Chapter Eighteen
Amanda had been eagerly awaiting Rosemary’s arrival, peeking out the window every time she thought she heard a car.
Finally, Rosemary pulled into the driveway.
Amanda stepped out on the porch and waved wildly from the second-level front door of The Shell Collector. “Rosemary! Hello. I’m so glad you could come.”
“She’s here!” Jesse scooted around Amanda and bounded down the stairs with Hailey right on his heels.
Rosemary got out of her car to a bouncing hello. “Hi! Wow! What a pleasant welcome! I feel like a princess.”
Jesse and Hailey giggled over that reference to their first meeting.
“We’re going to teach you to collect shells,” Hailey said. “I’ve got an extra bag you can use.” She thrust one of her mesh shell-collecting bags toward Rosemary. The one with the seahorse fabric trim and shoulder straps.
“Thank you, Hailey. This is so pretty.”
“It’s one of my favorites,” Hailey said proudly. “I wanted you to find pretty stuff, and this is a lucky collecting bag.”
Rosemary cocked her head. “Do you think we might find a shell with a message in it like people talk about?”
Hailey’s eyes widened. “If we’re lucky. The shells with messages are very special…You can ask Mom.”
“I’m honored.” Rosemary flashed a friendly smile toward Amanda.
“Do you want to come up and have some tea first?” Amanda asked.
“No. I’m dying to get on the beach. I can’t believe how long it’s been since I walked along the surf. I’ve missed it so.”
“Then let’s go.” Amanda came downstairs, and the four of them headed for the sandy path to the beach.
“Thanks for coming,” Amanda said again. Being around Rosemary was such a pleasure. She was positive and warm, like an old friend.
Hailey and Jesse raced ahead of them.
“My friend Kathleen said we were going to go walk on the beach this morning.”
“You’ve already been?”
“Not actually. We got dressed and drove down to the other end of the beach. She said it was her favorite spot, but all we did was sit on top of the dune. No walking. We just sat there. Don’t get me wrong. It’s beautiful, and very different from my ocean in Hawaii, but I love to walk in the wet sand. Feel it under my feet.”
“I know what you mean. It’s so grounding.”
“Exactly.”
“Well, come on. The kids and I are so excited to share our little piece of Whelk’s Island with you. We have some favorite spots where we seem to always find the best shells. You can walk, splash, dig—heck, we’ll bury you if you want.”
“Now, this is my kind of fun—well, except the burying part. Never understood that.”
“Me either. It’s so itchy!”
“I know. But all the rest, I feel lucky to be in on the family plan,” Rosemary said.
They walked over the weathered dune and down to the water. There had been very little activity down here since the storm. The sand looked so smooth, and the shells shone like little neon signs saying “Pick me!”
Amanda couldn’t stop smiling. It was so nice to walk on the beach. The kids’ giggles hung in the wind, rising and falling with the break of each wave as they jumped and splashed ankle deep in the water.
She picked up a shell or two as they walked, and Rosemary already had a few little pieces of sea glass in her bag.
“This reminds me of walks with my husband, Kai. We could walk and enjoy the beauty, never having to speak a single word.”
“It’s special when you don’t have to fill every moment with small talk. You just know what’s going on in their head.”
“You and Paul seem to have that.”
Amanda nodded. “We do. We are very good together.”
“Yet you aren’t married?”
“No.” The thought of being married again scared and excited her at the same time. “I lost my husband, Jack, three years ago. Paul was the best man in our wedding. He and Jack were in the Marines together.” Jack’s last goodbye echoed so clearly in her mind to this day. “Jack left just before Christmas. It was supposed to be a six-month deployment, but he didn’t make it back.”
“I’m so sorry.” Rosemary sighed. “I didn’t know.”
Amanda lowered her voice. “It’s been hard. It’s hard to know what to do. I’d never want to dishonor Jack’s memory.”
“You’re a young woman. No one expects you to never love or marry again.”
