Chapter 11
TINLEY
The air shifted. Before I fell asleep, Josh’s face was a shining light. His bright eyes were now dark and sorrowful. The tears in his eyes tore my heart in two. I hated seeing him hurt. I wasn’t an empath, but the hurt he felt, I felt it tenfold.
He took my hand and squeezed it.
“Just tell me.” I dropped my legs and sat up straight. “I can handle it.”
“It’s about your mother.”
Maybe I couldn’t take it.
I knew before he said it.
“She died.” Josh placed his other hand on top of mine.
“Died?” The word didn’t register a true meaning in my head. Died, as in dead. “When?” My vision blurred and distorted from the tears pooling. “How?”
“It was about a year and a half ago.” He flattened my hand between his two big hands.
My hand disappeared in his. My body floated outside of myself, but that spot was connected to something and thank God for it.
“Randall found a Facebook page she created for you. She was looking for you until the end. She even went to Amsterdam twice to find you.”
“She tried to find me.” I gave up on wiping the tears away and just let them fall.
“She did.” Josh’s tears fell, too.
I smiled, or tried to, but my body wasn’t really responding to commands. The world moved in slow motion. I pulled my hand out from between Josh, and it throbbed. I reached back for him, but he seems to be slipping away.
Josh’s eyes grew wide, but I wasn’t sure why. I reached for him again, but nothing.
It felt like the plane was going to continue toward its destination and leave me right here in this moment where I felt nothing but pain.
Searing-hot, intense pain. More pain than I thought I was capable of feeling.
Like the pain a bug would feel as it was being crushed by a shoe.
I shrieked in agony. Josh didn’t hesitate.
He grabbed me and pulled me to him. Our chests collided with a dull thud. He wrapped one arm around my waist and lifted me. The other went under my ass. He pulled me to him. My body shook in his arms, but it was the friction that brought my senses back to reality.
A loud pop drew me back to the world and dropped me right smack in the warmest, safest place I had been in two years. In Josh’s arms.
He cradled the back of my head and squeezed and rocked me in his arms. I found myself straddling him. His hard body molded against mine. I laid my head on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat through his shirt. My tears left puddles on his shirt.
I ran my hand down his back and rested it on the top of his firm ass. My brain was all over the place. I needed the connection to stay grounded in the world. My mother died, yet I didn’t feel completely alone and that was a blessing.
“Oh, sweet Tinley,” Josh whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
I nodded and held him tighter. We held each other. I could stay like this forever. The two of us in this plane, hurtling across the sky for eternity. No need to go down there. There was nothing left for me down there. The only thing that mattered was staying in this man’s arms.
I looked up at Josh. The remnants of his tears streaked down his face.
I ran my thumb down his cheek. He didn’t flinch this time.
I leaned in and laid a kiss on his cheek and then moved to his lips.
He stiffened, but I pressed on and he let me.
I wanted one more taste before I had to fully accept the truth. My mother was gone.
I leaned back and looked into Josh’s eyes. They were soft and sweet but still sad.
“My beautiful, brave girl.” He cupped my cheek. “You are going to get through this.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak what I felt in my heart.
“I wanted to talk to you about something.” He shifted me to sit sideways on his right leg.
He continued rubbing my back. “I thought maybe you would need more time to deal with everything in your own time. Instead of going back to Pennsylvania where you have to face speaking to the FBI and your aunt, who was told you are alive.”
“Where would we go?”
“We have a house in Connecticut.” He grabbed a napkin and wiped my face. “We would land in New York City and drive there, about an hour away. It’s quiet and secluded. If you want to get back to your family too, I just thought—”
“No,” I yelled and shuddered. “I mean, I want to go to the house.” I laid my head back down. “With you. Just you?” I stared into his eyes.
His gaze searched my face.
“Yeah, just me.” He caressed my cheek. “We can stay as long as you need.”
I nodded and rested my head back on his chest.
I must have drifted off. I awoke back on the couch, the blanket tucked in around me. Josh’s voice was a welcome lullaby. I shifted on my side but couldn’t see him. Did he not sleep? He finished his call and stepped back toward the back of the plane. He squatted down.
“Hey, sweet T.” He rubbed my back. “We’re about to land.”
I pushed myself up and stood up.
“Bathroom,” I whispered and stepped around him.
I reached the bathroom where the stewardess was cleaning up. “Can I get you something before we land?” Her eyes blinked, and she reached and touched my arm but pulled her hand back. She must have heard part of our conversation.
“Just some water, please.” I tried to smile to make her feel better. “Thank you.”
She nodded.
I slipped into the bathroom. It was impossible to miss my reflection when three sides of the bathroom were mirrored.
My hair was all over the place. My eyes were puffy from sleep and from crying.
