20. Jesse
20
Jesse
That was the last thing I ever expected to come out of Cora’s mouth. The fact that she thought I knew all this time blows my mind. I try to process it, but it feels like everything is unraveling too fast for me to catch up.
The first time I laid eyes on Harrison, I do remember feeling like he looked familiar. At that time, I thought maybe he just looked like a young Cora. I never, in a million years, thought he could be my son. How could I have missed that? The signs were right there, and I was too blind to see them.
My stomach twists painfully, and the churning feeling intensifies. A cold sweat breaks out across my skin, and I suddenly feel weak, like the ground beneath me is ready to give way. I try to steady myself, but it’s like everything in my life is spinning out of control.
For years, I’ve been living the life of a single bachelor, completely oblivious to the fact that I have a son out there. A son who’s been through God knows what.
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the whirlwind of thoughts and scenarios that keep popping into my head. If I let myself go there, I might really lose it. I can’t even think about it right now. The guilt, the confusion, the regret—it all feels like it’s suffocating me. I’ve got to get up and move.
I hear movement in the field between our houses and glance up. My heart skips a beat when I see Lucy sprinting towards me. She’s running full speed, her fur ruffling in the wind as she moves. When she reaches me, she jumps up and starts licking my face, her warm, familiar presence grounding me in that moment. She somehow knew that I needed her. She is my steady shadow in the middle of all this chaos.
That’s when I realize I’ve been crying and Lucy is licking my tears away. I need her right now more than ever. It’s like everything I once knew has shifted beneath my feet, and now I’m standing in a life that doesn’t quite feel like mine.
“You’re such a good girl Lucy.” I rub her favorite spot behind her ear.
After a few minutes pass and I’ve had time to calm down, I sit back down in the porch chair and let out a long, shaky breath. Lucy settles at my feet, her head resting on my boot. I can tell she’s not going to let me out of her sight willingly again.
I reach down and run my fingers through her fur, grounding myself with the steady rhythm. The back door opens and Cora steps back outside with a glass in her hand.
“I called Charlie. He said he’s on his way.” She holds the glass filled with amber liquid out to me.
I nod in acknowledgment and take it from her. I take a sip and instantly recognize the familiar taste of sweet tea—my favorite, especially in the summer. I'm too upset to even enjoy it.
If Cora thought it was odd that a large dog is at her house, she doesn't say a word about it. But I did catch the small, almost reluctant smile she gave Lucy.
“When you’ve had time to think it over and make a decision, maybe we could get dinner and talk—really talk. I’ll answer any questions you have, no holding back. If you decide you want to be part of his life, we’ll figure it out together. We’ll make a plan that works for all of us. I won’t fight you anymore," she says.
We’re both sniffling now, wiping at our eyes between shallow breaths. There’s a heaviness in the air, but also a sense that maybe we’re not standing on opposite sides anymore.
The sun has finally set. The only light now, aside from the full moon hanging heavy in the sky, is the soft, amber glow of the string lights draped across the porch. Of course it would be a full moon. That would be just my luck. It should be beautiful—peaceful, even—but tonight it feels like an omen.
Then I hear it—the crunch of tires on gravel. My anxiety spikes. Charlie.
Without a word, I stand and start speed walking toward the headlights that I know belong to his truck.
“Jesse, wait! What do you want me to do with your dog? I assume this is your dog anyways.”
“She'll go back home when she’s ready. She knows the way. Maybe she will keep you company, unless she's bothering you?" I say, without turning around.
I open the truck door and climb inside, shutting it with a little more force than necessary. My hands tremble in my lap as I take several deep breaths.
“Take me to my parents’ house, please,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
Charlie glances over at me, concern etched across his face. “Are you sure you want to do this right now?”
“There’s no sense in waiting. I won’t be able to sleep until I confront my mom.”
Charlie nods silently and puts the truck into reverse.
I feel completely out of control—like I’m a passenger in my own body. This isn’t me. And that only makes me angrier.
What would our lives look like now if I had called Cora back? Would I have married her like I always planned to? Would Harrison be growing up in a stable home, with both his parents by his side?
