Chapter 18 #2
Alec was quiet as he looked at the souvenirs.
I had the opportunity to observe him, without Aunt Maude or anyone else watching me.
He was handsome and refined, a gentleman in every sense of the word.
But it was more than his good looks that drew me to him.
I had rarely met a man so loving and selfless as Alexander Paxton-Hill.
He’d given up his dreams and his parents to go to New York to continue his uncle’s legacy, so he could care for Aunt Maude and his mother and father.
The longer I knew him, the more I respected and admired him.
He looked up and caught me watching him, and a tender smile lifted his lips.
I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him, and I was about to say so, when the door opened again and a woman appeared.
She stared at me as I stared at her, dumbfounded at how much we looked alike.
“Keira?” she whispered.
I swallowed the nerves climbing my throat and nodded. “Are you Nellie?”
It was her turn to nod. So many emotions played across her face as she studied me. Surprise, delight, sadness—and fear.
“You’re—” She paused and shook her head. “You’re breathtaking. Absolutely beautiful. And look at that charming gown. How—” She noticed Alec and paused again.
“This is Mr. Alexander Paxton-Hill,” I told my mother. “My—friend.” How in the world did I explain who Alec was?
He bowed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Farmington.”
“And you, Mr. Paxton-Hill.” She closed the drawing room door, blinking with confusion. “How did you find me? Why are you here?” Her gaze slipped to my locket, and she looked stunned. “My locket.”
I didn’t move or breathe as she walked across the drawing room, her eyes never leaving the piece of jewelry. Uncertainty shadowed her face as she slowly reached for it and opened it.
Relief made her shoulders sag as she briefly closed her eyes. “It’s empty.”
Frowning, I stared at her. “Were there pictures in it at one time?”
“A long, long time ago.” She closed it and let it fall on my chest as she took a step back. “I was certain I removed them before I gave this to Charlie, but for a moment, I was afraid I had forgotten.”
“Pictures of you . . . and my father?”
Her brown-eyed gaze lifted to mine. “What do you know of your father?”
“Nothing.” I swallowed again. “That’s part of the reason I’m here today.”
She crossed her arms and shook her head. “I’m afraid you won’t get what you came for, then. I have nothing to tell you. About anything. It is best if you leave before my husband returns. He—he doesn’t know about you, or that sordid part of my life.”
“Please.” I stepped forward. “I’ve waited my whole life to meet you. I have so many questions.”
“And I don’t have the answers.” She didn’t seem angry—more apologetic. “No one knows the identity of your father, and they must never know. I swore a promise on my life that I would never tell a soul, including you.”
“Why can’t anyone know? What would it hurt if I knew?”
“It would hurt him and his family. They didn’t know about you.”
“Did he?”
She let out a sigh. “Yes.”
“And he didn’t want me, either?”
“He wanted you, very much. But we were not married and his family had plans for his life that did not include a young Irish actress. The whole affair was devastating for his family, even without knowing about the baby. The only way I could make things better was to send you away and disappear.”
“You didn’t go far.”
“I returned to Ireland, but by that time, I already had an admirer, Mr. Farmington, my husband. He persuaded me to return several years later, after the scandal died down, and he married me and gave me a new name, so no one had to know who I was.” She frowned and I could see that her next words pained her.
“I didn’t want to let you go, Keira, but I had little choice.
When my brother Charlie decided to move to America, and he was willing to take you with him, I saw no other option.
I didn’t want to send you to an orphanage, and I couldn’t care for you on my own.
I hoped it was a good life for you in America—and looking at you today, I can see it was. ”
I thought of the poverty we had lived in, and I shook my head. But what good would it do to tell her how horrible my life had been before meeting Alec and Aunt Maude?
She turned to Alec. “How do you know Keira?”
He looked at me, a question in his eyes. How much did I want her to know?
“Alec’s aunt adopted me,” I said, drawing her attention back to me. “Just this year. And she’s brought me here to make an advantageous match.”
My mother studied me for a moment, a slight frown on her face. “How odd to be adopted as an adult.”
“I’m her heir—one of them. Mr. Paxton-Hill is the other.”
“Then you’re planning to stay in England?”
“If all goes as Aunt Maude hopes.”
“And she wants you to marry into the nobility?”
I nodded.
Concern deepened her brow. “Be very careful, Keira. There are secrets among the nobility that could hurt you.”
Frowning, I took a step closer to her. “What secrets?”
“It’s best if you don’t know.”
“How can I protect myself if I don’t know what to look for?”
“Perhaps you should leave.” She walked toward the door. “I cannot afford to have anyone asking questions about you or telling my husband you visited.”
“Is that why you didn’t try to find me when you were in New York?”
She paused. “How did you know I was in New York?”
I motioned toward the painting on her wall. “They sell those near Central Park.”
“I had no idea where to even look for you, Keira—and how would I have explained it to Freddie if I had found you?”
“Freddie?”
“My husband. For all intents and purposes, you became Charlie and Orla’s child the moment they took you out of my arms. I didn’t want to disrupt the life you were living. It wouldn’t have been fair to you.”
I frowned. “I don’t think you were worried about me. I think you were more worried about yourself.”
“That’s not fair, Keira.”
I wasn’t sure what I had hoped for, but it was clear she would not tell me what I wanted to know. Perhaps I should be content that she agreed to even meet me.
But I had to try one more time.
“Can you tell me about the locket, at least? It’s the only link I’ve ever had to you and my father.”
Her face softened and she approached me again, touching the locket with a tenderness that relayed a thousand memories.
“He gave it to me, after I told him I was expecting you. He said he wanted to marry me, but I knew it would never come to be. It was the last time I saw him.”
“And the initials?”
“His and mine.”
“His name starts with a B?”
She moved her hand away and wrapped her arms around herself. “I cannot tell you what you want to know, Keira. Please know that we both loved you, but circumstances kept us from the life we wanted to live. That is all I will ever say.”
I tried to put the puzzle together in my mind, but there were too many missing pieces.
My father was from England, his family would not allow him and my mother to marry, and the locket was given to my mother after my father knew about me.
He hadn’t turned her away when she needed him most. She had been the one to walk away.
“Did you love him?”
“With all my heart. I still do.”
“He is still alive?”
“I think it’s best if you leave now.”
Alec stepped forward and offered me his arm. “Shall we?”
I wrapped my hand around his elbow, not wanting to leave the woman I had always dreamed of meeting, but there was little else to do. We needed to get back to 7 Buckingham Gate before our absence was noticed.
“Perhaps it’s best if you don’t seek me out again,” my mother said as I started to walk toward the door. “It might be too hard to explain you to my husband.”
I paused and nodded. “If you ever need to find me, we’re staying at 7 Buckingham Gate.”
She walked over to me and put her hand on my arm. “I’m very proud of the woman you have become.”
Emotions clogged my throat, so all I could do was nod as Alec escorted me out of the house.