Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Jaxon
The memory of Lily’s panic attack, her trembling body, and tear-streaked face, kept replaying in my mind ever since she left for work.
My plan for the next twelve hours had been: drive back home, hit the gym, and get some work done on the lake house, all before heading back to her place to make her a home-cooked dinner. But my head was a scattered mess, and my subconscious had other plans.
The desire to head into the station was fierce. My instincts as a cop were to pull my resources and find Lily’s ex, but it felt wrong. I wanted her to trust me, open up, bear the ugliness of her scars, and let me shoulder her pain. Being a fixer was in my DNA, and patience wasn’t my strong suit.
That was why I drove to my parents’ place instead. I hoped that a conversation with them, and all their infinite wisdom, would help settle my worries about the unknown and make everything feel less daunting.
“Jaxon, this is a surprise.” I found my mom standing at the kitchen sink, cleaning the dishes when I walked in.
“I thought you were in Rockwood with Lily, who, by the way, you still haven’t brought over for—” She stopped mid-sentence when she glanced up at me a second time, causing her words to die on her lips.
She quickly turned the water off and reached for a dishtowel, drying her hands as she stepped around the counter. “Jaxon, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
“Hey, Mom.”
She wrapped her arms around my back, pressing her cheek over the center of my heart.
My mom always said I gave the best hugs as I towered over her, but the truth was, it was she who had the power to say so much with the simple gesture.
Whether it was a hello hug, a spontaneous ‘just because,’ ‘I’m proud of you,’ or an until-next-time hug, each one was meaningful, full of pride, purpose, and an abundance of love.
But my favorite were her comforting ones.
She always knew what I needed from a single look, often leaving me speechless.
My mom was the rock of our family, giving her all to raising three rambunctious boys who kept her on her toes more than I’d like to admit while juggling my dad’s schedule at the firehouse.
I wasn’t a mama’s boy, per se; she raised us boys to be critical thinkers who were resilient, decisive, and confident. But I wasn’t ashamed to admit when I needed a hug from my mom. She always had the power to help settle the chaos in my head when my mind was spiraling.
“Come sit.” She smiled up at me. “Can I make you a coffee?”
“Nah, I’m—” I was far from good. “Actually, yes. Thank you.” It was that or a nappetizer later—a nap before the main event. “Where’s Dad?”
“Over at Earl’s.” The town butcher. “He was craving steak for dinner.”
I stared absentmindedly out the large floor-to-ceiling patio sliders from the breakfast nook while my mom worked the coffee machine until she placed a tray with two filled mugs and a plate of fresh blueberry scones on the table a few minutes later.
“Mind if we sit out back?” I asked.
“Of course not. Lead the way.”
The back deck at my parents’ house had always been one of my favorite places; the view of lush greenery and the hum of nature all around was serene.
I collapsed my drained body onto the fabric cushions on one of the patio chairs and was admittedly lost in thought when my mom reached across the little table that separated us and gently squeezed my hand.
“I don’t even know where to start, Mom. My head is as clear as mud right now,” I admitted, feeling overwhelmed by the uncertainty swirling inside me.
“You know I’d say start at the beginning, but honestly, just let it all out. Unfiltered. Say what’s on your mind, and I’ll piece it together.”
“I’m angry. I’m grateful. I’m worried. I’m . . . I’m a mess.” I sat forward with my elbows digging into my knees and rubbed my temples.
“You’re not a mess, Jaxon. The love of your life reappeared just as quickly as she had vanished all those years ago. You’re well within your rights to feel a mass of emotions.” She rubbed my back. “Why don’t you start by telling me why you’re angry so we can release that energy?”
I sighed heavily. The rage I felt toward Lily’s parents, particularly her father, hadn’t fully hit me until earlier that morning when Lily was having her panic attack. His initial actions set off a chain of reactions that eventually led her into the path of another man who hurt her.
Lily didn’t offer much other than her ex had broken her faith and trust in humanity. It was an odd statement, one I didn’t understand the deeper meaning of, and that knowledge undid me.
“Lily’s dad, he—”
My mom sat silently while I explained what Lily had told me about the events in London, moving here under the false pretenses of change, the way he used carefully staged photos and twisted threats to manipulate her into thinking my life was in danger if she didn’t cooperate and leave town.
It was cruel and calculated.
It had to be the worst feeling: being betrayed by a parent.
“I just don’t understand how? Why?” I shook my head.
“And the unfortunate reality is, you might never get those answers. It sounds like there’s a lot of moving parts that you could unpack and overanalyze until your final breath.
But do you really want to waste your energy on the negativity of the past that you can’t control, or do you want to move forward on a path that is within your reach and full of light, love, and promise? ”
“Figuring out people’s whys is part of my job. It’s what I do. I create a profile, analyze all the evidence and variables in an effort to get to the root of why people behave the way they do.”
“I totally get that, and that’s what makes you great at your job. You see things others often don’t. You make connections and put the pieces together, but, sweetheart, this isn’t your job. Lily’s dad isn’t a person of interest in any of your cases.”
“But how do I let go of this anger? I don’t want to dump any of this on Lily; she’s been through so much. She’s still hurting.”
“You do what you’re doing right now. You don’t bottle it up or ignore it; you talk about it.
You know I always like to find the positives and focus on the good, like realizing that without the past, you both wouldn’t be where you are now.
But I also know the importance of having your voice heard.
Having your feelings and thoughts validated.
Life isn’t easy, and sometimes we need to vent without the other person trying to fix our problems, and that’s okay too. ”
“That’s how I felt this morning.”
“What happened?”
“I helped Lily get all settled back into her condo yesterday, but no matter how convincing her smile appeared, I could tell she was on edge . . . I guess I hoped that by now she’d feel safe enough with me to open herself up completely.”
“From what you’ve told me, Lily’s been through a lot. You can’t expect her to word vomit every encounter or thing that’s happened in her life overnight.”
“I don’t. It’s just . . .”
“You are your father’s son through and through; it’s in your nature to want to fix things for others. While it isn’t always your job, I could never fault either of you for it because it’s sweet how much you care.”
“I want to shoulder her pain so it doesn’t touch her, but I don’t know the full extent of everything, other than the few details she’s shared about an ex-boyfriend.”
“Not every person’s pain can be yours to bear, Jaxon. Have faith that Lily will open up when she’s ready. Until then, you need to be patient with her and continue being the supportive and compassionate son I raised you to be. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Anytime, you know I’m here for you always, no matter the situation or your age. I’ll always be your mom; that job doesn’t just stop because you’re an adult.”
“You’re the best.”
“Now, tell me about feeling grateful because I’m dying to hear all about my future daughter-in-law.”
I leaned back in the chair, with a grin stretched wide across my face as my heart pounded against my ribs with a steady rhythm.
My mom’s words, “future daughter-in-law,” hit me like a lightning bolt, awakening every corner of my mind as I pictured Lily walking down an aisle toward me in a white dress that made everything and everyone fade into the background.
Calling her mine.
Calling her my wife.
I knew early on, before any of it made sense, that Lily was my endgame, and when she disappeared, she didn’t just take a piece of my heart with her; she took the whole damn thing.
But somehow, like a divine miracle, she came back, and that dream of giving her my name flickered to life again like embers catching fire.
There were still obstacles ahead, tough conversations to be had, and things we had to face since being separated, but I also knew the connection that Lily and I shared was as rare as it was real, and that alone was worth fighting for every single time.