Chapter 12 #2
He was such a wonderful man. How could I turn down his proposal?
It seemed ludicrous. He and I enjoyed discussing books while sitting quietly together in Aunt Maude’s parlor.
He was intelligent and passionate about science, art, forestry, and so many other topics.
I never tired of talking to him. Unlike some of his other family members, he didn’t see his wealth as something to be paraded about or exploited.
He wanted to do good with the blessings he’d been given.
Saying no to marrying him was just as preposterous as everything else I’d experienced since moving into Aunt Maude’s house.
We danced for almost fifteen minutes, and when our quadrille came to an end, we bowed at each other and then at the audience as they clapped enthusiastically.
Mrs. Vanderbilt stood nearby with Mrs. Astor and both of their faces were very pleased.
George offered me his arm as we moved to the edges of the dance floor to watch the next group descend and enter the ballroom.
“You were magnificent,” George said to me, leaning close, for my ears alone. “I almost feel sorry for all the other young women in our quadrille. No one noticed anyone else but you.”
“George,” I said, playfully chastising him.
“It’s true. Look. They’re still watching you.”
I did as he suggested and glanced around the room. Dozens of men and women were still looking at me. But it was only one man who caught my eye and made me pause.
Alec.
It took another hour before the real dancing began. As soon as the Spanish-themed quadrille, the last one of the evening, came to an end, Mr. and Mrs. Vanderbilt walked to the center of the room and the orchestra began a waltz.
“May I have the first dance?” George asked me.
“Of course.”
“And the last?”
I glanced toward the other side of the room where I had seen Alec, but everyone had moved and he had disappeared.
George waited, so I smiled and nodded. “I would be honored.”
His grin was wide and infectious as he took my dance card and filled in his name, then whisked me onto the dance floor.
Here, we were surrounded by people, but no one could hear us as we moved over the parquet floor. I was not surprised when George spoke to me again.
“I’m in love with you,” he said. It was obvious he was nervous, but he didn’t let it stop him.
“I’ve never met anyone like you, Clara. I love seeing the world through your eyes.
You’re intelligent, kind, and you make everything come alive in a way it never has before.
I’m excited about the future and all the places we could see and experience together.
I want to marry you, if you’ll have me.”
“Oh, George.”
He shook his head, as if to stop me. “I know what you’re going to say, Clara.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“Because hope is a dangerous mistress. It makes us do and say things we know we’ll regret, though we can’t help ourselves.”
My hand lay gently inside his and I squeezed it. “I care for you deeply.”
“I know you do.” He pulled me a little closer. “That’s why this confounded hope inside me won’t die.”
“You know we’re going to Europe.”
“Of course I do.”
“My aunt has her sights set on an aristocratic match.”
“I would be blind and foolish not to know that.”
“Then why do you ask me this question?”
He sighed, but there was a teasing gleam in his eyes. “Perhaps I had hoped you would be willing to elope.”
I didn’t even bother to respond to his statement.
It was out of the question, for both of us.
His family would disown him if he did something like that.
And, despite my reservations, I’d made a promise to Aunt Maude.
She’d spent so much money on me. I needed to marry a titled lord to help pay it back.
It was the reason I couldn’t love Alec.
“Do you want to live in England and be married to a stodgy earl or duke?” he asked, his mood darkening.
It would be easy to pretend with George, like I did with all the others, but I didn’t want to. “No.”
“Then why are you agreeing to it?”
I gave him a look. “How many young women in this room have a choice?” For me, the alternative wasn’t worth thinking about.
“I won’t hide my affections, Clara,” he said, pulling me even closer. “The whole world will know I’m in love with you. And no matter which earl or duke your aunt picks for you, he’ll always know that you have my heart.”
We were silent as we finished our waltz and when it was done, several men approached, asking to be placed on my dance card. I glanced around, looking for Alec, hoping he’d ask me for a dance.
He was standing near Annabelle, and they were laughing together as he wrote his name on her card.
Jealousy wrapped around my heart as men vied for my attention. I absently said yes to whomever asked but couldn’t take my eyes off Alec and Annabelle. Her cheeks were glowing and her eyes shone as she smiled at him.
