Chapter 22
Matt
“I’m here, Gattina . Let it out. You’ll be okay,” I said as I rubbed soothing circles on her back and held her silky raven hair in my other hand.
She was heaving so badly that she couldn’t even breathe properly, her whole body shaking from the pressure while her eyes teared under their new shade of red.
I wanted to ask where fuck-face was when she needed him. Was that the kind of man she was going to allow into her life? Someone who was nowhere to be seen when she was at her worst?
I promised in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, and I’d be here every single time. Fuck, it wasn’t even my place to be anymore, and still, there was nowhere else I’d rather be.
She needed me. So fuck the world.
I held her up once she finally stopped, her weight fully slumped in my arms. I took her over to the sink, splashing cold water on her forehead and wrists, her now ghost-like complexion slowly returning to its normal color. I held her in place as she regained some of her strength, managing to brush her teeth and wash her face. Her legs were still wobbly, and she hadn’t said a word about my presence, indicating just how unwell she actually was.
I shouldn’t be here, especially not today, but there was no way I couldn’t.
She held onto me, trying to get back to the bedroom, stumbling on her feet as her knees faltered, almost sending her to the ground.
“I got you,” I said, holding her back up. “I’m going to pick you up and take you to the bed, okay?” I didn’t want to freak her out or shake her in any way. She was already vulnerable enough.
I picked her up and cradled her in my arms as I carried her over to the king-sized bed, gently placing her down on the mattress. I took off her shoes before grabbing a blanket from the closet and draping it over her, hoping the warmth would bring some comfort to her shivering body.
“I’m going to call a doctor,” I explained, leaning over the bed and brushing her hair out of her face.
“No. I…I’m okay,” she answered almost in a whisper, her voice slightly faltering from the damage hurling had done to her throat.
“Then I’m staying with you,” I stated. She turned her head slightly, prepared to debate this one with me, but I curtly shook my head, glaring at her, indicating there was no possible discussion to it.
I took off my own shoes and snuggled behind her, pulling her closer to my chest, letting the warmth of my body envelop her, hoping she would stop shaking. There was no way I could stop myself from burying my nose in her hair, breathing her in just like an addict. She was my drug, my worst vice, my only downfall, and I did not regret one second of it.
I pulled her closer, entangling my legs with hers, intertwining her fingers in mine, and suddenly, I felt her relax, as if this, as if I, was her perfect antidote.
“Are you feeling better?” I asked, and Francesca slowly nodded her head yes. “Just rest. You’ll be okay,” I whispered in her ear before placing a long, soft kiss on the back of her head.
The world could end right now, and I would die the happiest man on Earth.
This was the most perfect moment I had no idea I would be having. I just lay there awake, savoring this heaven I was undeservingly and unjustly gifted, as I held her against me.
My angel, in the arms of her devil.
Because that’s who I’ve become. I was here right now, giving her strength and comfort, perfectly aware that tomorrow, I would have to put my mask back on and be a total jackass. Be the motherfucking traitor I needed to be to make this work. Tell the world the lies they needed to hear, hurting her in the process.
But right now, I couldn’t deny being who she needed me to be. Myself. My truthful self. And so, tonight, that’s who I allowed myself to be.
I let the peaceful moment sweep me into a restful sleep. One that I hadn’t had since that dreadful night. My dreams were now constantly haunted by that decision, even when I knew down to my bones that I’d do it all over again just to see her happy.
I felt her stir in my arms during the night, but not once did she leave my side or push me away. Not once did I not feel her against me, making me sigh in a false relief that would end come morning.
And that motherfucking sun came up sooner than warranted. As I opened my eyes, I saw her still sleeping beside me, her forehead gently resting against mine. I smiled and allowed myself to indulge in her perfection one more time before I saw her eyes slowly flutter open.
I didn’t move an inch, fearing to lose this contact. This closeness. I didn’t speak a word, hoping to perpetuate this moment and this silence that screamed ‘ I told you so ’ right to my face.
I told you she was everything.
I told you you couldn’t live without her.
I told you to fucking stay away.
I let my soul search her dark eyes, trying to decipher what they were telling me, and I could see nothing but love, just like I had seen the last time I made love to her. I saw no sign of hate behind them, no hint of the disdain that had threatened to eat me alive just a few hours ago. I could feel her soul calling out to mine, luring me in, bringing me further and further until I felt my lips on hers.
Like a selfish fucker, I kissed her gently.