I used the bathroom and then splashed some water on my face.
I patted it dry with the towel left on the counter.
Real towels, not paper. The sink had a caddie with two brushes, a comb, and a toothbrush wrapped in plastic.
I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I applied the moisturizer again. It instantly brightened my skin.
When I came back out, the water had been set on the ledge by my original seat. Josh was seated across from me, sipping on coffee. The plane smelled like eggs and bacon.
I flopped down and hugged myself.
“You should eat something.” He sat up and buckled my seat belt. The stewardess arrived at our side. “Maybe a bagel or some toast or something.”
“Bagel sounds good. With butter.” I spoke to Josh. “What are you having?”
The stewardess disappeared.
“I had something earlier.” He grabbed a blanket and tucked it around me. I stared at him.
He settled back.
“You’re Daddying me,” I said in a quiet tone.
His eyes grew wide.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times.
“I’m sorry.” He leaned forward and rubbed his chin. “I feel compelled to take care of you.”
“Because I’m such a crazy mess.” I dropped my chin to my chest.
“No, I have a theory, but I’ll save that for another time,” he mumbled and then sat back.
I tilted my head and peered up at him. The flight attendant returned with my bagel. I broke it apart and ate small bites. Josh’s hands twitched. I sat it down and waited.
He looked like he wanted to feed me.
He didn’t. My stomach growled and I ate more of the bagel. His statement hung in the air like a ballon. Did I dare pop it?
“Okay, go ahead. Lay it on me. Tell me your theory.” I tried to keep my tone neutral, but I heard the snark in it.
I wasn’t a brat, but he brought it out of me.
I had no doubt he had a theory about my not feeling safe being little anymore.
His theory was probably spot-on, but I wasn’t sure I was open to hearing it.
For someone else to justify my actions to me when I didn’t know how to justify them to myself.
I didn’t deserve something that would absolve me of the guilt and shame I felt.
If I let this man take over, that was exactly what it would do. I had a glimpse of what type of Daddy Josh would be and if I were a different kind of little, he would be perfect.
His little would be just the right amount of sassy and the right amount of obedient.
He would make her feel like the most special girl in the world.
Exactly how he’d made me feel since the moment our eyes met in that hallway outside his hotel room.
I remembered it like it was fresh in my mind, the calm I felt and the courage coursing through me.
I knew in seconds I could trust him. Even when every fiber of my being stated I was putting myself into further danger.
“Later.” He shook his head. “I need you to do something first.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. He put it out there, but now he was putting conditions on a conversation. Where did he get off? What did he want from me?
“First, unclench your fist for me.” He squeezed my knee.
I released my hands, and the blood flow made my fingers tingle. I smirked.
“I know every part of your brain is screaming no, but I need you to try to trust me.” He sighed. “Remember my promise. I will never hurt you.”
“Never,” I whispered.
“Never.” I leaned back. “Do you trust me?”
I shrugged.
“Tinley?”
“Yes, sir.”
He shook his head. “Would you like me to tell you what’s going to happen once we land?”
I nodded.
“We will have a car waiting for us on the tarmac. I will drive us to an office building in Manhattan. It’s a doctor’s office where you will meet Dr. Anna and Dr. Maria.”
I attempted to get up, but the seat belt held me captive.
“Hey, Tinley.” Josh’s voice vibrated in my chest and stopped my attempt to escape, although I didn’t know where I would go.
“Please listen to me.” He placed a hand on my knee, and I settled back. “They both work with women in your situation and I trust them.” He stilled my bouncing leg. “That’s why I need you to trust me.”
“What are they going to do?” My voice squeaked.
“Dr. Anna is a medical doctor. She wants to do a full exam, but she will only do what you are comfortable with.” He sat back and I missed his touch.
“Dr. Maria is a psychiatrist. This morning it will only be an introduction and if you want, she would love to help you. If nothing else, give you an ear to listen. She works with Rayna, Kyler’s” —he paused— “girlfriend and she raves about her.”
“What happened to Kyler’s girlfriend?”
He told me they’d met while breaking up a sex-trafficking party. Was she like me? Was she a little, too?
“She was almost taken by a sex trafficker in Las Vegas, but Kyler and I were there to stop them.”
“So this is what you do, go around saving women to get them to fall in love with you.” I slapped a hand over my mouth and shook my head.
I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Especially the falling in love part.
“I hadn’t thought about that before and maybe it goes along with my theory. But I assure you, this is not a typical thing for us. We’ve rescued hundreds of girls, and I’ve never felt a connection to any of them, until I met you. Something about you speaks to me.”
It was my little. He was under the impression my little was calling out to him, but he would understand soon enough that I was no longer worthy of being someone’s little.