Chapter 24 - Torin
TORIN
Istood in the small side-chamber they had given me tae dress, fingers smoothin’ the front of a new navy coat.
The wool was heavy, the cut perfect, the braid exactly where it ought to be.
It felt altogether too perfect. I had never worn a uniform in my life that fit so well.
I had a tailor at Glume who could sew a fine coat, but the measurements were taken and his work took weeks.
I often needed the new coat long afore it arrived finished.
But on this day nae one had measured me, how was the fit so perfect?
It dinna feel up tae chance.
I had a vague feelin’ that I had been standin’ in front of this mirror before.
I grunted and pushed it from my mind, shakin’ my head. Twas battle nerves, naething more.
When I stepped intae the war-room the uncles were already bent over the map, voices low, but I heard Ryan say, “Third time’s the charm, eh, Aeng—?”
He clipped the words and they straightened as one when I entered.
Ryan’s eyes flicked tae me and away again — too quickly, as if he hoped I hadna heard.
“Third time?”
Ryan said, “Turn of phrase, we are goin’ over the plans.”
I asked, “Has Max returned yet?”
Charlie said, “He’s still dressing.”
The door opened and Max entered, lookin’ like a prince in his uniform. “Torin! Ye look like a respectable military commander and not, as ye usually look, a rogue for hire.” He clapped my shoulder. “How dost our uniforms fit so well? We look like we were born intae them.”
I grunted. “Aye—”
He moved tae the head of the table. “It gives me a good feelin’, this battle is goin’ tae go our way.” He drew his finger along the route on a map.
He seemed calm, but my misgivings were growin’.
Ryan began tae go over the battle, pointin’ tae where the men would be, I concentrated on the plan, but then noticed from the corner of m’eye that Aenghus wasna focused on the map, instead he drank from a mug and glanced at the clock, twas as if he were bored, as if he had been here before.
A servant entered and asked if we needed food, Max asked for pizza and was told that it had already been served earlier in the week. He clenched his jaw and a flash of memory hit me. Did ye hear it, Torin...?
I took the moment tae whisper tae Max, “Daena it seem odd that our uniforms fit so well?”
“What…?” He looked down. “Och, I suppose it does.”
“You were here first, did you get fitted for yer coat?”
“Nae, I wasna here long enough.”
“Yet it fits ye — hae we been here before, has this happened already?”
He shook his head. “Nae…” He looked down. “Nae, we would remember, wouldna we?”
I shrugged. “I daena think so. But I hae a feelin’ we hae done this before.”
He straightened his back. “The only reason we would be doin’ this over is because we hae lost. I canna believe twould be true.”
I opened my mouth tae speak.
He said, “We ought not think on it, Torin, we will speak after the battle.”
“Aye, I agree—”
Alexandria came in then, radiant in a pale blue dress, and for a moment the room belonged tae her.
I forgot the wrongness of the moment before, that we were plannin’ a battle that was at once crucial and dangerous, while the expressions on the uncles’ faces had been of resignation.
I pushed aside all thoughts of the perfectly fittin’ uniform — there was only her smile when she saw me, the blush on her cheeks, the way she said my name like an exhale of breath that was crossin’ lips I wanted tae kiss.
For a moment there was nae thought but her.
But intervening on m’thoughts — her dress fit her perfectly. And the uncles hadna seen her since she was a bairn.
Ryan continued the briefing. He spoke of strike lines and drones and Sun Tzu. Every word sounded rehearsed, as though he had delivered this exact speech afore and was only waiting for the places where it had gone wrong last time.
Charlie joked about rock music and drones.
My skin prickled when Aenghus mentioned the weather. “Twill be a fair day.”
I asked, “How dost ye ken?”
The uncles gave each other a sideways glance.
Ryan explained, “We sent a soldier ahead to check.”
But there had been something in Aenghus’s voice, he had said the day would be fair as if he had watched the same fair day dawn more than once.
I met Max’s eyes. His brow was drawn down.
Ryan said, “We have the element of surprise, I’m sure of it.” His eyes met Charlie’s, for a moment too long.
Max asked, “How can ye be certain?”
He said, “Well, I don’t, not really, things change in this war all the time, but honestly nephew, this time it’s bound to start changing in our favor.”
Max nodded, looking down on the map, a shadow over his face.
I kept my face still. “This time?”
Ryan didn’t meet my eyes. “Yeah, there have been a lot of battles, this one should go our way, we deserve it.”
“Aye.”
They continued talking while I wondered, Hae I stood at this table before?
Hae I said my goodbyes tae Alexandria and gone tae war?
The questions filled me with dread.
If the uncles had the power tae do this over, why? What was goin’ tae happen on this field?
Had we come back bloodied — or nae at all? Did we lose this war?
After the briefing, Alexandria drew me aside tae ask why I had been so quiet. I gave her the answer a husband gives his wife on the morning of a battle: that I was thinking of steel and blood and the things men must do.
I dinna tell her the rest. I dinna speak of my concerns. I dinna tell her that the coat on m’back remembered a tailor who had never measured me.
That I had overheard Ryan say ‘third time’s the charm.’ What had he meant?
The phrase ran through my head. As I sheathed the sword at m’hip, and ran my fingers through m’hair.
Third time’s the charm.
Och nae.
Now when I looked in the eyes of the uncles I saw that they were tired.
Ryan sounded not like a man headed tae war, but someone tryin’ tae fix a broken wheel.
His eyes dinna hold emotion, but looked blind tae suffering and loss.
I had seen men with this look, they nae longer saw life and death in the battles tae come.
Instead they become detached, thinkin’ only on the strategy.
This was a dangerous commander tae follow intae war, he was liable tae send us intae a battle we couldna win.
Aenghus’s voice, when he had said the weather would be fair, had carried the echo of a man who had already lived this day twice and buried the dead both times.
Charlie wouldna meet my eyes.
Och, I wished I had m’horse. Twas not much that couldna be solved by goin’ tae the stable and givin’ Cathbarr a brush.
He had been m’horse since I was a lad, and groomin’ him would clear my head, ready me for battle.
Instead I was standing in a war-room talking about battle plans, watchin’ the machinations of men I had only just met.
What were they up tae?
I said tae Alexandria, “I must fight, beginning in about an hour.” And told her of m’father and where tae find my valuables in case I was lost. I assuaged her fears as best I could and told her I loved her.
Then I stepped away so that Max could speak tae her — twas the way of it before war, soldiers had tae notify their kin where their valuables were kept or the gold would be lost forever.
And then the battle called and I went tae war.