44. Harper
Chapter 44
Harper
A twitch of fingers against my hip wakes me. At first I don’t know where I am, but then I feel the flutter of Jude’s breath against the back of my neck and it all comes rushing back. No one can find us like this. I have to move, but the last thing I want to do is to leave Jude’s side.
Paralyzed, terrified, there’s nothing I can do but soak in the moment. Jude’s smell. His strength. I’ve never felt this safe around anyone before. This…comfortable. And I know I shouldn’t because this is wrong. What we did was so, so wrong.
“Morning, princess.”
I squirm, my mouth curling up at the edges at the sound of Jude’s deep purr. “Hey.”
His fingers graze my skin, trailing up to cup my breast.
He makes a happy sound, his lips brushing my neck and giving me goosebumps. “Could stay here forever,” he says quietly, tracing the outline of my hip bone. “Like this, with you.”
But we can’t because this is a fantasy.
I led him on, fooled him. I can’t even imagine the punishment coming my way…and suddenly I’m wondering if it was worth it. But I can’t stop it now. Everything has already been set in motion. I missed my chance on the field last night. It was there, a second before I handed Jude that energy drink. That was the last chance I had to change my mind.
What’s done is done.
He could have stopped before he sent that text to Sean, but he didn’t. Why am I the only one around here who shows any mercy?
But after what happened between us, what we did… I know I’m going to regret it.
Nausea coils deep in my stomach. Jude starts pulling away. I guess he also realizes this can’t happen, that this was a monumental mistake.
“Just a few more minutes,” I whisper, grabbing his arm and pulling him back. “Let’s just pretend…” My voice fades before strengthening again. “That it could always be like this.”
He snuggles his face into the back of my neck. Is this really who he is? Have I somehow managed to shatter his hard, brittle shell? Or is it an after effect of the drugs? I felt dopey the day after Sean’s party. I couldn’t even get out of bed. Why do I keep wanting to make this more than it is?
There was palpable energy between us. Had been since the day we met and sized each other up. It grew until we couldn’t contain it anymore and, last night, it flooded us. Now we’re stranded on this tiny little island, and we have to figure out how to get back to civilization. And how to act normal once we get there. Because what happened changed me…how could it not have changed him?
I flinch when he speaks, so caught up in that barrage of ugly thoughts. “If you could go anywhere in the world, where’d you go?”
“Like…” I clear my throat. “On holiday?”
“Like forever.”
“Yikes…” I laugh softly. “I don’t know. I never thought about it.” I shift a little, relishing the touch of his skin against mine. “You?”
His sigh washes against my neck, giving me goosebumps.
“Our lake house in Scarstone,” he says.
“Really? Why there?”
“Because it’s beautiful and secluded. I could do whatever I want… we could do whatever we want.”
Jude watches me intently with shadows for eyes. Then he leans closer and touches his lips to my cheek. My jaw. I’m still aching from where he had his dick in me. But at the same time, my toes curl at the thought that he’s going to kiss me.
Because what we did—that was sinful and raw. A soft kiss? That’s not lust…it’s…
Love?
Jude hesitates, his mouth less than an inch from mine. My heart hammers away in my chest, and I start aching inside when I feel him growing hard for me again.
Kiss me!
But my silent command doesn’t reach him. He bows his head and kisses my neck, my shoulder. Strong hands grasp at my breast as his cock thickens against my ass.
I squirm away from him, furious at how desperate I was for his lips on mine when all he wants is to fuck me again. “No one can know about this,” I snap.
“Harper.” Jude grasps my wrist, but I pluck my hand away.
I’m suddenly desperate for sleep— proper sleep—and I know I’ll be lying awake for hours trying to figure out what all of this is meant to be. I can’t do that here, with Jude’s reluctant intimacy battering my mind.
I hunt the daybed with shaking hands until I find the clothes he’d stripped from me. My core aches at the memory of him ripping them off, but I force myself not to get dragged under again.
“It’s the middle of the night,” he says in a tight voice. “No one’s gonna come. Stay. Please. I won’t touch you, if that’s what you’re scared of.”
I pause for a moment.
I don’t want to hurt him more than I already have. I don’t want to give him false hope. I’ve seen so many different facets of his personality that I’m struggling to grasp who he truly is. But I know who I am.
I’m the girl who broke him.
He just doesn’t know it yet.
But maybe he suspects something because he doesn’t try to stop me again when I leave.