45. Jude
Chapter 45
Jude
Why the fuck didn’t I kiss her? She was right there fucking begging for it, and I wussed out. Why?
Because it would have changed everything.
What I did to Harper last night was done out of spite, out of fury. And she took it without a fight because she knew she deserved it. It’s that simple. But cuddling in each other’s arms, making out—that’s not what either of us wants.
Is it?
My head feels stuffed with cotton wool. There’s a hollow in my stomach, but I’m not hungry. I have a headache, feel dehydrated, and I’m mentally and physically exhausted.
This isn’t the right time to work out complex shit like where Harper and I stand. I have time.
I can’t dismiss the fact that, for the first time ever, I feel...satisfied. I climb the stairs to my room, wolfing down a pop tart with a strange grin playing on my mouth.
Football has been my outlet ever since I needed one. Yeah, I dated a few times, but nothing serious. I lost my virginity in middle school, tried anal for the first time in high school. But nothing ever came close to this. Was it because I was so fucking tweaked?
Or was it because of Harper?
The answer is obvious when I climb into bed and immediately regret letting her leave my arms. We’d only dozed off for an hour, maybe two, but I’d been fast asleep.
I’m still smiling, and it takes me a few seconds to realize why.
It’s over .
I don’t hate Harper anymore. It’s like she flipped a switch in my fucking head. Gone is the anger, the resentment. When I think of her, all I feel is a deep longing. I want to be close to her, want to be enveloped in her smell, feel her warm body against mine. But not just that...I want to ask her more questions. I’m suddenly dying to know what her childhood was really like. What she wants to study. If she’s planning on going to college. If she wants to go to college with me.
It’s exhilarating, and that’s why I’m smiling.
For the first time in a long time, I’m happy.