Chapter 5
LOCKE
“I should have worked out more this summer.”
“Are you shitting me? You’re fucking jacked, bro. If anything, I think you should have laid off the weights a bit. Should have hired you as my personal trainer instead of that guy I paid way too much money for.”
“You just have to start small. One workout a day, then work your way up to two. It’s nothing after that. Plus, it’s a good way to get away from the kids.”
“Preach, man.”
I listen as my teammates Frederic and Poldzkin go back and forth on their workout routines. Some of it’s good, but a lot of it is over the top and completely unnecessary. I would know—I’ve spent a lot more years than they have training for hockey.
Either way, it’s enough to distract me from the nonstop madness that’s been raging in my head since the party at Hutch’s last week. I’ve replayed that day on a loop, like watching a game tape and trying to find my mistake that lets the other team score.
Nessa walking in. Nessa looking at everyone.
Nessa looking at me like she looked at everyone else.
Nessa in the hallway, how gorgeous her green eyes were, even though she looked like she was about two seconds away from falling asleep standing up.
Nessa when Hutch kicked us all to the curb and how she was still looking at me like everyone else—like a stranger.
It was hard then, and it’s still hard now.
I want to see her again. Want to talk to her, even if just for a minute.
Just to figure out why she’s pretending not to know me.
Then I’ll be fine. I’ll be good . I won’t be wondering about this any longer and can focus solely on hockey like I should be already.
“What about you, Whitlocke?”
“Hmm?” I glance up to find Frederic and Poldzkin staring at me expectantly. I run a towel over my face as I pump my legs on the stationary bike. “Sorry, I kind of zoned out. What’s up?”
“We were wondering what your routine looks like. How the hell do you stay in such good shape at your age?”
At your age. I know I’m the oldest player on the team, but do they really have to remind me of it all the time? The media does it enough already. I think the last person to not care about my age was…
I shake away the thought. It was her , and I can’t start thinking about her again. It’s too damn dangerous, especially since her brother just walked in the door.
“Legs. Lots of legs. Light, repetitious weight. I don’t go for heavy.
And I only lift three times a week. Maybe four if I’m feeling up for it, but nothing more.
I don’t see the point. On the other days, I take walks or ride the bike.
Nothing too wild or time-consuming. Keep it simple and save the rest of your energy for on-ice work. ”
“He’s right,” Hutch says, picking up two twenty-pound weights and taking an open spot. “Told me that years ago, and I’ve been doing it ever since. Never felt better on and off the ice.”
“No shit?” Frederic says. “Fuck, might have to give that a whirl. Might miss my me-time in the gym though.” He walks to Hutch, clapping him on the back.
“You’ll get it soon, Captain. Once that kid of yours comes, you’ll know those extra hours in the gym do wonders for your mood.
Let the wife take care of the baby while you take care of the career, you know. ”
Hutch catches my eye in a look that says, Is this guy fucking for real?
I lift a single brow back. Afraid so.
My captain looks like he’s about to set his teammates straight when trouble struts through the door.
“You fucking blocked me out there, dude.”
“Why the hell would I block you? No way am I putting my body on the line this early in the year. Have you ever considered you just suck? Not as well as your mom does, but you still suck.”
“You’ve never even met my mother!” Lawson fires back at Keller.
“As far as you know.” Keller delivers it so deadpan you could almost believe him if you didn’t know better.
“I can settle this for you two real quick, you know,” Fox says, always trying to mediate.
“And I’ll back him up,” Hayes offers. “I was right there and saw the whole thing.”
“Which means you saw Keller block my shot.”
Fox and Hayes trade glances, and though I wasn’t on the ice for whatever the fuck it is they’re arguing about, it’s clear Lawson is wrong.
“Uh, look, Lawsy,” Hayes says softly, using the same tone I’ve heard him use on Flora when he’s breaking some bad news to her.
“No, no, no.” Lawson sticks his fingers into his ears, just like the child Hayes is treating him as. “I’m not listening.”
“Anyone know how the fuck Rory puts up with him?” Keller grumbles.
“I heard that!”
“I thought you weren’t listening?” the captain says in the middle of his bicep curls.
“Well, I’m listening now! But I’m still not talking to you.”
Hutch rolls his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, I didn’t kick you out of my house. I had an unexpected guest I had to deal with.”
“How’s that going, by the way?” Fox asks. “Is your sister”—he holds his hands up when Hutch glares at him—“ step sister settling in okay?”
