Chapter 9
CHAPTER 9
L evon
I shut the front door behind me while holding a pile of letters in both hands.
“I got the mail!”
I walked briskly into the living room where Jen was perched on the couch with a clipboard in her hand. She had a stack of letters to her left that she had made a fair dent in.
I hesitantly set the new stack next to her.
“Looks like you got a lot more RSVP letters, sis,” I reported. “Do you want me to help you go through them?”
“Maybe. I'm trying to catch up on the ones that came in yesterday.”
I stared at the letters. “That's quite a stack to go through all by yourself.”
She smiled warmly at me, patting the cushion to her right. “Well, if you don't mind, you can write down the people attending while I open the letters.”
“Sounds like a good plan to me.”
I relaxed into the couch and accepted the clipboard from her. As she reached for the letter at the top of the stack, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I stared at the clipboard in my hands while listening to the vibration erupting from my pants. Jen was already tearing open a new envelope.
“Are you going to get that?”
I sighed. “Yeah, I just didn't want to interrupt your process.”
“That's okay. Take your call if you need.”
“Thanks, little bean. It'll just take a second.”
I pulled my phone from my pocket, instantly answering the call. “Hey, boss.”
“Levon! How's the family?”
I smiled. “They're doing great. We're really excited for my sister's wedding.”
“I bet it's keeping you busy.”
“It sure is, Mr. Herring. I got the task emails the other day and I handled the merger accounts that you needed tweaked.”
“That's excellent—but I'm calling for a different reason.”
I knitted my brows together. “What can I do for you, Mr. Herring?”
“Well, we had an unexpected merger deal crop up recently. All my other men are busy with their projects. I was wondering if you could take a last-minute trip up to Canada to settle this account?”
“When?”
I felt Jen move. Her muscles went rigid as she sharply rested her gaze upon me. I knew it was sharp just by the way she felt next to me. She was tense. I didn't blame her.
I held my breath.
“It'll be in the next couple of weeks,” he replied.
“Oh, well,” I trailed off as I bit my lower lip. “No one else can do it? Not even Bart?”
“Bart has that thing with his father. I didn't want to put too much on his plate.”
“Alright, boss. I can do that. Let me know what the dates are and I can get everything settled here before taking off.”
“I knew I could count on you, Levon. You're my best employee. We'll cover everything, of course. And whatever you want up there, you can have.”
I smiled professionally even though I didn't feel it in my soul. “Thanks, boss. Email me the details and I'll get started.”
“Excellent! Enjoy the wedding, Levon. And send your sister my best!”
The line cut off and I stared at my phone, still feeling Jen's eyes drilling into me. I didn't want to meet her gaze. I couldn't. I was well aware of how she was feeling. It came off her in waves like the dreadful ocean gearing up for a hurricane.
“So, what was that?” she asked. “Sounded like work.”
“It was nothing.”
“It didn't sound like nothing.”
I shrugged. “It's just work, Jen.”
She rested a hand on my shoulder, inviting me to meet her gaze. “You know I know when you're lying, Levon. You always were bad at it.”
“I know.”
“So, tell your sis what's going on.”
“It's just work asking if I can head to Canada at the end of the month.”
She frowned, dropping her hand away from my shoulder. “I thought you were going to stick around for a while?”
“Well, plans can change. You know how my job is.”
“Yeah, your job has taken you hostage.”
I grimaced against her words. “You're the one who always said to chase my dreams.”
“It's starting to feel like your dreams might be chasing you.”
“You can't prove that.”
She sighed. “Levon, what about Clara?”
“What about Clara?”
“How are you going to repair your friendship with her if you're just running off again?”
I scoffed. “Who said I wanted to be friends with her?”
“No one—but I could tell by how heated you got the other day about the aisle arrangement that you still care a lot for her. You care a lot more than you're letting on.”
“That's not important right now.”
“No, it is important right now. You're denying your feelings. That isn't healthy.”
I ran a hand through my hair, rubbing my scalp. I would give anything for a shoulder massage right now. “My job keeps me busy and I'm okay with that.”
“But it's making you shove your feelings aside. That's not okay. At least, I'm not okay with that. I want you to be happy, Levon.”
“I know.”
“Then, why run off again? Why leave Clara behind? Don't you want to see what can happen?”
