49. Number one happy place
CHAPTER 49
Number one happy place
CALUM
It’s today. The boys are pumped. So am I. Cathie and I won’t share the stage. She’ll perform before us, giving Mace and I a front row to her performance. But it’s impossible to savour the excitement when she’s this tense and threatening to bore a hole into the rug with her constant pacing. I stay close to the door. The more the distance between us, the lesser Cathie’s chances of getting mad. My last attempt at trying to calm her resulted in a sandal thrown at my face.
This time I came with reinforcement. The boys were nowhere to be found, but Mace had no choice. His arms and feet dangle out of the carrier strapped to my chest. Mum wanted to take him while Cathie performed, but I wanted both of us to watch from backstage. He has his noise cancellation headphones, so he can’t hear a thing beside the playlists I created for him.
“Cathie,” I mutter when she halts before the window. No reply. Her fingers brush the cream curtains, and she shakes her head. I clear my throat to call her attention to me. “Superstar.”
Cathie spins on her heels and speed-walks towards me. Her boots hit the floor in determined strides. “Cal.” A step or two away from me, she stops and groans into her palms. Blue eyes peek between her fingers and her lower lip quivers. “I think I forgot the lyrics to the song.”
I laugh, and she smacks my arm. “No, you didn’t. The words are inside you. You can’t forget them.”
“Yes, I can. What are words?”
Pacing in front of us, she fails to notice I changed Mace’s outfit, so the colour matches her dress. Or that I’m wearing a shirt that has the same pattern as her dress. The boys are all in on it. Scott had the costume designers fix that for us once we found out what we were wearing.
“What if they find out I can’t sing and they call me a fraud?” she says to thin air. She stops abruptly and bursts into tears. “Oh my God. Cal, I really forgot my lyrics. How do I start?”
Coming up from behind, I hug her as best as I can with Mace between us. I turn her around to wipe the tears staining her cheeks. Mace notices his mama and his fingertips brush her nose. She sniffs and swipes her forearm across her nose. She never wants our son to see her cry.
“You’ll do great, Superstar,” I tell her.
“You only say that to make me feel better,” she murmurs. And because she’s more awesome than she thinks. Tears line her eyes. “I’m going to go out there and mess it up. I’ll ruin it.”
“No, you won’t.” I lead her to the bed and sit us down. Mace tries to grab her, but his carrier limits him. Curling a finger under her jaw, I wiggle my brows until her lips quirk in the tiniest smile. “You are already a superstar. All you need is a stage and you’ll blow everyone away.”
“Yeah, I’ll blow everyone away with my poor performance,” she says with laughter in her voice.
“We will be there cheering you on. Right, Macey?” I say. Taking Mace’s hands, I jam them together, and he giggles. I don’t know if it’s because of the playlist or our smiles. Cathie touches her fingers to his pink headphones. He beams. “Just think of your happy place.”
Cathie exhales. “Okay.”
My phone buzzes, and I extract it from my pocket. It’s a voice message from Jason. I didn’t want to say anything to Cathie until we had found it. I grab her wrist as she’s about to stand.
“Hold on,” I say.
Cathie settles back on the bed, her foot bouncing. Much more relaxed, she collects Mace’s headphones to listen to his song. I will never expose him to anything inappropriate, but her smile sends warmth to my chest. She returns his headphones and her gaze lifts to my face.
She’s opening for the band. I’m nervous on her behalf because it’s her first big performance but also excited because the world has been missing out on her voice. Once they hear it, they will want more. I dump my phone on her lap without a word, too nervous to say anything.
“What’s this?” Cathie asks. She picks it up and frowns when she sees the open chat with Jason. We try to keep in touch. “I feel bad for not checking on him as much as I should do.”
“Don’t worry, he understands. The message is for you.” There are two voice notes in the chat with a text between each voice note. She hits play on the first and laughs when Jason’s voice filters into the air. He wanted to wish her the very best on her performance today. She loops her free arm through mine as the first voice note ends. “You have to listen to the second.”
“Sure.”
Silence hangs over us as Cathie hits play on the second voice note. Even Mace understands the importance of this moment because he stays mute. Her fingernails dig into my knee as her best friend’s voice takes over the room. Her head lowers, and a tear drops to her dress. She trembles but doesn’t let go of me. Unfallen tears sting my eyes. Cathie forwards the message from Jason to herself. I snicker, and she looks up. She kisses my nose first, then my lips. Her thumb brushes the under of my lips, and my insides twist into a knot. Our foreheads touch.
“Can dead people be our happy places?” she whispers.
“I think they can,” I tell her. Linking my fingers through Mace’s, I kiss the top of her nose and continue. “Through their memories. As long as they make you happy, they count.”
Satisfaction lights her blues. The confidence missing earlier takes hold of her. “So you, Mace, Dad, Amelia…”
Goosebumps spread over my skin. I don’t hear the rest of her reply over my pounding heart. She counted me first. I’m her number one happy place. Her elbow digging into my ribs snaps me back to the present. She giggles, and I glimpse the reckless teenager I met at the pub.
“I love you, Mr Calum Dissick,” she says. She kisses Mace’s temple. “And I love you more.”
“Hey,” I say.
Laughing, she leaves the room. I glance down at the phone she left on the bed and hit play on the voice note from Amelia.