My ears perk up at the mention of Nessa, but I try hard as hell to look as uninterested as possible, still pumping my legs on the bike. I’ve wanted to ask after her every single day since the party, but that would be incredibly suspicious. I shouldn’t care about his sister, yet I do.
“Van is… Well, she’s Van. She got a job, so I guess that’s something. At least she’s not sulking around the house as much.”
“She just got divorced like, what, six months ago? Think she’s allowed to sulk a bit, eh?”
Hutch is taken aback by my words, and I don’t blame him. I shouldn’t have said anything. It shouldn’t matter to me what Nessa does or doesn’t do. I guess I still can’t help myself when it comes to sticking up for her.
He surprises me by nodding. “That’s fair.
Shit.” He drops his weights on the rack, his hands going to his hips.
“I need to stop being such a dick. Auden keeps telling me so, but it’s just…
Fuck, I don’t know. Vanessa and I have never really seen eye to eye, you know?
I know a lot of that might have been because she was just a teenager when our parents got together, so she was bratty as hell, but still.
We’re just two different people. Having her around…
It’s hard. And I’m nesting. Fuck, I’m nesting.
I want everything to be perfect for this kid.
It has to be perfect. I can’t be expected to be away for half the season and not have my shit together.
I’m not leaving that burden to Auden. She already has enough on her plate.
So much. Carrying a damn baby. She’s a fucking warrior.
You have no idea. She’s up peeing at all hours of the night, uncomfortable as hell because she can’t breathe or because the baby is moving too much, and then she just smiles through the day like it’s nothing.
She’s still putting makeup on every day.
Makeup! Like I give a shit if she wears it or not.
She’s so damn beautiful anyway, it doesn’t matter.
I’m just…” He finally gulps in a big breath.
“I’m scared. Shitless. I am fucking scared shitless. What the hell am I doing?”
He looks around the room, eyes wide with fear, and I wonder if it’s the first time he’s expressed all this out loud because it sure as hell looks like it is. The rest of us exchange glances. That speech took a turn none of us were prepared for, not even Hutch.
“Are, uh, are you okay, Hutchinson?” Lawson asks softly, and it’s probably the calmest I’ve seen him in a long damn time. It shows how serious this is.
“I…I don’t know.”
Hutch’s voice is scratchy and full of panic, and it’s all it takes for us to pounce on him. We gather around for an awkward group hug, minus Keller, who stands on the sidelines, arms crossed, lips pulled into his perpetual frown.
“Fuck,” he mutters once we let him go, scrubbing his hands over his face.
He sniffles, blinking away the tears we’re all pretending aren’t there.
“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to unload on you guys.
I’m supposed to be the captain, the leader of this team, and here I am unable to keep my shit together. ”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Fox says, giving him another pat. “We’re here for you. Whatever you need. You know that.”
“Yeah, what kind of club would we be if we weren’t? Serpents Singles forever,” Lawson tells him with a grin.
“We aren’t a club,” Keller complains. “And if we were, we wouldn’t be a singles club. All you assholes are in relationships. It’s just me and Locke now. We’re the only two who took this shit seriously, apparently.” He juts his chin out toward me.
“The fact that we’re a club is still clearly up for debate, but what’s not is the fact that we’re still boys.”
Everyone groans at that.
“What?” Lawson says. “What’d I say?”
“We aren’t boys . That just sounds so…juvenile.
” Hayes shakes his head. “Let’s just say we’re friends, yeah?
And when friends are having a hard time, we do something about it.
So, I propose we take our asses down to Top Shelf and have a drink to celebrate the start of the season and the beautiful baby your fiancée is about to birth, and we just let everything else fall to the wayside for now. What do you say, Hutchy?”
Our captain exhales heavily, then nods. “I could use a beer.”
Lawson lets out a loud whoop, and even Keller looks excited by this idea.
“Then let’s go. I’ll give Lilah a call and tell her I’m going to be late.”
“Good boy,” Keller mutters to our number one goalie.
Fox flips him off.
“You already know I’m in,” Lawson says. “Besides, I could use some time away from the old ball and chain.”
“Ball and chain?” Hayes rolls his eyes. “Please, you worship the ground Rory walks on. We all fucking know it. Oh, Rory, you’re so amazing. You look so cute in your scrubs ,” he says in a high-pitched voice.