Chapter 10
JOSH
The cabin lights had dimmed. I sat across from her, peeking every few minutes to watch her sleep.
She muttered and it made my heart race. Not in a good way.
She moved a lot, trying to get comfortable.
Once she settled and drifted back to sleep, it wouldn’t be long before she wiggled and woke up all over again.
I thought she’d settled for good, but when I looked up, her eyes were open, and tears were pooling.
She stared into my soul. When she looked at me, it felt like she knew what was going on in my mind and it scared us both.
“Hey.” I turned toward her. “You can’t sleep?”
She leaned up and shook her head. She flopped back down.
“Can you sit with me?” Her voice was half muffled in the pillow.
I stood and slid down to the floor near her feet. Again, I held back from touching her. And she noticed.
“Bad dreams?” I rested an arm on the couch next to her leg.
“Bad memories.” She shuffled to her side. “But that’s not why I can’t sleep.” She rested her head on her hand. Her body shuddered and then she burst into tears.
“Hey, sweet Tinley.” I scooted forward so I was closer to her. “What’s wrong?”
“Ugh!” She groaned and buried her head in the pillow and continued to sob. Fuck it. I had to comfort her the only way I knew how. I laid my hand on her back. She stiffened but didn’t move away or push me away. I rubbed small circles on the center of her back. Her sobs quieted.
“What’s wrong, Tinley?” I whispered.
“I’m broken.” She sniffled.
“Oh, sweet Tinley.”
She groaned and pushed my arm away. Her tears continued. They racked her whole body.
“Tinley.” She couldn’t hear me over the tears. The flight attendant peeked her head out of her seat behind the kitchen. I waved her off, but she frowned at me.
“Tinley!” I used my Dom voice, and it worked better than expected. Tinley stopped crying and the flight attendant sat back in her seat out of view. She stared back at me with the most sorrow-filled expression on her face and those big brown eyes wanted me to fuck off and help her in equal measure.
“You are not broken.” I leaned in closer to her. “You are brave and beautiful, and I’m not going to let anyone, especially you, say different.”
She wiped at her face and flopped over onto her back.
“But—”
“Nope, use different words, but we are not using that one.”
She pulled the blanket over her head.
“Tinley.” I pulled on the blanket. “You don’t need to hide from me. You can tell me anything and you know what.”
“What?” Her words were muffled by the blanket.
“I’m still going to think you’re brave and beautiful.” I leaned closer and whispered, “I may even start calling you BB.”
“Ugh!” She flipped the blanket down to reveal her face. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
“You want me to be mean to you?” I stuffed a loose strand of hair back into her bun.
She shrugged.
“Sorry, that’s not going to happen.” I caressed her cheek with the back of my fingers. She leaned into it before stiffening and then the blanket went back up over her head.
“Tinley.” I tugged on the blanket. “While this blanket is very nice, I’d much rather see your pretty little face.”
She folded the blanket down.
“There’s my brave girl.”
“You know?” She narrowed her eyes.
“Know what?” I pulled the blanket out of her grasp. She rested her hands on her chest.
“You know what I am or was?” She pouted.
It was my turn to be confused.
“A little.” She whispered the words.
My heart raced and my chest tightened. I wasn’t shocked at her admission. I was thrilled, she trusted me enough to tell me.
“What do you mean was?”
She yanked at the blanket, but I had a firm hold on it.
“Well, obviously was.” She sighed. “Because I can’t be one anymore. That’s why I can’t sleep.”
I sat back and rubbed my face. She blinked a few times and tears pooled in her eyes.
“It took me a little while to accept being little and mostly because I was afraid my boyfriend wouldn’t like it, and I loved him.” She shifted on her side. “I loved him so much.”
“Oh, Tinley,”
“They took so much from me. They took Damon away from me and I’ll never get him back. But they also took my freedom, my body, my little away from me, too.”
“I’m so sorry you had to go through any of this.”
“The guy who sponsored us in the club, he knew the type of relationship we had. The people at the club knew all about us before we arrived. I figured it was normal. But thinking back on it now, it was all wrong. We were so na?ve.”
“The guy who sponsored you, was he there that night?”
“I never saw him, but I heard him a few days after Damon was killed. I was in a dark room, and I heard him and two other men talking about me. How they could use me?” Tinley motioned for me to come closer. “There is a big market for women who not just dress but also act like little girls.”
My stomach rolled.
Words escaped me. I felt inadequate to comfort her. I knew how hard it was for littles to be comfortable being their true self and to have it used against her to further dehumanize her made me sick.
She touched my face. I flinched.
She tucked her hand back under the blanket. The hurt in her eyes gutted me.
“Sweet Tinley. I’m sorry.” I touched her arm over the covers.
“Are you mad at me?” She blinked back tears.
“No, of course not.” I sighed. “I am mad, but not at you, baby. Never at you.”
She shifted to her side and her hand peeked out of the blanket.
