21. Kash
Chapter Twenty-One
KASH
Being lonely was easy.
People didn’t understand that because people were the problem. Without them, I could almost fool myself into being happy. With them, I could never forget the reasons I couldn’t be.
Happiness was overrated anyway.
Strange, how I couldn’t remember a time when I had felt truly happy. It was an odd thing, wasn’t it? And not something I liked to think about too often. There weren’t enough hours in the day to waste feeling sorry for myself. Especially not now.
“Were you able to get in touch with the contact in New York?”
Grayson met my eyes in the rearview mirror.
“Yes, sir, I got the call this morning.”
“And?”
“You were right,” he said. “The proof was all there. We can collect it in New York.”
That got me one step closer. It wasn’t enough, though. If I was really going to do this and do it right, then I needed everything I could get my hands on. The trouble was, I didn’t know who I could trust with this sort of thing. Involving anyone other than Grayson was a risk.
I’d come to trust Grayson, and he was loyal to a fault.
“It’s not enough, but it’s a start,” I said. “Did the item arrive?”
“I picked it up from customs this morning,” Grayson confirmed.
“Good, we’ll take it with us to New York.”
Grayson drove the car through the gates at the front of the Windfield and instead of going straight toward the Inn, he turned left toward a road that was mostly hidden behind trees.
We entered a clearing and I saw a cottage house covered in wisteria, a neat garden full of flowers of all kinds. Naina’s car was parked in the section that probably served as the driveway. There was another car parked next to hers, a black Mercedes S-Class.
The house was hidden away and probably used to serve as the caretakers cottage back when the manor hadn’t been an Inn. In the background information Grayson had provided, I’d found that this property had belonged to Naina’s family for generations. When her great-grandfather gambled away their money and ran away with his mistress, her great-grandmother had turned the manor into an Inn and moved into the cottage house.
Grayson rolled the car to a stop. I picked up the small box that was next to me on the seat.
I exited the car and buttoned my coat, staring up at the house. A little walkway led up to the front door which had a floral wreath hanging on it.
Somehow, I couldn’t picture Naina going through the trouble of putting a wreath on the door or spending hours planting all these flowers. It brought home the point that I didn’t know my wife all that well.
I needed to rectify that situation.
The front door opened as I was going up the walkway and Sami ran out.
“Kash!”
She was enveloping me in a hug before I even knew what had happened. I stood shocked in her embrace before reluctantly patting her on the back.
Easy affection like this was nonexistent in my family. I couldn’t remember the last time I had hugged someone, or someone had hugged me, other than Sami.
“Happy birthday, kiddo.”
Samira pulled back, beaming up at me. As reluctant as she had been letting Naina marry me, she had taken to me since the wedding. I couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing. Still, when she messaged me and asked me to come to her birthday dinner, I agreed.
“Thank you! And thanks for coming, I’m sure you’re busy.”
“I wouldn’t miss this,” I said. “As requested.”
I handed her the bundle of books I had my new assistant buy. Along with her invite, Sami had clearly stated that if I was going to buy her a present then she would prefer books. But a present was definitely not necessary.
“Thanks!” She hugged the package to her chest.
I looked up and found Naina standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. She was wearing a thin-strapped dark pink sundress that reached just above her ankles. But it was the fucking bow at the center of her breasts that drew my attention. It reminded me of the dress she had changed into on our wedding day.
Every time I saw her, it was like I was seeing her for the first time. There was something about Naina that made her irresistible.
A shadow appeared behind Naina and when it moved closer, I saw it was a man. He was almost as tall as me and was standing way too close to my wife for my liking.
“What are you doing here?” Naina asked.
“I invited him,” Sami said.
Naina scowled as I walked up the path and up the steps. Sami pushed in ahead of me, disappearing into the house. The man stood in the entryway behind Naina with a matching scowl on his face, distrust radiating off of him in waves.
Leaning in, I pressed my mouth to her cheek, before whispering, “Who is he?”
Naina’s lashes fluttered and she looked over her shoulder before a slow smile lifted her mouth.
“An option.”
She couldn’t be serious. Stepping back, Naina wrapped her hand on his arm, the same hand that had my ring on it.
“Nick, this is Kash.” She pulled him forward with the brightest smile on her face that I suspected wasn’t genuine. “Kash, this is Nick, one of my best friends.”
Friend. I highly doubted that. Not if Naina considered him an option. This wasn’t who she belonged with. She would be bored in two days, and I didn’t need him to talk to know that.
I glared at him and he matched it with his own. Reaching out, I wrapped my arm around Naina’s waist, pulling her into my side. She gave me a sweet smile that was so fake anyone could see right through it.
“Sweetheart, you didn’t tell me you were inviting your friend,” I said.
“I would have but we didn’t get a chance to talk this week since you’ve been so busy,” she gritted out.
