Chapter 13
13
The woman who’d come into the reception of the emergency department had been shouting so loudly that Amy had been able to hear her from the cubicles. She’d described a car mounting the pavement just outside the hospital and at least one pedestrian having been hit.
Meg, the newest doctor in the team, had headed outside with Esther and Eden, along with a couple of the paramedics who’d just dropped off another patient. Within minutes the patients started to arrive in the department, the team having split up to deal with individual casualties. The first was a young woman who was sobbing hysterically, who Eden quickly moved into a cubicle, followed by an elderly man who seemed more shocked than hurt. Esther was reassuring him as she wheeled him through to a second cubicle. It took far longer for the final patient to arrive, and to Amy’s utter surprise Lijah was by the woman’s side, as Meg and the paramedics wheeled her in.
‘Amy, can you come through to resus, please?’ Meg asked before she had the chance to ask Lijah what on earth was going on. ‘We’ve stabilised the patient’s neck and spine until we can be certain of her injuries, and we had to use sedation to perform a manual reduction to a displaced fracture in her lower left leg, to restore the radial pulse. So we’ll need orthopaedics down here. We’re also going to need obstetrics to check how the baby is doing, and make a decision about whether she needs to deliver, and we’ll need to continue monitoring her vitals in the meantime.’
‘Of course.’ Any questions could wait, the fact that the patient who’d been hit by a car was pregnant made her blood run cold. It was almost unheard of for someone to be hit by a car and come off unscathed, but for a pregnant woman the chance of serious injury was even higher. She could be under sedation for as little as fifteen minutes, depending on the dose she’d been given, but at least for now she wasn’t in any distress.
‘I think it’s best if you wait outside now.’ Meg’s tone as she turned towards Lijah was gentle but firm.
‘Yeah.’ He looked hollowed out with shock and Amy reached out to squeeze his hand.
‘Do you know her?’
‘I was just there when the accident happened.’ He gave a visible shudder at the memory. ‘Before she was sedated, I promised not to leave her until her husband got here. Will you let me know how she is?’
‘When I can.’ Amy squeezed his hand again, before following her colleagues through to resus. She’d talk to Meg or Esther later about how much she could share with Lijah. She tried not to think about how badly she’d wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him he was amazing for stepping in to help a stranger in a situation that must have been terrifying. But in the meantime, all that mattered was making sure the patient got the best possible treatment, even if her chest ached at the thought of leaving Lijah, wondering and worrying about what was going on.
‘Okay, this is Ellen. Her vitals are stable, but her injuries suggest—’ Geoff, one of the paramedics began speaking once they were through to resus, and Amy’s heart lurched at the sound of the woman’s name.
‘Oh God no, please.’ Amy hadn’t been able to stop herself from cutting Geoff off. A pregnant woman called Ellen outside the hospital, that was far too much of a coincidence. Amy had only met Ellen once, but as she stepped forward to look more closely at the patient’s face, bile rose in her throat.
‘She’s Aidan’s surrogate.’ Meg’s hand flew to her mouth in response to Amy’s words, but she regained her composure quickly.
‘Do you know where he is?’
‘He was in paediatrics with a patient.’ Amy was shaking now, even before Meg uttered the words she knew were coming.
‘I think you should go and get him. I’ll get someone else to contact his husband.’
‘Okay.’ Amy was nodding, but her feet wouldn’t seem to move.
‘Would you rather I did it?’ Meg stepped forward and touched Amy’s arm, but she shook her head. Aidan was her friend and as much as she hated the idea of giving him the news, he should hear it from her. Shaking her head again, Amy blew out a long breath and finally took a step towards the door, knowing she was about to have one of the most difficult conversations of her life.
* * *
Amy needed to tell Aidan what was going on, but Lijah was out there, in reception, just a few feet away, and she knew he’d be there for her if she asked him to be. Suddenly she realised she did want him to be there for her. She’d been so used to not leaning on anyone for so long, that she fought the urge for a moment. She always had to be the strong self-reliant one in the family, and Zach hadn’t been the sort of person she could ever have relied upon. Since Lijah, there hadn’t been anyone who’d she’d been able to be totally honest with about how she felt, but they’d been together as teenagers, with big emotions that had spilled out whether she wanted them to or not. It would have been impossible not to be honest with him – they used to share everything. She’d known how he felt about his dad leaving and how much he worried about wanting to make sure his mother and aunt were okay. He’d seen how difficult her home life could be because of her brother, and his house had become a place to escape to when Nathan’s behaviour was at its worst. He’d been her rock before, and she needed that today, because she was terrified she was about to break Aidan’s heart.
