Chapter 18
Early the next morning, Alec helped me into a hansom cab he had hired to take us to Islington. Aunt Maude would not expect to see me before lunch, which would be another four hours from now, so we would have plenty of time to get to Islington and back before she realized we were gone.
Alec stepped into the enclosed cab and sat next to me. It was a small conveyance with room enough for the two of us. His leg pressed against mine as he rapped the ceiling to let the driver know we were ready to leave.
A steady rain fell outside, creating a sort of cocoon for us in the vehicle.
I had taken great pains with my appearance that morning, though it wasn’t easy to get ready without Gallagher’s assistance.
I was used to dressing myself, but the gowns I wore now were much more complicated than the ones I wore in Five Points.
And the hairstyles I had mastered on my own were nothing compared to my maid’s abilities, but I was pleased with my efforts.
I wanted to look nice when I met my mother.
“You look beautiful,” Alec said as the cab rattled along the cobblestone street, past Buckingham Palace. He was always quick to compliment me, but I never tired of hearing it, and he always seemed to know when to say something nice.
“Thank you.”
“I see you’re wearing your locket.”
I touched the gold necklace with my gloved hand and ran my thumb over the initials. “Do you think she’ll tell me who my father is?”
“I don’t know—but everyone deserves to know their parents.” His voice was soft and sincere.
We turned right onto The Mall. The park looked gloomy in the rain this morning, though it was still lovely with Buckingham Palace on one side and St. James’s Palace on the other.
They looked formidable in the mist. I’d been told Buckingham Palace was all but empty.
I couldn’t imagine how much money the monarchy spent on their properties, while other people suffered greatly just beyond the bounds of the park. People like my family.
“Alec?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think God makes mistakes?”
“Never.”
“What about me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I was a mistake.”
He turned so he was looking at me, and I met his intense gaze. “How could you think such a thing?”
“How could I not? Neither of my parents wanted me and I was discarded the moment my mother was able to give me away. My aunt and uncle didn’t want me, either.”
“That doesn’t make you a mistake." He was quiet for a moment and then said, "The Bible tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. Humans can make mistakes, but God cannot. Every person in the world was deliberately and beautifully designed by their Creator. God knew exactly what He was doing when He made you.” His voice became tender.
“And I think He did an exceptionally good job.”
My cheeks warmed and I smiled. I liked to believe that I wasn’t a mistake, that God had created me with intention and purpose. That there was meaning for my life and I wasn’t simply something to discard. But my early life had proven different.
“God has a plan for each of us,” Alec continued.
“One that is filled with hope. Perhaps your parents didn’t intend to have a baby, and you were abandoned at a young age, but God still has a wonderful purpose for your life, if you are willing to submit to His plan.
Nothing in His kingdom is wasted, Keira. ”
“Do you truly believe that?”
“I do, very much. I’ve seen it repeatedly in my life.
” He took my gloved hand into his and held it gently.
“From the moment you were born, God knew that you would end up here. Perhaps you will marry a duke and with the substantial dowry Aunt Maude wants to settle upon your future husband, you could do great things. You could help people, educate them, provide love and care. As a duchess, your voice will carry above the crowd, and you can bring awareness and change for people living in places like Five Points. That might be why God sent you there as a child, so you would know firsthand what it’s like.
You, Keira, were created to do great things. I believe that with all my heart.”
Tears welled up in my eyes and fell down my cheeks. “Thank you.”
He wiped away each tear with his gloved hand.
We were sitting so close, and we were completely alone for the first time in a long time. The rain continued to tap against the ceiling of the cab, and it felt as if no one else existed in all the world.
Alec’s breathing grew deep, his chest rising and falling with each breath.
I waited, an ache for him tightening inside me—but he blinked and then turned away, looking out the window. He let go of my hand and clasped his together on his lap.
I slowly looked out my own window at the dreary scene.
More tears threatened, but I forced myself not to give in to them.
