Chapter 15
TINLEY
Iwashed and conditioned my hair, then French braided it back on both sides of my head to let it dry.
I wrapped myself in a big, fluffy towel and opened the door.
Josh had set some pajamas outside the door.
I grabbed them, changed, and went out to find him.
I heard him talking on the phone. The sun had set, but the backyard was lit up with small lanterns around the back patio.
I cracked the back door, and the cool air hit me.
I shivered and shut it. A few coats were hung on hooks in the mudroom.
I grabbed one. It smelled like Josh. I put it on and stepped outside to the back.
Steam hovered over the pool. I squatted down and ran my hand in the water.
“Oh, wow.” The warmth was inviting. I looked around, shed the coat, and jumped in on impulse.
It was heated like a bathtub. The cold air made it cozier.
I dove under the water, sinking to the bottom.
My mind quieted. I watched as bubbles floated to the top.
A figure floated through the air and splashed above me.
I pushed off to get away, but it grabbed me around the waist and hauled me toward the surface.
I opened my mouth to scream, but water rushed in. We breached the surface, and I sucked in a breath and coughed.
“I got you.” Josh splashed and swam toward the shallow end. “You’re okay.”
I continued to cough up pool water and finally my voice came back. “Josh! Let me go.”
He stopped. I pushed off him and swam back toward the steps on my own.
I gripped the railing and tried to get my heart to calm down.
“What the heck was that?” I said between coughs. “You trying to drown me?”
I shivered and slid back down a step to get my shoulders under the water.
“You’re okay?” He hadn’t moved. “I thought you fell in. I thought you were drowning.”
“I’m—” A coughing fit took my breath. When it subsided, Josh swam in front of me. “The water is so warm. I felt like taking a swim. I haven’t had a chance to do what I want in so long.” I ran my hands back and forth through the water.
“I’m sorry. I—”
“Didn’t think I could swim.” She giggled.
“No, I thought you fell, hit your head, and had sunk to the bottom.” Josh sat next to me on the steps. He was fully dressed in the same button-down and slacks he wore all day.
I looked down into the water.
“You should have at least taken your shoes off.” I giggled. He joined me and pulled off his shoes and socks. He unbuttoned two buttons on his shirt and pulled it over his head. He set all the items on the side of the pool.
I pushed off and turned on my back and floated. “It’s so peaceful out here.” I heard mumbled sounds. “What?”
“Next time you want to take a swim, could you give me a heads-up?” He stood and climbed the steps.
Water dripped down his chiseled chest. I’d never seen him without a shirt on.
His soaked slacks hung low on his hips. Josh Burroughs was fit.
He headed toward the mudroom. I admired the curve of the top of his ass.
A shiver ran through me. I spent most of last year numb, not trusting my bodily reactions.
I’d been with men, and my body betrayed me.
It played with my brain for a long time until I remembered sexual responses were hormonal.
I had no control over my body, but my mind I could switch off.
It was safer, and with no thoughts, I had no feeling and my body went numb.
Anger definitely turned them on, and I didn’t want to do anything to help them get off.
With the one guy who didn’t have sex with me, just wanted a baby to take care of, I let my guard down a little. Enough for him to trust me. He wanted to keep me. When another man came and took me away from him, I had to start all over again. My own sexual responses were a trigger.
When I looked at Josh. When he touched me. When he held me, I willed my body to feel it. I didn’t want to be numb for him. I found my footing and swam over to the steps to climb out. Josh came back with a towel secured around his waist.
Heat filled my cheeks. He looked even sexier, if that was possible.
“Come on.” He held the towel out for me. “We both need some sleep.”
I let out a yawn and rolled my eyes at his ‘I told you so’ face. I grabbed the towel and followed him inside.
“Take the pajamas off and put them in the washer. I left you more pajamas in the bathroom.” He pointed to a door I hadn’t noticed before. I stepped into another bathroom. I jumped in the shower to rinse off and got dressed again.
I found Josh on the other side of the house, in one of four rooms off a large game room.
He had turned down the huge white comforter and fluffed the pillows.
The entire room was decorated in white, with accents of pale blue.
I ran my hand along the quilt-covered headboard.
My suitcase sat on a bench at the end of the bed.
“Hop in.” Josh nodded toward the bed. My gaze ran the perimeter of the room. The two windows were covered in gauzy floor-to-ceiling drapes, and the window blinds were closed. I sat on the side of the bed.
“Where are you sleeping?” I slid my feet in, and he covered me with the sheet and blanket. He tucked them around my legs but stopped when he got to my thighs.
“Sorry.” He huffed. “I’m Daddying you again.”
I giggled.
“It’s okay.” I took his hand. “You can’t help yourself.”
He sat down next to me.