‘Lij.’ Amy’s chin wobbled as she stood in front of him. His head was bowed and the collars of his jacket were pulled high up around his face, sunglasses obscuring the eyes that would have given him away otherwise, despite the closely cropped hair. If she didn’t know that about him, she might have thought he was playing up to a celebrity stereotype, wearing dark glasses indoors, but even the little she’d seen of him had made her strongly suspect that nothing he did was because he enjoyed being recognised.
‘Hey.’ He got to his feet, removing the sunglasses, his voice filled with concern, and she leaned into him, breathing in the citrussy scent of his aftershave. ‘Is it Ellen?’
‘Yes, no…’ Her voice trailed away and she couldn’t seem to catch her breath.
‘It’s okay, just breathe for a moment.’ He stepped back, and she took a couple of slow breaths until she was finally ready to speak.
‘Ellen is a surrogate and she’s carrying a baby for my friends. It’s been such a long road for Aidan and Jase to get to this stage, and all they’ve ever wanted is a baby of their own. They’re supposed to be going to Paris tonight, for a babymoon, and now I don’t even know if there’s going to be a baby. They’re bringing the obstetric team down, but with an impact like that…’ Amy couldn’t finish the sentence. ‘I need to find him and tell him what’s going on, but I don’t think I can do it by myself. You were with Ellen, so I wondered if?—’
‘I’ll come with you.’ She hadn’t even finished the sentence before Lijah made the offer.
‘Thank you.’ She moved towards the door that led the cubicles, her heart thudding so loudly in her ears that it seemed to beat out the rhythm of her feet. There was a section of the emergency department dedicated specifically to paediatrics, which was where Aidan had taken his six-year-old patient and her mother, after the little girl had fallen off the arm of the sofa when she and her sister were pretending to be unicorns. Unfortunately, Eliza had been wearing a plastic tiara at the time, and some of the shards of plastic had become embedded in her forehead when both Eliza and the tiara had hit the wooden floor. Amy knew he had been waiting for the play therapist to arrive, so that she could distract the little girl, while Aidan removed the splinters of plastic, and glued the wound where some of the skin had split on impact. He’d be checking her over for any signs of concussion in the meantime and would order a scan if he felt she needed one. Amy was almost certain he’d still be with the patient as a result, and her shoulders sagged when she heard his voice, partly in relief and partly because the moment when she had to break the news was getting closer.
‘You’re doing brilliantly Eliza, one more piece and we’ll be ready to get my magic glue out. Then you can pick not one, not two, but three stickers. There are lots to choose from, but maybe not the unicorn ones, because they’re far too naughty aren’t they? Just look what they made you do!’ Aidan’s laugh was echoed by giggling from the little girl and Amy felt her heart contract all over again. He was going to be an amazing dad and all she could do was pray he got the chance.
‘Right, that’s it, that’s the last piece out.’ Amy hesitated, exchanging a glance with Lijah and wondering whether she should wait until he’d glued the wound on Eliza’s head, but she had no idea whether the obstetric team had already made a decision about the baby. What if hesitating cost Aidan the chance, to be there when the baby was born, or worse still cost him the chance to say goodbye. Amy drew back the curtain.
‘I’m so sorry to interrupt. I need to have a very quick word with Aidan.’ Amy gave Eliza’s mother a tight smile and she wondered if the other woman could see how fake it was. The little girl was being kept occupied by the play therapist, and she barely even glanced in Amy’s direction.
‘I’ll be right back, don’t go galloping off anywhere!’ Aidan winked at Eliza, who giggled again and followed Amy away from the cubicle.
‘Hey what’s up?’ For a moment he didn’t seem to notice that Lijah was standing a few feet away and then he grinned, before lowering his voice into the kind of theatrical whisper Eliza’s mother could probably have heard. ‘Ooh very nice too; didn’t I tell you he’d be back?’
‘We need to have a chat, in the relatives’ room if it’s free.’ Amy tried to keep her tone light, but she’d clearly failed as Aidan’s smile slid off his face.
‘What’s the matter, is it Jase?’
Amy shook her head. ‘I really think it would be better if we?—’
Aidan cut her off. ‘Just tell me.’ His voice had risen and there was naked fear in his eyes. He knew something awful had happened and there was no good way of telling him.
‘It’s Ellen; there’s been an accident, she’s been hit by a car and—’ Amy had barely begun before Aidan smacked his fists against his forehead.
