Chapter 26
Francesca
“I don’t even have enough pee for three tests. Why did we get all of these again?” I asked Alison as Jamie was juggling the huge instruction sheets that came inside the boxes. The three of us were locked up in the room while Liam obliviously waited for us in the living room as we were allegedly getting ready to go out for dinner.
“Certainty, Baby. We need to be sure that whatever the outcome is, it’s the right one. And these tests are not a hundred percent accurate. So just stop asking questions and go pee on the sticks,” Alison replied, laughing as she shoved me into the bathroom. If my situation were different, this could be quite fun and funny. But right now, I’m just hoping that all these tests come back negative because I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do if they don’t.
I had made both of them promise that whatever the outcome, this information would be kept between the three of us. I needed to figure out what to do and how to do it if I found myself with a positive pregnancy test in my hand and a baby in my belly.
I sat there on the toilet for what seemed like an eternity, trying to figure out what I wanted that damn test to say. I wanted it to be negative, right? That was the only sane option. Yet, my heart seemed to be stabbed with a sharp feeling of God knows what every time I closed my eyes and prayed for this to be just a cruel joke.
That said a lot about what my heart truly wanted.
“Are you done?” Jamie chimed from the other side of the door just as I flushed the toilet.
“Yeah. Now we wait,” I answered as I came out of the bathroom.
“Okay, so the test with the blue plastic, the positive will be a plus sign and the negative a vertical line. The one with the pink, positive will be a line, and negative, no line,” Jamie said, very certain about the accuracy of the information she was giving us.
“No. It’s the other way around. Let me see,” Alison contested, trying to identify which was which on a black and white printed pair of instructions. “Okay, so…shit!” She laughed. “I don’t know which one is which.”
As I said, this could have been a hilariously fun moment to share with these ladies, but I was obviously a little too worried about the “what ifs” to pay any attention.
The five minutes I had to wait for the results were the longest I’ve ever experienced in my whole life. I am glad I have these two nutjobs to call family because I couldn’t stand to go through this alone right now. The happiness they felt and shared with me from this possibility was the only thing keeping my tears at bay. The only thing stopping me from crumbling on this floor right now, and I knew they were acting light and breezy to keep my head out of the gutters.
Their laughter was suddenly replaced by a loud hammering on the front door. We all quieted down, listening to what was happening beyond that closed bedroom door. We were only waiting for Tommy, and he surely wouldn’t knock that way.
“Liam! What are you doing here?” I heard Matt’s voice in the faint distance. My eyes immediately widened, almost jumping from their sockets as Jamie and Alison’s heads turned to me, gauging my reaction.
“This is my house?” Liam replied sarcastically, and even though that little exchange was awkwardly strange, my head couldn’t focus on anything else besides the fact that I was taking a pregnancy test, and Matt was on the other side of that door.
“No, no, no, no, and no. He cannot be here right now. I can’t do this.” I said, backing into the bathroom again.
“Hey. It’s fine. Jamie and I can go out and distract him. Maybe have him leave, and you can clean up in here.” Alison said, trying to find a solution. “We will be just outside that door if you need us. And Fran… We will be here. Come hell or high water, we will help you through whatever this is. Okay?” She held onto my shoulders, squeezing them in reassurance.
“Whatever the result and whatever your decision, we will back you up one hundred percent,” Jamie said, her eyes soft and understanding.
They both left me with a tight hug, walking to the living room, hopefully succeeding at that damage control and ultimately sending Matt away.
I turned to where I left the pregnancy tests in the basin, looking at the first two “normal” tests, seeing a line and a cross. My heart was already pounding in my chest before I turned to the digital one to read the words on the small screen.
“Pregnant 4-5 weeks”.
It was like a sharp knife had pierced my chest, knocking all the wind out of my lungs. Something like a panic attack was coming fast and strong as I gasped for air, sitting back down on the toilet so as not to lose my ground.
“Oh my God.” A small cry escaped my lips as tears ran down my face.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. What was I supposed to do now?
I sat there, eyes locked onto nothing, trying to make heads and tails from the feelings running through me. There was no way I could.
I waited for sadness to hit me first, but it never came. I couldn’t say the same for anxiety. That hit me full force, straight in my chest, squeezing my heart almost to a full stop.
But, after digging my way through that expected emotion, what was fazing me the most right now was… I was happy? Why was I relieved to be holding a positive pregnancy test when my baby’s father was so happily divorced ?
My fingers traced the edge of the test, a tear slipping down my cheek. I knew I had to be strong for the sake of our baby and for the sake of the family I now led. But strength had never felt so elusive.
I had faced enemies, made tough decisions, wielded power with an iron fist, but this... this felt beyond me.
I wasn’t feeling what I expected to feel, and that was throwing me off.
I was scared, in panic, incredulous, and all that, but I was not sad.
I let my hand slowly land on my stomach, rubbing it gently, finally acknowledging that I was not walking alone anymore. Love, fear, hope, and despair—these emotions churned within me, but in the midst of the chaos, there was a small, steady flame of determination.
