21. Coraline
21
Coraline
Present Day
I called Shae and told her what happened as soon as Charlie and Jesse left my house. She told me she’d be here in five. In Shae language, that actually means she’ll be here in about thirty minutes. I love her to death, but she'll be late for her own funeral.
As I sit in the quiet of my house, the weight of everything that just happened starts to settle in. The tension, the hurt—it’s like a storm inside me, and I don’t know how to make sense of it all. But even through the chaos, I hold onto something I’ve always believed: God puts us through certain situations for a reason. I may not know the reason right now, or even how it'll all unfold, but I trust that there’s always a purpose.
I choose to trust in God again. I know it'll only make me stronger. No one in this life wants to feel pain. As humans we don’t want to feel like we are lost or broken. But, sometimes the worst pain creates the most strength.
I hear the familiar sound of Shae’s car pulling into the driveway, the engine sputtering a bit as she parks. I half-smile to myself, grateful for her, no matter how late she is.
As soon as I see her, it’s like the dam finally breaks. I can’t hold it together anymore. The tears just start to fall, one after another, and there's no stopping them. I’ve been holding everything in, trying to be strong. But right now, I just can’t.
Shae doesn’t say anything at first. She just moves towards me, pulling me into a tight embrace. Her hands begin to gently pet my head, pushing my hair back from my face. I squeeze her back, holding onto her like she’s the only thing keeping me from falling apart completely.
“I love you,” she says softly, and I can feel the sincerity of her words in every fiber of her being. It’s exactly what I need right now, even if I can’t find the words to say it back. I just hold on tighter, letting the comfort of her presence calm me, if only for a moment.
"You’re not alone.” Shae’s words bring a small, shaky laugh from me as she presses a kiss to the top of my head.
"I don't know what I did to deserve your friendship, but I’m so thankful."
After a few moments, I manage to catch my breath, the tears finally slowing down. I feel drained but strangely lighter, as if part of the weight has been lifted. We head inside to the kitchen, where Shae begins to unpack the bags she's brought with her.
She pulls out a few plastic bags and lays them on the kitchen table. “I brought all of the essentials; your favorite ice cream, popcorn, a chick-flick to watch, fuzzy socks, and face masks. We're way overdue for a girls' night.”
I can’t help but smile through the lingering sadness. Shae knows exactly what I need. A distraction, some comfort, and most importantly, the reassurance that no matter how hard life gets, I have people who care. Tonight, it might not fix everything, but it'll give me a chance to breathe.
The movie that Shae put on was one of my all-time favorites, The Princess Diaries . There's something about a good early 2000's romcom that always lifts my spirits.
We're both sprawled out on my bed, wearing comfy clothes, face masks, and fuzzy socks. I can already feel myself starting to relax.
I forgot how much I need moments like this—time with my best friend, just focusing on each other and not the kids.
Don't get me wrong, I love my children more than anything, but every once in a while, it's nice to take a break and recharge.
When Shae and I used to go to the movies together as teenagers, I’d always add some kind of chocolate candy to the bag of popcorn. She remembered that little detail about me, and made sure to bring a selection of candies for me to choose from, just like old times.
"This is exactly what I needed," I say, taking another bite of chocolate. "It's been entirely too long."
"Agreed," Shae responds, a smile in her voice.
We sit in comfortable silence for the next few minutes, enjoying the movie and our snacks, until it's time to remove our face masks.
"So, how are things going with you?" I ask, my curiosity piqued. "Are you and John still house shopping, or have you all made a decision?"
"John already has his house on his farm, and I think he's really attached to it. It's beautiful, and he worked really hard for it. I think I'm going to agree to move into it when we get married—under one condition," Shae says with a grin.
"What’s that?" I prod, intrigued.
"I get to redecorate the entire house, and I get to be a stay-at-home mom," she says eagerly, practically bouncing with excitement.
"What did he say to that?" I ask, trying not to laugh.
"He said yes!" she exclaims, a proud smile spreading across her face.
"Shae, that's awesome!" I say, genuinely happy for her.
Being a stay-at-home mom on a farm is a full-time job that not everyone gets to do. I know she’ll be excellent at it.
"When are you all wanting to try to have a baby? If you don't mind me asking. I can't wait to be an auntie, and Gemma isn’t showing anything promising at the moment with her dating life." We both giggle at the thought.
"We’ll see, I’m not one hundred percent sure," she answers honestly, her eyes glinting with excitement but also uncertainty.
We settle back into the cozy blankets, the flickering glow of the TV filling the room as we watch the rest of the movie. Before I know it, both of us drift off to sleep, the weight of the past couple of days lifting, just a little, as we find comfort in each other’s company.
Shae went home about an hour ago so she could get ready for church. She invited me to go back with her again, but what if Jesse is there? What if the boys notice Jesse and start asking more questions that I’m not ready to answer yet?
I just feel so guilty for the way that I’ve been treating him. I hope and pray that if he decides to have a relationship with Harrison that he will find room in his heart for Michael too.
The thought of Jesse being there brings a swirl of anxiety. I know I can’t avoid the situation forever, but I’m still trying to figure out how to move forward with it all. Maybe today isn’t the right time to go, maybe I need to just take it slow. Or maybe going to church today is exactly what I need to help clear my mind.
I look down at the prayer quilt in my hand and take a deep breath. I felt so much peace when I came to Grace Haven last week. No one said anything negative toward me or my children. Just smiles, handshakes, and even a few hugs.
I keep having thoughts about all of the reasons I don’t want to go. If I stayed home, I would have time to deep clean the house before having to go back to work tomorrow. Maybe I could watch another movie, or start a new tv show. I could finish unpacking the rest of our stuff, and I could even catch up on laundry before the kids come home.
