32. Naina
Chapter Thirty-Two
NAINA
I don’t like the ocean.
Me too.
I slept until 11:00am. I couldn’t remember when I fell asleep or when Kash left the bed. There could have been a fire and I wouldn’t have woken up. My sleep was dark and dreamless, this time the good kind. No monsters chased me, nothing reached out of the darkness.
Kash really was magic.
If I thought my first test as Mrs. Sutherland was the dreadful family dinner, then I was wrong. It was going to be tonight.
Kash was taking me to an event to some gallery in SoHo. When I asked him who was going to be there, he shrugged and answered ‘people’. I assumed that to mean his kind of people. People who grew up in giant houses, with trust funds, who never worried about a thing in their lives.
“You look great,” Sami said, from where she was sprawled on the bed. I twisted this way and that in the mirror, looking at my dress.
“You think?”
It was a bottle green dress that reached just above my ankles and had these pale, silvery flowers throughout that you couldn’t really see unless I was standing directly under the lights. The bodice was tight, the skirt flowed out. It was demure, but flirty.
“I know. I see you in the mirror,” Sami said.
She had a magazine open in front of her, her feet swinging in the air.
“Pink or red?” I held up two lipsticks.
“Pink is flirty, but red is sexy,” she said. “Red.”
Searching through my make-up bag, I found the red lipliner and outlined my lips before swiping on the lipstick.
“Sami, do you ever think we should sell the Inn?” I asked.
I didn’t know what made me do it now, maybe a good night’s sleep.
Sami frowned, looking up from the magazine.
“Why would we do that? We have the money now to renovate.”
I tucked the lipstick into my clutch, so I didn’t have to look at her.
“I know, I just thought, what if we gave the money back? We could sell the Inn and use the money to get an apartment in San Francisco, or wherever you want. I could maybe go back to being a lawyer.”
I chanced a glance in the mirror. Sami was sitting up in bed, her legs tucked under her. Her expression stony.
“You want to go back to being a lawyer? Why? So you can ignore me again?”
I winced as her words sliced through me.
“That’s not going to happen,” I said, my voice thin. I turned to face her, and somehow, the coldness of her expression was easier to take in the mirror.
“Do you realize I have seen more of you in the last six months than the last five or six years?” Sami demanded. “You had a job, I get it. But the job didn’t allow you to call or come home. Weeks or months would go by before I even received a text from you. I don’t think living in the same apartment is going to make a difference.”
I sat down on the chair by the window, my legs suddenly not strong enough to support me.
“I’m so sorry, Sami,” I said hoarsely. “Sometimes your intensions are not wrong, but their impact is.”
“I know, and I know you’re sorry. I see it every day, which is why I never said anything. We’re all we have. Our closest family lives eight thousand miles away and requires a visa and an expensive plane ticket to visit.”
Well, I could at least be happy that the therapy was paying off. Samira was more emotionally mature than me. She wasn’t afraid to say what she felt, and I was grateful for that. One of us needed to keep a clear head.
“Why do you want to sell it now?” Sami asked. “Until last month you were determined to keep it and now, we actually have the money to do the things we need to do and you want to sell it?”
“I contacted the agent then, as well. She didn’t get back to me until now,” I said.
I knew I was avoiding answering her question. Because I wasn’t sure how to answer it. Saving the Inn was all I wanted until I had the opportunity to save it. Somehow it just felt wrong. Almost too easy. I had the money; I could do whatever I wanted with it. I wished, more than anything, that I could call my dad and ask him for some guidance. He would have known exactly the right thing to say.
“I don’t want to sell the Inn, didi,” Sami said. “It’s our home.”
“I know it is. But unless SFV decides to shut down the resort, I don’t see how renovating is going to make a difference. I can’t stop worrying about the future.”
“We have to try,” Sami said. “And if it doesn’t work, then you have to seduce the billionaire and get him to shut down the resort.”
I gave a watery laugh, blinking to clear the tears away. The billionaire was too eager to be seduced, it wasn’t going to take much.
“I’ll get right on that,” I said.