‘No, no, no. She’s supposed to be here in ten minutes. It must be someone else. It’s not Ellen, it can’t be.’ Aidan’s eyes were wild with terror by now, and he grasped Amy by the shoulders, clearly desperate for her to reassure him that he was right about it being someone else, but she seemed to have lost the power of speech again and she was terrified she was going to burst into tears if she tried to carry on. Lijah stepped forward instead.
‘It’s definitely Ellen. I was there when it happened. A car mounted the pavement just outside the hospital, but they’ve stabilised her and?—’
‘What about the baby?’ This time Aidan’s question cut Lijah off and Amy swallowed hard, desperately trying to rein in her emotions to allow her to speak.
‘We don’t know yet, they’ve called the obstetrics team down and both Ellen and the baby are in the best possible hands. But you need to get to resus to be with her, I can take over here.’
‘I can’t go to resus, I can’t be with her if they say the baby’s gone.’ Aidan shook his head again. ‘I can’t do it. I just can’t.’
‘You can. Esther’s there, she’ll support you and someone was going to call Jase to come in too. I know this must be incredibly hard, but Ellen needs you, Aidan.’
‘I can’t. If we lose the baby… I just…’ Aidan dropped his head into his hands. ‘I can’t.’
‘What if I came with you?’ Amy reached out, but he flinched away from her.
‘I’ve got to get some air, I can’t do this now.’ Before she could reach for him again, Aidan turned away from her, breaking into a run.
‘Oh God, we need to go after him, I’m scared of what he might do, but I can’t just leave the patient either.’ Amy felt as if she was being torn in two. She desperately wanted to run after Aidan, but a big part of her was terrified of making things worse. She’d already made a hash of breaking the news to him.
‘I’ll go.’ Before she could even protest, Lijah had set off in the same direction as Aidan. She had no idea what he’d say if he found him, or whether he’d be any more successful than she was at persuading Aidan that he needed to be with Ellen right now, but she didn’t have much choice other than to let him try. All she could do was pray that Lijah’s gift with words extended beyond the lyrics of his songs, and that he could find a way to get through to Aidan before it was too late.
* * *
Amy could barely breathe as she headed back to the emergency department. Aidan had been every bit as devastated as she’d feared he’d be, and her stomach felt as though it was made of lead. Aidan and Jase were made to be parents. There had been so many obstacles in the way, and some of Aidan’s family had been resistant to the idea at first. Even after Isla had offered to become their egg donor, there’d been another bump in the road, when she was diagnosed with a chronic illness. None of them had been sure at first if the egg donation could go ahead, or whether there was any risk of passing on the condition, but thankfully they’d eventually been given the go ahead.
Finding a surrogate had been another huge step, and Amy had witnessed Aidan’s joy when he’d shared the news that Ellen had agreed to help them, but even then it didn’t go smoothly. Although Ellen had fallen pregnant, she’d had a miscarriage before they reached the twelve-week scan, and Amy’s heart had broken for Aidan and Jase. It had come at a time when their friend Danni’s pregnancy was becoming more obvious, and a talking point in the department. Aidan had never shown a shred of bitterness, and had fussed around Danni more than almost anyone else. He’d been so happy for her, despite his own pain, and the whole team had been thrilled when he’d finally announced Ellen’s second pregnancy to everyone, after the twelve-week scan had confirmed everything was looking good. Amy might have teased him about leaving her in the lurch when he went on paternity leave, but she’d been thrilled for him, her eyes filling with tears the day he’d shown her the first scan photos, unable to hold back his own tears every time he got them out.
‘We’re actually getting our dream, Ames. I can’t believe it. I would ask you to pinch me, but I know you’ll enjoy it far too much, especially after you got the short straw with Stella Steve yesterday.’
‘It’s your turn next time, no rock, paper, scissors contests to decide who gets to tell him that the cause for his headache is the amount of lager he’s consumed.’ Amy had sighed then. Steve was one of their regulars, turning up in A&E at least once a week, reeking of alcohol and sometimes worse. They’d referred him to various services to try and support him with his addiction and other problems, but he never went to any of the appointments. All they could do was check him over, and try to clean him up a bit, making another referral for help each time, before discharging him. The last time he’d been in, Amy had gone to the hospital shop to buy Steve a sandwich and a few other basics before sending him off, and when she’d got there Aidan was already queuing to do the same thing. They might joke about whose turn it was to see Steve, but it was really just a coping mechanism for dealing with the frustration they felt at not being able to help him. It was always sad when a patient didn’t seem to have anyone who cared about them enough to feel like it was worth caring about themselves, and Steve was one of those people.
