Tormented By Temptation

Chapter 1

Deshona Charise Edmonds

Twenty-two Years Ago . . .

Slow breaths and measured steps carry me toward the thunderous voices that startled me out of the deep sleep I was previously enjoying.

My weary eyes bounce from left to right as I silently pray the floor doesn’t creak and give me away.

Like a panther, I hug the wall before I tune into the conversation and the rise of Mom’s voice.

“I don’t give a fuck what you say. This shit ends tonight.”

“Nah. We ain’t about to let that bitch come between what we’re building, Ros. Can’t you see that she’s jealous of you?” a man, his clothes wrinkled and hanging loosely from his body, says as his arms flail.

“What I see is that you’re not the man I thought you were. What I see is that you’re no different than all the others who have come in and wasted my gotdamn time. I’m sick of giving you niggas chances,” Mom rants.

“Man, I ain’t trying to be compared to the other niggas, Roslyn. I’m in love with your stubborn ass. Why is that so fucking hard for you to understand?”

My eyes blink continuously, and my breathing slows when a maniacal laugh falls from Mom’s lips. Her eyes pinch and darken, and goosebumps rise on my thin arms as my body chills.

“You’re in love with my pussy and her pussy, Rondale.

Be fucking for real. You can’t have both of us.

The fact that you think I’ll be good with you bed hopping after that woman called my phone, asking if it was her turn, is asinine.

Just take your sorry ass out of here because this is done.

” Mom’s finger points back and forth between her and this man.

I’m glued to the spot I’m in because I have never seen this man in the light of day, and Mom’s tone is harsher than I’ve ever heard from her.

“I didn’t ask that—”

“Why the fuck are you still trying to provide an explanation? Are you or are you not fucking both of us? I have two kids and no time for extra bullshit.”

“That’s the problem though, Ros. You’ve been hiding me like I’m one of your creditors or some shit. I’m only able to come here when those bastards are in bed or gone for the weekend. How long do you—”

“Either you can leave my house willingly, or you can find yourself looking up at the smoke from my BFF, Archie.”

“Here you go threatening me with that little ass gun. Fine. You got it, Roslyn. But just know that once I leave—”

“That’s where you got me misunderstood with that other chick. Ain’t no coming back for you, nor will I regret your loss. Be gone, dick slinger.” Mom waves the man off as he grunts and stomps toward the front door, where he exits without another word.

Blame it on my inability to process the conversation, or on my eleven-year-old mind not warning me to run back to bed, but my eyes are intently watching Mom.

“I know you’re there with your nosy ass, Deshona.

Come on out here.” Mom’s cold voice freezes my blood, and my eyes stretch before I slowly enter the living room.

Oh Lord. Please don’t let her switch her frustration to me. I know I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, but they were loud and woke me up.

“I’m glad you witnessed that bullshit with me and that sorry ass nigga.

Let it be a lesson to you that men ain’t shit, won’t be shit, and will only fill you with heartaches, just like your sorry ass daddy.

Make sure you steer clear of men when you’re older.

I have given my heart and body to them repeatedly, and each time they give me their asses to kiss.

Punk ass niggas can’t do anything but fill you with a belly full of disappointments and bullshit ass feelings.

Men ain’t shit, Deshona. Remember that and you’ll keep from wasting your time with them. ”

My chest tightens with every word that comes from Mom’s mouth as a slow track of tears eases from my eyes.

What’s crazy is that I have no idea why I’m crying, but the depth of Mom’s words fills me with sadness.

The mention of my father, whom I’ve never met, could also be the reason for my moisture.

But as Mom paces back and forth, now mumbling incoherent words, all I can feel is pain and melancholy.

Present Day . . .

How in the hell is this my life right now?

“Please hear me out, bae. This ain’t what it looks like. Lilliana’s ass ain’t wrapped too tight. She—”

“You must think I’m a fool, huh? The birthmark on your dick is all the evidence that the woman had to produce. Not to mention you slobbering while in the deep slumber of sleep. Just pack your shit and get out. I’m done.”

The memory of Mom’s warning when I was eleven echoes in my mind as my stomach sours.

Here I am, thirty-three, dealing with a similar situation, and fatigue fills me instantly.

Maybe I should have listened to her and left men alone.

Maybe I should have had more of a hardened heart.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so hung up on the fairy tales I read in books or see on TV.

Maybe I need to stop fucking trying with the opposite sex.

“I love y—”

“Save that shit for little Ms. Lilliana. All I need is for you to pack your shit and get out of my life.”

Fuck ass nigga ain’t shit. Dicks with birthmarks can’t be explained away. Neither can your comfortable ass snuggled in that woman’s fucking bed. Ugh.

While Mom had a woman call her with the news of her man’s infidelity, social media is what led me to find out about my man.

I might not have ever known had the other woman not tagged my man or, better yet, our man in the intended cute post. The woman posted the sleep post, but after I slid into her DM, she sent me a personal picture of his dick.

The subtle kiss to my forehead causes my head to jerk back, and a frown instantly forms.

“I know you didn’t put your traitorous ass lips on me, nigga.”

“I needed you to receive one final goodbye.”

Words ramble in my mind as my eyes fill with fire, and all I can do is point toward the door.

