Chapter 13
The SS Oregon was said to be the fastest steamship on the high seas.
As I stood on board the brand-new vessel, watching the endless Atlantic Ocean from the promenade deck, I didn’t have a hard time believing it.
Captain Perry was attempting to earn the coveted Blue Riband title for the fastest eastbound transatlantic crossing, from New York to Ireland, held by a previous ship for the past two years.
Wind tore at my gown and threatened to pull off my hat, which was held in place by two pearl-studded hat pins.
I pressed my hand against it, marveling at the breadth of the Atlantic Ocean.
It was a wonder that I had crossed this body of water one other time in my life, though I had no memory of it.
All I knew was New York City. No doubt I’d been in third-class, with those below deck.
I was both thrilled and terrified to be on my way to Europe.
All I could think about was my mother and whether I would find her.
What if she was no longer living in England or, worse, had died?
Thoughts of my mother soon turned to my family in Five Points.
How were they faring? What would they think if they knew what I was doing with my life?
I didn’t have money of my own, but I was determined that as soon as I did, I would send some to my cousins.
What good was wealth and status if I couldn’t help Imogen out of poverty?
Gallagher stood behind me, near the outer wall of the ladies’ drawing room. She did not like to get close to the railings, deathly afraid of falling overboard. She watched me with apprehension. I hadn’t thought anything could frighten my intrepid lady’s maid.
“Miss Hill.” Mrs. Garfield approached, her daughter, Louise, at her side. “I thought I saw your name on the passenger list.”
I gave a slight curtsey, as I’d been instructed, and nodded at Mrs. Garfield and Louise. I had seen them at several social events throughout the past few months, and most recently at Mrs. Vanderbilt’s party. But we rarely spoke, especially when Aunt Maude wasn’t with me.
“We heard George Vanderbilt tried to get passage on this vessel,” Mrs. Garfield continued, a knowing smile on her face. “But every stateroom was full.”
“I heard the same.”
Mrs. Garfield shared a look with her daughter before turning back to me. “We were surprised an engagement wasn’t announced before the ship left port.”
“An engagement?” I frowned.
“Oh, don’t be coy,” Louise said. “Everyone knows George is in love with you. Surely he has proposed.”
My cheeks warmed under their scrutiny, but I wouldn’t give them the pleasure of knowing one way or the other. Instead, I simply smiled.
“No doubt he’ll be on your heels as soon as we arrive in Europe,” Mrs. Garfield purred.
“I don’t know what Mr. Vanderbilt’s plans are when he’s in Europe,” I told her honestly.
The two ladies shared another look before Mrs. Garfield asked, “Where is your dear Aunt Maude? I would expect her to be promenading with you this first day out to sea, so you could meet everyone on board.”
“Unfortunately, Aunt Maude is not feeling well,” I confessed. “Seasickness.”
“That is unfortunate.” Mrs. Garfield grabbed at her hat as a sudden gust of wind whipped at all of us. “I hope she’ll be recovered enough to join us for supper.”
“I do, too.”
They continued past me, talking in low tones as they bent their heads together. Louise turned once to run her gaze up the length of my gown and lift an eyebrow before turning back to her mother.
With a sigh, I faced Gallagher. “I think I’ll check on Aunt Maude.”
She nodded with relief and then followed me as I entered the interior of the ship, thankful to be out of the wind.
The SS Oregon was only a few months old and boasted the most luxurious accommodations in the Guion Line.
Beautiful woodwork adorned every room on the ship and plush carpet cushioned my feet as I made my way to one of the larger first-class cabins on the main deck.
There were four rooms in our suite, one for Alec, one for Aunt Maude, and one for me.
Gallagher and Brown, Aunt Maude’s lady’s maid, were sleeping in a separate cabin, as was Alec’s valet, Mr. Timmons.
In the center of the suite was a common sitting room with luxurious furniture, rich upholstery, and electric Edison lights.
Everything was much larger than I had anticipated, with generous windows and comfortable beds. No expense had been spared.
I entered the sitting room, wondering if I would see Alec.
We had spoken very little over the past week since Mrs. Vanderbilt’s fancy dress ball.
He’d spent every free moment at the office, preparing for his departure to Europe.
Early that morning, as we’d left Aunt Maude’s home on Fifth Avenue, he’d kept to himself as Aunt Maude had given me last-minute instructions about shipboard etiquette.