And the worst part—the part that makes my stomach twist—who else knew? Who else has been keeping this from me, intentionally?
My throat burns when I start to think about my own mothers betrayal and from all of the things that I've missed out on with Harrison.
Why me God? Why is this the path I’m being put on? I’ve been a good and faithful man. I go to church every Sunday. I pray daily. I volunteer at the church and for this town whenever I can. Why do I feel like I've done something terribly wrong and that this is my punishment?
I glance in the rearview mirror and catch a glimpse of Cora gently petting Lucy. If I wasn’t so hurt right now, I’d probably be able to admire her even more than I already do. She’s always had this quiet strength about her—something I didn’t fully appreciate until now.
I can’t imagine how hard it must’ve been. Eighteen, pregnant, and completely alone while I was here, living my life freely without a second thought—without judgment, without consequences. She carried all of that weight while I was blissfully ignorant.
If I were her, I would’ve hated me too.
When we turn onto the driveway, Charlie eases the truck to a stop. The tires crunch over the gravel as he shifts it into park. I glance at the dashboard— nine p.m. A little late for a surprise visit, sure, but not late enough to change my mind. I meant what I said—I won’t sleep until this is done.
From the window, I catch a shadow moving in the living room. It’s my dad. He’s probably dozing in the recliner, half-watching the news like he does every night. A pang of guilt hits me, but it’s fleeting. My focus is on the truth now, and the woman who kept it from me.
I unbuckle my seatbelt and push the door open. My feet hit the driveway as I step out, ready to face the answers I’ve been denied for far too long.
I don’t have a plan—just a fire in my chest and a name on my lips. I’m going to walk into the house and confront my mom. My fists clench in my lap. I don’t even know what I’m going to say to my her. There’s no version of this conversation that doesn’t end in pain. But the truth deserves to be confronted—especially when it’s been hidden for this long.
“I’ll stay out here. I don’t want to intrude on this,” Charlie says, his voice low and steady.
“Roger that,” I mutter, reaching into my pocket for my keys. I'm glad I've made a habit of taking them with my anytime I leave my house now.
I climb the steps to the porch and knock loudly on the metal front door. “Dad?” I say as I open the door. “It’s me, Jesse.”
I don’t want my dad grabbing his shotgun and mistaking me for someone who doesn’t belong. We don’t take kindly to intruders or unannounced visitors in Scottsdale. Especially at this hour.
My dad is sitting in his recliner, reading his Bible under the soft glow of the lamp beside him. I was partially right about what he’d be doing.
He glances up when he sees me. “Come on inside, son. Are you alright?”
“Where’s Mom?” I ask, trying to steady my voice and mask the tightness in my chest.
“She’s in bed, probably asleep. Why?” His brow furrows as he closes the Bible, marking his page with one finger.
I hesitate, then finally ask, “Did you know?”
He tilts his head, his expression shifting into full confusion. “Know what?”
“Did you know about my son?” I blurt out, my voice louder than I intended.
Dad just stares at me, wide-eyed and silent, like I’ve just spoken in a foreign language. His expression is somewhere between confusion and disbelief.
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch movement—Mom is creeping down the hallway, tying her robe around her.
Dad crosses his arms, slowly and deliberately. “Jesse… are you high?”
“No, he doesn’t know,” my mom says softly, stepping fully into the room.
I turn to face her, the weight of everything crashing down on me. “So it is true,” I say, my voice cracking. “How could you, Mom?” The words feel like ash in my mouth. “Why would you keep this from me?”
Dad turns sharply toward her, “What is he talking about? What did you do, Keri?”
“Jesse,” she begins, avoiding my father’s gaze completely. “You have to understand, I was protecting you. I still am. You know how she was when she left town. She was a mess—I never believed that my perfect little boy could be caught up in all of her lies. She never loved you. She was just after your money.”
“Stop,” I cut her off, my voice sharp. “I don’t care what you thought you were doing—there’s not one thing you can say that makes what you did okay.” I take a deep breath, fighting to keep my composure. “Regardless of what you think of Cora, she told the truth. And I am his father.”