My chest tightens, and a part of me feels like a failure when it comes to love.

Another doomed relationship in two years and the weight of it has me wondering if I’ll ever find the one.

When the door clicks behind and the reality of another breakup settles within me, hot tears slide from the corners of my eyes.

For too many years, I have tried to outlive Mom’s prediction about men and what being entangled with them could do to me.

Yet, on the heels of another man’s drama slamming into my attempt to disparage Mom, I’m beginning to lose hope.

“Men ain’t shit, Deshona. All they’re capable of is filling you with buckets of cum and empty promises.

We don’t need them. Hell, we can take a trip to the sex store and choose matching vibrators.

Ooh, I just bought a new dildo that will have you purring like a kitten.

I’ll go back and get one for you too. I know that piece of dick you’re insisting on entertaining is gonna fuck up sooner than later. You’ll need a backup immediately.”

Mom’s words that echo in my mind cause my knees to buckle, and I crumble to the floor with my head in my hands.

My shoulders shake from the intensity of the cries that leave my mouth.

Melancholy and disappointment wash over me quickly as I struggle to contain my emotions.

The words from a movie Mom often watched when I was growing up echo in my mind and slip from my mouth.

“What a heartache. Ooh, what a heartache you turned out to be.” I sing in my best yet broken karaoke version of Dolly Parton.

My heart cries as my mind takes me to the scene of Dolly Parton strumming her guitar at the reminder of a disappointment from dealing with a man.

“Another fucking soul tie to be broken. Ugh. Why me?”

My phone rings, forcing me to get up from the floor so I can answer it before it rolls over to my voicemail. The ringtone tells me who the caller is, and her timing couldn’t be more perfect because I need my sounding board in this moment.

“Hello,” I greet.

“You were on my mind, so I decided to call and see what’s new with you,” Korrena says.

A weak smile slides into place as warmth spreads across my chest. Korrena Edmonds is my first cousin and my best friend.

She’s my rock in times when I feel unsteady like right now.

She’s the person I give my secrets to and the one who has always pledged to help me hide a body if I had to take a mofo out.

“What’s wrong, cousin?”

Without permission, more tears fall from my eyes from the gravity of my situation. Of all the things Mom could be right about, I wish my love life weren’t one of them. I take a minute to tell Korrena what just happened, my heart bleeding with each word I speak.

“Aw, I’m so sorry. But please don’t sit over there and allow Auntie’s man-bashing to infiltrate your system. All men won’t treat you this way, no matter how many of them turn into toads.”

I try to hold onto Korrena’s positivity, but another spiel from Mom enters my mind and takes root within my psyche.

“Dick comes a dime a dozen, and sometimes they’re not worth the strokes they pump into you. Maybe you should consider giving Doretha a try. Hell, eating pussy might be less problematic than allowing a man to slut you out before he leaves you high and unnecessarily wet.”

“Deshona!” Korrena’s shout of my name snaps me out of the conversation recall with Mom.

“Maybe I should have let Doretha take a bite out of my ass like she wanted.”

“Girl. You better quit playing with me.” Korrena cuts me off before I laugh lightly.

Mom and I were on one of our mother/daughter outings when Mom’s friend Belinda’s daughter screamed out how she wanted to take a bite out of my ass.

I didn’t know who had made such a lewd statement until Mom and I turned around to see Doretha with a group of women.

After I settled and picked my mouth up from the floor, I immediately texted Korrena.

“It might make Mom happy if I ate pussy like people eat oysters.” I shrug, although Korrena can’t see me.

“Sometimes love takes time. But most of the time, you have to wait for God to find the right person for you. If I had married the first man who treated me right, I’d be living in the cardboard mansion he occupies under that bridge downtown.

Patience, even in the love department, is a virtue, my dear cousin.

Don’t give up, no matter how many frogs you kiss along the way. ”

“Easy for you to say. Your ass is happily married with one point five kids. Your husband is sexy as sin and treats you like your pussy is carved in gold. You don’t know my pain.”

I hang my head after I finish my spiel because Korrena has found her one, and love looks great on her. It has wrapped her in a blanket that oozes from her pores and shows in her strut.

“My man, my man, my man. But you, too, can achieve marriage and happiness. I don’t want you to give up.

Maybe you should consider taking a dating pause so you can remove the scars and trauma from your past relationships.

During that time, pray on it, pray over it, and pray through it.

But be specific in those prayers, because sometimes God needs to know exactly what you want so you don’t blame him for another dud. ”

I bite my bottom lip as another thought forms in my mind, and it sounds more promising than praying or taking a break like Korrena is suggesting.

“Nah, I think it’s time for me to move. I’m tired of the men in Columbus.

I also need to separate myself from the toxicity of Mom’s man trauma.

I’m leaving Columbus, but since I don’t want too much distance from you, I’ll go to Kaigood.

That city is smaller and I’m sure less filled with wack ass men. ”

Korrena immediately refutes my claims, but I tune her out as I open a search bar and explore all things Kaigood, Ohio.

My mind is made up, and all I need to do is find an apartment.

I’m a remote sales representative, so I can work from anywhere.

I need a breather from comparing my life with Mom’s and see if maybe, just maybe I’m not suffering from the same man curse as her.