“I know that in my mind, but inside it’s just really hard to navigate.”
“It’s always easier when it’s not your own problem. Experience speaking here,” Rosemary said. “But is it more your concern over what other people will think? What do you think? This is your life, and you get to take the path that feels right for you.”
“I guess I’m afraid to make a mistake,” Amanda whispered. “It’s not just me. It’s the kids too. I never planned to make those big decisions alone.”
“Honey, we all make mistakes. Luckily, we all have a reverse too. I understand what you’re feeling. Even selling our farm after Kai died was very hard to qualify…. That’s not the word I’m looking for, but you know what I mean. I felt like I owed everyone an explanation, but really it was all in my heart’s timeline. If you ever need to talk, people say I’m a good listener. But first, talk to Paul. He may feel the same.”
“That’s so hard.”
“No, it’s not. Do it. You’ll gain clarity, and it will all seem so much easier.”
“Why do I keep meeting smart older ladies?” Amanda laughed. “I’m so grateful my kids spotted you at that gas station. I can’t imagine going through life and never having got the chance to meet you. Thank you for being you.”
“I feel quite the same. This is a special connection meant to be.”
“My friend Maeve, she was too. She owned the house I live in now. I met her when I first moved to Whelk’s Island. I was trying to figure out how I was going to raise my children alone. I was so broken. Maeve was walking the beach one day, and the kids talked to her. For some reason, Maeve took us under her wing. She really helped me understand and navigate the grief I was grappling with. She was a very special friend, and I carry so many lessons with me from her.”
“I’ve heard her name several times. When did she pass?”
“We lost her last year. She was like the matriarch of this town. Kind and wise. I’m so grateful that our paths crossed. She had a profound impact on my life in the brief time we had.”
“That kind of friendship doesn’t come along often.”
“No, it does not.” Amanda knew how blessed she was, and how it had touched every corner of her life.
“I lost my Kai almost four years ago.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Amanda said.
“Thank you. I’m still figuring things out. Too bad Maeve isn’t still around.”
“I can do my best,” Amanda said. “I’m no Maeve, but I’ve walked your path. Still walkin’.” The wind whipped her hair forward. She chased it back over her shoulder and pulled a tie from her wrist to put it up. “Some things she made me aware of seem so simple now, but they were game changers.”
“Look!” Hailey and Jesse came running up to them. Both had treasures to share.
Hailey held up a chunk of green sea glass, and Jesse cradled a huge whelk shell.
“Mom, this is like the one we found before, but with no message in it.” Jesse put it to his ear. “Still pretty cool. It has stripes like a tiger.”
“Does the ocean roar inside?” Rosemary prompted.
He put it back to his ear. “Yes!”
“Good finds, guys,” Amanda said. She noticed how entertained Rosemary was by their excitement. “Maeve taught them about the treasures of the ocean. They are shell and sea glass maniacs now. Hailey can tell you which are the rarest from most to least, like it’s the list of the presidents of the United States.”
“Good, clean fun. Can’t beat it.” Rosemary stopped. “Was that thunder?”
“No. It’s those bulldozers. They are still moving sand. I think that’s going to be part of the background noise for a while.”
“I don’t really have my bearings. So, was Tug’s Diner up that way?”
“Yeah, we will walk right behind where it once stood. The kids and I walk down there a few times a week. When we first moved here, it felt like such a hike, but now there’s nothing to it. I’m still in shock that Tug’s Diner is gone.”
They walked on, and as they neared the pier, the sounds of reverse alarms on the trucks and equipment carried over the dunes.
Amanda shook her head slowly. “It’s so hard to believe. That diner always felt so safe the way it was built against the dune. It seemed like nothing could take it away.”
“I think Tug is still in shock,” Rosemary said.
“I’m really worried about him.” She trudged up the sand. “Losing Maeve was hard on him. They were best friends, but Tug was in love with Maeve. They had so much history.”
“They both grew up here?”
