Chapter 5 #2
Jaxon had always been my protector, my rock, my constant, and sitting behind him now, feeling wild and weightless while he stayed in complete control, was its own kind of freedom.
It was liberating and thrilling in its own unique way, especially when he hit long stretches of open road.
That’s when one of his hands would leave the handlebars and settle on my knee.
With his fingers splaying gently over the fabric of my leggings, he traced slow, deliberate circles over the spot where my scar was, massaging it like a silent promise, reminding me I was still whole, even with the cracks.
He made me forget everything but the here and now.
Though when Jaxon veered off the main road and onto a narrow lane, the crunching of gravel replaced the quiet hiss of the tires on pavement, and a lump of nervousness began to form in my throat.
The property I remembered was barely recognizable now. Where once stood a cluster of old, dilapidated trees surrounding a tiny, abandoned cottage, had since been transformed into a stunning two-story home with a cute wraparound veranda.
Jaxon cut the engine and helped me off the Ducati.
It was at that moment when my eyes landed on the tree beside where he had parked, and our initials, which we had carved back when we were teenagers, were still etched in the weathered bark.
I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my lips as I stepped around him and ran my fingertips over the edges.
“Is it okay that I brought you here?” Jaxon asked.
I whirled around and took off my helmet so he could witness just how happy it made me, even though it also made me vulnerable.
“I’ve always loved it here. It was our special place, and now . . .” I looked over my shoulder at the private retreat he’d created. “And now it’s even more magical.”
He took my helmet and placed it on the seat.
“I need to check on something inside. Did you want to come with me?”
I wanted to say yes, but honestly, I knew there was only so much one could handle in a day, and going inside that house might be my tipping point. Less than twenty-four hours ago, I was in an entirely different world—one a lifetime away from this one.
“I’d actually like to go sit on the dock if that’s okay?”
A flicker of disappointment flashed across his expression before he quickly masked it. “Of course.”
I made my way down the embankment toward the dock, which was complete with a beautiful, stained wood pergola and two boat slips. It was a far cry from the prior one with metal rods and rickety floorboards.
I sat cross-legged on the edge of the dock and looked down at the water.
The version of my reflection staring back at me was a jolt to my system.
Gone was the wide-eyed teenager who once thought love alone could anchor her world.
The girl who used to sit here with the boy she loved with every ounce of her being, laughing on summer nights, sharing stolen moments, oblivious to how fragile everything in life truly was.
Back then, my home life had become an unpredictable guessing game.
One where I was never sure which version of my dad would be waiting for me on the other side of the front door when I walked inside.
It hadn’t always been that way; my parents had been loving and happy my entire life until something changed my senior year of high school.
They began fighting as if it were a second language whenever they thought I wasn’t home.
Otherwise, my mom was quiet. I counted the days until I moved away for nursing school and could breathe in a place that felt like peace with the one person who kept me grounded: Jaxon.
He was more than my boyfriend; he was the one my soul was drawn to.
People joked it was young love, but I knew the connection we shared was different. We made promises under the stars that nothing would ever come between us.
That our love would be untouchable.
We had plans.
And then I willingly destroyed us.
Little did I know when I climbed back through the window and into my bedroom that fateful morning, the same room where I’d left my graduation dress hanging from the trim around my closet, that I was saying goodbye to the owner of my heart.
If I had, I never would have left his house or made the promises that I had.
I would have suggested we run away together.
I’d been entirely too in my own bubble and giddy knowing Jaxon and I were finally going to give ourselves to each other—fully and completely—to notice anything was amiss.
He wanted our first time to be special and memorable.
I didn’t need the fuss; I just wanted him, but he had a plan, and who was I to deny him anything?
The moment my feet touched the carpeted floor of my bedroom, my world flipped upside down. I had zero clue that that moment would mark the end of one life and the beginning of another, erasing my entire existence in the blink of an eye.
Lies had shaped everything I thought I knew, and my world fell apart.
Leaving Sutton River behind still felt like yesterday; the wound was too fresh and very real as the memory had haunted me every day since. It shattered me in more ways than one.
I still couldn’t comprehend how I went through with it—leaving.
It was an impossible situation, and in the end, I chose to go with my parents out of my undying love for Jaxon. The kind of love that meant letting go when every part of you desperately wanted to hold on.
In the years that followed, I moved through life like a dark shadow of the person I once was, going through the motions, breathing on autopilot, just trying to make it through each day without succumbing to my grief.
I was an empty shell carrying memories I couldn’t bear to let go of and pain I didn’t know how to heal.
The only reprieve that came from all the mental anguish I carried was when I graduated from nursing school.
While it was a quiet victory, it was equally meaningful.
I held the memory of Jaxon close in my heart, and despite everything, I chose to believe he would’ve been proud that I’d followed through and built something from the pieces I had left.
But that moment of pride was short-lived.
Not long after, a car accident ripped away what remained of my world and sent me into months of rehab.
I tried therapy to help with my grief, but the emotional exhaustion and feeling physically broken eventually became too much.
That was when I made another, almost crippling mistake.
I let someone into my life who saw my fragility not as something to care for, but as something to use against me.
The pain I carried, combined with the sudden comfort of a shoulder to lean on, kept me from noticing the warning signs.
I was too tired to question their intentions.
My ex-boyfriend, Aiden, had not only embarrassed and humiliated me, but he’d left me paranoid of my surroundings.
The feeling of having to walk through the rest of your life with your head down was isolating.
Not only was I not comfortable in my own skin, but it was often debilitating to be out in public.
Constantly feeling anxious, waiting for the other shoe to drop, was like a silent countdown looming over me.
A fragile reminder that the inevitable was near.
While I had felt safe with Jaxon, that didn’t mean I could let my guard down.
Because of that, I knew I had to turn down his offer to let me stay with him until my condo was ready for me to move back into.
I just hoped he’d understand because the last thing I wanted to do was bring my baggage to his doorstep.