Chapter 12
LOCKE
“Oh, Gavin,” my mother says, her voice echoing around my SUV. She sighs, and I feel it deep in my bones. “What have you gotten yourself into?”
Sure, it’s probably pathetic that I am an almost forty-year-old man and have called my parents to talk about my woes, but one thing they drilled into me from the time I was little was to talk about my feelings.
So here I am, talking about them and wondering if I made a mistake by letting my one-night stand move in with me.
I don’t have an answer to my mom’s question because I’ve been asking myself the same thing since this morning, when Nessa sat across from me, looking sad about her apartment applications getting rejected, and I opened my mouth without thinking, offering her one of my spare rooms. It was such a moronic idea, and it was built on such a flimsy reason. I know that, and I’m sure she did too.
But I couldn’t let her beat herself up over her situation any longer.
She came all this way to start over, and if I can help in any way, I want to.
She deserves it, especially after everything she’s been through.
Nessa is not a pathetic divorcee. She is someone who was hurt in one of the worst ways possible.
So yeah, I’m going to offer her a room, even if it is the dumbest idea of the century.
I thought I was doing a nice thing by washing her clothes, but I quickly realized what a mistake it was when she walked out of my room in nothing but my old Seattle Serpents t-shirt.
It took every ounce of strength I had not to march across that room and haul her into my arms and kiss her senseless.
Somehow, I resisted…until she crawled up on that counter. I couldn’t help myself. I had to touch her. And help her, of course.
Yeah, right, you fucking perv. You just wanted to feel her against you again.
“Gavin? You there, son?”
I shake my head as my dad’s voice breaks through the memory.
“Yeah, sorry,” I say. “Sorry, just got distracted by…traffic.”
Great. Now I’m not only lying to myself but my parents, too.
“You think I’m making a big mistake, don’t you?”
“No, dear,” my mother says. “You can’t be making a mistake if you’re trying to help someone.”
I smile. Of course she would think of it that way.
“However,” she continues, and the smile drops from my face instantly. “It’s certainly not the brightest idea you’ve ever had.”
My dad makes a disgruntled noise. “I’d say.”
“Lars!” my mother admonishes.
“Dolly!” Dad fires back, and I grin.
My mother’s name is Ruth, which is a far cry from Dolly. Neither my siblings nor I know when or why my father started calling her Dolly, but it makes us laugh either way. It’s an inside joke they share, and it always makes me smile whenever I hear it.
Maybe that’s why I have never settled down in the past. Maybe it’s because I’m looking for something like what my parents have—that all-consuming, unconditional love that lasts for years and years. Yeah, something like that doesn’t sound bad at all.
“Look, all I’m saying is the boy is supposed to be focusing on the upcoming season. He’s the one who’s been worried about not getting another contract. This is a bit of a distraction, no?”
“No, not a distraction,” I say. “She’s just a friend. What happened was in the past. We’ve moved on.”
Even as I say the words, I don’t believe them. Nessa is one hundred percent a distraction. She’s been a distraction since April. And as sweet as my mom is for her reassurance, she’s wrong. I am making a mistake, but for some reason, I can’t stop myself.
I wish I had an answer for why I’m doing this, why I’m risking everything I’ve been working so hard for.
People don’t realize that when you reach a certain age in the NHL, it’s easy to find yourself sitting on the bench over and over again until it becomes clear they don’t need you at all.
At that point, one of two things happens: you get sent back down to the AHL, or you are not offered a contract and are forced to “respectfully retire.” I don’t know which of those is more embarrassing, but I don’t want either to happen to me.
When I call it quits, I want to do so on my terms, not anyone else’s.
All of that is on the line by letting Nessa into my life like this.
“Well, we trust you, son,” my dad says. “We know you’ll do the right thing for you, whatever that looks like.
If you say this girl needs your help, she needs your help, no matter the history you two have.
You just keep your chin up and keep focused on your career, and whatever else happens, happens. ”
“Thanks,” I tell him. “I appreciate it, Pop.”
“We love you!” my mom calls out.
“I love you guys, too. I’m pulling into the parking lot now. Talk to you later.”
We end the call, and I pull into my favorite spot.
