Chapter 32
Payton
A cool front seems to have slipped into the area to break up this heat wave.
The closer it gets to the change of the seasons, the more drunk Mother Nature becomes.
But I’m thankful for the breeze because it allows Gabby and me time in the backyard while Mom ran out to pick up a plethora of my favorite takeout.
“You can’t make any major decisions on an empty stomach,” she said. And who am I to turn down my favorite meal?
I hadn’t thought twice about coming to Mom’s house after fleeing Rhy’s.
It seems to always be the place I can escape to.
We sat on the couch, and she allowed me to cry in her arms as I told her everything that has been happening between me and Rhy since Gabby and I moved in.
She had no judgment and only offered comfort—the comfort only a mom could do.
Gabby’s giggles wrap me up in a warm hug as she soars through the air in her bucket seat on the swing set—the same swing set I grew up playing on. The same swing set Rhyland found me on the day of Dad’s funeral.
Behind me, the sliding glass door opens. Guess Mom is home. But the heavy thud of footsteps down the steps has me second-guessing. A slight hesitation in each step makes me believe the approaching person is nervous.
My brother stepping into my peripheral vision confirms my thought. I observe his demeanor—hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders slumped, and worry wrinkles, as my mother calls them, etched between his brows.
Neither of us speaks for a moment, the only sounds around us belonging to my daughter and tiny squeaks from the swing set.
When I can’t take the silence anymore, I decide to be the bigger person and break it.
“What, come to throw more punches?” I hope the flat tone in my voice tells Ollie that I’m still mad at him.
Ollie exhales a loud breath as he steps forward and sits on the swing beside Gabby, facing me. “No.” He hesitates. “I’m here to apologize.”
“What was that?” I taunt, even though I heard him perfectly the first time he said it. I just want to hear Oliver Mosby admit he needs to apologize.
“I’m sorry. I messed up and was completely out of line.”
I scoff. “Ya think?”
He smirks. “Ha, that seems to be the theme. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking at all. It just caught me off guard. I mean, my sister and my best friend—I didn’t see that one coming at all.”
Ollie uses his feet to rock himself back and forth on the swing. His eyes focus on Gabby, who continues to giggle with each time she swings through the air.
“Payton.” His voice hitches slightly. “You’re a great mom. I hope that one day, Hollie and I are half the parents you are—and you did it all alone.”
Words catch in my throat at his honesty.
“Well, I wasn’t alone. I had Mom, Archer, you and Hollie, and, more importantly, Rhyland. He’s been there for me and Gabby since we moved back. He’s wonderful with her, never hesitating to offer help.”
His words from just this morning are loud in my head— we’re a team, remember?
“Even when we weren’t officially together when we first moved in, he would offer to hold her, feed her, change her.”
He’s just like that Brad Paisley song, “He Didn’t Have To Be.”
“He’s shown her without her even being able to realize it what a father should be.”
“I guess I just assumed that since you know firsthand how toxic keeping secrets can be, you’d always be up-front with us.”
“Ol, you think I don’t know that? It’s not like we intentionally did this to hurt you.
We didn’t. But I just wanted time to have this for just us.
I didn’t need anyone else’s opinion about moving on or things moving too quickly.
Never once did I ever put that before Gabby.
She’s always been first. She’s my priority always, above all. ”
“I know, sis. And I have to live with the guilt that I made you possibly think otherwise. Throw in the fact I wasn’t thinking when it came to Gabby’s safety, and I deserve a spot in hell.”
I could spend every last breath in my body reminding Ollie of his fuckup with Gabby, but I know my brother well enough that his regret about that will weigh heavily on him for a while, if not always, and that is enough for me.
Of course, he ever does it again, and then I won’t think twice before I bury his body. “I’m sorry, too.”
Gabby’s swing has slowed down, and her attention is on her uncle. Ollie notices and pauses his swinging, reaching over to tickle her belly.
When he straightens back up, his eyes meet mine as if it just registered what I said. “What are you sorry for?”
“We weren’t trying to keep our relationship a secret.
It was just uncharted territory for us, and we wanted to figure it out on how to navigate it before going public.