“Yes, and he was in love with her, but his best friend got the girl. When Jarvis died, I think Tug assumed he and Maeve would eventually be together, but Maeve died with Jarvis still very much alive in her heart. Tug took care of her. Checked on her, made sure she was well fed.”
“I don’t doubt that,” Rosemary said with a laugh. “I think I gained three pounds hanging out with him.”
“Tug’s a good man.”
“So, he lost his soulmate. Married or not, the connection was there,” Rosemary said. “And now the diner is gone.”
“Yes. I hate that he lost the diner,” Amanda said. “Tug was that diner! I can’t imagine him not having it.”
“Well, it’s hard work to run a business every day, even when it’s your life’s work,” Rosemary said. “It was a big decision for me to let go of the macadamia farm, but I know now that it was the right one.”
“I know. I am trying to remember that he’s older. He’s agreed to help me with my business while he’s deciding. I’m so thankful for that. Paul and I have chosen to relocate what’s left of Salt of the Earth to a retail spot in Paws. It’ll be a big change. I could really use Tug’s help.”
“I don’t think I realized you had a business of your own. I just assumed you and Paul worked Paws together.”
“No. I run a small herb salt business. It had been a dream of mine. I started it in the tiny bungalow where the kids and I lived when we first moved here. It was all I could afford. A real fixer-upper, but it was perfect right on the beach. We loved it.”
“Home is a feeling and doesn’t have a thing to do with how fancy a place is.”
“Exactly. When Maeve got sicker, she offered me her beach house so I could use the bungalow for my business. It was very generous of her.”
“It sure was. It’s a beautiful home.”
“It is. Memories of Maeve are so present in there. I think it’s what has helped all of us get through losing her, because we still feel like we’re keeping her love for the place alive. I’m sure Hailey will want to show you the shell room. It was Maeve’s favorite room in the house.” Amanda swept a tear away. “She’s deeply missed.”
“Yes. I know how that is. Only, I’m afraid to let anything else take up any space and chase Kai from my heart. It’s so silly, but I feel like I’m protecting that space for him.”
Amanda took Rosemary’s hand. “Our hearts are so fragile, but nothing can take our memories.”
“Thank goodness.”
“Mom!”
The scream sent Amanda into a panic. She swung left and right, trying to track Hailey and Jesse. “What’s wrong?”
“Look, Mom!”
“Y’all scared me to death! You can’t scream like that.” She didn’t mean to yell at them, but what in the world caused them to screech like that?
“But look. It’s impossible. It’s a miracle,” Hailey said with all the drama that convinced Amanda she was going to be in for one heck of a time when her little girl became a teenager.
“A miracle, huh?”
Hailey made a cocky “I told you so” face and held up a shell.
Amanda couldn’t believe it. “No way.” She took the shell from her daughter. “This is a miracle.”
“What?” Rosemary asked.
Amanda leaned in, showing her the shell. “This shell used to be on the wall in Tug’s Diner. I can’t believe it. You’re right, Hailey. It’s a miracle you found this.”
“I know. It’s amazing.” Hailey grabbed Jesse’s hand. “Come on. Let’s keep looking.”
Amanda glanced from the stretch of beach where they found it back to where the diner used to be. “Wow. So, this town has a long history of shells with messages in them showing up for the right people at the right time. Over the years, some people who’ve found these special shells have sent them back to the town or directly to Tug to hang in the diner.” Amanda was so tempted to tell Rosemary that Maeve had been the magic behind them, but that was a secret that she and Tug would hold forever.
“Really? Did you ever find one?”
“I did. I still have the first one I found on my nightstand. Actually, the kids found it on our hike back to the bungalow. It was a quote from Havelock Ellis that said, ‘All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.’?”
“Words to live by,” Rosemary said. “I like that, and I feel like that is something I could work on.”
“Honestly, it changed my life. I was in such a dark place. Grappling with the grief of losing Jack and how to be a good mother to these two without him.”
“You know, maybe finding that shell will be enough to get Tug reengaged too. Might give him a little hope.”
