Chapter 14
Amanda spread the paper out in front of her and thought for a long while before she put her quill to paper.
There was not much of it, so she was going to be as economical as she could with her supply, since she thought that paper was likely to be a precious commodity. She decided to write to Claire first.
My dearest Claire,
No doubt you have been worrying about me, but I want to reassure you that I am in good health and good spirits. I was sold off by Father, just as you were, and at first, I was very afraid, but I seem to have landed in a good place.
She paused, wondering whether to tell her about the old man in the coach, then decided not to. It was not important anyway, and would only worry her.
I have landed on my feet here, Claire. I am in a community of people who need my help, and I am doing what I love, seeing to their needs and looking after them.
I think I may even have a baby to deliver soon (not my own, don’t worry!) It is quite a long story, but the man for whom I work is called Hamish McNeill, and although I was a little doubtful about him at first, he seems to be a good person who cares about his people.
I have to say I’m enjoying my work, although it is quite exhausting sometimes.
Father forced me into the profession of a healer, but I love it, although I am sure he would not be glad to hear that, since his mission in life seems to be to make us all suffer.
Yet, he has not succeeded, since I have found my reason for living. Anyway, enough about me.
How are you feeling? Please write back to me and tell me if you have any problems, Lady Ross.
I think about you and Rose all the time, and I miss you both so much.
Please tell me you are well; I know that pregnant ladies often suffer little setbacks, but I hope you have someone competent to help you, although I do wish I was there.
Please be assured that I think of you every day, dear sister, and I love you so much.
Your own,
Amanda.
Amanda folded and sealed the letter, then began on the next one. As before, she thought long and hard before putting the quill to paper. Rose was nothing like Claire, and now that she was a mother and a wife, her whole world would have changed.
My Dearest Rose,
I know you have been worrying about me and I want to reassure you that I am safe, well, and in good spirits.
Father sold me too, but through a somewhat complicated route I ended up among some decent people doing what I love—healing and taking care of people.
I feel as though I have found my reason for living, and for me, that means everything.
The leader of these people is a man called Hamish McNeill. I was a bit doubtful of him at first, since he seemed very intimidating, but now I feel that he is a decent person who cares for his community.
I am writing this to assure you that I’m fine, but I want to know about you, Cormac and Barbara. Is Babs crawling yet? Does she look like her father or her mother? Is she a lively little thing or placid and calm?
I really wish I was there with you all, since I miss you so much. I am placing this letter into good hands, so I know it will reach you.
Please contact me as soon as you can, give my love to Babs and Cormac, but most of all, take loads and loads for yourself.
Your own,
Amanda.
Amanda sealed the second letter then sat back and sighed.
She was surprised at how hard it had been to put her thoughts down on paper, since she had not seen her sisters for so long.
However, she smiled at the thought of Rose’s and Claire’s faces as they opened their letters and saw Amanda’s handwriting.
She knew they would be thrilled, and the thought warmed her heart.
Amanda stood up, stretched, then strode outside to take the letters to Hamish, but when she reached his tent she found it empty.
Puzzled, she looked around the camp to see if she could see him, then was startled to hear a distant neigh and the tail of Hamish’s stallion as he disappeared into the forest.
Amanda frowned and went to the stables to find her mare still saddled from the last time she had ridden her.
She was mystified as to the reason, but she mounted the horse carefully, remembering that she was still a novice.
She was unable to ride fast, but fortunately Hamish did not seem to be in a hurry, and she was able to follow him at a reasonable pace.
What is he doing? she thought, remembering that he had told her how dangerous it was to go into the forest alone. Is he meeting someone? Fiona? At the thought of that, a spear of jealousy pierced her.
Presently, she saw a line of trees, and noticed that Hamish’s horse was tied loosely to one of them. She dismounted from her mare, then tied her next to the stallion. Her heart was beating furiously as she wondered what she was going to find, and an awful feeling of foreboding assailed her.
Amanda crept forward and then stopped abruptly as she saw the last thing she had expected to see. She had thought he would be meeting someone, but Hamish was doing no such thing. He was kneeling between two worn headstones, head bowed.
She saw him laying down a large bouquet of wildflowers between the two tombstones, then she heard the deep rumble of his voice as he spoke, but could not make out the words he was saying. Was he praying?
She crept closer, then heard that he was not praying, but speaking to the people in the grave as though they were alive.
He looked relaxed and more at ease than she had ever seen him, as though the weight of maintaining the illusion of authority and strength had been taken off his shoulders for a while.
“Mammy, Da, I think I have some good news,” he murmured. “Everyone in the camp is doing well, especially Jimmy. I think he might be falling in love with the young lady who helps with the cooking, although I am not sure if she feels the same!” Then he laughed, before giving a loud, sad sigh.
“The villagers of Inchkeith are in dire straits, though. Now, I don’t want to get your hopes up, but a woman has come into the camp.
She was meant to be going to Struan, but we caught her and brought her here.
She is a wonderful healer, and she gives me hope when I need it most, but I don’t want to put her in danger.
