Chapter 25 Torin
TORIN
Ilooked down tae see m’fingers tremblin’ as I buttoned m’coat. I shook my hand and tried again. I couldna get the button intae the hole.
I stretched m’hand out, trying tae get the stiffness from it. We are goin’ tae battle, ye canna fail me.
I exhaled and met m’eyes in the mirror. Twas hard tae see m’self, I looked tired. I circled m’arms in their shoulder joints. Physically I was well, ready tae fight, but my face seemed gaunt. My eyes dinna hold steady, there was a shadow in them, a weariness that had nothing tae do with sleep.
The lines around m’mouth were deeper than they ought tae be for a man in his prime, as though each loop had carved them fresh.
I felt soul weary.
This war was being waged over and over, and I was worn through.
I smoothed down the front of the navy coat: the heavy wool, the perfect cut, the braid. Twas all perfect, except the man inside had had enough.
In the war room I watched the uncles as memories that were not memories crowded in:
The weight of a rifle, far different from the muskets I had trained with, kicking against m’shoulder. How did I ken this gun?
The ground trembling beneath my boots and iron beasts roaring overhead, fire dropping from overhead without flame or fuse — I had never heard that sort of thunder before, seen fire rainin’ from the sky.
Max’s voice, hoarse from shoutin’ orders, in a courtyard in the full bedlam of a battle I hadna seen, not yet. As if he had already shouted those orders in some other version of this morning.
I had borne witness tae it. Somehow.
And the exact angle of Ryan’s head when he lied and said, “We have the element of surprise, I’m sure of it.”
This room was too bright, the air too thin.
They have done this before.
They have watched us ride out.
They have carried us back broken, or in boxes, or not at all.
And when the day had ended wrong they had twisted the vessel, and begun it all once more.
Without telling us.
Without telling her.
This was true, I was certain. My hands curled into fists.
How many times had I kissed Alexandria goodbye?
How many times hae I promised her ‘on the morrow’ while knowin’, somewhere deeper than memory, that tomorrow might be nothing more than the same day wearing a different face?
A chill crossed over me with the thought.
I strode toward Alexandria and Max, tae make m’case.
“I need tae speak tae ye both.”
Max said, “Aye, quickly, there is a battle afoot, I need tae…” His voice trailed off when he saw m’grave expression. “What has happened?”
“I hae grown certain, m’laird, yer uncles hae been turnin’ time—”
“Aye, Torin, tis certain, they are time travelers, they hae a vessel, we hae spoken about this.”
“Tis yer vessel.”
“But they ken more of it, they are — what are ye sayin’?”
“I believe we hae lost this battle, my laird, three times, at least. I believe that someone has been gravely injured, and that tis too much loss for yer uncles tae bear. They hae already borne so much, so I think they are turning time and we are fightin’ this battle over again.”
His eyes shot over tae the uncles at the table. “They hae fought this battle before?”
“Aye, many times.”
His eyes went down tae his coat.
Then he exhaled and looked at the far wall. He set his jaw. “Twould be a bad thing?”
“They are doin’ it without informin’ ye. Ye are being treated like a soldier in their battle plans, but ye are the prince!”
He exhaled.
I continued, “What if one of these times Rannald kens we are comin’? The battle could turn, could be worse than…”
“If we lost. But we hae learned our weaknesses, now we will win.”
“Hae we learned our weaknesses? I hae been watchin’ the uncles, I daena ken how the battle plan is changin’. I daena see them adjustin’.”
“How would ye ken?”
“I wouldna, but I am havin’ memories, they are becomin’ more clear… hae the uncles spoken tae ye about this?”
“Nae, but… tis for the best, they want tae win. Twill be better if we are ready tae fight instead of worried that we are goin’ tae lose.”
I said, “What if Rannald has learned of our weaknesses?”
He chewed his lip, considering.
I said, “I am worried that yer Uncle Ryan inna in a clear head. I was watchin’, I daena think he and Aenghus are bein’ honest. I think Charlie has been deluded by them, I think they arna takin’ yer interest tae—”
His brow furrowed. “Careful, Torin.”
I huffed.
Alexandria was looking from Max’s face to mine.
“I am sayin’ that it feels as if we hae done this afore. Truly, are ye settled with the idea that ye might be marchin’ intae a battle ye hae lost already?”
He chewed his lip.
“Ye hae noticed it, haena ye? Ye ken that we are doin’ it over — it daena bother ye?”
I turned tae Alexandria. “Hae ye noticed anything, Princess?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I have. This dress fits really well, and I… it’s hard to explain, I think I recognize Uncle Aenghus, I think he was the one who brought me to North Carolina when I was three.”
Max’s gaze went sharp. “What are ye saying?” He looked over at the uncles and back at Alexandria. “Ye are mistaken.”
“I’m not, it’s come to me clearly—”
“Ye were verra young, how could ye? Twas a long time ago.”
“I recognize him, Max, I can’t explain it. He stole me away and took me to North Carolina.”
He shifted and straightened his coat. “This is a lot tae consider and we hae a battle tae fight. We will need tae discuss this when we return.”
“Ye hae told me this more than once, yet we never make it tae the discussion, m’laird.”
Alexandria said, “You’re still going to go to the battle even though you might have already lost?”
“Every battle is fought with a chance of losin’, sister, and as Uncle Ryan said, many men hae died tae bring us tae this moment. We canna waver, we must meet the fight that awaits us.”
Alexandria said, “I don’t want anyone to die.”
Max said, “Nae one will die, Alexandria, we will win this. If the uncles hae done it over, then they are smarter, they hae learned how tae win.”
He nodded at me, “I will let ye finish saying goodbye, then we meet the men and go.”
I said, “Aye,” and he stalked away.
She said, “You’re still going to go?”
“I must, tis m’duty. Tis his duty, tis yer uncles’ duty. Everyone is doin’ what must be done tae win.”
She raised her brow. “I don’t know, maybe it’s time to do something new.”
“Such as... what?”
“I don’t know, it seems like this battle isn’t winnable if we’ve tried more than once…
There’s an old saying, ‘If you only have a hammer, you’ll see every problem as a nail’.
The uncles have a good army, willing men, they’re thinking battles — I don’t know…
maybe we just need to kill him with poison or a sword fight. ”
“Like a duel?”
“Maybe…”
I smiled. “Ye see me as yer hammer?”
“I guess in a way I do.”
I chuckled. “Twould be risky, ye ken, Princess, tae do things differently. Yer Uncle Ryan has carefully laid out plans.”
She kept her voice low, her lips barely moving. “You think his carefully laid out plans are winning?”
I glanced over at the table. Ryan looked nervous. “He inna winning, he’s losing, I think someone might die.”
“Do you think you should go on this mission again? I have a feeling of foreboding, I don’t want you to go.”
I looked across at the uncles standing with Max. The more I looked, the more I saw. The conspirin’. They werna bein’ truthful about the odds or the plans. “Princess, dost I hae yer permission tae argue with them about the plan?”
“Max said not to, you would go against him?”
“Aye, sometimes I hae tae beat his arse tae get him tae see reason. I can handle Max, we are brothers. He will be persuaded, tis yer uncles… I need yer permission tae cross them.”
Her eyes settled on the uncles for a moment, swept the war room…
I said, “Nae hurry, Princess, daena want tae rush ye, but the battle is nigh.”
She met my eyes. “Yes, you have my permission.”
I crossed the room.