Not to mention, I didn’t need to put my love life under scrutiny yet again after everything that went down with Joel.
There wasn’t any additional motive behind him asking me to move in.
He was just trying to help. And yes, I’ve always had a thing for him—”
Ollie’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “A thing,” Ollie mouths, and I flip him off before continuing.
“But in the beginning, we were strictly platonic. Over time, it blossomed into more. It blossomed into everything. He was the one to heal my broken heart.” Tears form behind my eyes, but I’ve cried enough today. “We were going to tell you, though. After today, that is.”
“I know. He told me.”
I freeze. They spoke? Is that why I haven’t heard from Rhyland? Did they continue their brawl since I wasn’t there to come between them? I grab my brother’s hands and inspect his knuckles before flipping his palms over to the sky.
He laughs. “What are you doing?”
“Just checking for any signs that you might have hurt him.”
He pulls his hands from mine and holds his hands up innocently. “No violence, I promise. He blew off his day off and came in to work and confronted me and Archer. He told us everything.”
I wince. Everything? Please don’t tell me he told my brothers that he went down on me in the kitchen, breaking Lord knows how many health code violations.
No, I don’t think he would’ve done that.
He’s quite a possessive man to share those details, especially with his girlfriend’s family, no matter what his relationship is with the guys.
“We may not have fought, but I did threaten him just in case he ever hurt you. I may be his best friend, but foremost, I’m your big brother.”
Clasping my hands together, I hold them over my heart. “Oh, my heroes,” I sarcastically say.
“But I apparently didn’t need to offer my threats.”
“What do you mean?” The wheels in my brain take off, going a mile a minute in scenarios.
Ollie must sense it all over my face because he quickly rises from the swing and closes the distance between us.
“Hey, breathe, Pay.” He wraps his arms around me in a tight hug. “Stop freaking out, okay? Breathe in and out for me.”
My chest rises and falls in sync with his, but it doesn’t stop the panicked thoughts.
“Did you not need to threaten him because he’s changed his mind?” I shouldn’t have given him this space. God, I was fucking stupid.
Ollie lets out a laugh that vibrates through my body because of his closeness. “Not a fucking chance. When I threatened him, he responded by saying that if he ever hurt you, he would serve himself up on a platter. Rhyland Cole is a good man, Payton.”
“I know that.” The best, in fact.
“He’s also going out of his mind without you. He said he even drove past here on the way to Tilley’s. It’s killing him to give you the space he thinks you need, but do you want to know what I think?”
“I don’t know, do I?”
When I quirk a brow, he mouths, “Asshole.”
“I think what you both need is just each other.”
“When did you get so insightful about love, Ollie?” Seems like it was just yesterday that I was storming his house after Hollie had left and helped him get his head out of his ass, thinking he knew what was the best for them.
He chuckles and presses a kiss to the top of my head. “You can thank my wife for that. Love makes you a little nuts if you haven’t noticed.”
“You wanna stay for dinner? Mom is out picking up probably enough takeout to feed an army.”
“Actually.” He winces. “ I think I’m gonna head out and get back to work.”
“You mean basically you want to avoid Mom because you think she’s not afraid to still punish you for your actions earlier?
” I waggle my brows, and just to mess with him further, I add, “Pretty sure I saw her in her bathroom, looking for your favorite soap.” I only last about two seconds before I lose my composure and laugh.
He pulls me into the crook of his arm and pretends to mess up my hair with a noogie, just like we’re kids. “You little shit.”
“Hey, watch your words around this little one. I wouldn’t be surprised if she learns to say ‘shit’ or ‘fuck’ first.” I mouth the curse words because that would, of course, be my luck that she repeats them after I say it.
Ollie beats me to the swing to get Gabby out of her seat and pulls her against his chest.
“Come on, sis, I’ll walk you both in before I dip.”
“Hate to break it to ya, Ol, but Mom is the least of your problems. Because not only did I talk with Mom, but I also relayed everything to Hollie. Better eat something delicious tonight for dinner because I’m pretty sure you’re a dead man when she gets home.
I felt her fury states away. Surprised you didn’t, too. ”
“Fu—” He hesitates before saying adding a “dge” to the end. And that only makes me laugh harder. As much as I love my brother, he deserves everything that’s coming to him.