Her soft lips welcomed mine in a heartfelt kiss. The purest definition of love and devotion was spoken through our touch.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, threatening to jump free as it thumped in happiness.
She still loved me.
She still… loved me.
The implications suddenly crashed down on me, drowning my newfound happiness in a bucket of the coldest water.
She rested her hand on my chest, slowly pushing me back before her tongue swept across her lips with her eyes still closed in a pained expression.
“Don’t,” she said, and suddenly, her gentle hand on my chest felt like it was burning a hole right through it.
“I’m sorry,” I said at the same time.
She sat up on the bed, clutching the blanket to her chest in a white-knuckled fist, slightly turning her face to the window and away from me, not allowing me to read her expression. But I knew she was crying. It’s as if I could sense it.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was such a jerk. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything or didn’t even have the nerve to face you. Things were never supposed to have been this way,” I wanted to say. I wanted to apologize for everything. But I knew I couldn’t. Not yet.
“Francesca,” I said instead, calling her to say God knows what.
“Don’t,” she said again, her voice just as small as before.
But I couldn’t stay silent again. I shouldn’t be giving away my hand like this. I needed her to hate me today. What was I even doing?
“Francesca… I know the way I handled things was wrong, I know…”
“Stop, Matt,” she whisper-shouted, cutting me off, suddenly turning to face me. “Stop being nice. Be mean, be rude, be a jerk. Be anything but nice. Don’t treat me like I matter to you. Make me hate you…” she shouted before exhaling in despair. “Please.”
“I just want to tell you I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was never my intention,” I tried again.
“No, Matt. You don’t get to do that.” She stood from the bed, putting more space between us. “You don’t get to be okay. You don’t get to have your redemption after what you’ve knowingly done to me. You don’t get to walk out that door relieved of any haunting thoughts on your conscience after you played me to get what you wanted,” she said with the previously extinguished anger flaring up her words. I should probably take it. This is what I wanted, after all.
Francesca let her words sink in before turning to the floor-to-ceiling window, giving me her back. “Please leave.”
Her cold voice pierced my heart, but not more than the tears she was holding under her lashes. I would probably never get the chance to show her how much I loved her again, how much she meant to me, how much it hurt to set her free to be who she was destined to be.
I slowly got up from the bed, staring at her back for a moment, waiting for another reaction that never came. I grabbed my stuff and slowly left her in my room, feeling as if I had just left the most precious part of me forever.
Because that was exactly what I was doing.
I closed the door behind me, taking a moment to calm down and try to make my rational thinking resurface since I desperately needed it to survive this fucking day.
Being here was a mistake, but one I couldn’t have avoided making. She needed me here. She needed someone to take care of her. And from what I saw last night, she desperately needed to be away from me. The stress of being back was getting to her more than I could have thought.
Some sick, twisted part of me smiled from within. She wasn’t fine. She was holding that fragile mask of well-being just as badly as I held mine. From a distance, it was convincing enough. Let's just hope no one got close enough to see the gigantic cracks.
I headed back to my new room and took a quick shower, getting dressed for the day. The other Dons would be arriving today, and the meeting would start just after lunch.
Alison was probably waiting for me for breakfast so I could explain my plan to her. Another fucking mess to clean up. If I allowed myself to bundle them all together, it would get overwhelming as fuck, so I kept each problem separate, trying to fix them one by one.
Alison would still be calling the shots. The decision was hers.
“Don Battaglia,” Max called, keeping up with the formalities, making me stop in my tracks before reaching the foyer.
“Morning, Max.” I practically grunted.
“Already in character, I see.” He mocked, referring to the sour mood I was in.
“Something like that. What’s up?”
“Zoe, the singer. We’ve got an understanding. She’ll be singing tonight. Jimmy gave me this. He waved a small device between his fingers. “She’ll place it in the office, and we’ll have ears where it matters.”
“Perfect. What was her price?”
“To you? Nothing.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused. They always wanted money, power, payback. Sometimes all three.
“I’ll be paying for this favor in favors.”
“Oh,” I chuckled, “I never pegged you for a whore, Max, but it suits you.” I mocked, patting him on the shoulder condescendingly.
He rolled his eyes and huffed in exasperation, “It’s not exactly like that, but I’ll spare you the sordid details.”
“Save it for later, I’m gonna need a laugh, and I think that story might just come in handy. Make sure everything is set for this afternoon, will ya?”