“Does she need to clear it by who she invites to her house?” Nick asked.
“Nick.” Naina’s tone was completely exasperated.
“I’m sorry, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this.” Nick waved his hand toward us. “You can’t expect me to believe that you fell in love and eloped without telling a single soul about it.”
Who the fuck was this guy?
“Don’t ever talk to my wife like that.” My voice was calm, betraying none of the anger I felt towards this whole situation. “I don’t care who you are. Naina doesn’t owe you an explanation.”
“I don’t need an explanation, I need to believe that you’re not manipulating my friend and taking advantage of her when she’s grieving. Nothing about this situation makes me think otherwise.”
Anger was poisonous. I learned that when I was just eight years old, locked with my father in his office. He used his anger to mold me until he thought I would be his shadow. Being his shadow would have meant I had to be as cruel as him.
The one thing I did learn from him was control. Where he lost it behind closed doors, I never did. The situation with Drew was unique. Just as it would be with Nick for thinking he had any right on my wife.
The choice was made in the blink of an eye, certainty flooding through me.
“Nick, I don’t except you to trust Kash,” Naina said. “I do except you to trust and respect my decision. And you,” she turned to me, eyes icy, “come with me.”
Grinding my jaw, I pushed past Nick and followed Naina deeper into the house. The house was so much smaller than any I was used to and filled with flowers. So many flowers and one that dotted almost every surface? Marigolds.
Vibrant marigolds in red, yellow, and orange, their sweet scent lingering in the air. All the windows were open to keep the scent from being overwhelming.
Naina pushed open a door and ushered me inside, closing the door behind us.
“Your friend worries about you a lot,” I said.
“Vera was worried about you,” Naina hissed. She didn’t get to be angry. She and her option didn’t get to take the moral high ground on this.
“Vera is my cousin! She’s not a friend .”
“Ugh, stop saying friend like that,” she snapped. “Nick is not interested in me. He treats me like a sister, always has.”
I opened my mouth and Naina help up her hand.
“And, he’s in love with someone else. Someone who is not me. I asked him to trust me, and I’m asking the same of you.”
Hadn’t we gone over this already? I didn’t trust anyone. Trust was fragile, trust needed to be earned. The fact was that no one cared to earn mine. They all expected it and they all thought they had it because I let them believe it. I didn’t want them to trust me anymore than I wanted to trust them.
Because trust also created a bond between two people, and I didn’t want was to be tied to another person who had expectations from me. Who took from me without giving anything back.
“What about you, Naina? Do you trust me?”
Her throat moved with a swallow. Reaching out, she ran her finger along the edge of a desk and it was the first time I noticed the room we were in was an office. Papers were filed on the desk haphazardly being weighed down with a stapler, a coffee mug sat on the edge, the desk chair looked old and worn.
“I’m trying to,” Naina said, finally meeting my eyes. “You don’t make it easy.”
“I’m doing what you asked. I don’t know what more I can do.”
She was the only person for whom I would do this.
Naina’s eyes moved towards the door. We couldn’t spend the night here and yet, I didn’t want to let her leave until we had hashed this out.
“Yeah, and I appreciate you telling me that you’re a cat person because I wouldn’t have guessed it based on the fact that you have two cats.” Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply.
“That didn’t come out how I meant it to,” she said, eyes downcast as she fingered her gold bangles. “I do appreciate you telling me these things because I understand it’s hard for you. None of this is easy for me, either. So I don’t need you coming in here and getting jealous of my friends. This is not a real marriage, remember?”
I almost wanted to laugh. Did she think it was going to be this easy? Nothing between us was easy.
Stepping close to her, I tucked a finger under her chin and raised her head until those soul sucking eyes met mine. She smelled like lilacs, and all I wanted to do was bury my head between her thighs and make her come over and over again until she screamed my name.
“You said you’re brave enough to take whatever comes next. I have a marriage certificate that says this marriage is real,” I reminded her.
“It says that you are my wife. Do you know what that means, Naina? It means you. Are. Mine. As long as you wear my ring, you are my wife. If you want to play games, you should be ready to face the consequences.”
“I’m not playing games,” Naina protested.
“Naina, you’re the definition of ‘fuck around and find out’. An option? ” I scoffed. “What did you think was going to happen?”
I told myself I only needed this temporary relationship from her because my family wouldn’t allow for anything else.
But clearly, I was lying to myself. Again. Because now that she was standing in front of me and I was touching her, all I wanted to do was strip her out of those clothes and show her exactly what it meant to be mine.
Naina pushed away from me, a small v appearing between her troubled eyes. She shook her head.
“This isn’t real, Kash. It can’t be real.”
She turned and opened the door, hurrying out of the room.
Oh, Goldie. That’s where you’re wrong. This became real a long time ago. We both needed to stop lying to ourselves.