I sigh, dropping my head back against the headrest. Somehow, I have to go out there on the ice and act like I didn’t just invite my captain’s sister to live with me.
Thank fuck Hutch isn’t going to be here today, not with him and Auden just having the baby yesterday.
I have some time to figure out how I’m going to tell him about Nessa.
Before she left, we made a plan for her to move in two days from now.
The Serpents are starting this season with a three-game road trip, so it gives her a little time to settle in without me there to make things awkward.
Plus, I have time to order another bed since I really wasn’t kidding about not having another one.
It’s just something I never got around to.
Whenever I want to see my family, I’m the one who goes to visit them.
It’s easier that way with all my siblings having so many kids between them.
That’s too many schedules to try to figure out.
When I realize I’ve been stewing for far too long, I finally pull myself out of the car and head into the rink.
Maybe this is just what I need, a few hours out on the ice to clear my head.
Something else to focus on. Something not blonde.
Something that doesn’t make my heart race because of the simplest things.
I wave at a few of our trainers and staff as I walk through the halls to the locker room.
Several of the guys are already gathered in there, getting ready for a training session, including Fox and Keller.
“Hey, man,” Fox says as I tug my shirt over my head. “What a night, huh?”
I know instantly what he’s talking about—Hutch and Auden. Not that I would ever bring this up to him, but Hutch texted the group chat almost immediately after Auden gave birth. We were the first people he wanted to share it with, and dammit if that doesn’t intensify my guilt.
“Still can’t believe Hutch is a father,” Keller says.
“He’s going to be good at it, too. You should’ve seen him on the way to the hospital. He was a wreck, but in a good way. I think anyone who is worried that much about being a good parent is going to be one.”
“Man, these last few years have been weird, huh?” Fox comments.
He can say that again. So many people falling in love and starting new chapters in their lives, and here I am, clinging to a one-night stand from months ago.
“Guess it’s a good thing that evil stepsister was there after all,” Keller says, and I feel his eyes on me with each word.
I don’t turn around and look at him, even though I desperately want to correct him for calling her evil. She certainly wasn’t evil this morning when she was in nothing but my shirt. In fact, she looked like a fucking angel.
“I’m sure Auden felt more comfortable having someone there until Hutch arrived,” Fox agrees.
They continue talking about the baby, but I’m no longer listening. I’m still trying to get the image of a pants-less Nessa out of my head.
“I am an uncle!”
Several guys around the room groan as Lawson walks in. It’s not an unusual reaction.
“Um, dude, you were already an uncle,” Hayes says, following right behind him. “Your brother has a kid, remember?”
“Of course I remember. There’s no way I could forget about Jacob and Stevie’s daughter, Macie. Do you have any idea how cool that kid is? She could give Fox a run for his money in net.”
“Hey, whoa,” Fox says, clearly offended. “She’s like twelve or some shit.”
“And…?” Lawson gives him a pointed look. “Anyway, I know I was already an uncle, but I’m an uncle again.”
“Not really,” Keller points out. “You and Rory aren’t married.”
Lawson gasps dramatically. “How dare you! We might not technically be married, but we’re going to be together forever.”
“Then why haven’t you put a ring on her finger yet?” Hayes challenges.
Keller snorts. “As if that stops someone from leaving.”
Several of us look over at him.
He glances up. “What?” he barks.
Fox’s eyes connect with mine, and I shrug. I have no idea what his problem is. I usually don’t.
“Because I’m waiting for the right time. I have to be careful with Rory. She spooks easily,” Lawson says.
“Or maybe she just doesn’t like you as much as you think she does.”
Lawson flips Keller off. “She loves me. Stop being jealous.”
“Of you? Never. Besides, how can I be when I have your mo?—”
“Keller, I fucking swear?—”
Lawson moves to go after the instigator just as our coach walks into the room.
“That’s enough!” Coach Smith yells, and everyone freezes. “You two want to fight? Take it out on the ice. No throwing punches in the locker room. Now get dressed. I want you on your skates in five.”
The hustle in the room picks up as we all start to get dressed just a little faster, rushing to get out there before our time is up.
Coach Smith is a fantastic leader and an even better guy, but when he says he wants us out on the ice in five minutes, he means it.
I really don’t want to bag skate today as punishment for being late.