24. Bliss
24
BLISS
I ’d been ignoring my contractions for hours.
I’d done the same thing with both of my previous labors, and I knew now it was how I coped. I hated a big commotion, everybody staring at me, wincing as each contraction gripped my body. Concentrating on them only made me feel worse, and worrying over everyone worrying about me didn’t help.
So I’d gotten up that morning and ignored the tightening of my belly. I’d said goodbye to Nash and Vincent who needed to prepare for the Psychos party happening that night, in an attempt to compete with the Sinners’ grand opening. The contractions had been painful but not unbearable as I’d taken Lexa to school and Mila to daycare.
Not wanting to be home alone, I found myself at the clubhouse, seeking the comfort of being near War while he worked and also having the privacy of his clubhouse bedroom. I’d been happily laboring away in private, doing my thing, not bothering anyone.
Until the pain in my back became unbearable and I’d let out an involuntary scream.
I’d never felt pain like that before.
The realization that something was wrong hit me hard and fast, panic rising in my chest and wrapping its way around my throat. I opened the door and stumbled out into the hallway, another wave of pain hitting me, forcing me to lean on the wall for support. I shouted for someone to get me an ambulance.
Ice and War materialized from the clubhouse kitchen, Ice taking one look at me and pulling out his phone.
“I’m calling nine-one-one.”
War ran to my side, taking my weight and I turned into the warmth of his chest.
“Talk to me, baby girl. How long do we have?”
I shook my head. I didn’t know. Everything suddenly felt wrong, this baby taking a route of his or her own, that differed entirely to the way their older sisters had been born. Where minutes ago I’d felt safe and in control, I was now panicked and terrified and wishing I had gone to the hospital earlier.
Hawk and Kara came rushing from her bedroom, a third man I didn’t recognize with them. But in that moment, I couldn’t care less who was there. An entire marching band could have popped out of the cupboard and I would have barely noticed.
All I could focus on was breathing through the pain.
War’s gaze sought out his best friend’s. “Baby’s coming.”
Hawk gave him a reassuring smile. “Good day to be born. Just in time for Friday night drinks.” He moved to my side, peering at my clammy face. “How you doing there, Mama?”
“Something’s wrong.”
War froze.
Hawk widened his eyes. “What do you mean?”
I groaned, the start of another contraction hitting me squarely in the back. “I’ve had two babies already. I know what it’s supposed to feel like, and this isn’t it. That’s all I know. Please believe me. Please. Do something.”
Hawk nodded as the contraction stole my ability to speak. “I believe you. But I don’t know nothing about babies, Bliss. Shit.” He glanced over at Ice. “ETA on the ambulance?”
Ice’s lips pulled into a grim line. “They’re coming, but it’ll be twenty minutes.”
“Fuck!” Hawk shouted. “Why is this clubhouse in the middle of nowhere?”
I gripped War’s hand, trying not to hurt him but having nowhere else for the pain to go. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have come here. I should have stayed at home, in town. Or said something earlier—” Tears dripped down my face.
War shushed me, holding my weight, supporting me, and whispering, “No, baby girl. You did exactly what you needed to do. You’re exactly where you need to be.”
The familiar possessive growl in his voice soothed the ragged edges inside me, and the next contraction hurt a little less, because he was here, arms around me, whispering in my ear that I was doing everything right, everything perfectly, and very soon it would all be over, and our newest child would be in our arms.
I so desperately wanted to believe him. I clung to his thick biceps, moaning through my pain, letting his words wash over me until I got a breather.
“Bliss,” the man I didn’t recognize said tentatively. “I’m Grayson. I’m a doctor. I work with Kara and Hawk at the hospital. I don’t deliver babies normally, but I have in the past. I don’t think you have twenty minutes before that ambulance gets here. Do you?”
I shook my head miserably, the pain of another contraction making it too hard to speak. The baby’s head felt so low and like it would rip me in two.
“Can we get you onto a bed so I can examine you?”
Everyone turned to me for permission, and God, after everything I’d been through in my life, them giving me control over my body and my birth was so gratefully received. But this guy could have been Jack the Ripper and I would have accepted his help. He looked like an angel sent from Heaven. “Please,” I moaned.
Permission given, Grayson went straight into doctor mode, barking orders. “I need to get her onto a bed. Do you have any medical supplies here?”
Hawk nodded. “More than you’d think but not much you’d need for a birth.”
“Blood pressure cuff and oxygen monitor would be a good start.”
“I’ve got those.” Hawk raced away down the hallway.
Grayson got beneath my other arm, he and War practically carrying me back into War’s clubhouse bedroom, the one he rarely used anymore because his heart was at home with me, our girls, and Nash and Vincent and Scythe.