“She is trash, Jesse. White trash!” My mom’s voice cracks as she throws her hands up in frustration. “She was only going to ruin your life. You need to get away from her while you still can. The day she broke your heart was one of the happiest days of my life because you were finally away from her. You could spend more time with me. You’re my little boy, Jesse. I love you so much. Can’t you see that? She doesn’t love you more than me. I was all you ever needed.”
I stare at her, my mind racing. "First off, I’m not a little boy anymore, I’m a man. I can and will make my own decisions, especially when it comes to my love life. And mom, I still love Coraline. I always have, and I always will. You cannot change that. And how dare you say that one of the worst days of my life was one of your best. That’s horrible, and honestly, kind of weird."
I pause, the words coming out sharper than I intend. "What about your grandson? Is he not important to you? His life could have been completely different if you hadn’t taken it upon yourself to decide what happens in my life."
My heart pounds in my chest as I wait for her response, wondering if anything I just said will even get through to her.
"That child is no grandson of mine," she states, locking eyes with me. My mind races, trying to process what she’s just said. Who says something like that? The words hit me like a punch in the gut, leaving me breathless for a moment.
I try to steady myself, but the anger bubbles up, a deep well of frustration and betrayal I didn’t even know I had. "What did you just say?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper, yet it feels like the room is filled with the weight of it.
Her expression doesn’t soften. She looks at me like I’ve just said something outrageous, something she’s already judged. "You heard me," she repeats, almost nonchalantly.
I stand there, my heart pounding in my chest. How could she be so cold?
Keri’s expression falters for a moment, but only briefly. My dad’s voice, stern and sharp, cuts through the tension in the room. It’s like a momentary crack in her facade, but she quickly masks it again.
She looks at my father, then back at me, her eyes narrowing. "I’m doing what’s best for him. You should be thanking me." Her voice, however, lacks the conviction it had before. It's softer now, but still laced with a chilling sense of control.
“Look," I say interrupting her, "Coraline and I created a life. Whether or not it was wrong of us to do, it happened. You took away my choice of being a father to that little boy for the first part of his childhood. He has gone his whole life without knowing who his father really is because of you.”I look down at the ground. “Cora mentioned that she wrote a letter to me. Did you read it?”
“I did,” she admits. "I knew there was always a chance that you could find out. I was just hoping I would already be dead by the time it happened.”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I stagger back as if the air had been knocked out of me. “You hoped you’d be dead before this happened?” My voice trembles, barely able to wrap my head around the coldness of her admission.
I try to steady myself, feeling a cold sweat break out across my skin. She, my own mother, had hoped she’d be gone before I ever had a chance to find out the truth. Before I could ever have a chance to know my son, to have the chance to be the father I should have been.
I take a deep breath and grit my teeth. "You can't just hope away the truth, mom. And you can't take away the fact that Harrison is my son." My words are shaking with anger and hurt. "I won’t let you or anyone else stop me from being the man I should have been from the start."
Her eyes widen slightly, but she doesn't speak right away. My father, still silent, is looking between us, his expression a mixture of disbelief and regret.
She reaches into her house coat and pulls out a faded envelope, her fingers trembling slightly as she holds it up to me. "I’m not sorry, Jesse," she says, her voice steady but cold. "I still think you need to stay away from her. She isn't good enough for you, and she's going to turn out just like her no-good parents and ruin you." Her words are sharp, like knives cutting through the already fragile air.
She pauses for a moment, as if to let the weight of her words sink in before continuing. "Besides, I heard about her little boyfriend that’s in jail. Who’s to say she's not just as toxic as him? She will be your downfall, Jesse. She’s nothing but trouble, and if you’re smart, you’ll cut her out of your life before she drags you down too."
The room feels like it’s closing in around me as her words hang heavy in the air. Each sentence is a fresh cut, and I’m already bleeding from the last one. I can’t even fathom how she could say these things about Cora—about the woman I love—without even knowing her or the struggles she’s faced.