When Alec turned and caught my eye, he paused, but I couldn’t read his expression.
Instead of approaching, smiling, or even acknowledging that he knew me, he turned and walked away.
Tears burned at the backs of my eyes, and I had to blink furiously to keep them at bay as the strains of the next dance began.
My partner found me and soon we were circling around the room.
I tried not to let Alec’s rejection hurt. I’d never had his affection, so I shouldn’t feel such pain at the loss of it.
Dance after dance, I faced a new, eager partner, all of them wealthy and among the social elite.
Their compliments flowed like honey off their practiced tongues.
It became sickeningly sweet and cloyed at my mood.
If they knew me—the real me—they wouldn’t be saying such things.
How many of these men had noticed me on opening night at the Metropolitan Opera House when I had stood outside selling fabric flowers?
Only one. Alec.
My head began to hurt and I needed a break. I should have looked for Aunt Maude, my chaperone, to walk with me into Mrs. Vanderbilt’s garden, but I didn’t have enough time—nor did I have the patience to listen to her critiques.
I slipped through the crowd and moved toward the doors, stepping out into the cool evening.
There were torches around the beautiful garden, spilling light onto the hedge-lined paths. A large gazebo sat at the back of the property, along with benches throughout.
I moved away from the house, the cold March air making gooseflesh rise on my bare skin.
Several couples meandered through the parklike setting, though I couldn’t make out their features. As I walked along the path, I noticed a man sitting on a bench under the branches of a weeping willow.
He stood, and though I couldn’t see his face, I recognized the set of his shoulders and the way he held himself.
It was Alec.
I paused and a part of me wanted to turn and walk away. I wanted him to feel the rejection I’d just felt by him in the ballroom. And put my feelings for him behind me. Forever.
Yet—I could never do that to him.
“Keira.” His voice was low, but it traveled toward me and caressed my heart. It was the way he said it—tender and gentle.
I moved aside the branches and slipped into the little shelter. The orchestra music filtered into the garden, and the torches danced in the breeze, but here, the light didn’t reach us.
I stopped just inside the cover but didn’t approach him.
“Hello, Keira.”
“Hello, Alec.”
“You stole the show tonight. You’re a graceful dancer. All those hours of practice were worth the effort.”
I didn’t respond, my heart still sore from seeing him with Annabelle.
“I should get back.” I turned to leave, but he moved forward and took hold of my hand.
Memories of when he’d stopped me on Christmas evening resurfaced and my heart pounded as I turned back to him.
“Don’t go yet.”
My breathing was shallow as he stood close to me, his hand still grasping mine.
“Why not?” I asked, my pain making me bold. “You had no interest in acknowledging me or dancing with me earlier. Why should I stay here now?”
“I’m sorry.”
I waited for him to explain himself, but he didn’t, so I started to leave again.
He held my hand, gently pulling me closer to him. “Please, Keira.”
“I should return to George.” I wanted to make Alec as jealous as I’d been when I saw him with Annabelle. “He proposed to me tonight.”
Alec stiffened. “You cannot marry him.”
“Why not?”
“You know why.” His voice was hard. “Aunt Maude has different plans for you.”
“Let me go, Alec.” I tried pulling my hand away from him. “What do you want?”
His lips were pressed together, as if he was holding back, fighting an internal battle. Finally, he whispered, “You.”
My breath caught as tears filled my eyes. “Is this another lesson? Will I admit that I’m in love with you and you’ll laugh and tell me it was all a game of flirtation that I must learn before going to Europe?”
It was his turn to look surprised as he dropped my hand. “You’re in love with me?”
Tears fell and I banished them with the back of my hand.
“Oh, Keira.”
The way he said it was exactly how I’d said it to George, and it meant the exact same thing.
Disappointment overwhelmed me. “I should return to the ballroom.” I took a step backward. “My dance card is full.”
This time, Alec didn’t stop me.
I wished I hadn’t come into the garden. And I wished I hadn’t agreed to Aunt Maude’s plans.
It hurt too much.