Chapter 33
Rhyland
I t’s just after ten when I pull into the driveway and put my truck in park. My heart drops to my stomach to see that the other side of the driveway is still empty.
A part of me had hoped that I would come home and see her vehicle. Especially when I saw Ollie finally return—and all in one piece, at that. I had to take that as a good sign. Although if he came in with a black eye or scratch or two, he would have totally deserved it.
Of course, we were so busy today that I couldn’t talk to him. While their conversation was none of my business, I only needed to know one thing. I needed to know she was okay.
Once the kitchen closed for the night, I had two options—sit around until Ollie’s shift ended and talk, or head home and hope she would be there. But choosing option number one meant the chance of making her wait if she had come home.
However, sitting here alone in the driveway, looking at the dark house in front of me, I realize hope is just a four-letter word. It was the one thing that I held on to today.
I drop my head back against the headrest and close my eyes, exhaling a harsh breath.
Maybe I went about this all wrong. I should never have let her go. I thought I was doing the right thing, but what if all I did was end up pushing her away?
What the fuck was I thinking this morning?
Fuck, was all that seriously only this morning?
The empty house taunts me with what could have been. I couldn’t stand to be here in the house without them earlier. How am I to do it now? How am I to crawl into bed, surrounded by sheets that smell like Payton?
I contemplate not going in at all. I could put my truck in reverse and head back to Tilley’s. Maybe spend the night in the kitchen, getting lost in cooking, or sit at the end of the bar and wallow away with a beer or two. Anything to take my mind off feeling like this.
Wasn’t this the exact reason I avoided relationships to begin with?
Even though I feel like this now, and if this is how things end, can I honestly say that I regret it?
No, with all certainty, no. What’s that phrase?
It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
I would never or could never ever regret my time and my feelings with Payton Mosby.
I think I’ve sat in here long enough. Somehow, I drag myself out of the truck and up the pathway. Maybe the darkness can ease the pain, so I don’t even bother turning on the lights as I make my way to the kitchen.
Light fills the kitchen as I open the fridge and grab a beer.
I pop the top and toss it on the counter but hesitate taking a sip.
Instead, I take a seat at the island and pull out my phone.
Just to fucking torture myself, I open up my pictures.
Swiping through the images, I can’t stop the corners of my lips turning upward in a smile.
My pictures went from mainly images of food and ingredients to a few nights out with Ollie and Logan to ones of Payton and Gabby.
I took photos every chance I could, trying to encapsulate the feelings and memories in an image.
The images on the screen show a happy family with love in their eyes.
Each photo brings up a memory. From the selfies Payton insisted on taking with Gabby strapped to my chest to the image of Payton, naked but covered by my blanket, lying in my bed with her hair on the pillow.
Her soft smile, even with closed eyes, sends a jolt to my heart.
I continue swiping, but the good memories outweigh the bad of today. This may be all I have from now on.
My thumb hovers over the Play button on the video on my screen, but before I can talk myself out of it, I press Play to drown out the silence.
“Come on, Gabby, say Ma-ma.” Payton’s voice fills the space. “Come on. You can do it.”
The camera angle changes back and forth from zooming in on Gabby to Payton, who keeps dramatically saying “Ma-ma,” smacking her lips together. She resembles one of those creepy dolls that used to say that one word over and over.
“You can do it, Princess. Say Ma-ma.” I smile at my voice, mimicking hers.
This video snaps something inside me. What are we doing? Why am I giving her this fucking space? I never should have let her leave. That’s not what Payton needs.
What she needs is me at her side, telling her I love her and that she is an amazing mother. What she needs is my support and to know that no matter what, I will always be there for the two of them. She can always count on me.
My words can tell her everything I want, but that’s just what they are—words. Words have the power to break you. Joel used his words as if they were weapons, creating a massacre of her heart just as Ollie did. Only I know Ollie never meant what he said.
It’s my job as her man, as the love of her life, to do everything I can in my power to protect her, stand by her. Disregarding the beer on the counter I never took a sip from, I grab my keys off the counter, making the executive decision to bring her home.
As I make my way to the front door, headlights light up the front window, causing me to freeze. Maybe it’s just a car passing.
My breath stills. Is it her? Is my mind fucking messing with me?
A car door closes, and a shadow walks up the path. I’m frozen in the hallway. Do something. Fucking move, Rhyland.
I still haven’t moved when a key goes into the lock and the lock turns before the door opens, revealing Payton. She hasn’t noticed me standing here in the dark because her focus is on the ground. Even with the light coming from the porch, I can see defeat and sadness etched on her beautiful face.
Payton shuts the door and flicks on the light before finally lifting her gaze, and she screams.
“Rhyland.” She clutches her chest. “Oh my God, you scared the shit out of me. What the fuck?”
Tears fill her eyes as she tries to catch her breath. We stand there frozen in time.
“Hi,” she finally says, breaking the silence between us.
“Hi,” I reply. My chest heaves up and down, and there’s no way she can’t see my reaction to her being here. God, please be here to stay and not just to grab more of her shit.
“You’re home.”
A small smile appears on her face as she says two words that set my world on fire. “I’m home.”