Chapter 13 #2
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” He was quiet for a moment and then said, “I’ve missed you, Keira.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” And that was part of the problem. I was already mourning the loss of Alexander Paxton-Hill from my life. Because if all went as planned, I might be married to someone else in just a few short months.
Something I didn’t want to contemplate for many reasons.
The grand saloon was a glittering space, capable of seating all 340 first-class passengers for supper, though there were many empty seats, like Aunt Maude’s.
Alec and I sat at the captain’s table, along with Mrs. Garfield and Louise and several other wealthy passengers.
The room was on the main deck and had a tall cupola in the center of the ceiling, with massive windows to let in light and ventilation.
Everything in the room was decorated in white and gold.
“Is this your first passage over?” Captain Perry asked me, since I was seated to his right.
“No, but the first of my memory. I was born in England and came to America as an infant.”
“I’ve gone over half a dozen times,” Louise said as she set her crystal goblet on the table, waving her hand as if my comment was absurd. “How odd that you’ve never returned to England before now.”
I smiled at Louise, not elaborating. I hated to perpetuate the lie that I was a relative of Aunt Maude’s from St. Paul, so I simply said nothing.
“You’ve chosen the best voyage,” Captain Perry said to me, not shifting his attention to Louise as she had probably hoped he would. “We’re making great progress, and I have every confidence that we’ll break the speed record.”
I returned his smile. “What a wonderful accomplishment. You must be so proud.”
“Where will your travels take you in Europe?” asked the gentleman on my left, Mr. Keeton. He was a wealthy, single financier from New York. He and Captain Perry had kept my attention all evening.
Alec sat across from me, next to Louise.
There were a few couples, one other young woman, and Mr. Keeton.
When Louise wasn’t dominating the conversation, we’d enjoyed discussing literature, society, and history while dining on oysters, salmon with hollandaise sauce, lamb with mint sauce, cauliflower au gratin, and custard.
Through it all, Alec was quiet, his gaze often on me and the conversations I had with the captain and Mr. Keeton. Apparently, he was taking his orders from Aunt Maude seriously, though I doubted he would correct my blunders when we were in private. Alec never corrected me.
When supper finished, everyone rose from the table. The women would withdraw to the ladies’ drawing room, while the men would go to the smoking room for cigars and brandy.
The last thing I wanted to do was spend the evening with the other women, gossiping and positioning myself for social dominance, but there were few other options, unless I wanted to go back to my room and be alone.
Alec caught my eye as he joined me and offered me his arm. Leaning close he said, “Would you like to walk along the promenade deck? I have no desire to join the men in the smoking room tonight.”
“You read my mind,” I said quietly, relieved to bypass the ladies’ drawing room.
As the passengers exited the dining room, we walked up the grand staircase to the upper deck and then the promenade deck. It was quieter up there, with only a few couples strolling along, arm in arm.
The moon was full and brilliant as it reflected on the ocean, sending a trail of light in its wake. Thankfully, the wind had calmed, and the sea was peaceful. I continued to hold Alec’s arm as he walked me along the length of the deck, farther away from the other couples.
Neither one of us spoke as we listened to the sound of the ship slicing through the water and crashing against the waves. The noise filled the night air as the ship lifted and lowered along its course.
“What do you think of ocean travel?” Alec asked.
“It’s quite grand. I’m thankful I haven’t gotten seasick.”
“So am I. This is only my second time to Europe, and I’ve avoided being sick both times.”
“Why did you come this time?” It was a question that had been on my mind for months, but I hadn’t had a chance to ask him. “Don’t you have work to do in Newport and New York?”
“I have contacts in Europe that I need to visit. We serve a British and French clientele as well as an American one. Besides, our general manager has been working for the company for decades. He and Uncle Edmund started the business together. He can manage alone for a while.”
“I doubt that. Aunt Maude speaks very highly of the work you do.”
He accepted my compliment without a word as we stopped near the front of the promenade deck and stepped over to the railing.
I let go of Alec’s arm and placed my hands on the rail.
Taking a deep breath, I turned to him. “What is your assessment of my abilities tonight? Would you recommend any changes or adjustments?”
Alec studied me for a moment, the moonlight bathing his face in a blue glow. “You’re perfect, just as you are.” He smiled, though there was sadness in his eyes. “I thought you were perfect even before you started to change under Aunt Maude.”
My cheeks grew warm, and I dipped my chin. “Alec—”
“I’m flirting with you, Keira, and when a man is flirting, your eyes will tell him everything he needs to know. Lower them, and it will indicate that you want him to stop. Meet his gaze, and it will embolden him to continue.”
