39. Harper
Chapter 39
Harper
A crisp breeze makes me shudder. God, I’m definitely not wearing enough clothes for this weather. I’m betting the cheerleaders bundle up between performances. If they didn’t, they’d all have frostbite before the end of the game, running around in those tiny uniforms.
It’s half time, and I’m standing as near to the locker room entrance as I can without being visible to the jocks coming in from the field.
I catch a glimpse of Jude, but he’s surrounded by a few other players, so I don’t see more than his patented scowl before he disappears inside.
Should have watched the game. Then I wouldn’t be playing peek-a-boo in the dark. I want to know how fucked he is. If I gave him enough of the drugs to have an effect.
Ha. Am I really questioning the dosage? I took a sip from the bottle after I’d crushed and mixed in the pills to make sure it didn’t taste like something I’d just spiked. Then, when Jude gave it back to me, I had a gulp or two because I didn’t want it to go to waste.
God, how I’m regretting that move.
I’m not completely fucked up, but I definitely don’t feel sober. I’m just a little too aware of everything, my senses heightened, and there’s this urgent need to do something that’s driving me fucking insane.
I couldn’t just sit on the bleachers anymore. So I came down here to do some recon. But I need more than just a glimpse of Jude to know?—
“Harper?”
I spin around, barely holding back a gasp of surprise. A sandy-haired guy in full football gear frowns quizzically at me as he towels the back of his neck. His brown eyes narrow. “Are you looking for Jude?”
I shake my head. “No, uh, I was just watching.” I wave a hand in the vague direction of the field. “We didn’t have football at my last school, so this is all kinda new to me.”
Why does he look so familiar? Not in the way that a lot of kids do because I’ve seen them in the hallways at school. I get the feeling I know him, like we’ve maybe spoken before and I’ve forgotten. Which is weird, because I don’t think he’s in any of my classes.
Sean’s party. Oh God, was he there?
The guy props his helmet under his arm and extends a hand. “Alex. I’m Jude’s friend.”
“Oh, hi.” I take his hand before I realize what I’m doing, and then I have to shake it or risk looking like an idiot. I’m uncomfortably aware of how warm and strong it is...and what happened the last time a big, warm, hand touched me.
I realize I’m blushing and quickly look away. “Well, it was nice meeting you.”
“Hey, uh, do you want to get a hotdog after the game?”
I turn reluctantly, my mouth pressed into a panicked line. Alex regards me with an easy smile that looks...well, it looks as safe as he does.
“You know, actually, I’m with my family?—”
“Okay. Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.” He walks away before I’ve had a chance to tell him that I don’t know where to find him, and if he thinks I’m going to ask Jude then he’s sorely mistaken.
I shiver again, and wrap my arms around me. I need to stop lurking. I can’t have Mom wondering where I am.
They’re my alibi.
As I head back toward the bleachers, I put my hand in my pocket to get my Chapstick and happen to touch the small plastic sleeve with the remaining pills inside. I stop walking. People stream past me on their way to food stalls or the public restrooms, or just stretching their legs before the second half of the game.
I didn’t tell Talia how many I wanted, and she gave me four. Two of them went into Jude’s energy drink. Now I have no idea what to do with the leftovers.
Would she take them back and give me a refund? They were really expensive. Honestly, I don’t get why people do drugs. Booze is so much cheaper, isn’t it? And it’s a much nicer buzz than this.
I touch the pills again and glance back at the locker room as gears start turning in my mind. Then I shake my head and hurry back to where my family is sitting.
It would never work anyway. Too many moving parts. I’ll just sit here and hope that I gave Jude a big enough dose to have him freak out in the second half of the game.
I’m not asking for much. I just need Jude to be Jude.
”Still want to grab that hotdog?” I ask.
Alex turns and smiles when he sees me. “You changed your mind, did you?”
I shrug. “Girl’s gotta eat.”
Alex cocks his head toward the food trucks assembled in two rows near the entrance to the field. “After you, ma’am.”
I give him a mock curtsy and come to walk beside him. Luck is on my side tonight. I spotted Alex leaving the locker room a few minutes after the game and followed him here. He looks a lot less intimidating now that he’s out of his football gear. His hair is still wet from the shower he took after the game, deodorant wafting off him. Like all the football players that have earned them, he’s wearing his letterman’s jacket.