It seemed that whenever Alec and I were alone, or even close, the tension and yearning built up inside of me until I was afraid I would burst from the intensity of it. Did he feel the same?
Neither of us spoke for a long time, but then Alec broke the silence.
“I meant to tell you sooner, but I asked around about George.”
I tore my gaze from the sodden street. “Where is he?”
“He left London the morning after he called on you.”
“What do you mean? I thought he was staying in London for the season.”
“I believe that was his original plan, but . . .” He let the statement fade.
“But after he was treated so poorly—”
“After he saw you with the Duke of Severton, George knew he had lost and he decided to leave London, his dignity intact.” He let out a sigh. “I’m thinking about following suit.”
Alarm filled my heart. “You can’t leave, too.”
“I cannot stay.”
“Why not?”
“I have no purpose here. I’ve met with everyone I needed to and there is nothing left for me to do”—he turned away, and I almost didn’t catch his last words—“but watch you fall in love with Severton.”
Pain pressed against my chest as I let his comment go unanswered. What else could either of us do?
“Please,” I whispered. “Don’t leave me here alone with Aunt Maude and all these strangers. Will you at least stay until I find my mother?”
He was silent for a long time, but finally, he nodded.
Relief washed over me. “Thank you.”
He didn’t let his gaze leave the window as rain washed the dusty streets and turned everything to mud.
I held my locket as we pulled up to a two-story brown-brick home in Islington an hour later.
The house was substantial and well-built, with arches over the windows on the main floor and white cornices at the top.
The shrubs in front were trimmed and white curtains hung at the windows. It was a beautiful home.
Not at all where I had pictured my mother living while I was growing up in the slums of New York City. I’d assumed she couldn’t afford to care for me and that was why she’d given me away.
“Would you like me to wait here?” Alec asked.
I shook my head, not wanting to do this alone. “Do you mind coming with me?”
“Of course not. I would prefer not to send you into a strange house by yourself.”
He stepped out of the carriage and then offered his hand for me to get out.
It had stopped raining, but everything was still wet as my foot sank into the mud.
Alec helped me around a puddle as I lifted the hem of my pink day dress and then he escorted me up the front walk.
Nerves bubbled in my stomach as I stared at the door, wondering what I might encounter.
Alec waited patiently as I pulled my courage together.
Finally, I lifted the knocker and rapped it three times before lowering my hand to my side.
Alec laid his hand on my lower back, offering me a gentle smile of encouragement before removing it.
The door opened and a young maid stood before us. She was pleasant as she said, “Good morning. What can I do for you?”
“I’m here to call on Mrs. Farmington,” I said, my voice shaking with my nerves as I handed her a calling card. It was white with my name, Clara Day Hill, embossed in gold.
The maid took the card and said, “Won’t you come in? I’ll see if my mistress is at home to receive you.”
We stepped over the threshold, and I was struck by the simple elegance of the foyer.
The two-story room had a table in the center with a vase of fresh-cut flowers and two beautiful paintings on the wall going up the stairs.
As the maid showed us into the front parlor, souvenirs from around the world decorated the space in a tasteful manner.
There were ivory statues of animals that looked like they were from India, postcards on a table from Africa, a Chinese lantern hanging from the ceiling, and—I paused in surprise as I noticed a painting of New York City hanging on the wall, like those I once saw for sale near Central Park.
Had my mother been to New York and not tried to find me or Uncle Charlie?
It couldn’t be true. Perhaps someone else had traveled to New York and brought the souvenir home.
The room was chilly as we waited for the maid to return, but neither of us spoke.
After several minutes, the maid stepped into the drawing room. “I’m sorry, but Mrs. Farmington is not at home to receive you.”
Of course. Why would she receive a stranger known as Clara Day Hill?
“Can you please tell your mistress that my real name is Keira O’Day and I’ve come all the way from New York City to meet with her?”
The maid frowned but nodded and curtseyed before she left the room again.
If my mother refused to see me now, then I would have my answer. She did not want anything to do with me.
The thought terrified me more than anything else.