“Girlfriend, you are a total hot mess,” I coo at my daughter.
Gabby is sitting in her high chair, covered in sweet potatoes.
She’s as physically a mess as her mama is mentally and emotionally.
I wonder how much of it actually made it into her mouth instead of on her face, in her hair, and on her outfit.
“Oh, please,” Mom says as she enters the kitchen. “That’s nothing compared to what I dealt with with you kids growing up. But what was the rule in this house again?”
“You can play with your food as long as you eat it,” we say in unison.
“Don’t listen to your mommy, sweet pea. You’re just the sweetest thing.” Mom smacks a kiss to my daughter’s cheek and narrowly misses getting smacked with a sweet potato hand.
I notice my mom has something under her arm.
“What do you have there?”
Mom smiles with a look that I don’t know should make me happy or run for the fucking hills.
“I was cleaning out the storage in the garage the other day and came across some things. There’s a pile for each of you to go through, but this item in particular I thought you might like now. I thought it might help you figure things out.”
What could she possibly have that could help me right now? Is it maybe a time machine? But I can’t exactly recall one of those being shoved into the garage for a rainy day.
Mom finally retrieves what she’s holding under her arm, and I gasp as I take in the book. The front cover is a field with brown and dark teal wildflower stickers lining the top and bottom of the cover.
“ Oh my God, I can’t believe you still have this.”
“Oh, sweetie, it wasn’t mine to throw out. I’m sure there are plenty of other things in that garage that you thought were gone forever. We will slowly make our way through it.”
I hug this book to my chest and transform back to the first time I held it in my hands. All fresh, new pages.
Opening the first page, my loud laughter and snort causes both my mom and Gabby to startle.
I twist the book around and show the first page. In colorful block lettering it reads, “ FOR PAYTON ROSE MOSBY’S EYES ONLY! ”
The next page causes me to laugh even more. “ SERIOUSLY IF YOUR NAME ISN’T PAYTON ROSE MOSBY, DO NOT KEEP READING! ”
God, I was ridiculous back then, but this thing besides my very first one—RIP, thanks to Ollie—held all of my secrets. I close the book, unsure if I’m ready to see what sort of secrets it will reveal.
“Well, I will leave you to get reacquainted with your old friend, and I’ll get this little one ready for her bath.”
“Mom, I can do that. You don’t have to.”
She lifts Gabby out of her seat. “Nonsense. Let me spend time with my girl while you’re here.
” She says it as if she knows that this is only temporary.
She’s right, though, isn’t she? The only reason I’m still here is because Ollie said that Rhy went into work.
My phone has stared at me like a ticking time bomb, but what I have to say isn’t a conversation to have over a text or the phone.
It’s for us to be face-to-face, so I’ve been biding my time here until he gets off.
“Thank you, Mom.” I stare down at my childhood diary as if it holds the keys to the world’s most dire questions.
“Of course. And Payton?” I finally break my staring contest with the inanimate object.
“I hope you know you will always have a home here. But I want you to remember that home is where your heart is, and I believe, truly believe, that your heart is with Rhyland. It always has been.” She then turns her attention to Gabby.
“Rub-a-dub-dub, it’s time for Gabby to get into the tub,” she says as they walk out of the room.
I choke on a sob because that makes me recall the first time Rhyland took us to the farmer’s market.
Grabbing the book, I settle into my dad’s favorite reading chair in the living room and wrap myself around his blanket.
If I wasn’t writing in my room, anyone could find me writing in this chair.
If anyone else had sat in Daddy’s chair, he would have kicked them out, but not me.
He would kiss the top of my head and say, “Take your time, sweetheart.”
I bring the blanket to my nose and inhale as if it would still smell like his cologne, but alas, it doesn’t.
I settle into the chair and open the pages.
There are little colorful doodle designs in the corner, but the ones that garner my attention the most are the notes “I love Rhyland” and “Mrs. Rhyland Cole.” God, my younger version of myself was obsessed with him.
Who am I kidding—did I ever even grow out of it? No, I don’t think so.
I flip back to the first page, and just as Mom told me upon my arrival—I start from the beginning.