51. Kash
Chapter Fifty-One
KASH
Naina lay with her head on my chest, her body half over mine. I had one arm behind my head, the other running up and down her arm slowly.
I was staring up at the skylight, not that there were any stars visible in the city. Naina’s chest moved up and down with mine, our breathing in sync.
How many near death experiences could a person have in life? I had the absurd thought that death was chasing Naina. But it couldn’t have her because I had lain claim to her soul.
The weight of our whispered secrets hung in the air, dispersed around us like we had expelled them from our bodies.
With the Institute closed and only the two of us in here, it felt like we were at the end of the world.
“Kash?”
I hummed.
“Do you think I’m a bad person?”
My hand stilled on her arm, and I shifted so Naina was lying on the blanket and I was hovering over her. She watched me with troubled eyes.
“Why do you think that, sweetheart?”
Naina brushed her hand over my shirt, her eyes tracking her fingers.
“I left when I should have stayed, and I didn’t look back. Sami thinks I ignored my family. And it didn’t really get me anything. Where is the dream career I wanted? It was all for nothing.”
She carried around so much guilt over her actions. I was right when I said her father wouldn’t have hated her for it. I didn’t know him, but I could say with confidence that he loved his children. I could see it reflected in them, reflected in Naina.
“Naina, if you’re looking for someone to hate you or be angry with you for your actions, I’m never going to be that person. You’re the best person I know. Sami might be upset, but that doesn’t make you wrong or bad. It’s okay to choose your peace of mind, Naina. I never could.”
Naina’s eyes flickered up to mine, shadows dancing in their depths.
“I told you before, baby. Making a choice is a choice. Because so many people don’t even do that and let shit happen to them. I’m the biggest example of that. I stayed because I had no choice. I felt like I didn’t have any choice until I met you, and it was like the world opened up. You have never once shirked any of your responsibilities, I have never heard you complain that it’s too much. You took over the Inn and you are trying your best. No one gets to fucking tell you otherwise.”
Naina swiped a tear and suddenly sat up, pushing me back onto the blanket. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders, cheeks glowing red. I tucked my arms behind my head because this was a view I could watch my whole life.
“There’s something I need to tell you. Please don’t get upset.” Naina smoothed down her dress. “I don’t have any expectations, I just need to say it because if I don’t then I’m going to overthink again.”
“Go ahead.”
I would give her anything she asked for her, that wasn’t hyperbole. More money for the Inn, a country, an island, the moon and stars. I would lay it all at her feet. She only had to ask.
Naina’s eyes met mine, clear as the cloudless sky.
“I love you.”
I froze, the smile dropping from my face. Naina’s eyes held mine, and I didn’t see a flicker in them, nothing to indicate she was going to take the words back.
“You love me?” I asked, my voice tight.
“Yes.” Her head jerked in a nod. “I am in love with you. You don’t have to say it back, I know it’s not the same for you. Like I said, I don’t have any expectations. I don’t know how else to tell you how amazing you are. How much I wish I could heal all your scars or find a way to go back in time to keep them from happening in the first place. I wish I could take you away from them, and I would never give you back because they don’t deserve you.”
Her shoulder lifted in a shrug. “I love you.”
I stared at her silently.
When you had everything in life and never had to ask for anything, nothing satisfied.
I never needed anything in life, and I became accustomed to its rhythm a long time ago.
I was going along without complains, without thought, letting things happen to me.
I didn’t even wonder why my mother was the only one to ever say she loved me. I used to think she said it because I allowed her to choose her career over fighting with my father for custody of me.
Those words held no true meaning for me.
Until Naina said them.
It wasn’t until I heard her say those words that I realized I was fucking starving to hear them.
A small dip appeared between Naina’s brows.
“Are you angry at me? I know you said you don’t want all this, and I promise I’m never goi?—”
I sat up suddenly, so we were face to face. There was a freckle just above her lip that matched the small scar on mine. I cupped her cheek, thumbing her bottoming lip.
“Why do you make me want things I shouldn’t want?”
She looked at me with wide, guileless eyes. “Like what?”
“Like you.”
“Why shouldn’t you want me?”
“Because I love you. I love you, and I want to keep you safe. I shouldn’t want you.”
It was her turn to be surprised now.
“You do?”
I nodded. “I do. I love you, Naina.”
Her eyes filled with tears again. I hated when she cried. Why did she have to cry?
“You’re not just saying that?” Her voice was clogged with tears.
I brushed away her tears with my thumbs, leaning in to kiss her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her lips.
“I wouldn’t say anything I didn’t mean. I love you, Naina. With a desperation that rivals everything else.”
My heart soared at finally being able to say the words. I wasn’t sure of what our future held, but I was sure I loved her. I was sure I would die loving her.
Naina brushed her lips against me, in a kiss soft as feathers. Her tongue swiped out to gently brush against my bottom lip and I parted my mouth for her, letting her in. She tasted like chocolate and champagne and Naina.
Pulling back, she hooked me with those eyes.
“Being with you is the safest I have ever felt.”
I fell back, taking her with me, back to the position we had been in with her head resting over my heart.
The heart that only beat for her.
“ This is how I expected our date to go,” Naina said.
I pressed my mouth against her head, hiding my laugh.
“Do you feel this lightness? Right here?” Naina pressed her hand against my sternum.
“Yeah.”
It felt like a rock had been lifted off my chest, and I could finally breathe.
A worry also niggled at the back of my head.
She loved me now.
I wondered what she would say if she knew all the things I had done to get her here.