I wasn’t just fighting for myself anymore. I was fighting for us.
I had a precious little being growing inside me, the ultimate miracle and proof of my love for a man that I undoubtedly knew was the love of my life.
At least now I have this. A little piece of Matt inside me.
A small smile arched my lips as more tears spilled from my eyes. My heart was both aching and expanding in a new love for someone I had yet to meet, but I would die to protect. The dichotomy of feelings rushing in different directions in my mind was insanely overwhelming.
More loud noises came from the living room. Pounding footsteps marched closer to the bedroom door as I rushed to put all pregnancy tests away. I wiped my tears before inhaling a huge dose of courage to walk outside this safe space with the best poker face I could put on.
Before I got to the door, it flew open, revealing a disheveled Matt with a crooked tie and his shirt untucked from his suit pants.
His hair was wild, sticking out in the air as if he had run his hand through it a million times, while his eyes were like two stars that had lost their shining light. Dull, rainy-day, gray orbs stared at me, piercing my soul before he smiled.
“My wife! I looked for you all over!” Matt mumbled, louder than he needed, tripping over some of the words.
Was he drunk?
“Matt, are you okay?” I asked, trying to leave the room and all the incriminating stuff behind. I wasn’t ready to tell him just yet. I strutted straight into the living room, relieved that he trailed behind me.
“Now, yes. I’ve got my wife back.” Matt said, pulling on my arm until my front collided with his muscled chest. My breath immediately hitched at the sudden closeness. “MAXY! Wife is here. See?” He shouted to Max, his eyes never leaving mine while his lips were so dangerously close to mine I could smell the booze on his breath.
Coming to my senses, I placed the palm of my hand on his hard chest and pushed him away, “You don’t have your wife back.”
Thankfully, my words came out as cold as I intended them to. There was no way this pregnancy meant automatic forgiveness. There was no way that just because Matt was shit-faced, I was letting him do and say whatever he pleased.
Matt exhaled and walked towards Liam’s home bar, leaving me with an uninterrupted view of the entrance where Max still stood immobile.
“Max, what the hell happened? Why is Matt drunk out of his mind? This isn’t like him.”
“I have no idea. When he called me, he was already completely wasted. I tried to take him home, but he insisted I brought him to you. Not that it’s the first time, but he even pulled his gun on me. There was nothing I could do.”
“And how the hell did you know where I was?” I asked as Max looked down at the suddenly very interesting boards of the wooden floor.
“I see. He had you following me. That’s why you were conveniently standing in the foyer earlier today.” I stared him down with daggers shooting from my eyes.
“Glower all you want. Safety first, Donna Amato.”
“I have my own men for that. Now, we are on our way out. Take him home, please.”
“I can try.”
As I walked across the living room, Alison looked at me quizzically, silently asking what the result was.
I nodded once, and her face lit up with a huge smile.
Matt had another full glass of liquor in his hand, gulping it down all at once before he turned to me again.
“Fran, I love you. Give me a new chance?” Matt said, not caring that everyone in the room was listening to his vulnerable confession. “I’m fucked, I need–”
The doorbell chimed, cutting Matt off mid-sentence. Stumbling on his own feet, he spun on his heels, taking in every person that was inside Liam and Jamie’s apartment, counting. “Who the fuck? We all here!”
I was sure it was Tommy.
“I’ll gets it,” Matt immediately said, darting clumsily to the door and opening it. He paused for a moment, looking at Tommy from head to toe before his voice reached the pits of hell, and I could almost swear he sobered up a notch. “What the fuck are you doing here? Looking to die today?”
Matt reached for the back of his pants, but his gun wasn’t there. If it weren’t for the slight slur in his speech, it was suddenly hard to tell he was drunk. His movements were laser sharp, his spine straightening to match his height with Tommy’s.
They were both tall and built like rocks, imposing and intimidating, with their chests inflated with hard, tensioned muscles.
“Do you know this Dumb Blue Eyes, Liam?” Matt grunted again.
“I do,” I chimed, walking towards the door, but before I could reach it, Matt turned towards me, blocking my way.
“You are not going with him.”
“You don’t own me, Matt. I go with whoever I want. Husband or not, you are not the boss of me.”
Matt’s eyes softened for a single second, holding my stare, “Please, stay.”
“Hi, I’m Alison. Welcome to the nuthouse. Act one just started, please come in,” Alison said sarcastically, welcoming my brother since he was left standing at the door..
“Hi, Alison. I’m Tom. I’m here for Fran.” Tommy replied as patiently and calmly as he could. I knew he was trying to reign in his protectiveness just like I’d asked him to.
“The fuck you are!” Matt growled just before releasing a sarcastic chuckle that highly contrasted with his previous words. “You said you’re a TOM?” He laughed harder, and I couldn’t help but cover my face, mortified of what could come from that filterless mouth of his. “You are a TOM? It’s okay, don’t feel bad. I understand it’s not easy. But you shouldn’t go around telling people that! Shhh”
“Oh my God, Matt, can you stop talking?”