I might be closer to taking back the castle with her help. ”
Amanda could not hear his words clearly, but he was obviously asking questions as though seeking advice, since he paused from time to time as if listening for an answer.
“Do I love her?” he asked, and his voice held a note of surprise.
“I-I am fond of her. She seems to be a good woman, but love? The way you two loved each other? I’m not sure.
” he shrugged. “There is no time for love in my life. I am using all my love to look after my people, and I am not sure I have any to spare.”
Then Amanda remembered hearing him doing the same thing when she was riding alongside him; this was obviously the way he kept in touch with his parents, who were no longer able to communicate with him here on earth.
If Hamish thought they could hear him and talk back to him, it gave him comfort, and she did not think less of him for that, since there had obviously been a lot of love between them.
How she envied him that love…
Amanda stepped forward to hear him better, then stood on a twig which snapped under her feet. The noise was only a little crack, but in the stillness of the forest it sounded like a musket shot, and Hamish leapt to his feet and whipped around in one fluid movement.
He picked up the sword he had placed on the ground beside him and raised it as if to bring it down on her head, and his expression as he met her eyes was a fierce glare. Yet, there were tears in his eyes and on his cheeks, and as he looked at her, his expression softened.
Amanda gasped and took a step backwards. “I-I’m sorry,” she said. “I did not mean to intrude on your privacy.”
Hamish opened his mouth to answer her, but at that moment there was a harsh cry from behind them.
“Trespassers! Trespassers!” someone was shouting as he crashed through the trees on his horse.
Hamish gave a growl then, before Amanda could say a word, she found herself seated on Hamish’s stallion, then he leapt up in front of her and turned his horse in a tight circle to follow the guard.
She heard hooves thundering behind them and screamed as an arrow whistled past her ear, then bent down in the saddle, trying to make herself as small a target as possible. She screwed her eyes shut and clamped her hands over her ears.
Amanda had never been so terrified in her life, and became even more so as she heard the keening scream of an injured horse behind her and realised that her own mare had been hurt.
Her blood ran cold, and she almost felt the poor animal’s pain herself.
She wanted to jump off Hamish’s mount to run back and tend to her injured mare, but of course, that was impossible.
Amanda had seen plenty of injured people and animals in her time, and knew what the poor creature was going through. The worst of it all was that an animal had no understanding of why it was in pain, and no idea that it could be helped, and she felt her heartbreaking for her faithful little horse.
However, after another arrow whizzed past them, she forgot about everything else but staying alive.
The hoofbeats of one of the guards’ horses were so close that Amanda could feel the ground vibrating under them.
When she heard an almighty yell from its rider ordering them to stop, she almost begged Hamish to obey him.
She was so consumed by fear that she could not imagine anything worse than sitting on Hamish’s stallion waiting to die.
Hamish would not have been human if he had not felt fear, but his overwhelming emotion was rage—an overwhelming wrath against his brother, the likes of which he had never felt before. He yelled a filthy obscenity at Struan’s man, then threw a dagger at him.
It had no effect on the rider, but it narrowly missed the horse’s ear, and caused it to swerve, rear, and give a frightened neigh, its eyes wild with fear.
When its front feet landed on solid ground again, the animal was so confused and panicked that it galloped backwards into the throng of other horses that were chasing them, scattering them so that they ran in all directions. Any further pursuit was now impossible.
Hamish urged his stallion on, and soon they had left their enemies behind. Amanda almost fainted with relief.
As soon as they arrived back at the camp, Hamish swung down from his stallion then pulled Amanda down after him, and for a moment, he did nothing but stare down at her.
He was a picture of rage, his brows drawn down over eyes that blazed with fury, then he ran his hand back through his hair and gave a deep growl.
“What were you thinking?” he demanded. “Why did you follow me so close to the castle? Don’t you know how dangerous it is?”
Amanda’s rage flared up to meet his. “And how would I know how close to the castle we are?” she demanded. “I have no idea where we are.” She sighed, letting herself cool down. “I am so sorry for intruding on your privacy, Hamish.”
“I’m not worried too much about my privacy,” he snapped. “Only the danger we were in. Struan’s guards are ruthless, and they almost caught us.”
“But tell me, how are we going to get my horse back?” Amanda was anxious. “She was injured, and might be suffering… I’m worried about her.”
“Dying is the best thing that could happen to her,” Hamish barked. “She will be lucky if they don’t torture her before they kill her.”
Amanda’s heart twisted with pain, thinking of the lovely, patient young horse who was suffering because of her.
Although she was in pain because of Hamish’s cruelty, she held her tears back with a great effort, then turned and walked away from him.
Now she had other things to think about; there were men who needed her help, and they came first. It was time for her to do what she did best and forget about her own troubles.
When she had finished her work for the day, Amanda threw herself onto her cot and began to weep until she had no tears left. The day which had started off so well had descended into an utter disaster, and now even Hamish hated her.
She could not drag her thoughts away from her poor horse. If she had broken her leg she would likely be put down, hopefully in a merciful fashion, but now Amanda would never know.
That evening, she ate nothing, and did not leave the tent once. It seemed that all of a sudden she had no reason to do so.