laid eyes on me.
I never imagined I’d be hightailing it back here on New Year’s Eve of all nights. But then again, I certainly didn’t expect to come home from work and find my apartment door wide open either.
“Lily.” Jaxon’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. “You okay?”
“Yes,” I shifted on the edge of the bed and turned to face him. “Apparently the shower in my place has been leaking, and it’s caused damage to the condo below, so my landlord needed access to my place last night. That was why—” My voice faltered and fell quiet.
“You’re more than welcome to stay here.”
“Jaxon.”
“Lily,” he deadpanned.
“Arizona offered me her place.”
“No need. You’re staying here.”
“You know that’s not realistic.”
Emotions washed over him, and I felt his pain from across the bedroom. Mirroring my own internal struggle at the thought of putting space between us physically hurt.
Jaxon and I always had a unique bond, like our souls knew we were destined to be together long before we were old enough to understand the full scope.
I watched as his lips parted with a comeback on the cusp before he turned and abruptly left.
My heart had longed for only one person, and when I chose to leave with my parents all those years ago, I left broken and hadn’t felt whole since. I tried moving on, but I always held back a part of myself because I never wanted my memories to fade.
Something I suspected my ex, Aiden, knew as well.
“So you’re a nurse?” Jaxon broke the awkwardness as we sat on the edge of the deck in his backyard.
“I am.”
“How long?”
“Only a few years. School took four, and then there was . . .” I paused, debating how much to share, although I was confident Jaxon had noticed the slight hitch in my step.
“I was in a car accident a while back. My leg got pinned under the dashboard, and I fractured the top of my tibia. Thankfully, it was a clean break, but part of my joint got crushed. Rehab took months.”
“Does this mean you’ve got a bionic leg and shit with a plate and rod?”
I smirked and gave the upper part of my shinbone a tap. “Well, when you put it like that, yeah, kind of. Titanium upgrade, but no rod.”
He chuckled and then nodded toward me. “I figured something was up. Other than those first few steps when you stand, you hide it well.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been watching me walk?”
“Maybe a little,” he said with a sly grin. “Occupational hazard. It’s my job to notice details. Does it bother you?”
“You watching me or the leg?”
“Definitely the leg . . . How else would I justify staring?”
“Only when it’s cold. Thankfully, that’s not really a problem here, like it was where I lived before, but there’s still some lingering pain and stiffness.
Nothing I can’t manage. I stay active, walk at least ten thousand steps a day, even when I’m not working, and jog when I’m feeling strong enough. It helps minimize the discomfort.”
“There’s a treadmill in the spare room, feel free to use it while you’re here.”
“Thank you for your generosity, Jaxon. I know I don’t deserve it, not especially after I—”
Jaxon stood abruptly and took my hand, gently pulling me to my feet. His fingers slipped into my hair, gliding down the back of my head until they rested at the nape of my neck. His thumbs brushed softly over my cheeks as he looked at me with so much empathy in his eyes.
I closed my eyes to hide the pain burning behind my eyelids, but his touch was so tender and grounding that it made it hard to breathe. The intimacy of our closeness, the familiarity—it was all-encompassing.
I’d never wanted him to kiss me more than at that moment. I wanted to grab on to the past and never let go again. I knew it would have felt like coming home if he kissed me, but there was also an air of uncertainty plaguing me.
I was all up inside my head in a heartbeat.
What if he only loved the old version of me, and not the one still healing? Because the truth was, guilt and grief had weighed me down over time until I was left hollow and broken, and Jaxon deserved so much more than I could give.
“Come, we’re going to take a ride.”
“Can’t we just take your car?” I asked, swallowing down my nerves.
“We could but—”
“Let me guess,” I said with a tilt of my head, hoping the sarcasm in my tone would hide how fast my heart was racing out of fear. “You want me holding on to you for dear life.”
“How’d you know?” He smirked.
“Just a wild hunch.”
“Have you ever ridden on one before?” he asked, bouncing his eyes between me and the motorcycle.
“No.”
“So, I’m your first?”
If only he were my first everything, like we planned.
“Yes,” I replied nervously.
“Don’t worry, Lils, I’d never let anything happen to you. You’re safe with me always.”
He handed me his leather jacket to put on over the long-sleeved shirt I’d borrowed from Arizona, paired with black leggings she’d brought me in a bag of miscellaneous clothing that morning, and reached for a spare helmet on the shelf in his garage.
I hated to think who might’ve worn this before me, but I dismissed that negative thinking since I had no right to be jealous.
“Just wrap your arms around my waist, keep your feet on the foot pegs, and lean with the motorcycle—not against it—through the turns. Think you can do that for me?”
I nodded, before Jaxon offered me his hand for support as I climbed onto the back of the Ducati. The seat was tiny compared to his, and equally terrifying, but a wicked dose of adrenaline surged through me when the engine rumbled to life.
“Hold on.” The helmet muffled Jaxon’s voice when he called over his shoulder, but there was no missing the pleasure in his tone that let me know he was going to love every second of our ride together.
I pressed my chest into his back and wrapped my arms firmly around his waist, with my palms flat against the warmth of his torso, and squeezed his thighs with my knees.
The vibrations from the bike ran up through my legs, through my chest, settling deep in my throat like a second heartbeat.
Once Jaxon was satisfied with my hold, he eased off the clutch, twisted the throttle, and the Ducati launched forward with a deep, hungry roar beneath us.
It wasn’t long before we were outside the little community of homes, and the forested side roads blurred past us in streaks of vivid green, while the wind teased strands of hair against the back of my neck.
I realized pretty soon where he was taking me, and I couldn’t help but smile behind the face shield of the helmet.
I made a conscious decision to be present and sank deeper into the warmth of his back, while the steady rhythm of the engine drowned out my worries.