I look at the envelope in her hand and then back at her, my fists clenching at my sides. "This isn't your decision to make, mom. It never was." My voice is low, trembling with anger and pain. "I’m not going to listen to you anymore. You don’t get to control my life, especially not when it comes to my son."
“I’ve heard quite enough, Keri,” my dad says, his voice trembling with anger. I can feel the raw emotion pouring off of him, his body shaking with fury. “I think you need to leave.”
“Oh, come on now, Lloyd…” she protests, but her words lack conviction.
“I mean it, Keri,” he snaps, his voice sharp and commanding. She flinches, a flicker of fear crossing her face for the first time in years. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him this way. “Leave,” he adds, his voice colder now. “Now!”
The words hang in the air, and for a brief moment, everything falls silent. There’s a weight to his tone that makes it clear there’s no room for negotiation. My mother hesitates, her eyes darting between me and my dad, but she doesn’t argue further. The finality in his voice has cut through whatever resistance she had left.
My mom turns on her heel and storms off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her with a force that echoes through the house. The sound reverberates in the quiet room, making the weight of the situation hit harder.
I start pacing back and forth across their living room, my mind spinning. The letter in my hand feels heavier by the second, its presence only heightening the anxiety building inside me.
I glance at my dad, who’s still sitting in his chair, completely stunned. He’s in shock, just like I was less than half an hour ago. I can see it in his eyes.
To my knowledge, my parents have never had a fight this big. I can’t imagine how he’s feeling right now.
As much as I want to comfort him, I can’t shake the growing sense of betrayal. She’s my mom, and I’ve always held onto the idea that family is everything, but this… this is something I can’t just let slide. What she’s done, the lies she’s told, the way she’s manipulated us both—it’s unforgivable.
My anxiety is making it hard to breathe. I know she’s my mom, but right now, I don’t see her as that woman who once cared for me. How do you come back from something like this? How do you redeem yourself when you've taken away my chance to be a father? To be there for my son?
I don’t know what happens next, but I know one thing: She’s dead to me. There’s no turning back from this.
After a few minutes my mom finally emerges from the bedroom and her eyes look wild, like she’s lost whatever grip she had on reality. I hear the jangle of her car keys as she grabs them off the counter, and with one swift motion, she grabs a large overnight bag and storms out of the house, not uttering a single word. The door slams behind her with a finality that leaves the room cold.
"Excuse me," my dad says in a hushed tone, his voice carrying a weight of emotion that still hasn’t fully settled. He walks out of the room, and I nod, giving him space. He needs it, and so do I.
I sit down on the couch, the letter still heavy in my hand. I finally allow myself to look at it. The envelope is worn, the edges frayed from years of neglect and handling. The faded texture and color of the paper tell the story of time passing—too much time. I can see where my mom must’ve torn it apart to open it.
The envelope is addressed to me, written in Cora’s familiar handwriting. My heart thuds painfully in my chest. The return address is from her grandparents' house, a place I’ve been to countless times during our relationship.
I exhale a shaky breath as I carefully pull the paper from inside.
I begin to read, knowing that this letter, this moment, will change everything.
“ Jess,
I realize that you don’t want to talk to me. I understand that I hurt you, and I apologize for that. All I ask is that you hear me out.
I was in the emergency department a few days ago and they did a blood pregnancy test. The doctor told me that I'm eight weeks pregnant. You're the only person I have ever been with and it adds up to the night out by the lake that we shared together.
The doctor gave me a packet of information with different options to explore, since this is an unplanned pregnancy.
I have prayed about my decision. I am going to have this baby and keep it. You’re going to be a father Jess.
Can you put our differences aside and make a decision to be a part of our baby’s life? I know that in my heart and soul that you will be an excellent father.
Please contact me with your decision.
Also, your mom told me that I was making you unhappy and that you were just too nice to break up with me. She told me that I was doing nothing but holding you back. I listened to her and that is the only reason I left. I want you to know that I regret it everyday.
I'm so very sorry.
With all of my love,
Cora”