‘I promise I’ll see him next time he’s in. Now look at this scan picture again and pinch me, just a little bit, so I know this is real and that me and Jase really are going to get our baby.’ He’d leaned his head on top of hers then, but she hadn’t pinched him.
‘It’s real. And that little baby is so lucky to have you and Jase.’ Just for a moment she’d felt a stab of something that felt a lot like fear, scared that she might never experience that kind of joy first hand, but then she’d shaken it off. Aidan’s joy was infectious and it hadn’t waned once, but now that dream might be slipping through his fingers and Amy’s throat was choked with a very different set of emotions.
For as long as she could remember, she’d tried to fix things for other people and to make them feel better. But there was nothing she could do to fix this for Aidan. She felt as if she’d failed him, not handling it well enough when she’d broken the news, and standing there, as if she was frozen to the spot, when he’d taken off. She should have gone after him straight away. She’d let him down and if it cost Aidan his one chance to be there when the baby arrived, whatever the outcome, she’d never forgive herself.
When she reached the door to resus, she hesitated for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she pushed it open, offering up another silent prayer that miraculously everything would somehow be okay. Her biggest fear was that Ellen wouldn’t be there, because things had taken a terrible turn, and Amy’s whole body flooded with relief to see her hooked up to a series of monitors, her eyes open now that the sedation was wearing off. Jess, who was one of the senior midwives from the maternity department, was by her side, along with Ameera Shah, a consultant obstetrician, who was scanning Ellen’s abdomen. Meg was still there too, and Amy held her breath as her colleague walked towards her.
She tried to read Meg’s expression. There was a pinched look of concern about her, but she’d noticed that look before. Amy didn’t know that much about Meg yet, because she hadn’t taken up any of the team’s offers to meet up outside of work, but she had the look of someone who’d seen far too much trauma. It was etched on her face somehow, which made it impossible to read how she was feeling.
‘How is she?’ Amy whispered the question, not wanting to cause Ellen any further distress, and Meg bit her lip for a moment before answering.
‘We sent her straight in for a CT while we were waiting for the obstetrician. The good news is there’s no indication of any other internal bleeding, but the placenta…’ She glanced over her shoulder towards Ellen, and then back to Amy again. ‘There’s an obvious break to her left leg, but the rest of her reflexes are normal, which is a really good sign. She might need an operation to stabilise the fracture, but I’ve got a feeling the baby is going to need to take priority.’
‘Thanks for letting me know. Aidan freaked out a bit, but Lijah has gone after him, so I’m sure he’ll be here soon.’ Amy really hoped she was right, but before Meg could even respond, the situation escalated.
‘There’s evidence of placental abruption, on the boundary of stage two and three.’ Ameera exchanged a glance with Jess. This didn’t sound like the good news Amy had been praying for.
Ameera turned towards Ellen. ‘The baby’s heartbeat is strong and stable, but there’s evidence of damage to the placenta, which is causing some bleeding. Given that you’re thirty-four weeks pregnant, I think the best course of action would be to perform a C-section as soon as a theatre is available. We can administer corticosteroids to help the baby’s lung development, but I think given the severity of the damage to the placenta, the bleeding is likely to worsen if we don’t take action.’
‘The baby’s parents…’ Ellen’s words were barely audible and, as she tried to sit up, Meg put a hand on her shoulder. The blocks around her neck had been removed, but even if she had escaped with just a badly broken leg, getting up was out of the question for now.
‘I don’t want you to worry about any of that.’ Meg looked away from Ellen, towards Amy, and she nodded in response to the unspoken question. ‘Aidan and Jase are both on their way. Right now, we need to focus on you and the baby.’
‘I can’t lose their baby.’ Ellen’s tone was pleading and Ameera shook her head.
‘We’re not going to let that happen.’
‘Is there anyone else you want me to call for you, Ellen?’ Amy moved closer to the bed as she spoke.
‘My husband. Aidan’s got the number.’ The effects of Ellen’s sedation had mostly worn off, but she’d been given strong painkilling medication as well, and she was slurring her words slightly, as if she’d had too much to drink.
‘I’ll make sure we get hold of him, try not to worry, everything’s going to be okay.’ Amy’s words didn’t sound convincing, even to her own ears. She just hoped Ellen hadn’t noticed the wobble in her voice, and that Jase would be here soon. At least then he could get hold of Ellen’s husband, and be there if they decided to deliver the baby early, because there was no guarantee that Lijah would be able to find Aidan, let alone persuade him to be with Ellen in time for the arrival of the baby.