I hoped the night was going as Kash had planned it. I was as interested in art and photography as the next person, and the photos being showcased were gorgeous. Whoever the artist was, they were beyond talented.
I picked up a glass of champagne off a tray carried by a passing waiter and I waited, and I tried to entertain myself.
People watching was an art all on its own. And the person I watched was my husband as he talked to the millionth person who had discovered Kash Sutherland was in the gallery.
At first, I stood by his side like a good wife and he had introduced me to a couple of people he knew. And then the pitches started.
Apparently, when you had Sutherland levels of money, everyone wanted a piece. Why the hell was I so resistant to having his money, then?
“Bored?”
I turned, finding a tall man beside me. His brown hair was swept back stylishly, full mouth tilted up into a smile that could be called angelic if it weren’t for the devilish gleam in his grey-blue eyes.
“Distantly entertained,” I said.
He chuckled lightly. “That’s an interesting way of saying bored out of your mind.”
I wasn’t sure who he was, but something about him made me return that smile.
“I’ve already taken a round of the gallery, looked at all the photographs. At this point, the only thing left for me to do is pick a photo and stare blankly at it while everyone thinks I’m deep in thought,” I said.
I thought tonight would be more like…a date. I knew it wasn’t, and that I had my boundaries which I was desperately clinging to, despite wanting to give them up. A part of me just hoped. Instead, Kash was mingling with people.
My eyes sought him involuntarily, and found him talking to a woman across the room. She looked young, maybe in her early twenties. They looked deep in conversation, her hand resting on his arm. Something hot twisted inside my stomach as I forced myself to look away.
“That’s actually my strategy whenever my mother forces me to go to these things,” the man said. “She picks the event and time, I have to show up, and she always makes sure they are tedious and painful.”
I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I found myself oddly charmed. Entertained, at the very least. Whoever he was, he provided a good distraction from my thoughts.
“Lex Kingston,” he said, offering me his hand. “And you’re Naina Sutherland.”
I took his hand, a little confused. “How did you know?”
“I know Kash. He’s a perfectionist, and he wasn’t going to give up five years of celibacy for anything less than perfection.”
What?
What?
WHAT??
“Lex, stop flirting with my wife.”
Kash appeared next to me, his arm sliding around my waist. I looked up at him, a little confused, a lot astounded. Five years of celibacy, Lex said.
Kash and I met five years ago.
But Kash didn’t remember that night. His celibacy couldn’t have anything to do with me. That was preposterous and wishful thinking.
Kash gave me a devastating smile, causing my heart to thunder in my chest.
Why was he doing this to me?
“I was merely keeping her company,” Lex said. “Isn’t that right, Naina?”
“We were actually just talking about you,” I agreed.
“Were you? Because I heard you call my wife perfect.”
Our bodies were pressed against each other, and it was a little hard to think.
“Was I wrong?” Lex said.
“Of course not.” Kash kissed my temple, his fingers digging into my waist, holding me tightly against him. “It’s time for us to leave.”
I wished Lex a good night and Kash shook his hand before leading me outside. Grayson was parked in front of the gallery, the car idling.
Kash tugged my hand as I moved towards the car.
“Do you want to go for a walk with me?”
“My sandals.” I lifted my foot to show him the six-inch heels. They were good for standing around, not for walking.
Kash had it covered, though. He grabbed a pair of flats from the car, crouching down in front of me to unclasp the strap of the sandal. I pushed my hand through his hair and it was just as thick and silky as I remembered from our wedding day.
“I like you on your knees for me,” I whispered.
Kash looked up, mouth tilting up into the sexiest smile.
“Sweetheart, just say the word and I will gladly spend all my time here.”
He devastated me. By the time we divorced, I would be goo.
“Good to know,” I said.
My sandals switched to flats, Kash told Grayson we were going to walk for a while. When he offered me his hand, I gladly took it.
It was a nice night actually, the temperature cool enough to be outside. The ever-present cacophony of Manhattan surrounding us. It reminded me of the night we met. We left the roof to go inside but inside had been too loud and crowded, so Kash had suggested we leave. We ended up going on a walk.