Palms up. I laced my fingers with hers and an instant calm overtook me.
I inhaled and exhaled and felt grounded for the first time in days, maybe years.
I searched my brain for the words to offer her some hope.
I saw it in her, every ounce of her being trying to burrow her way out of the darkness into the ball of sunshine I imagined her being.
“It’s going to take time, Tinley.” I squeezed her hand.
My heart raced when she squeezed mine back.
I brought it to my lips and kissed the back of her hand, her skin so soft.
The sweet smell of the lotion my assistant gave her would be embedded in my brain and remind me of her.
If I never got any closer to her, this would be enough.
“Josh.” She blinked her eyes, trying to stay awake.
“Yeah, sweet girl.” I ran my thumb across her knuckles, and she shivered.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” I asked.
“For rescuing me.” Her smile made my heart ache in a good way.
“I didn’t rescue you.” I tilted my head to look her in the eyes. “You rescued yourself. That’s why you are the bravest woman I’ve ever met.”
“But you were there.”
“Fate put us in the right place at the right time.”
“Okay, but for every moment after that.” She leaned in. Her lips pressed against my cheek. “Thank you.”
I nodded, at a loss for words. She struggled to stay awake. Her breath slowed and sleep took her. I continued to hold her hand, her small fingers clinging to mine. The flight attendant peeked around the corner. I stood up.
“Is everything okay?” She picked up a glass from our dinner table. “Can I get you anything?”
“I’m fine. And she’s going to be okay.” I exhaled.
She patted my arm and went back to her seat.
My phone vibrated in my pocket.
I walked to the front of the plane. The caller ID stated Chandler, Randall, and Kyler were waiting on FaceTime.
I tapped the screen and slid into one of the front row recliners.
“Hey, guys.” I ran a hand through my hair.
I needed a haircut. No one spoke. We’d all grown up together.
We knew everything about each other, except for Randall.
We never knew what the hell he was doing, but I knew them and instantly knew something was wrong.
“Where’s Tinley?” Chandler sat in his apartment. Randall was in his place, too. Kyler, I assumed was in New Jersey still, not stalking Rayna.
“She’s asleep. Why? What happened?” I leaned forward.
“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t… ” Randall trailed off.
“J, man, it’s Tinley’s mother. Uhm.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “She died.”
I blinked.
“Yeah, she died about six months after Tinley was taken.” Randall tapped on his screen. My phone buzzed.
“Fuck.” Chandler blinked away tears. “That girl has been through so much.”
“It turns out she was looking for Tinley up until the day she died. She had even made a couple of trips to Amsterdam looking for her. She created a Facebook page for Tinley,” Randall continued.
“How did she die?” How was I going to tell Tinley?
“A heart attack.” Randall sent another text.
“I don’t think y’all should go to Philly.” Kyler leaned forward. “Agent Stanley spoke to Tinley’s aunt. He felt her behavior was odd.”
“What do you mean?” This was all too much at once.
“She freaked out and then started demanding to speak to Tinley,” Randall piped in. “Then went off on why no one told her Tinley was still alive.”
“We have someone at her house and like an hour after she got off the phone with Agent Stanley, people started arriving and she’d updated the Facebook page, although no one uses Facebook anymore. All the pictures of Tinley seemed outdated.”
“Chandler?” Kyler and I yelled.
“Right. Sorry.” He stood up. “She asked people to come by and help welcome her niece back.”
“I think the media got a hold of it, too.” Randall’s eyes scanned a screen back and forth. “Yeah, there was a lot of buzz when she left. It would be a big story when she returned.”
“I don’t want her walking into a circus when she’s so vulnerable.”
“You want us to fly out there?” Chandler sat back down and adjusted his chair. “We can run interference.”
“Why don’t you guys just go someplace else?” Kyler leaned in. “Go to Connecticut.”
Kyler’s family had had an estate in Connecticut for over a hundred years.
The old house remained, but their mother had built a new house on the property a couple of years before they died.
We only went there for holidays or when one of us needed to get away from the world.
It would be a great spot for Tinley to work through some things and get acclimated to the world again.
“Josh,” Tinley called out.
“Yeah, I’m here.”
She stood up, rubbing her eyes.
I turned back to the guys. “I’ll let you know what we decide.”
They all nodded, and I shut off the phone. Tinley walked up beside me and placed her hand on my shoulder. I blinked away tears before turning to her.
“What’s wrong?” Her lower lip trembled.
I should hold off; tell her we had a change in travel plans and wait until we get on the ground.
“Please, I can see it all over your face. Something’s wrong.”
“Tinley.” I pulled her to sit in the seat next to me. She sat and drew her knees up. She rested her cheek on her knees and hugged herself.
“Why are you crying?” she asked.
I wiped at my face. I held my hand out and she took it. I loved how much trust she had in me already. It was such a gift. My brave little girl. She had the most precious heart. It fucking killed me to know I was going to break it again.