If I choose to go, my kids would be happy to see me. Gemma is bringing them and she mentioned going out to lunch after service, so I would get to eat and spend time with her and my grandparents. Or, I could just stay home in the clothes that I had on yesterday. I could lay on the couch, read a book, and have someone bring me a meal back to eat.
After going back and forth with the pros and cons in my head, I decide to go. The only downside is that I took too long to decide and now I only have ten minutes to get ready.
I ram sack my closet and settle on a sage green, knee length dress with tiny white flowers on it. I pair the dress with a pair of tan sandals.
I pull my long, reddish blonde hair into a low bun with a white scrunchie. I latch my pearl necklace around my neck that Granna gifted me as a nursing school graduation present. They say diamonds are a girl's best friend but for me, pearls are.
I run into the kitchen, grab my iced coffee, and run out the door.
When I walk through the church doors, I see Great Uncle Timothy again. He’s dressed in a light green button-down shirt paired with a white tie. His gray dress pants are held up by suspenders, and he looks like a cute papaw. I can’t help but smile at his warm, inviting presence.
“Good morning, Miss Coraline,” he says with a friendly grin.
I take his outstretched hand and shake it. “Good morning! We match!” I point back and forth between my own outfit and his, both of us in shades of green. He chuckles softly.
“Well, I’ll be darned,” he says, his eyes twinkling. “I suppose I did pick out the right shirt today after all.” He gives me a playful wink, and I feel a little bit lighter.
“Looks like it!” I reply, my nervousness easing just a little. I’m still uncertain about what I’m going to face today, but Uncle Timothy’s kind smile helps calm my racing thoughts.
I continue walking and go through the doors to the sanctuary. I didn’t have too much time to mingle today because I came in at the same time as the rush.
I try to let the familiar, peaceful feeling of the God's house wash over me. Maybe today will be the step I need to take—whatever happens, I’m glad to have a moment of peace, at least for now. I miss feeling like this.
I look up and spot Harrisons dark curls and Michaels blond hair next to an overwhelmed Gemma. Shae is sitting next to them.
“It looks like you survived another day with my children," I joke.
“I love your little gremlins, but I am exhausted."
Gemma says she's exhausted but she still looks like Elle Woods with a face full of flawless makeup. I still need to find out what setting spray she uses.
I greet both boys and sit down in between them. They each grab one of my hands. My heart squeezes so tight it feels like it will burst.
“We missed you mama,” Michael whispers in my ear. The weight of his words settle in my heart like a soft blanket.
“I missed you guys too.” I smile as Michael leans in, his small, warm hand wrapped around mine. They are such sweet little boys.
It’s moments like these that make everything feel right, even when the world around me is chaotic. The love and simplicity in their voices remind me that, no matter what happens, they’ll always be my anchor. For now, it’s just me and them, and that’s all I need.
Church service at Grace Haven starts out the same way as it did last time. We sing old songs out of the worn hymnal books, and everyone greets those who sit around them with a smile and a handshake.
I unintentionally keep looking around for Jesse, but I don't see him anywhere. I feel a twinge of disappointment, which was odd because before I came today I was dreading seeing him. Now that he’s not here, I kind of wish he was.
Prayer time comes and goes and then the kids go out to their classes.
Each service before the pastor comes to the podium, the person who leads service offers up time for a testimony. Anyone who wants to give one has a moment to share what God has done for them. It isn’t something that you have to do, but it’s something that most people enjoy doing. Most of the time it ends with more than half of the congregation covered in goosebumps and sniffling.
“Brother Timothy, I’d like to stand up today and thank God for keeping his hand upon me this weekend.” I recognize her immediately. She was one of the patients I was with after hours at the clinic Friday. Edith Clearwater.
Edith is an elderly woman who is very active for her age. She's dressed in black dress pants, a pink button down and a matching blazer. She has a large brooch pinned on her blazer and her white and brown hair is pulled back into a french twist.
“I was working out in my garden Friday evening when I noticed that I was having some trouble breathing. I shook it off as indigestion and continued to work.”
The doors to the sanctuary open and I spot Jesse sneaking in. He's wearing the same outfit from last night. His hair is an unruly mess and his eyes are red rimmed.
“I started to feel lightheaded. I figured I was just getting overheated so I took a break and sipped on some water. I kept having a repetitive thought in my head that was telling me that I needed to go to the Scottsdale Clinic.”
“I remembered that someone recommended a new doctor in town so I had my husband drive me there. The new doctor ended up being our pastor's granddaughter, Coraline, who is a nurse practitioner.” She turns her head in my direction and gives me a small smile. I can feel my cheeks blush from the attention.
“As soon as I got put into a room at the clinic, I started to have an intense pain in my stomach. The pain moved from my stomach and up to my chest and jaw. Coraline wasted no time. She recognized immediately that something was very wrong. I think that God sent me to Coraline for her to save my life.”
“She sat there with me until the ambulance arrived, even though I knew that it was past time for her to leave. She made sure I was put into the right hands to receive the care that I needed.”
“I am so thankful that she intervened when she did, because when I arrived at the hospital they took me straight back to surgery. I ended up having a stent placed in my heart.” She took a deep, shaky breath and continued. “I was having a heart attack and if God had not sent me to Coraline I would be dead.” I wiped a tear from my own eye.
“I am grateful for God's guidance and mercy. I just wanted to share with all of you how great He truly is.” There were a few “amens” and people were clapping as she sat back down.
Jesse was staring at me with a look of awe and was that adoration in his eyes? My cheeks heat again and my stomach dips.
Would it be wrong for me to allow myself to have feelings for him again since I know that he didn’t know about our son? The attraction has always been there. It never went away. But my anger stood in front of my heart and my judgement.
I know I need to work on myself and my family first before I can even think about allowing someone into my heart. I let myself fall for Nash and look at how that turned out.