Chapter 16
The ocean was blood-warm and soft. Water curled around Jenyfer’s body like a glove.
With a sigh, she closed her eyes and floated.
Normally, she’d dive as deep as she could.
Today, she was content to lie on top of the ocean and let it hold her up as she waited for dawn to strike over the eastern horizon.
Before she wasn’t allowed, Jenyfer would often go to the beach in Kernou to wait for the sunrise.
She’d watch the water slowly lighten, licked with peachy golden tongues as the sun crept over the mountains.
Fishing boats out on the water at that time were nothing but silhouettes, morphing from black to gold.
Those moments were when Jenyfer felt the most at peace, with the ocean sliding over her toes and the wind tugging at her hair. She’d not known why, not back then.
The ocean was still one of her safe places – the other was Ordes.
She bit her lip. He’d been quiet over the last few days.
Ordes was never a boisterous person. He knew how to be still, how to watch and listen to the world, and those were some of the things Jenyfer loved most about him, but this silence was different.
Something was worrying him. The heartfire had been quiet as well. Whatever it was, Ordes was hiding it from her and their heartfire.
Once, that would have driven her crazy. Now, all she could do was trust that he’d talk to her when he was ready. Jenyfer smiled to herself. If her aunt only knew! Tamora had always told her she was too impatient, that she needed to be less demanding of those closest to her. Like Lamorna.
Jenyfer opened her eyes in time to watch the sun inch above the water.
It hovered there for a moment, golden and glowing, before it lifted quickly into the sky.
Lamorna had never gone with her to see the sunrise over the beach, especially not once women were banned from walking the shoreline.
Anyone that acted in opposition to the One God’s Word was a heretic as far as Lamorna was concerned.
Tamora had been worried at how quickly Lamorna had been scooped up, but in reality, there was nothing their aunt could have done to stop it.
They had been innocent once. They spent all their time together as children, before everything changed.
One of Jenyfer’s fondest memories was being on the beach with her aunt and sister.
While Jenyfer had danced around the water’s edge, Lamorna had been collecting shells.
Once back at the cottage, Jenyfer had helped her clean them, and Lamorna displayed them proudly on the window ledge, the bedside table they shared – everywhere.
Jenyfer tried to remember when the shells had disappeared but couldn’t.
Ulrian Tregarthen had the town in a chokehold by the time Jenyfer and Lamorna were young women.
Jenyfer bit her lip. The former Chif remained locked away in the medic’s cabin.
She’d avoided him since they left Kernou, unable to forgive him for the day she’d been led into his house, terrified, and led back out again on Bryn’s arm.
To forgive him would be to betray herself.
She’d come too far to fall. She’d built herself up, pulled herself back together, let Ordes help mend what had been broken. But there were some things even he couldn’t fix. Maybe, when all of this was over, Jenyfer would have the time and space to fully heal. That was what she truly wanted.
The ship was coming to life for the day, so she gave up on floating and climbed aboard as Katarin strode out of her cabin with a face like thunder. Another who wasn’t thrilled at Ulrian Tregarthen’s presence onboard. Kat gave Jenyfer a cursory nod and stalked off.
Ordes was brooding in the crow’s nest – Jenyfer didn’t bother climbing up there. She could see the melancholy stamped across his face from the deck, could feel it in her heart. She left him alone and went searching for his father, but there was no sign of Merlin anywhere on the ship.
Chewing her lip, Jenyfer paused outside Ulrian Tregarthen’s cabin. It used to be hers, when she’d first found herself onboard The Excalibur. She’d spent her nights curled into a ball in that cabin, knees to her chest, her head spinning, magic and memory and fear all rushing through her.
What was going through the Chif’s mind right now? What would happen if she marched in there, grabbed him by the shoulders and shook the man so hard his brain rattled in his skull? Would he speak to her, actual words not raving lunacy?
Jenyfer lifted her hand to knock on the door but let it drop, shoving it into her pocket as she hurried away. She flung herself up the stairs and onto the deck, running face first into Halymere’s broad chest. He caught her around the arms. A smile danced over her face.
‘I can’t find Merlin,’ Jenyfer said.
‘I haven’t seen him all morning,’ Halymere told her as she stepped back.
‘I have questions,’ she said. ‘Not that he’d answer them anyway.’
The Cruithean’s smile grew broader. ‘No, I can’t imagine he would. Can I help?’
‘Maybe.’ Her eyes drifted to the crow’s nest. Ordes was watching. His lips curled in a smile, but he didn’t move. Still brooding then. ‘What can you tell me about the Old Ones?’
Halymere’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. ‘What did you want to know exactly?’
‘I don’t know. Something about this whole quest, the Grail itself…
something feels off, Haly. I don’t know what, or why, or even how to explain it, but I can’t help feeling unsettled.
’ Absently, her fingers lifted to stroke the pouch containing the Singing Stone.
The Treasure thrummed beneath her touch, its song slipping into her mind.
‘You, or that Stone around your neck?’ Halymere asked.
‘I don’t know,’ Jenyfer admitted.
Halymere gestured for her to follow him; they found a place out of the crew’s way and sat. He waited while Jenyfer collected her thoughts. The sun was warm, the air thick. Her damp hair and clothes stuck to her, and the water dripped from her body.
‘Do you think we’ve done the right thing? Collecting the Treasures and walking into this… dispute with Mordred?’ she asked.
Halymere blinked in surprise. ‘Yes,’ he said eventually.
‘Why?’
‘Because this is what Inanna wants for us – for you, Arthur and Ordes,’ he replied without hesitation.
‘You’re so sure of that?’
Halymere nodded. ‘I am, because I have faith in Her.’
Jenyfer pushed a stray droplet of water from her cheek. ‘I think that’s my problem with all of this – everything we’ve done and are planning to do… I don’t have faith in any god or goddess, because all faith has done in my world is put me in a cage.’
‘And you’re worried you’re going to be caged again?’ When Jenyfer nodded, he smiled. ‘There’s a difference between the cage Arthur’s father and his Konsel built around you, Jenyfer, and the one you’re now imagining.’
‘And what is that?’
‘This new one has an open door,’ Halymere said. ‘Think of it like this – from the beginning, you’ve had a choice. Once you learnt what was supposed to happen, you had the right to choose between destiny, as determined by prophecy and Old Ones, or a fate of your own making.’
‘It doesn’t feel that way sometimes,’ she mumbled, curling her fingers around the Singing Stone. Its weight rested in her palm, a comfort she couldn’t ignore any longer. The Treasure had slid beneath her skin and into every part of her. She both hated and loved it.
‘You do that a lot,’ Halymere commented. ‘Touch the Stone, like Arthur and the Sword. It talks to him – does the Stone talk to you?’
‘Yes,’ Jenyfer whispered. ‘It sings.’
‘What does it sing about?’
‘It’s not the words so much, but the music,’ Jenyfer began.
‘It’s dark and compelling and it makes me feel like…
I don’t know. It makes me cold all over but fills me with warmth at the same time.
It makes me think terrible things and sometimes I catch myself smiling because of them.
It makes me feel like hurting something,’ she added.
‘I haven’t even told Ordes that, but I think he knows anyway. ’
‘You’re worried about following this quest to the end because of what the Stone makes you feel,’ Halymere stated.
‘Yes,’ she admitted. ‘I’m a syhren, Halymere. Created for destruction. My voice is a weapon – I’ve accepted that, but it doesn’t mean I like it. It feels like I have no choice.’
‘There is always a choice, Jen,’ the Cruithean said.
She glanced up at Ordes, still perched in the crow’s nest. ‘I know.’