“What? It’s not my fault he only gives three orgasms!” He shrugged before heading to the bar to fill up his empty glass, returning with the whole bottle and leaving the full glass on the counter. “But TOM, you are not welcome here. Fran is mine. My wife. My mine mine. You must go before I have to hit you to death. Max took my gun, but I have strong fists,” Matt said, getting up into Tommy’s face, the both of them swelling like a pair of proud freaking peacocks.
“Okay, okay. Let’s just hold our horses and tone down on the testosterone,” Alison said. “Matt, back off. Don’t be such a dick. You are completely wasted, and you should go home. Max, can you please take him?”
“No! I go with my wife. I won’t leave my wife again.”
“Matt! I’m not your wife!” I practically shouted at him. All these huge changes today were finally weighing on me, and having Matt call me his wife and trying to claim me in front of everyone was digging me into a deeper hole.
“Yes, you are! You will always be! And I’m better than him. I’m not a TOM. You know that very well.”
Matt tried to stroke my cheek, making me flinch away from his touch, catching him completely by surprise.
There was no use in arguing with a drunk man, but his words came from a place I couldn’t doubt. I knew that he couldn’t keep up a lie in his state, and it only hurt more.
“Fran, I love you. I’m sorry,” He finally said in a desperate exhale.
“Guys, can you just go without me? I should stay here with him.”
Liam was about to protest, but Jamie grabbed his arm, shaking her head no.
“Liam, can you just leave out a pair of sweatpants or shorts and a T-shirt for your brother? I think he needs a cold shower.”
“Sure. I’ll leave it on my bed. Use whatever else you need.”
“Are you sure you’ll be fine?” Jamie asked, sporting a small smile on her face, referring to my newfound truth.
“I am. Don’t worry. He will pass out in no time, I’m sure.”
I managed to stop Matt from drinking more than he already had, snapping the bottle from his hands while they all left, Tommy included, Alison’s arm linked in his.
“You can go, too,” I said before Max spoke as he turned towards me. “We will be fine,” I assured him, making him leave behind the rest of them.
When the door was finally shut, I walked over to where Matt had been sitting on the couch since after I shouted at him, holding his head in his hands, completely lost in his vulnerability and murky thoughts.
“Matt,” I called him. “I think you should take a shower. You smell like a distillery. Come on.”
I grabbed his arm, pulling him up to his feet before walking him to the bathroom. I let the water run for a while, not allowing it to be too warm. This man needed shock treatment now to see if he could sober up a little.
I helped him take off his suit vest, then his tie, before unbuttoning his shirt, feeling his gaze on me the whole time, his face a little too close to mine for comfort.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He calmly said, brushing his fingers against my cheek before tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
I made the mistake of looking up at him. The look on his face almost melted my resolve. His eyes were watery, pain and regret swimming in them.
“Matt, please stop.” I exhaled, not prepared to deal with his sudden love confessions, doing my absolute best to keep it together. “Can you take off the rest of your clothes and get in the shower? I’ll be just outside.”
Matt nodded his head before I turned away with all the strength in me, leaving him alone in the bathroom.
This was all too damn much.
I paced around the living room, trying to calm my racing heart.
It took a while before Matt came out of the bathroom, just a towel hanging dangerously low around his waist, showing me all the perfect genes he was blessed with. Jesus, I missed that view so damn much.
“Liam left you some clothes on his bed,” I said as I sat on the couch, looking away while Matt silently walked over to the bedroom, coming back shortly, fully dressed.
He looked a little less messy, a little less out of himself, a little less drunk. But I could still see he was struggling to keep his eyes focused.
Matt walked over to the couch, sitting down on the other end before laying his head on my lap and wrapping his arms around my legs to lock me in place.
“I fucked up,” He bluntly said. “I can’t live this life without you. Not now that I know.” My heart dropped as I heard those words before it eased with his next ones. “Not now that I know that my life is worthless without you. Not now that I know you chose me.”
For a moment there, I thought he knew I was pregnant. I thought he had found something in Liam’s room, and I wasn’t prepared to tell him just yet, especially since I haven’t digested it myself.
I was planning on telling him, though. He deserved to know, but right now, I was glad he didn’t.
“You’re still drunk.”
“I might be. But my head has never been clearer. Please give me another chance.”
“Matt, just sleep. You are not thinking straight, and I don’t want to step into that trap so that you can wake up sober in the morning and decide that your drunk ass talks too much.”
“Then let’s talk about this tomorrow. Please promise me that, at least. Promise you will meet with me, and we can talk.”
“Matt, I…”
“Promise me,” He demanded, squeezing my legs tighter.
I felt those words cutting deeper than they should, especially after noticing that his wedding ring was placed on his left hand again.
I let my fingers lightly brush across his face, stroking a strand of hair back before whispering, “I promise.”