Slowly, I lifted my gaze to his, though this game we were playing was dangerous. We both knew it.
“Your eyes tell a thousand tales, and I want to hear them all.”
“You are skilled at flirting.”
He leaned on the rail, facing the ocean, and I knew he was struggling with his attraction to me as much as I was to him. “It’s easy to do when I’m with you.”
We were both quiet for a moment, lost in our thoughts. Whatever this was between us was easy.
“Do you feel ready for Europe?” he finally asked me, changing the subject.
“I think if I could pass muster at Mrs. Vanderbilt’s ball, France and England will be simple. Queen Victoria isn’t nearly as frightening as Mrs. Astor.”
He laughed. “You might be right.”
I smiled, though I knew I would be terrified to be presented to the Queen of England.
“Sometimes I still pinch myself to believe this is all real. How did someone like me end up here, or in Mrs. Vanderbilt’s ballroom, or in St. James’s Palace?
” I didn’t mention George’s proposal, but that still didn’t seem real either.
“If ever there was a woman suited to the queen’s drawing room, it’s you, Keira O’Day. Even before you came to live with Aunt Maude, you held yourself with regal bearing.”
“Are you pretending to flirt again?”
“I never pretend when I’m with you.”
I clasped my hands on the railing, looking at the moonbeams sparkling on the water. We were playing with fire, but in this moment, I didn’t care if I got burnt. “There is one thing I haven’t learned yet.”
He turned to me. “What is it?”
I wasn’t sure what emboldened me. Perhaps it was the solitude, or the moonlight, or the fact that we were in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, so far removed from everything I’d ever known. I turned to face him. “I don’t know how to kiss.”
He blinked, and for the first time since I’d met him, I think I truly surprised him.
“What if a suitor tries to take a kiss?” I asked.
“Has George tried to kiss you?” There was an edge to his voice.
“No.” I met his gaze, thankful for the darkness in case there was color in my warm cheeks.
“No man should ever take such liberties with you.” He took a deep breath. “Unless you’re engaged.”
“You did,” I said in a low voice.
He opened his mouth and then closed it again. “That was different.”
“Why?”
“It was a Christmas tradition.”
“Was that all?” I whispered.
He stared at me for a moment and then he turned back to the railing, leaning his forearms on top.
“What about when I’m engaged?” I asked him.
“Your fiancé can teach you everything you need to know about things like that.” His voice was dry. “By that point, you will have secured his promise, if not his heart, and the rest will come naturally.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
He straightened and ran his hand over the back of his neck. “Some things cannot be taught, Keira. They are an extension of the love and attraction two people share. You have nothing to worry about.”
“What if my fiancé doesn’t love me? What if he’s not attracted to me?”
“That cannot be possible. Any man with eyes would find you attractive.”
My cheeks grew warmer. “Then what of love?”
“It’s a rare gift in our circles. If you find it, you are one of the fortunate few.”
My heart pounded as I watched him, knowing he was right. I had found it, but it could never be acted upon.
“I spent the first part of my life unloved,” I whispered, lowering my gaze to look at my hands. “I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life suffering the same fate.”
“Keira.” He gently reached for my hand. “It is my fervent prayer that you get everything your heart desires. You deserve it more than anyone else I know.”
His touch was soft and tender. It sent a tingling sensation up my arm and into my chest.
I lifted my gaze to his and something powerful passed between us.
“Oh, I do apologize,” an older woman said from behind Alec. “I didn’t realize we were interrupting a moonlit rendezvous.”
Alec pulled his hand away from mine and turned, revealing Mrs. Garfield and Louise.
“Well, well,” Mrs. Garfield said. “Here I thought Mr. Vanderbilt’s greatest competition was the aristocracy in Europe. I had no idea the real competition was much closer to home.” She smiled. “Does dear old Maude realize what’s happening right under her nose?”
“It goes without saying that nothing is happening between Clara and I,” Alec said.
“You were holding her hand.”
“I was comforting her.”
Mrs. Garfield’s sly smile made her look like a cat. “Is that what we’re calling it now?” She lifted a shoulder. “I would hate for rumors to circle about Miss Clara before we get to Europe. You know, the British are even more concerned about reputations than us Americans.”
I wasn’t sure if it was true, but I didn’t want to take any chances.
“Alec has always been a gentleman,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter to me. But I would be more careful the next time you have a tête-à-tête. Perhaps it would be best not to do it so publicly. Come, Louise, we should leave these two to return to their comforting.”
As they walked away, Alec gave me an apologetic look. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “Perhaps it would be best to retire for the night.”
He nodded and offered me his arm.
I needed to put space between myself and Alec—not only to preserve my reputation, but also my heart.