Chapter 55
Chapter Fifty-Five
I didn’t want to stop glowing. I wanted to glow brighter like the glowworms. I hadn’t found my Fionn in Jack, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t in someone else. I stared at Mairéad’s last challenge – Go out, get drunk, have some fun!! It seemed a bit of a sad thing to do on my own, but then why the hell not? It didn’t really matter, anyway. I could be whoever I wanted to be and no one would know. No one would know who I really was or what I was really like.
When I got back to Irish Eyes lodge, I slipped on my mustard dress because I was determined to wear it other than when I found out about Jack. It needed to become symbolic in a positive way. I let my hair fall loose around my shoulders. I didn’t try and straighten it or tame it down. I let it be as wild as it had always wanted to be. I let it be free.
I walked into the town. It was a beautiful evening, the air was warm and people smiled like they knew me as I passed them by on the pavement. I’d decided to go into the nearest bar. There were tables outside and music spilled from the open windows. Usually that’s where I would be, but if I was going to do it I had to do it inside, where everyone’s breath would be on me. I saw a space at the bar, kept my eyes fixed on it and made my way over.
‘Vodka-lime-and-soda, please,’ I said to the bartender, because that’s what Una always drank at home and it seemed to do the trick for her.
I drank it quickly and then ordered another. The music got louder at the same time as my head got fuzzier, and I didn’t notice him straight away but when I focused I realised the man a few seats down from me was Tim.
‘Tim!’ I waved him over and he got up with a stumble. He was as drunk as me and I was glad.
‘Are you following me?’ he said with a slur, and I laughed.
Close up, Tim’s eyes had flecks of green in them, and I’m not sure how I didn’t notice before.
‘No. Are you following me?’ I said over the music.
‘Definitely not.’
‘How did it go?’
‘How did what go?’
‘You know, Nicola’s ashes, did you let them go up there?’
He paused for a moment.
‘Yes.’
‘Was it OK?’
‘I had to make sure I let her go in the right direction.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The wind,’ he said. ‘I had to make sure the wind was right, otherwise, well you know…’
‘Oh, right, yes of course. I’m glad it was OK. At least she wasn’t eaten by fish.’
Tim let out a laugh and I felt guilty that I’d made him laugh at his dead wife’s expense.
‘What are you doing here?’ he changed the subject.
‘Getting drunk, you?’
‘Same.’
‘Do you want to get drunk together?’
‘Why not.’ He shrugged.
‘I never asked you what you did for a living?’
‘I’m a weatherman,’ he said.
‘You’re joking?’
‘No, why would I be joking?’
‘It’s just that I’ve never met a real-life weatherman before,’ I said.
‘Well there’s a first time for everything.’
‘So you would have known the weather forecast when you went up Roy’s Peak?’
‘Yep.’ He nodded. ‘I waited all week to do it.’
‘Wow. What’s the weather like tomorrow?’ I shouted over the buzz in the room.
‘Sunshine all day.’
‘Great!’
‘So what do you do?’
‘Nothing as glamorous as you, I work in a shop.’
‘Nothing wrong with that.’
‘I like it.’
‘That’s all that matters,’ Tim said. ‘You said on the bus you’d come out for someone? I got the vibe it didn’t go as planned?’
So, Tim had listened.
‘Ah, yes, that. Well, I came out to surprise a guy, but it turned out he was engaged to someone else so, yeah, I feel like a bit of an idiot.’
‘Did you know he was with someone?’
‘No.’
‘Then he’s the idiot, not you.’
‘Thanks, Niall.’
‘Tim.’
‘Huh?’
‘You said thanks, Niall . Was that his name?’
‘Oh God, did I? No, Niall is a friend from home,’ I said sheepishly. ‘What about you, do you think you’ll ever meet anyone else?’
‘There will never be another Nicola.’
‘Of course not, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy.’
It felt good to be helping someone else for once.
‘Do you fancy a dance?’ I turned to the crowd that had formed behind us.
‘I don’t dance.’ Tim shook his head.
‘Neither do I.’ I grinned. Then – ‘For Nicola?’
I reached out my hand, and to my surprise, Tim took it.
We moved onto the dance floor, sandwiched between people who held their drinks in the air as they bopped up and down excitedly to the tune of a song I didn’t recognise.
Beer splashed over us, like waves onto the deck of an old ship trying to stay afloat at sea. It soaked my clothes, my hair, my face but I didn’t care. I held my arms up in sync with the music, swayed them next to Tim who joined in. I let the salty air stick to my skin as bodies brushed against mine, pushing me and Tim closer until I could actually feel the heat between us. I looped my arms around Tim’s neck because it just felt like the right thing to do and he didn’t stop me.
The floor bounced in tune with my heartbeat, and I allowed it to drown out the sound of my mind the way I needed it to. I let the room take me; let my body rub against Tim’s. I leant in to his ear. The music was too loud to speak so I shouted.
‘Did she leave you a sign?’
Tim looked at me intensely and then he shouted back.
‘Yes. You.’