“Sure, Boss. No worries.”
“I told you one day those baby blues would come in handy. Now go whore yourself to our little informant while I make progress with my plan.”
With a curt nod, I made my way to the breakfast area, choosing a table and waiting for a waiter to pour me the strongest coffee this hotel had. I’d need the kick this morning, but something told me even if it were pure and straight from the grain, it wouldn’t be strong enough for what was coming.
“Good morning,” Alison said in a monotone as she took the seat in front of me.
“Good morning, Principessa ,” I said, trying my best to inject my smile with sincerity while testing the waters. Her tone suggested she was in just about the same mood that I was – sour with a side of fuck off. But there was more than just a bad start to a day behind those green eyes, so I decided to mock her and study her reaction. “You’re glowing with glee this morning.”
“Said the pot to the kettle. Cut the crap. How is she doing?” Alison asked, going straight to the point and seeing right through me as usual.
“Better today,” I replied with a sigh.
“You stayed the night?” she asked, surprised.
“I did. She wasn’t feeling well at all. Probably threw up everything you guys had for dinner.”
“Hum… I see. I’m surprised she let you stay.”
“You and I both, actually. But she was too weak to argue. I couldn’t leave her alone.” Couldn’t, wouldn’t. Semantics.
“I know, but you may have done more harm than good. She’s still hurting, Matt, despite what she might say. She still loves you. I can only imagine how hard it is for her to be back and have to stare at your ugly face again, never mind having you spend the night with her.” Alison was right, but I couldn’t deny Francesca when she needed me.
“I know. What’s done is done. Besides, today is possibly the day I set the headstone on my own tomb.”
“Possibly? What do you mean, possibly ?”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. And before I say anything else, let me just make this perfectly clear. You are under no obligation to do anything. You don’t have to save anyone. Got it?” I stated, leaving her a little bit confused with my cryptic words.
“O-kay… Got it. Now spill,” she said with a frown on her face until I started explaining.
“I spoke to Don Massimo last night, and that smart fuck saw a business opportunity in this,” I started, trying to find the right words to say.
“Matt, come on… what is it?” she asked in exasperation.
“He wants you in return for helping me. He wants you to marry him,” I finally said.
“WHAT?”
“Exactly what you heard. He says it’s business only. That he needs an alliance. A strong family that can guide his successor to a promising future, to make sure that his people are taken care of once he’s gone. He’s got MS, and there’s no telling how long it will be until he isn’t fit to run the business, or worse. If he doesn’t have this alliance and someone to take his place, The Commission will nominate another Capo from another family for his seat. We can never know what the outcome would be. But all we have to do is create the illusion that this is happening. We will find a way out of it. I would never give you away like freaking cattle.”
“I see…” Alison said just to fill the silence, not blinking once, staring straight ahead. “And who would take his place when he’s not fit?”
“That I don’t know. He has a brother, but somehow, I don’t see that happening.” I explained, “Alison, I told you. You don’t have to…”
“I’ll do it,” she cut me off.
“Wait, what?”
“I’ll do it,” she said again, reaching for my hands.
“Just like that?”
“Of course, just like that! What were you expecting?”
“A fight?”
Alison chuckled, her face lighting up for the first time since she arrived. There was something going on. She always put up this front made of smiles and jokes, but somehow, today, it seemed like she couldn’t even do that. Her eyes were sad. Her smile faded. If I believed in the afterlife, I’d say she’d just seen a ghost before sitting in front of me.
“Matt, I’m part of this family. But I never really was a part of it, if you know what I mean. I want to do this. Just hear me out,” she tried to reason, waiting for my full attention before she started speaking again. “You said it yourself. It’s just business, and he has MS. So it would just be like a business transaction, a contract. I’ll ask him for a year of freedom before we get married, and then he can have his alliance, and you can count on his help today. If we find a loophole during that year, good. If not, it’s fine, too. I never intended on getting married anyway, not after seeing Mom and Dad’s divorce.” She scoffed, trying to hide the scars that still ran bone-deep. “So, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”
Pulling one of my hands from hers, I let my fingers run through my hair, completely surprised by her reaction. I knew she would say yes, just not this fast.
“I won’t let it happen, Alison. Loophole or not, I’ll kill him before that year comes to an end. Do you hear me?”
“It’s okay, Matt. We’ll figure it out when the time comes. Just go make this happen for Francesca. She deserves at least this if she can’t have you.”