The soft mattress felt like a thousand burning spears beneath my back, and I screamed again. Kara followed us in, grabbing my hand, her big brown eyes terrified when I strangled her fingers, but here in silent female support I was grateful for, since Rebel wasn’t here to be my person.
“Where’s Hayley Jade?” I asked. “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to scare her.”
Kara shook her head. “Ice took her outside to wait for the ambulance.” She gripped my fingers harder. “You scream as much as you need to. Stop worrying about everybody else and do what you need.”
Grayson grimaced and laid his hands on my belly. “I’m so sorry. This is going to hurt.”
I shouted again as he poked and prodded at me. The pain mixed in with another contraction until my vision fuzzed out at the edges. “I can feel the head,” I groaned, moving my skirt aside and reaching between my legs to yank at my underwear.
War and Kara dragged it down my legs for me.
Grayson gave a nod. “That is indeed a head.”
A little relief spiked through me. “Oh, thank God. I thought she might have been breech.”
Grayson knelt at the end of the bed, one hand on my belly. “Definitely not breech but possibly sunny side up.”
“What does that mean?” Kara took the words out of my mouth.
“Normal presentation is baby comes out head first, face down.” He smiled at me. “I’m definitely no pro at this, but I think your little miss is face up.”
“Is that bad?” War asked, a shake in his voice.
Grayson shook his head. “It’s not ideal, but it’s a whole lot better than breech. That ambulance is going to be here soon, but I don’t think she’s waiting for it. It’s going to be harder than your other labors, but push, Bliss.”
Hawk rushed back into the room and fit a blood pressure cuff around my arm and another monitor on my finger, but I barely noticed.
“Vincent and Nash aren’t even here,” I moaned through the burning ache spreading through me.
War grinned at me. “Just another reason I’m sure this one is mine. Push, baby girl.”
Kara squeezed my fingers encouragingly.
Grayson’s gaze steadied my heartbeat. “Trust me. Get up on your knees. Use gravity to help the baby’s head keep downward pressure. If she’s upside down, and we don’t have forceps or any other equipment, we’re going to need to use what we do have.”
There was no option not to. I might have never met the man, but he was calm when everything else felt out of control. I needed to trust someone. Grayson was it.
It was agonizing to move. My muscles all felt locked in place. I screamed as War and Hawk got me up on my knees and gave me their shoulders to brace my weight on. Kara wiped sweat from my brow, quietly telling me I was stronger than I thought I was.
I pushed. The baby slid down, the feeling inside me changing from ripping pain to an odd sense of relief.
Grayson gave a shout from the end of the bed. “I was right! She’s sunny side up! One more big push, Bliss. You have this. I’m just here to catch.”
I pushed, my screams turning to a guttural groan of determination as my baby slid from my body and into Grayson’s arms.
“Not a she after all,” Grayson announced.
Oh my God. A boy. I hadn’t dared hope for one. All I’d cared about was a healthy baby, and after two girls, the odds seemed on the side of having a third.
We’d all been fine with that. I would have loved a little team of girls to even out all the testosterone that came from living in a house with three grown men.
But this boy would bring us so much joy.
I collapsed against War’s chest, completely and utterly spent, my labored breathing the only sound.
The room was so quiet.
The realization was shocking. I twisted sharply. “He’s not crying!”
War gripped me tighter. Kara’s fingers twisted in the sides of her skirt and she stared at the tiny, vaguely gray-colored baby on the bed.
“Do something!” Hawk shouted.
The room swirled, panic and exhaustion threatening to take me down.
But Grayson spoke calmly, scrubbing at the baby with a towel he must have grabbed from War’s en suite. “Give him a moment.”
That moment felt like the longest one of my life.
One where my heart stopped beating. My lungs stopped breathing. And all I could do was will for my child to want to live.
His little cry pierced the air, and with his first gulp of air, his tiny body flushed pink.
Grayson grinned and lifted him to my chest, umbilical cord still attached. “Congratulations.”
I burst into tears, staring down at the howling baby who, just moments earlier, had me convinced I was never going to get to hear that sweet sound.
War peered down at his son and stroked a thumb across his gunk-smeared cheek tenderly, before placing a kiss to the top of my head. “You’re a rock star,” he said to the baby. “Just like your mom.”
There was a commotion outside, and Ice led the paramedics into the room. They got to work, monitoring me as I delivered the placenta, checking the baby, clamping the umbilical cord.
Hawk and Kara slipped out, and Grayson went to follow them.
I reached out and caught his arm before he could leave. “Thank you.”
He shook his head. “No need.”
War leaned over and offered his hand. “I disagree. If there’s anything me or the club can do for you, just consider it done.”
Grayson took his hand. “Just enjoy that baby.” He winked at him. “He definitely looks like you.”
I stared down at my son, searching his tiny features. He was beautiful and perfect and his little lips were shaped exactly like War’s.