“ Hey, Catherine Jenkins. It’s Amelia Greene. Your bestest friend in the world. Wait, am I still number one? I better be, Catherine. I wanted to remind you that I love you and am proud of you. I know you’re kicking butts and you already kicked Mr Dissick’s butt .” I grin at this part. Amelia knew her friend too well. If I had the power to bring one person back to life, it would be her. But we have her memories, we will preserve it. “ You’ve got this, Valentina. Kill it. ”
Pride swells in my chest, and tears burn my eyes. Cathie’s confidence might have taken a hit, but I have enough for both of us. I exit the room and text the boys. They are waiting in the car for me. I join them and we start our short journey to the location. Cathie already lost some of her nerves, but she passes me a glance every few seconds. We all have our different rituals before each performance. While Lucas remains his cheerful self, Sam doesn’t talk to anyone.
We arrive at the venue, and bodyguards in suit immediately surround our car. We were lucky no one found out our location, but our privacy is about to end. The guards open our doors, forming a shield around us. Flashlights go on and off. Cathie’s nails sink into my arm, and her head stays down. Lucas goes first with fewer guards. He has always loved the attention.
Screams erupt around us, probably from fans. I maintain the same pace as the hefty guards to stay hidden. Cathie and I haven’t discussed the privacy of our relationship or son. Fans will find out eventually, but at what time? Ours or the paparazzi? We enter inside. It’s quieter.
Cathie shudders, her breath unsteady. It’s surreal, but you get used to it. We are guided to the large dressing room. Cathie is up first, so the crew directs their attention to her. She’s pulled into a chair in front of the mirror. Makeup starts. Her hair is tugged and curled to perfection.
“I’m here,” I mouth to her a few times.
Others take charge of me and the boys’ appearance. I dab a brush over Mace’s nose, and he tries to eat the tip. I snatch it out of his reach, and laughter echoes behind us. Lucas snorts. He’s the most chilled before every performance. I can’t wait for him to be a father. Sam too.
Hours pass in a blur. Soon, Cathie is being prepped for the stage. I try to be there, but there are busy people around her, setting things up to make it perfect. We hear the dull roar of the crowd from backstage. Once she walks out there, there’s no protection from them anymore.
“I’m nervous,” she says when we are finally alone.
There’s a wall behind us and a curtain in front to hide us from others. It’s the only way to get privacy. “Me too,” I say. She laughs. I kiss her softly and release her. The crowd better love my baby or there will be a problem. “You can do it. Think about us. All your happy places.”
Her eyes close. A moment later, she nods and leaves. I stay back for a few minutes to calm my nerves. New artists open for us all the time. We reserve opening acts for them. The fans usually don’t know who’s opening until that day. It’s a fun surprise for all of us. Each time, it was a success.
Today won’t be different.
I step out to see the boys near the entrance of the stage. They are all seated on high barstools. There’s an empty seat between Lucas and Sam. I plop into it without an invitation. Our performance starts ten minutes after Cathie leaves the stage. We shouldn’t be here. We should be doing final checks to confirm everything is ready.
“She will do great,” says a female voice. I look over my shoulder to see Mum. I wave her over. Sam gives up his stool and walks back in to bring another. Mace is asleep on my chest.
Mum smiles at him, her fingers rustling his curls. “You want to carry him?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says. She sits on the stool Sam vacated, and I drop Mace on her lap with the carrier. I stretch out my arms and hear a faint pop. Mum chuckles. “He looks so peaceful.”
“Yeah.” His headphones are still plugged in. I adjust it to prevent it from slipping off.
The place quietens as Cathie grabs the microphone. A single light centres on her, highlighting her frame. The recorded version of her song plays in the background. She looks in my direction. I don’t know if she can see me with the bright lights, but I give her two thumbs up.
“This one is dedicated to my best friend, Amelia,” she whispers into the microphone. That’s my girl. Her voice is steady. It’s hard to believe she was tensed minutes ago. I’m the nervous wreck now. I grab Mum’s hand, eyes glued to Cathie. “And all the ones cancer stole from us.”
Cathie cocks her head and grips the microphone with both hands. Anxiety digs into my skin, and my chest tightens. The first line of the song leaves her lips. I sag in the chair as the song progresses. She sings it better live. The crowd has their phones high in the air, their torches turned on. They wave in gentle synchrony, becoming one with Cathie as she sings out her heart.
“ Fly pretty angel ,” Cathie sings. The light settles on her face, showing the tears rolling down her cheeks. Her voice catches, and her emotion bleeds into the rest of the chorus. People sniff behind me. Tears trickle down my face. That’s the power of Cathie’s voice. It demands you to feel with her. “ Keep the clouds warm for me, so when I join you, we will fly together.”
The song ends, and the one thing we have never experienced happens with her. Utter silence. In a place with thousands of people, she attains a pin-drop silence. Cathie darts me a frantic glance. Her expression is one of horror. I try to speak, but I’m still spellbound by her voice.
“Err… thank you for listening to me,” Cathie murmurs. No one moves. She lets out a nervous laugh. The microphone drops to the floor, creating a screeching sound that makes us wince. She jumps back. Her hand shakes as she desperately tries to fix the microphone. Someone walks to the stage to help her. Once it’s fixed, she whispers, “Sorry about that. Okay. Bye.”
I finally get my feet to move as she’s racing backstage, and she jumps into my arms. Face hidden in my chest, she says, “I think I scarred them for life, Cal.” My body rumbles with laughter, and her head slowly lifts. I kiss her forehead, and she beams. “How did I do?”
“Great. You did great, Superstar.”