Amanda brightened. “Maybe. That would be wonderful.”
“Maybe we should help the kids and see what else we might find.” Rosemary hitched her treasure bag higher on her shoulder. “I’m armed and ready.”
“I love that idea. I wish they’d let us get up closer to where the building is.”
“I’m sure all we’d need is Tug’s permission. It’s his insurance that is covering the place should someone get hurt. I don’t think the town really can do anything but try to keep people out for safety’s sake, but they have a lot of other things on their plate.”
“Let’s see what we find out here. You take that way and I’ll go this way.”
“Divide and conquer. I like it.”
Amanda was kicking through a pile of debris when something shiny caught her eye up in the sea oats. She tried to run, but this part of the beach was soft, and it was like running in place before she finally got any forward momentum. A big stockpot lay among the beaten-down grass.
She picked it up and hugged it. Tug’s things, pieces of the diner’s history, all tossed around like confetti.
When they got back together, they had some silverware and a big cast-iron pan that Amanda finally convinced Jesse to leave behind because it was so heavy. The stockpot, a barstool top, and a light fixture were also part of their collection.
Jesse squatted to inspect the pile. “Do you think he’d want any of this junk?”
“I don’t know, Jess. It’s kind of sad, isn’t it?”
He squinched his nose and nodded. “Yeah. It makes me sad.”
“Sorry, buddy. We’ll feel better if we can help Tug feel better. What do you say we take the shell and the pot back to the house? We’ll tuck them away and maybe find something special to make from them later when we figure out what’s going to happen to the diner. For now, it can be our secret.” Amanda looked at Hailey and Jesse. “What do you think?”
“I think that’s a good idea. We don’t want to make Tug sad,” Hailey said. “Should we put this other stuff somewhere up on the dune, just in case he wants to find it?”
“Sure. I think that’s a good idea. And we’ll save this for the time being. Agreed?” Amanda put her hand in the middle, and the kids piled theirs on top. Rosemary did too. “The secret is tucked away for now.”
They walked back toward Amanda’s beach house.
Rosemary lifted her arms, letting the gentle breeze blow her dress as she walked. “It’s so calm here today. I can only imagine what it was like during the storm. The trees were bending so far over I can’t believe they didn’t break. Thinking of this calm water making its way up over that dune is incredible. And now it’s peaceful.”
“It is. I guess it got all its aggravation out in the storm.”
“My daughter and I have been going through some storms. I’m trying to figure out how we can find peace.”
“What’s going on?”
“She was going through her divorce when I lost Kai. I guess with both of us trying to find our new lives alone, it made sense that we would support each other. I got a wonderful offer on the farm. Hard to pass up. I was so sad and lonely, and I think I knew deep down it might not be a good solution to move in with Nina, but I just couldn’t bear to be surrounded by nearly fifty years of memories. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”
“You’re living with your daughter now?”
“Yes, back in Philadelphia, which is part of the problem too. No beach. Nina opened her home to me, but we are not seeing eye to eye, and my grief just follows me wherever I go. Now I have the added burden of my daughter treating me like a teenager, and it’s driving me crazy. ‘Don’t do this, Mom. Be careful. You can’t do that. You’re too old to do that.’?” Rosemary blew out a breath that fluttered her bangs. “Oh Lord, I raised her. Doesn’t she remember I’m the one that taught her all those sensible things?”
“Oh boy. I know my mom and I couldn’t live together. She makes me nuts for the same reason,” Amanda said with a laugh. “But I’m sure it’s worse when you’re the mom feeling smothered.”
“I need to do something. I can’t stay there.”
“Are you thinking of going back to Hawaii?”
“No. I don’t think that’s the solution either. That’s just it. I don’t even know what I want. And I am sure it’s not all Nina, although, in fairness to her, I’ve probably made her feel that way. I even sort of convinced myself she pushed me a bit to sell the farm, but I know that’s not the case. It was an amazing deal. I don’t have to worry about money. I am financially secure. I could do something, but I just don’t know what. I’m sure I’m making her miserable too.”