“Do you miss living here?” Kash asked, bringing me back from the memories.
Exactly how much information had he found when he looked into me?
I tilted my head back and forth.
“I don’t know. I don’t really miss the restlessness, the eagerness. The drive to get somewhere fast. As you well know, fast is not how I do things.”
“Is that why you haven’t picked an interior designer for the Windfield yet?”
I dodged a pile of garbage bags before looking up at him.
“How do you know?”
“Samira mentioned it.”
I wrinkled my nose. When did he have the time to talk to my sister about the Windfield?
“It’s one of the reasons. I have many.”
“Name one, maybe I can help.”
Uh, yeah, that was part of the problem. The idea that I couldn’t do this on my own and needed someone’s help.
I used to be the independent child, the one who wanted to explore and learn everything. I was determined to conquer the world.
Wonder what she would think if she saw us now? So confused and helpless.
“Can I ask you something?” I looked up at him inquisitively.
The look he gave me was half exasperation, half teasing. “I don’t think saying no is going to stop you.”
I wasn’t going to push him though. After overhearing that conversation with his father, I understood Kash better, whether he wanted me to or not. The conversation hung between us, neither of us willing to acknowledge it. He didn’t want my pity or comfort, and all I wanted was to wrap him up and hide him from the world.
He pulled me to a stop.
“Why me?” I asked.
Kash tilted his head, leaning forward slightly. “What do you mean?”
“Why ask me to marry you when you could literally have anyone?”
Kash laughed humorlessly, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Naina, you can’t really be asking me this.”
“Well, I am!”
This was not really the place to have this conversation, though there was no way I could stop the words.
“I. Want. You,” Kash said through gritted teeth. “How many times do I have to tell you to convince you? Until you stop running from what’s right in front of you? I want you, not someone else. ”
“Why do you want me?” I waved a hand over myself. “In case you haven’t noticed, giant fucking mess over here.”
Kash’s eyes flashed with anger.
“You drive me absolutely mad, do you know that? Yeah, you’re a mess. So am I. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? I want you because you have been fighting every single day for what you want. You’re strong, and resilient, and so goddamn stubborn I don’t know what to do with you half the time, whether I should worship you, fuck you until you can’t remember your name or force you to your knees and make you swallow my cock.”
His words heated my blood, desire coursing through my veins, pounding between my legs. Okay, so that answered my question.
“You wouldn’t dare,” I breathed quietly.
Kash jerked forward suddenly, thrusting his hand into my hair and pulling my head back so my face was tilted up towards him.
“Wouldn’t I?” His eyes were molten fire. “Don’t you always say you don’t know me? You can’t know what I would or wouldn’t do. I’m not as nice as you think I am, sweetheart.”
“I never thought you were nice.”
His mouth descended on mine in a bruising kiss. Our mouths melded together, and I sank into him. Kash’s other arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to his body.
His lips were as soft as feathers, stealing the breath from my lungs. I had the strangest thought that breathing was so much sweeter when it was from his mouth on mine.
The kiss was devouring, Kash’s hand gripping my waist tight enough to bruise. I felt his erection pressing against my stomach insistently.
This was a kiss meant to make you forget all other kisses. It was meant to make you forget the world.
All sensations dulled until all I felt was Kash, his lips, his tongue, his hands on my body. I was a live wire, and he had just lit the first spark.
“Tell me I can’t pull you into an alley and fuck you right here,” Kash whispered harshly.
I pulled in enough air to be able to speak.
“It would be unsanitary.”
Kash groaned, teeth grazing my bottom lip.
“Is that what you want? Do you like the thrill of getting caught, of me being buried balls deep inside you with the risk of someone seeing us?”
I never thought I would be into exhibition kink. My sex life could be described as vanilla with a sprinkle of cinnamon; sometimes I enjoyed something different. But it wasn’t just the thrill of getting caught. It was about risking being caught with Kash.
It was only with Kash that I forgot all my inhibitions.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I want.”
The skies opened up above us.