23. Carter
CHAPTER 23
CARTER
I couldn’t have messed up in a worse fashion than if I’d been trying to. My mistake haunted me through everything I did. I couldn’t focus on anything. Anguish suffused every moment. Even in the few days since the disastrous night at the restaurant, I had fallen behind on my work. I kept blanking out, having near out-of-body moments where I relived every agonizing second of what I had done wrong.
My work lapses may not have been so bad if it wasn’t for the whole thing with funding being cut next year. This month being November, that left little time to do all the things I needed to. Even less time, when I sat in my office, staring at my dark, sleeping laptop screen.
I just felt so bad.
Even worse, Megyn wouldn’t return my calls or texts. I probably should have expected as such, but it worried me anyway. She could be doing anything. She could be making mistakes, bad judgment calls thanks to my own errors.
A knock came on my office door.
I jolted out of yet another series of bad daydreams and sat upright. “Come in,” I said. I skimmed my finger over the laptop touchpad to wake it up.
Brian entered, glancing at my laptop. “So, no work again today, huh?”
“Just restarting after a system update,” I lied.
Brian flopped in the chair on the other side of the desk and frowned, rubbing his chin. “That’s weird, since I haven’t had to update yet.”
“Maybe it hasn’t gotten to you.”
“I’m sure that’s not how computers work. I could be wrong, though. I am, after all, just a former lawyer.” Brian jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Want me to contact Jeff from IT and ask?”
“As much as I adore Jeff, that won’t really be necessary.” I sighed and rested my head on my hand. “You caught me. Happy?”
“No, actually. I’m worried.”
“It’ll be nice to deal with someone else’s worries for a bit. What’s up?”
“Unfortunately, I think we have the same concerns. Carter,” he said, “you can’t go on like this. Not only is it bad for you right now, but you will hate yourself next year if you don’t accomplish what you’re working on now. This needs to come to an end.”
“What do you suggest? Because I’m sure I will probably have already considered it.”
“Talk to Megyn. Do it. Get this resolved, one way or another.”
“She hasn’t been replying to me.”
“I predicted that.” Brian reached into his pocket. “Luckily, I am nothing if not prepared. It’s always been my job to anticipate these unfortunate developments.”
He pushed a scrap of paper across the desk.
I picked it up. A phone number. “This is?”
“Maggie’s number.” Brian stood. “Ask her if she’s heard from Megyn. Go from there. Get this fixed, Carter. It’ll ruin us if you don’t.”
I put the number into my phone before he even made it out of the office.
Maggie picked up on the first ring, like she had been expecting me. She probably had been, would have had Brian prepare her for my call. “Hello?”
“Maggie, it’s Carter.” I got right to the point. “Have you seen or heard from Megyn?”
“I haven’t.” She sighed. I heard rustling, knew she had to be pacing. “I think she’s probably keeping busy.”
“At home?”
“Megyn doesn’t really go out much.”
I recall that from what you told us during that lunch.
Like she had heard my thoughts, Maggie said, “I’m so sorry that all this is happening. If I’d kept my promise, the two of you would be getting along well right now. It’s my fault you’re in a bad spot with Megyn right now.”
“The other night, Megyn made it clear to me that she thought I should have come to her and asked her, saved my questions for her.” I got up, started pacing, myself. “I know that this is my fault and my fault only. I refuse to let you take any of the blame.”
“I guess you are the one who let the secret slip.”
I jolted. She was only teasing me, but it was the truth and the truth hurt me. “I feel like I’ve ruined my only chance with her.”
“Oh, you haven’t.” Maggie gave a sad little laugh. “She’s way too forgiving. You should go talk to her.”
“Will she be at home?”
“I’m pretty sure. She usually drives right by my house on the way to work. Unless she deliberately took a different route to avoid me, she’s at home. And she wouldn’t take a different route, because that wastes gas.”
God. She had to worry about her expenses to the point where driving a block out of her way was too much. I should have been giving her a reprieve from those small fears, not exacerbating them.
“I’ll drive by, then.”
“Good luck, Carter.”
“I am going to need it. Thanks.”
I hung up and went out to my car, wasting no time even in telling anyone where I was going or when I would be back.
Brian will cover for me.
I drove up to Megyn’s little house and parked in her driveway, next to her car. I got out, noticing as I did that she had set out her garbage can. Not unusual, except she lived alone and shouldn’t have had so much trash. The bin was positively brimming, the lid pushed up and dangling on the edge of a cardboard box.
Going through her trash was beneath even me.
I knocked on her front door.
No answer.
I knocked again, louder than before, in case she hadn’t heard me.
Still nothing, not even a minute after.
My throat ached. I leaned my forehead against the door and spoke. “Megyn, it’s Carter. Please answer the door. I want to talk to you.”
The door opened out from underneath me. I staggered, almost falling right into Megyn. I caught myself on the recessed porch wall, panting, little lurching shocks still pulsing through my legs.
Megyn looked as if she had been crying, smudges of mascara covering her cheeks.
“Are you…” I righted myself. It wasn’t makeup on her face, I realized, but dirt, finger-swipes of it where she must have rubbed.
Her caramel hair was pulled back in a hasty bun, strands spilling out all around her ears. A bit of fuzz stuck to her bangs.
Her sweatpants were equally filthy, covered in dust and grime and fuzz. She smelled, strangely, like lemons.
“Are you okay?” I managed.
“With you? No.”
I had to appreciate the candor. She might be Maggie’s opposite, but it was said that best friends sometimes picked up on each other’s traits.
“With this?” Megyn gestured to herself. “Yeah, I’m fine. A bit ago, I started cleaning up the house and kind of stopped. I’m back at it, though. I want to put it on the market.”
“Why?” I asked, baffled. “Your parents left you this house.”
“And I’m deathly embarrassed every time you come here and see it,” Megyn said.
I realized she wasn’t just being blunt. Some of the dirt on her face wasn’t actually dirt, but bruises beneath her eyes. She was exhausted.
“I’m going to try and find an apartment.”
Although an apartment would be easier for her, her reasoning still hurt me. I had already convinced her of this once and now I would have to start all over again.
But, dammit, if that was what I had to do, then I would.
“Megyn, I really don’t care what you have or where you come from. I care about you. It’s you I want.”
Megyn smiled, and it didn’t even come close to reaching her eyes. “I guess you want to come in.”
“I don’t have to, if you’re busy.”
“I don’t see why you shouldn’t. You already do whatever you want.”
With that parting remark, Megyn opened the door wider and let me inside.