Chapter 13 Hope
HOPE
“Thanks for making some time to go shopping with me,” Amy says as she parks her car next to mine.
It’s our yearly tradition to go to Vegas for a marathon of Christmas shopping. We always get all our shopping done in one day so we can enjoy the rest of the holiday season without having to battle pesky crowds. I don’t know why she’d think I’d miss this year.
Because of Frost. You’ve been so mesmerized by him. You haven’t made the time to hang out with your bff.
My heart plummets. “Amy, I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you lately.”
She waves me off. “Bitch, please. I’m not complaining. I’m glad you found someone who puts a smile on your face the way Frost does. It’s my job as your best friend to make sure he doesn’t turn out to be a total fucktard, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy for you.”
“Yeah, but I haven’t been a very good friend lately,” I say with a sigh.
“Who’s there for me for every sticky breakup?
Or my crash and burn days?” she asks. Without waiting for a response, she continues.
“You… You show up when it counts. I do not doubt in my mind that if I called you, you’d be there in a heartbeat.
News flash, bestie, as much as I love you, and I know you love me, I’m not the center of your universe.
We both know I should be because, let’s face it, I’m a fucking delight, but when a man comes along that can fuck you into a co-”
Laughing, I smack her arm. “Behave.”
“I’m jealous,” she confesses. “Someday I hope to find what you have, Hope.”
“You will, Ames,” I say with sincerity. “Who knows, maybe one of Frost’s brothers will fall head over heels.”
Amy snickers. “I’d probably scare them away with my psycho tendencies.”
“We need to find one as loony as you are then,” I retort. Reaching over the center console, I pull her into my arms. “Love you.”
“Love you, more,” she responds. “Get out of my car, and go get your brains fucked out.”
Shaking my head, I push the door open and exit her vehicle. “Lunch next week?”
Amy winks. “You know it.”
I shut the door and wave as she speeds off.
Checking my watch, I realize we were gone for ten hours.
I unlock the door, smiling. Tonight is all about me and Frost. We’re going to decorate the Christmas tree, drink hot cocoa, listen to cheesy holiday music, and watch my favorite movie, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
“Frost?” I call out as I push inside. “You won’t believe the—”
The apartment is drenched in total darkness. An eerie feeling crawls over my skin as I step over the threshold. I set the bags down slowly, the excitement I was feeling moments before fleeing from my body.
“Frost?” I try again, softer this time. “You here?” Peeking outside, I notice his bike is gone.
How’d I miss that?
Maybe he ran out to grab dinner for us since I’m so late. I pull my phone out and send a text.
Me: I’m home, FINALLY! Where’d you disappear to?
I wait for the typing dots to appear on my screen signaling he’s replying, but only my words stare back at me.
“Okay,” I murmur, forcing a laugh. “He probably left it on the charger.”
I head to the bedroom to hide the gifts I bought him. They’re stupid little things like heated gloves for chilly night rides, a vintage Harley Davidson shirt, and a motorcycle communication set for our helmets so we can talk while we're on his bike.
I push open the bedroom door and freeze. The air deflates from my lungs. The corner where he kept his bag is empty, and the spot on the dresser where he kept his cologne and deodorant is bare. Running into the bathroom, I quickly spot that the toothbrush holder is missing one.
My stomach drops so fast I have to grab the doorframe. “No,” I whisper. “No, no, no.”
I check the closet and under the damn bed as if the floorboards could have somehow swallowed him whole. Everything of his is gone. All traces of him have been wiped clean. Almost like I dreamt him up. The realization hits like a physical blow.
He left without a word.
I fumble for my phone, hands shaking, and type again, faster this time.
Me: Frost? Where are you? Did something happen?
Please answer me.
I wait and wait some more, only to get no reply.
Hitting the green button on the phone, I call and call, but it goes directly to voicemail every time.
A strangled sound breaks out of my throat.
I don’t even recognize it as my own. I stumble into the kitchen, desperate for a sign that I’m wrong, that he went for dinner and will be back any minute.
You’re kidding yourself. Frost broke his promise. He left. You’re another notch on his belt.
My eyes blur instantly, and I sink to the kitchen floor, pulling my knees to my chest because remaining upright is impossible. A sob tears free before I can swallow it down.
“I’m such an idiot,” I choke out, pressing my hands to my face. “I believed him. I actually believed—”
My chest aches so hard it feels like my ribs might crack. I let him in, into my home and my heart. I trusted him. I let myself think that maybe this time, maybe this man, wouldn’t betray me.
“I’m done,” I whisper into the empty room. “I’m never letting a man get close to me again. I can’t do this. I can’t—” Another sob shakes through me, harder than the last.
Frost didn’t only leave the apartment, he left me. I don’t know how to detach my feelings from the weeks we spent together, from the way he held me and touched me, from how he looked at me like I mattered. I wish I had never let myself fall in love with him, wish I didn’t care about him.
Curling up in a ball, I sob on the floor while the truth hits me square in the face.
I cared too much, and he broke me.