“Well, give yourself some time. I’m a good listener too. We’ll help each other.”
“Kathleen loaded me up with a bunch of self-help books from when she lost her husband.”
“Good luck with that. You might have more problems after reading them,” Amanda teased. “I must’ve gotten a dozen books from people when Jack died. Half of them made me feel worse.”
“Kathleen thinks I just need to meet people and start dating. She’s so outgoing, though. Even in school, she was like that. The life of the party.”
“I could see you as the life of the party,” Amanda insisted. “Everyone fell in love with you the second they met you. You should stick around here. I’d love to have you as a neighbor.”
“It feels good to be back on the sand. I didn’t even realize how much I’d longed for the sound of the water and the feel of the sand between my toes. I’ve missed it. Maybe that’s why I’ve been a little cranky with Nina too.”
“I can’t imagine living anywhere else. The walks on the beach sort of saved me after I lost Jack. You know, while you’re in town, you are welcome to park at my house and walk on the beach whenever you like. It’s my favorite stretch, and it’s pretty quiet most of the time since there is no public access. We’ve got towels and anything you could need right there in the storage room at the stairs. You’re welcome to grab a chair, towels, shell bag, a hat, sunscreen—whatever you need.”
“I’ll take you up on that. Maybe I’ll bring one of those books and settle in for a day of reading out here.”
They walked back up the path to the house. Jesse and Hailey were already running up the stairs to go inside when Amanda and Rosemary got to the sidewalk.
“And if you want company, we’re just a shout away.” Amanda stopped at the steps and brushed the sand from her feet. “You’ll find your pace and your place, Rosemary. I moved after Jack died. It helps. Solves nothing, but it reframed things for me. Give yourself grace. Probably the best advice I have to give you came from one of those shells I found.”
Rosemary was all ears. “I’m listening.”
“Interrupt worry with gratitude.”
“Oh gosh. That puts a different spin on things in my situation with Nina, doesn’t it? I am grateful that she opened her home to me. I love her—it’s just really hard living with her as adults. Actually, I think the two of you would be really good friends if you ever met.”
Amanda shrugged. “The right thing will happen. Come on upstairs. I’d love to show you the house.”
Rosemary paused. “I’m going to take a rain check on that. You have brought me so much joy today. Right now I’m feeling very motivated to do some thinking. Thank you for indulging an old woman. What you said has me feeling strong enough to take a hard look at my life. Maybe there’s something I’m meant to do. I need a purpose.”
“You’ll find your gift for this season of your life. I’m excited for you.”
“I’m sure I will. At least the last few days, I’ve felt useful and connected to others.”
“You know,” Amanda said, “I don’t want to sound preachy, but if you’re not busy Sunday, the kids and I would love you to join us for church. We walk down. It’s a nice way to quiet the mind before the service. You could meet us here and we’ll walk down together.”
“It’s been a while since I’ve been to church. I’d really like that.”
“Good. Service is at eleven, so if you want to get here around ten-thirty, we’ll have plenty of time to walk down. It’s just a couple of blocks from my shop. Further now, but the kids still like the walk, and I like that it burns up some of their energy.”
Rosemary remembered those days when tiring out the young ones was a priority. “I’m always up for a good walk. It’s been invigorating to get moving again. Thank you for the invite.”
“You’re welcome. No pressure. Just know we’ll be glad to have you if it suits you.”
“Great. I’m going to head back to Kathleen’s, but I’d love to come over and cook dinner for you and the kids one night. My treat, your kitchen.”
“I can’t turn that down.”
“We could also invite Paul, and you could ask Tug if you like.”
“I think that sounds like a great idea.”
“We can pick a day next week,” Rosemary said.
Amanda watched her new friend walk down the steps and get into her car. She waved. Maeve, Rosemary might not know it, but I know you helped connect these dots. Thank you.