40. Jude
Chapter 40
Jude
I realize seconds after I climb behind the wheel of my truck that I’ve been drugged. Probably because it’s the first time I’ve paused, the first time I’ve actually had a chance to breathe. After the game, Dad came down to the locker room to congratulate me. I told him about the scholarship, and he lost his shit in the best way. He’s already promised me a four-wheeler and a trip to Hawaii right after the Feast of Ashes. Rosie was there, but Diana hung back and thank God for that.
It was fucking perfect.
Especially because Harper was nowhere to be found.Little mouse scurried back into her hole when she saw how unstoppable I was out there.
But then I turn the Range Rover’s ignition, and I sit back and exhale...
And it doesn’t stop.
I’m still buzzing. My skin is alive in the worst way. My thoughts race a mile an hour, and now that I’m paying attention, I find my jaw is clamping shut so hard that I’m getting a headache.
I grip the wheel and consider getting out. But I want to get home, I want to calm the fuck down. Being here, with the noise and the excitement still palpable as the cheerleaders perform and little kids run around screaming through their sugar rush, it’s killing me. So I drive home. I’m no danger to me or anyone else on the road—driving is effortless. I’m a fucking machine. But I’m still relieved as fuck when I pull up to Dearth Manor’s gates.
I park haphazardly, too eager to get out and submerge myself in the quiet of my bedroom. All I can think about is taking a shower, getting into bed, and sleeping off whatever the fuck is coursing through my system.
But my mind refuses to shut off. It was bad on the way over here, but as soon as I open the front door and that quiet I’d been longing for hits me, my thoughts switch into overdrive.I already know who did it. It’s the only thing that makes sense, after all. Why else would Harper show up at my game, only to disappear again?That energy drink. There was something in there. Speed, crack, Adderall, I don’t fucking know.
Why? Was she hoping I’d freak out? Fuck out? Die? I try to open her bedroom door, but it’s locked, which means she went through my shit when I was out and got her key back. What else did she take? What else did she find?
I barely hold back from banging on the door. My parents are in their room. From the quiet, I assume they’re already asleep. I stayed for about an hour after the game talking to Coach about the scholarship. He seemed both annoyed and pleased with my blabbering.
Fuck! Was I bugging out? Did he notice I was on something?
I rush into my room and stare into the mirror. Black eyes, dilated pupils, stare back at me.
Terror washes me with a new wave of fanatic energy. I turn on the shower, strip, step inside. It’s not warm enough, but it doesn’t matter. The water on my skin is orgasmic. I groan, leaning against my hands, arch my back. I have a hard-on, but I don’t even bother jerking off. This already feels so good.
Ecstasy? I didn’t taste anything in the energy drink—but they always have a bitter aftertaste.
Fucking bitch.
I find myself in front of Harper’s door seconds later, and realize I’m stark naked, dripping water on the carpet.
Christ, what the fuck is wrong with me? I rush back into my bedroom, close the door, lock it, stare at it like it’s a fucking snake.
I can’t go outside if I’m bugging out. If Dad catches me like this I’ll lose my?—
Scholarship.
I got a motherfucking scholarship.
I fall on my bed, a big shit-eating grin on my face as I rake fingers through my wet hair. Christ, was it real? Is any of this real?
Pulling on sweats, a hoody, giving my hair a quick towel, I’m in front of Harper’s bedroom door again. I knock quietly, but she doesn’t answer. So I text her.
OPEN
I wait, but she doesn’t even come online to read the text.
Fuck. I can’t just stand here, and I don’t dare knock any harder.
WHAT DID YOU DO?
No reply. Growling under my breath, I take the stairs two at a time and slip into the screening room. I throw myself down on one of the sofas and turn on an action movie. With the doors closed, there’s no way I’d be waking up Dad with this racket—the room is soundproofed for a reason.
The movie helps. Having a beer helps too. Turning off my phone so I don’t keep texting Harper pointless messages like “fuck u” and “ur dead” helps more than anything else.
Minutes into a second movie, my edginess disappears and I’m enveloped by a strangely focused euphoria. I found a soft-porn flick on one of the on-demand channels. It shouldn’t do anything for me, but in my heightened state, just seeing a pair of tits gives me a hard-on.
I’m still considering whether I should try and jerk off, just to see if I can make myself come when the smell of Harper’s shampoo hits my nose.
Harper
I stare at my message history with Talia, a sinking feeling in my stomach as I rehash the evening.
Harper:
NEED SOMETHING FUN 4 ME + JUDE
Talia:
JUDE? REALLY? XD
Harper:
HE WORKS 2 HARD. NEEDS 2 CHILL
Talia:
100%
WANT METH?
Harper:
NO SMOKING - DO U HAVEPILLS?
Talia:
GOT PILLS 2
Harper:
PERFECT, THX.
Talia:
C U AT THE GAME
Good plan, shitty execution. This is what happens if a girl without impulse control tries to outsmart someone with iron willpower.
Deep down, I feel fucking terrible about drugging Jude. I mean, fuck, I know how awful it is, but I did it anyway... because I know how awful it is. It’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy...but Jude and I are way past that already.
He came and banged on my door about an hour ago, but I ignored him. Thank God I got my key back. What would he have done to me if he’d gotten inside? I never thought of myself as someone with a fantastic imagination, but maybe meth helps with that because I came up with a ton of ways Jude could punish me. And now I’m all horny because all of them were sexual in nature.My hand keeps straying down my belly so I can end my suffering, but I’m too scared to touch myself. Not with my skin feeling this alive.
Igo shower to wash the day off me, hoping it can reset my mind. But the shower does more than that. I walk out of my bathroom feeling like I’ve been baptized in fire.
I slip into one of my comfiest outfits—a pink oversized sweater and white yoga pants. I want to dry my hair but I don’t dare wake up our parents. They put Rosie to bed as soon as we got home and then closed themselves up in their room. I’d prefer to think that they’ve gone to sleep rather than dwell on what they might be doing in there because when I do, I get both grossed out and aroused.
I stare at my bedroom door, then at my bed, trying to decide between the two. I already know I’m not going to be able to sleep yet—my mind is going a mile a minute—but Jude is out there. It’s like I’m stranded in the ocean, trying to decide if I should stay in my dinghy or go for a dip in shark-infested waters.
I should stay in my room.
Obviously, I don’t.
Gnawing on a cuticle, I sneak down the stairs, straining to hear the smallest sound so I can figure out where Jude is. I thought he might have gone to the pool house, but when I peeked out my bedroom window the lights were all off outside.
I pass the hallway leading to the screening room, and that’s when I notice the doors are closed. Which only happens when someone’s inside and they don’t want to disturb the rest of the house.
Jude.
I stand rooted to the spot, trying to will myself to turn around go back upstairs. But I only glimpsed Jude briefly during halftime. I’m dying to know how he’s feeling. How fucked he is.To see if the risks I took tonight are going to pay off.
There’s only one way to find out.