Maybe it’s the drugs talking, but he’s kinda good-looking. Not nearly as handsome as Jude, of course, but I still haven’t seen a single guy at Cinderhart that could compete against my stepbrother in that department.
“First time I’ve seen you at a game,” Alex says as we line up for hotdogs.
“Yeah, uh...I’m not really into sports. Just came to support Jude.”
“Good for you.” Alex shifts his weight, leaning in and lowering his voice to say, “I’m glad you’re doing okay, Harper. I...” He glances away, and when he looks back there’s a strange light in his eyes.
My stomach bottoms out. “What is it?”
“That night at Sean’s house...I tried to get them to stop, but they’re a bunch of fucking assholes.”
Stop. Stop talking.
My skin goes ice-cold. I open my mouth to tell him to keep quiet, but I can’t summon up words.
“I’m so glad Jude came when I called. I wasn’t sure he would. Fuck knows what would have happened if—“ Alex lifts a hand. “I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to talk about that shit. But I want you to know that we’re not all like that. There are a ton of fucked up people in Cinderhart, and they get away with murder , but we have some good guys too.”
I definitely don’t want to talk about it. Fuck, I didn’t even know Alex was there that night. Now I have to wrap my head around the fact that he was the one who called Jude? How much does he know? How much did he see? But something else he said is itching at my mind.
“What do you mean, you didn’t think Jude would come?” I ask him.
Alex glances away as he rubs the back of his neck. “He doesn’t...it doesn’t seem like he likes you all that much.”
I laugh. Fuck it, I can’t help it. Alex looks back at me confused and then affronted. I lift my hands, trying desperately to curb my giggles. “Sorry. It’s just...yeah, he doesn’t like me. Not one bit, actually.”
Alex frowns but says nothing. Like he’s waiting for me to explain why.We’d be here all fucking night.I wave away his curiosity. “Just your standard sibling rivalry, I guess.”
He eases up a little, gives me a faint smile. “He made a scene about you, though,” he says, and then chuckles softly. “Said he’d kill any of us if we tried to touch you.”
What little mirth remained inside me bleeds out. I stare at Alex with a deadpan expression. “That’s weird. I didn’t read about Sean or his friend in the obituaries.”
Alex winces and steps eagerly up to the food vendor. “Two please.”
I watch Alex’s back for a second and then come up beside him. “No pickles for me.”
He turns, frowns. “Oh, you have to have pickles.” He sounds borderline shocked. “It’s tradition .”
I manage to chat to Alex for another half an hour after we get our hotdogs, but it’s tough going. Firstly, because I keep trying to get rid of the pickles on my food without him noticing. Secondly, because he seems adamant to become me and Jude’s therapist.Maybe he’s leaning toward a psychology major or something.
“Look, sorry, Alex,” I butt in after the fifth anecdote centering around Jude and how fucking heroic or intelligent or whatever the fuck he is. “It’s getting late. My parents are probably waiting for me.”
“I could give you a lift home if you want to stay a little longer,” Alex says.
I hold up a hand. “No offense, but I’m not in a trusting mood these days.”
He drops his gaze, somber lines creasing the skin between his brows. “You told someone right?” When he looks up, his brown eyes latch onto mine, intent and severe. “What happened at the party?”
I open and close my mouth wordlessly. He reaches for me, expression crumbling. “I’m sorry, that was way out of line.” He brightens up. “But, hey, if you want, I could go with you to the Sheriff’s office? We could?—”
The instant he touches me, I jerk away like he tried grabbing me. “You’ve done more than enough,” I spit out.
I don’t know where the anger comes from. I don’t know why I funnel it all toward him. And I have no fucking clue why he acts like he deserves it.
He says nothing when I turn away and doesn’t call out after me. It’s for the best—I can’t bear being close to him another second.He’s a constant reminder of that night now. Of how badly I fucked up.
I head straight for Wayne’s Audi and stand around for a minute or two before shoving my hands in my jacket pockets to keep warm.
The pills aren’t there anymore.
I sigh and lean my head back against the car’s roof, staring up at the sky as I wait.
Why did Jude rescue me from Sean and his friend? Was it just to save his own ass? Or is there really a tiny part of him that can’t handle the thought of someone touching me?
I guess I’ll never know.