Since our arrival onboard, he’d been scarce.
He wasn’t in the sitting room and the door to his cabin was closed.
It was for the best. After both of us had confessed our feelings to one another, what more was there to say? Our circumstances would not change and it was torture to hope otherwise.
Gallagher entered the sitting room behind me as I walked across the space and knocked on Aunt Maude’s door. It opened and Brown stood before me.
“How is she doing?” I asked.
“The same.”
“Is that Clara?” Aunt Maude asked in a weak voice.
“Yes.” I stepped into the room as Brown moved aside. “How are you feeling?”
Aunt Maude was lying on her bed, the covers drawn up to her chin.
Her face was ashen, and her graying hair was in a single braid, worn over her shoulder.
“Do not concern yourself with how I’m feeling,” she said.
“I want to know how you’ve spent your afternoon.
” She paused and closed her eyes as her face went pale.
Brown grabbed a bowl and raced to her side, pressing a wet cloth against her brow and waiting.
Whatever had come over Aunt Maude seemed to pass and she opened her eyes, taking a deep breath. “Well?”
I told her how I had toured the steamship with Gallagher as my companion, finding the grand saloon, the ladies’ drawing room, several music rooms, and even the men’s smoking room.
“And who did you see that we know?”
I recounted several passengers that I knew by name, including the Garfields, which made her wrinkle her nose in displeasure.
“The captain has invited us to dine at his table,” Aunt Maude said when I was done.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if the Garfields are there, as well.
” She looked ill again at the talk of supper.
“I probably won’t be well enough to join tonight, since it takes me a few days to overcome seasickness.
You and Alec will have to attend without me. Where is Alec?”
“He’s in his cabin, ma’am,” Brown said.
“Get him for me.”
Brown left the room as Aunt Maude closed her eyes and seemed to fall asleep.
Gallagher had not followed me into the room, so I stood there in the silence. Waiting.
It wasn’t long before Alec appeared at the open door.
Our gazes collided and he offered me a tentative smile. I had to glance away, afraid my heart couldn’t handle the press of affection for him, or the embarrassment that warmed my cheeks at having told him I was in love with him.
“Aunt Maude?” Alec asked, moving closer to her bed.
Her eyes fluttered open and she moaned. “I hate sea travel.”
“Brown said you needed to see me.”
She took a deep breath and nodded. “The captain has asked us to dine with him, but I will not be able to join tonight. I want you to keep a close eye on Clara. Use the next few days to introduce her to other men on the ship and continue to coach her in flirtations.”
“We’ve already been over this,” he said. “Clara doesn’t need more coach—”
“There is little I can do to further her studies while I’m lying in this bed.
But if she is not moving forward, she is retreating.
If there are any other issues you see arise while she is conversing or dancing with others, or yourself, correct it later in private.
” She looked between him and me. “Do I make myself clear?”
The last thing I wanted to do was spend time with Alec as he continued to teach me to flirt. It was too hard on my heart. But what could I say to Aunt Maude, especially in her current state of discomfort?
“Of course,” I said to her.
Alec simply nodded.
“Go, please,” Aunt Maude said. “I need to sleep.”
Brown reentered the room as Alec and I exited. Gallagher must have gone to her room, because the sitting room was empty.
When Brown closed the door, it left Alec and I in the main room alone.
“You don’t need to teach me anything,” I told him as I went to a sofa and sat on the edge, my back straight as I lifted a copy of Pride and Prejudice off the tea table where I’d left it.
Alec stood for a moment and then sat on the sofa facing me. A beautiful arrangement of freshly cut flowers graced the table between us.
I looked down at the book.
“You can’t avoid me for the whole voyage,” he finally said.
“I would like to try.”
He moved forward. “Please don’t be angry at me, Keira. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
I knew he was speaking the truth. The only reason I was feeling any kind of agony was because I had fallen in love with him—and couldn’t have him. It wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t forced me to love him, and he hadn’t forced me to agree to Aunt Maude’s scheme.
I finally lifted my gaze, and I saw the pain in his.
I would have to push aside my feelings and forget about them.
We had a whole week ahead of us, and even longer in Europe.
I couldn’t shut him out of my life or ignore him, nor did I want to.
Alec was good and kind. He didn’t deserve my unfriendliness.
“I’m sorry,” I said, softening my shoulders. “I’m not angry at you.”
I was angry at myself.