“I’ll be just across the hall.” He pointed. “If you need anything, come and wake me up.”
We sat in silence. Josh seemed reluctant to leave.
I didn’t want him to go either. We’d been in the same room with each other for most of the last week and we slept a few feet away from each other.
The other room seemed so far away. I had to be brave.
I wasn’t Josh’s responsibility. He had given me the opportunity to heal and deal with all of it, including the death of my mother.
I didn’t want to take advantage by making him feel like he had to take care of me, too.
“I’ll be fine.” I squeezed his hand and let go. I scooted farther down in the bed and pulled the covers up to my chin.
“Okay.” He hadn’t moved.
“Good night, Josh.” I sat up and leaned forward. He stiffened. I kissed him on the cheek, lay back down, and smiled up at him.
“Night, Tinley.” He nudged my leg and stood and turned off the light. He headed out of the room. The night-light made me feel better.
I lay with my eyes closed, unable to fall asleep.
The house made weird noises and while I wasn’t scared, it set off the noise in my brain.
I tossed and turned for as long as I could take it.
I was anxious and lonely. I got up and went to the open suitcase.
I put my clothes away in the bottom drawer of the dresser along the wall.
I zipped and stored the suitcase in the walk-in closet.
The other door near the back wall was a full bathroom.
White tiles and countertops. The glass shower was lined with gold and gave it a rich, clean look.
I set my toothbrush and the other few items I had for my hair and then went back into the bedroom.
I pushed the drapes to the side and peered through the blinds into the darkness.
I flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I looked over toward Josh’s room. The door remained open. I’d just go see if he was asleep.
Maybe he would want to play a game or watch some television.
I picked up one of the pillows and the blanket and squeezed them in front of me as I crept over to his room.
The doors to the other two rooms were closed.
The game room had a huge brown three-piece sectional in front of a large-screen television on the wall.
A card table sat under one window. A bookshelf lined the back wall, and a few other chairs and beanbags were scattered around the rest of the room.
Off to the left, a bar lined the whole wall and behind it was a small kitchen.
Snacks were stacked up at the far end. I found a small refrigerator behind the bar and peeked inside.
It was full of sodas and water. I shouldn’t be snooping.
I shut it and continued toward Josh’s room. It was dark, but my eyes adjusted quickly. He lay sprawled out on his back. His eyes were closed. I shouldn’t disturb him.
“Tinley.”
I gasped.
He sat up. “You okay?” He swung his feet and placed them on the floor. He remained shirtless but had on a pair of dark plaid pajama bottoms.
“I’m fine.” My breath came out high and wispy. I cleared my throat. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t.” He rubbed his face.
“My room was so quiet.” I stepped in farther and hugged the pillow. “I couldn’t hear you snoring.”
“I don’t snore.” He grinned.
I snorted and giggled.
“Can I sleep in here with you?” I looked around the room. “I’ll be fine on the couch.”
Josh tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. He shook his head and stood up.
He took the extra pillows on the other side from where he was sleeping and lined them down the middle of the bed. He rounded the bed and climbed. “Just stay on your side.”
“I’ll try to control myself.” I climbed into bed and lay down. I looked over at Josh. He looked at me and then shifted to his side. I did the same and faced him.
“Are your parents wealthy like Kyler’s family?” I didn’t understand why he’d leave his family to be a part of someone else’s.
“Not as wealthy, but they have money.” Josh nodded. “My dad owns a shipping company and my mom is a socialite as an occupation, in San Francisco.”
“You didn’t want to work for him?”
“He didn’t offer me a job.” He chuckled, but it seemed forced.
“I was an only child. More of an obligation to my father’s legacy than their kid.
My parents had other priorities other than me.
He closed his eyes. “Kyler’s mom had so much love to give.
I gravitated toward her and the whole family because they made me feel part of something bigger than myself. ”
Had I ever felt like part of a group bigger than myself?
“My mother’s parents died when she was in her teens, a year after her sister was born, and she had to look after her and then when her sister was around ten, I came along.”
“What about your father?” Josh asked.
“I never knew him.” I shrugged. “I imagine he’s out there somewhere or he’s gone, too.” It had only been my mother, my aunt, and me. We had no other family. I never felt like a kid. “My mom raised her sister, and she was still so young when she had me. So we all kind of grew up together.”
“You missed out on being a child?” Josh rubbed my arm.
His touch calmed my racing heart.
“I guess so.” I scooted closer to him. He turned onto his back and let out a yawn. His eyes fluttered closed a few minutes later.
“I wish I could give that to you now,” Josh whispered.
I lifted my head, but he’d already drifted off to sleep.
I faced away from him and covered my head with the blanket to shut out the world. More than anything, I wished he could give me that, too.