I shook my head sadly. “I know.”
“Do you know what I noticed the other night at dinner?”
“What?”
“You seemed mildly excited at the idea of being paired with Clara.”
“No, I was angry. And I did well to keep that pretty tame.”
She sighed. “Well, your eyes betrayed you. They practically lit up.”
“You must have been seeing things.”
“I couldn't have been. We weren't drinking yet.”
I chuckled nervously. “I don't know, Jen. It wouldn't ever work out. I have work and she has Checotah. It would still be the same situation. And by what Gabe told me, she's still pretty firm in her beliefs.”
“So? That doesn't mean you couldn't try to change something.”
“Why would I change?”
“Because we do that for the people we love. We change so we can accommodate for the people around us when they have specific requests.”
I stared at her rigidly. “You mean like honoring Clara's feelings by moving her?”
“Sure—I did that without her saying a word because I love her. And I paired her with you more by accident than you think. But I think you need this. I think you two need to talk.”
“We have been talking.”
She rolled her eyes. “Talking in passing is not talking.”
“I don't think she's interested in talking to me.”
“You don't know that for sure. I'm willing to bet my whole wedding budget that you haven't even asked if she wants to talk.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Well, no.”
“So, it might be a good place to start. At the very least, you'll have a friendship. That's more than you have now. And it would likely heal old wounds.”
“You think I need closure?”
She crossed her arms. “Yeah, actually, I think you do.”
“I've made my peace with what happened. I've gotten over it.”
“Then, you wouldn't have gotten mad with the aisle arrangement. If you were really over it, you wouldn't have thrown a whole damn tantrum.”
She's right , I reflected. I'm not over it. I haven't been for years.
I frowned at my folded hands. My palms were sweating and sticking together, making it difficult to pry them apart. It wasn't the sweat acting as a glue—it was everything else. I felt stuck in place and rigid as a stone wheel. I felt immovable.
I shook my head. “Sure, but that doesn't mean I need closure. I can move forward without it.”
“What about me?”
I met her gaze. “What do you mean?”
“Have you bothered to consider how I feel about you leaving?”
“Well, no . . . I just thought you would understand.”
“Because I always understand.”
I nodded.
“Well, what you don't understand is that I feel abandoned every time you take off. I feel like you're leaving forever. Last time you left, it took you years to come back. It took a wedding to make you come back. Don't you see how that can hurt? Your family wants to spend time with you, Levon.”
“I want to spend time with you, too.”
“So, why don't you?”
I shrugged. “Because I like what I do. I'm good at it.”
“You have so many great skills, Levon. You could apply them nearly anywhere at this point. Your resume is beyond impressive. Literally anyone would hire you in town.”
“Are you telling me I should move back home?”
“I'm just telling you that you have options.”
I shook my head. “I don't know, Jen.”
“You don't have to know right now. But think about one more thing.”
“What's that?”
“Everything I told you about how I feel?” She paused for a moment, taking a slow breath. When she exhaled, she continued, “That's how Clara felt every single time you left. Don't make her feel it again.”
She stood promptly and headed out of the living room, leaving behind the pile of letters toppled over like a broken mountain on the couch.
I felt much the same—broken. My heart cracked in two after my sister left and I collapsed against the cushions, feeling the ache of my muscles double. I sank as far into the cushions as humanly possible. I wanted to disappear. The feeling Jen left me with was awful and it made me curl up as a result.
I hugged my knees to my chest. It was the first time in a long time that I had felt abandoned. And I suppose that was her point. She was making me feel how Clara felt—how Jen and my family felt—every time I took off for another country. I was buried in work. It was my life. And I wasn't exactly sure how to stop.
Work was all I knew. It was all I had. And I had abandoned the very things I wanted in life just to have my job. As much as I hated to think it, Jen was right. I did need closure. I wanted it as much as I craved water when I woke up first thing in the morning. I hungered for it as I did food. My very soul cried out for the sweet release that closure would bring.
Another chance . Does she really think I have another shot with Clara? Is there time for that? I stared at the fire place. The letters beside me rattled in place, toppling again from me shifting on the cushions. I fixed my gaze upon them. I guess if I make time, I can find out. If I stay, I could really have a relationship with Clara again. We could be happy—I could be happy. But it all starts with me staying.